The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 4

The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 4 of 4
Lip locking and tongues

Kissing is one of the most important aspects of foreplay.  Make no mistake, a good kiss can mean the difference between playing with someone else and playing with yourself.  It’s hard to believe that in some remote cultures, they find kissing to be taboo and disgusting.  Luckily, kissing is something we can learn and acquire the skills to improve.  Women rate kissing as one of the most erotic activities they engage in during sexual interaction.  Case in point.  A friend of mine was out to dinner on a first date with a girl.  They eventually leaned into each other for their first kiss.  After their inaugural smooch ended, she kept her eyes closed and was smiling.  She said that was the kind of kiss she was hoping for.  Her next question, “What do you want to do right now, honestly.”  His answer was to skip the movie and take her home to make love, which they did.  That must’ve been some kiss!

Since kissing is so powerful for women, men should take it seriously and cover all the stops.  First, make sure your breath isn’t going to wilt a plant.  A breath mint might not be enough if you’ve just had garlic shrimp and coffee for dinner.  Make it a habit to carry a mini travel size bottle of mouthwash in your pocket or car.  It just might save your night.  The proper technique for kissing can vary from person to person, so let’s go with the best odds women have identified.  The majority of women are fans of limited tongue use.  Guys, there’s no need to play tonsil hockey.  This is not an anatomy class or a sport, it’s kissing.  Light tongue is okay for some, but test the waters before you jump in. Most women want passion, but that does not imply forceful lip locking.  Keep the intensity to a level that is not too aggressive, but definitely not passive.  My best advise is to use a technique called mirroring.  Do what she does and mimic her levels of sucking, pressure, and tongue use.  Most people would like someone who kisses like they do and focuses on similar areas of kissing.

Start off relaxing your own lips.  Depending on if you’re giving a gentle kiss or a firm, passionate kiss, your approach and technique will vary.  Women enjoy both styles, but it’s safer to begin with the gentle and work your way up to the more intense.  Be aware that opening your mouth can be a good thing in moderation, just enough to fit tongues and lips.  The excessively open mouth can feel rigid and overwhelming.  A good technique to learn is lip kissing.  Begin to gently kiss and suck her lips.  Women enjoy lip sucking, both the top lip and the bottom.  Be careful of how hard you suck and of biting the lips.  Be mindful of your noses and how your head is positioned.  Often people will tilt their head enough to compensate for their noses.  Generally, it’s not a good idea to change up what you’re doing too often.  Someone whose kissing style is all over the place appears too excited, anxious or nervous.  Be consistent with kissing, meaning try not to sloppily kiss all over the place.  However, using different techniques and styles sparingly is definitely encouraged.  Use limited amounts of saliva.  Make sure you swallow your spit and keep most of it in your mouth.  One of the biggest complaints by women is the intensity of men kissing and the amount of saliva they deposit in women’s mouths.  Breathe in and out through your nose while kissing.  You can also develop ways through practice to breathe through your mouth in between kisses where you’re not breathing directly on her.  As for your hands, many of us might feel the desire to feel her up and start inching towards the forbidden zones.  Personally, I prefer not to have my hands wandering too much in order to give a female the opportunity to really focus on the kisses.  I don’t want her mind going from passionate and stimulating kissing to wondering if I am going to touch her somewhere she’s not ready for.  If she starts touching you in ways that belong in an x-rated movie, by all means, mirror those behaviors.  That’s a good sign she’s comfortable and aroused.  Remember, foreplay is about reducing anxiety and increasing arousal.  During kissing can be a good time to use body massage techniques with your hands.  You can rub and stimulate her back, shoulders, thighs, neck, head, and other areas that feel good.

Most people will tell you, kissing takes practice.  No one starts off naturally knowing everything about sex, kissing, and foreplay.  Hang in there.  The knowledge is coming; hopefully the experience is as well.  My advice to you is learn as much as you can about sex techniques and pleasing a woman.  When you feel confident in your studying of human sexual behavior, put what you have learned into practice.  Get out there and experience what life, dating, and sex has to offer.  So keep masturbating her mind, caressing her body and softly kissing her.  You’re on your way to becoming a better lover!

Dr. Chaves

Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.