The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 2

The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 2 of 4
Make love to her mind

Now that you understand the importance of foreplay, we need to start figuring out how to it works and what we should do.  There are countless techniques you can incorporate into foreplay.  Many of them will be tried and tested, hopefully becoming important parts of your sexual script.  Foreplay techniques should be creative, inventive, and of course, fun.  In the next 3 articles, we’ll focus on 3 important areas which every guy should have in their foreplay tool chest; mind foreplay, body massages, and kissing.

Mind foreplay is stimulating her largest sex organ – the brain.  The mind is a very powerful thing.  Did you know that some women can actually think off?  They can use their minds without any physical stimulation and reach orgasm through erotic thoughts.  However, for many women, mental blocks are one of the biggest obstacles to experiencing pleasure during sex.  There are two ways we can help challenge these blocks: relaxing the mind and then stimulating it.

Relaxing the mind often appears non-sexual, but it helps open the doors to the erotic.  By this I mean say and do things that will reduce her anxiety and the thoughts or questions she may have.  Women tend to multi task more than men, which leads to more thoughts running through their heads.  Many women will describe having a hard time focusing on sex and their own pleasure because they are worried about everyday life issues as well as sexual issues like how their body looks naked, if they feel sexy, and whether or not they should be jumping in the sack with this guy.  It’s your job to help calm these thoughts and the many other thoughts that can impact sexual satisfaction and comfort.

Make her feel at ease and cared for. Talk to her about what is stressing her out, problems she may be having, or simply what’s on her mind.  You’ll be surprised to find that after she vents and expresses to you, a few things are likely to happen.  First, she’ll probably feel better, more calm, less tense, maybe even relieved.  Second, she will trust you more.  Each time we show compassion, attentive listening, and concern, our partners will inch a little bit closer to us emotionally.  Third, with the non-sexual thoughts calmed, she will have more capacity to focus on things like erotic stimulation and the sexual moment at hand.  It may seem strange but planning the date, cleaning the house, or helping her with her homework all reduce her anxiety and help her to focus on feeling relaxed.  Here’s a creative and unique example.  A friend of mine in the Adult film industry loves to have sex (I mean loves it!), but she has concerns and fears that men she meets outside of the industry might have sexually transmitted diseases (STD).  Those within the industry get tested monthly and are quite open about sharing their results.  She is concerned about the risk of catching something, not being able to work, and personal health reasons. That sexual comfort issue impacts her desire to sleep with men outside of the industry and creates anxiety. A few weeks ago, one lucky non-industry guy was prepared enough to have his recent STD results handy to show her.  She saw proof of his clean bill of health and she “gave him the ride of his life!”  He pinpointed the anxiety, calmed her fears, reduced the anxiety, and it opened the door to sexual comfort.

Now that we have helped relax her mind, the next step is to stimulate it. Guys, masturbate her mind.  Victor Hugo once wrote that a compliment is like a kiss through a veil. Compliment her in ways that make her feel sexy and comfortable.  For example, don’t just say her hair “looks nice.”  Describe her hair with vivid descriptions and enthusiasm.  “You’re hair looks stunning tonight! I think that is one of my favorite hairstyles I have seen on you.”  Learn to use descriptive words and adjectives to enhance your phrases.  She’ll feel sexier and appreciate you more.  Open a thesaurus and look up the word beautiful and find 10 different words you can use to compliment her.  Another mind stimulator is turning her on with erotic talk, email, or text messages.  You have to make sure she is comfortable with that before you open the floodgates to erotic talk.  If used wisely, erotic talk can make women crave sexual touch and the erotic fulfillment of desire and fantasies.  Sometimes a subtle comment can do the trick, so be careful not to scare her away with excessively dirty talk or overdoing it, at least initially.  Non-verbal behaviors can help create sexual mood as well.  Holding her hand, warming her shoulders/hands with your hands if it’s cold, allowing her to enter a door first and placing your hand on her back as a means of escorting her through the door, an eye wink, a powerful sexy gaze, and even the tease of unavailability all can be used as foreplay techniques to increase sexual tension.  Use romance as an erotic tool and ally rather than the enemy that speaks a foreign tongue.  Plant the seeds of sexual desire in her brain and watch it grow.  Remember a little goes a long way.

Dr. Chaves

Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.