The Importance of Speech

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Your delivery – the way you speak – can be one of the most important factors of your game. Like body language, you express more about yourself with the way you speak than with what you actually say.If your delivery is off you can be giving a very different message than you are really intending to.

First off, how fast are you talking? People who tend to talk faster show less value. Studies show that the faster you talk the more nervous you are. It stems from an unconscious fear that people are not going to listen to you long enough for you to say everything that you want.By talking fast, you convey that fear, which is a very bad sign of insecurity and gives you lower value. So make sure you are slowing down your speech and enunciating everything you say so that everyone in your set can hear your every word very clearly. Speak slower than you think you should be with pauses to draw more attention to your words. Be clear and concise.Pack more value into fewer words.

Secondly; you’re most likely in a crowded venue, so how loud are you speaking? Are you yelling, or are you speaking articulately and clearly with a deep, powerful voice that comes from your diaphragm? You’d better make sure it’s that second one. There is a fine, but notable difference between yelling and speaking loudly.Yelling will only give lower value because it conveys that you are trying to hard to get the group to hear you.And while you’re shouting at the top of your lungs, the guy next to you is speaking firmly and with enough tone for everyone to hear, thus giving him not only more value but he will also look like he is more comfortable in his set for double points. Also, if you are simply speaking loudly, it is also easier to avoid pecking (we unconsciously tend to peck when we have to yell in someone’s ear) and make you look more relaxed in set.

Thirdly; take the time to take a break from talking and just listen. This can open your mind to many new things. Mostly when in set you plough through and don’t really take the time listen to your target or anyone else in your set for that matter. By just listening (actually listening, not planning your next move) every once and awhile you can demonstrate that you are for real and not just some player and gives off just the right vibe. Try it.

You should also be looking at how confident of a speaker you are being. The higher your confidence the higher your value so be sure to project yourself clearly with the proper facial expressions and enthusiasm. A good way to sound more confident with your speech is making your tone go down at the end of a sentence instead of up.By raising your voice at the end of a sentence, you make it sound like a question.By lowering it, you will sound certain about what you are saying. If you pay attention to the way particularly interesting speakers raise and lower their voice, you will notice all sorts of things like this.Also, you need to sound interesting. Lovedrop talks about this a LOT in Revelations, but we’ll mention it here anyway.Sounding interesting doesn’t mean talking about interesting things, it means that you need be interesting. Be fascinated with what you are saying, speak with passion and enthusiasm.Speak slowly and with intermittent pausing (see Revelations for more on this).This will draw your audience into what you are saying as they start to hang on your every word.Moods are contagious.If you sound like you are really, truly interested in what you are saying, and you are saying it in a compelling manner, the people you are talking to will suddenly find themselves as interested in what you are talking about as much as you are.

Finally let’s look at your manners. Always make sure your playing nice with others just like your mother always taught you. Avoid rude behavior because it will only send a wake of bad emotions through everyone you encounter and that can only end with everyone seeing you as the asshole or douche bag. That doesn’t mean that you cant be cocky or tease your girls, by any means however.Just make sure you know the line between being a tease and being an asshole.People will not feel pleasant being around you if you are the latter and that is not what you are looking to do. A real alpha male doesn’t need to put down others to look cool.He just has fun for the sake of being fun and bringing good feelings to the group.Do your best to put some basic manners and politeness into every little interaction you encounter. You’re looking to be the guy everyone loves not the asshole everyone avoids, so smile and throw in a thank you every once in a while.

Always pay attention to yourself in the field and try to notice every factor that makes up your speech. Everything from pacing, to volume, to tonality conveys something about you.If you notice something is wrong or out of place, fix it, adjust it, or get rid of it. We make mistakes to learn from them so don’t ever be hard on yourself, simply know yourself, recognize that you need to change something, and work out how you can improve. A wing can be invaluable in this aspect, as he will always have a better idea of what you actually sound like in the field than you do. It is always good for you and your wing no notice each other and be critical with one another in a constructive way. An outside opinion about yourself from a fellow PUA can help you pin point certain flaws you may not have noticed yourself. Always remember to move forward and always improve. Remember: practice makes perfect.

– Wild Card

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