Your Hands for Her Pleasure
Part 1 or 5
Remember the rush you got the first time you put your hands inside a girls panties? There’s no place you’d rather have been than down her pants. The joys of exploring something foreign, something new, it was almost surreal. One thing we may overlook is how excited the girl may have been and how can we help create that rush for her again. She has likely had a few unskilled and rushed lovers in her past. Which means more often than not, women are not satisfied or even disappointed with sexual interactions. With vulva massage and foreplay, act as if you are an explorer uncovering the secrets to her genitals. If you press the right buttons and push the right pressure points, sexual bliss is on the horizon.
Let’s talk about some techniques to give her that same rush and feeling. These next 4 articles are going to talk about vulva massage and digital stimulation (fingering). Most sexual scripts include some type of manual stimulation, especially during foreplay. To be a skilled, sexual lover, it takes the know how and the ability to perform in the moment. I know sex can be intimidating, depending on the level of experience you have or even the attractiveness of the woman lying next to you, but we all have to fight through our demons that affect our confidence. You’re all learning ways to manage the approach anxiety; we have to also learn to ways to manage sexual performance anxiety. One of the most important ways to turn sexual insecurity into sexual confidence is mastery of technique. Behavioral change can implement cognitive change, or learning better ways to please her can help you feel better and more confident about your sexual skills. Sexual confidence often comes from repeated positive sexual experiences, which generally come from doing the right moves in the bedroom over and over again. Hearing that you helped her reach her first orgasm, someone telling you they’ve never been touched like that before, and witnessing a partner lose themselves in pleasure can make us smile, feel good about ourselves, and help us to stick our chests out a bit more. If you know you’re knowledgeable and good at something, you’ll probably do it well and feel competent when doing it.
Some tips before we get into techniques. First, set the stage for hands and fingers to perform. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve spoken to complain about men’s fingernails. Long, uncut nails or freshly cut, unfiled nails have the potential to scrape the vulva and the vaginal canal. I compare it to a tooth accidentally scraping your penis when receiving oral sex. Ouch!
Wouldn’t that affect your ability to focus on the pleasure of the moment? Don’t set the stage for her to focus on a scrape in the vagina rather than the way you’re fingering her.
More nail advice. Be careful with the vulva/vagina massages after hot wing night at Hooters or eating that spicy burrito from your favorite Mexican spot. Salsa, hot sauce, and lemons are just a few examples of things that can burn when exposed to a tear of the skin on the vulva or in the vagina. Ever had shampoo get inside your urethra (pee hole) in the shower? Ya, burning like your penis needs to call 911. The same can happen to her, so keep those fingernails clean, wash your hands before and after sexual interactions, and don’t be known as the “hot salsa” guy to a group of girls. Aspire to be known as the “magic hands” guy!
Find a way to soften up your hands. For those that hit the gym, lift weights, and do manual labor, our hands can go from soft to a rough callous mess in no time. I remember the days of lifting weights and feeling pride over my scruffy hands. Today, I’d rather sexually please the girl than impress my fellow gym rats. It doesn’t feel good for a woman to have rough hands scraping across her vulva. It’s like expecting a feather massage and getting sandpaper. Some options are manicures, wearing workout gloves, scrubbing your inner hands with pumice stone, and using hand moisturizer. So keep those nails trim, filed, clean, and make sure your hands are soft and inviting for repeat vulva visits.
Public service announcement: Saliva just isn’t enough! Think back to the times you were rubbing a woman’s genitalia, digitally stimulating her (ok, fingering her), and the lubrication seemed to gradually fade. What did you do, keep spitting in your hand? Do you think she finds that sexy? Some women produce enough lubrication for clitoral, vulva stimulation and vaginal penetration, but most don’t. Biologically, vaginal lubrication was meant to facilitate penile entry for eventual ejaculation and procreation, not necessarily long foreplay sessions. You will find a great number of women complain about men rubbing their clitoris and vulvas while the surface is dry and fingering her when there isn’t sufficiently lubricated. Don’t blame her or yourself, its nature’s fault for not taking pleasure into consideration. Guys, it can be a lot like receiving manual stimulation. How do you like a dry handjob? Don’t those usually work a little better with lube? My advice: go to your nearest sex toy shop and buy small, individual sized packets of lube. Keep one or two in your pocket at all times in case a vulva comes knocking at your door. Each packet is inexpensive (few bucks), can be used for handjobs and vulva stimulation, as well as eventual (or should I say hopeful) penile/vaginal/anal penetration. Remember, use water-based lubricants, not water soluable (can have oil) or oil-based, as water-based lube is latex compatible for condom use. Also, the word on the street is that lubes with the ingredient glycerine/glycerol can increase female yeast and are linked to reoccurring yeast infections. Check the lube ingredients and ask your sex shop salesperson for help. It might mean the difference between her getting a bacterial infection and you getting a repeat invitation to come over. The next 4 articles will focus on vulva stimulation techniques, clitoral stimulation techniques, vaginal stimulation techniques, and combination techniques. So lets start talking about what our hands can do to get her panting, moaning, and her heart pumping.