Your Hands for Her Pleasure. Part 1

Your Hands for Her Pleasure
Part 1 or 5

Remember the rush you got the first time you put your hands inside a girls panties? There’s no place you’d rather have been than down her pants. The joys of exploring something foreign, something new, it was almost surreal. One thing we may overlook is how excited the girl may have been and how can we help create that rush for her again. She has likely had a few unskilled and rushed lovers in her past. Which means more often than not, women are not satisfied or even disappointed with sexual interactions. With vulva massage and foreplay, act as if you are an explorer uncovering the secrets to her genitals. If you press the right buttons and push the right pressure points, sexual bliss is on the horizon.

Let’s talk about some techniques to give her that same rush and feeling. These next 4 articles are going to talk about vulva massage and digital stimulation (fingering). Most sexual scripts include some type of manual stimulation, especially during foreplay. To be a skilled, sexual lover, it takes the know how and the ability to perform in the moment. I know sex can be intimidating, depending on the level of experience you have or even the attractiveness of the woman lying next to you, but we all have to fight through our demons that affect our confidence. You’re all learning ways to manage the approach anxiety; we have to also learn to ways to manage sexual performance anxiety. One of the most important ways to turn sexual insecurity into sexual confidence is mastery of technique. Behavioral change can implement cognitive change, or learning better ways to please her can help you feel better and more confident about your sexual skills. Sexual confidence often comes from repeated positive sexual experiences, which generally come from doing the right moves in the bedroom over and over again. Hearing that you helped her reach her first orgasm, someone telling you they’ve never been touched like that before, and witnessing a partner lose themselves in pleasure can make us smile, feel good about ourselves, and help us to stick our chests out a bit more. If you know you’re knowledgeable and good at something, you’ll probably do it well and feel competent when doing it.

Some tips before we get into techniques. First, set the stage for hands and fingers to perform. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve spoken to complain about men’s fingernails. Long, uncut nails or freshly cut, unfiled nails have the potential to scrape the vulva and the vaginal canal. I compare it to a tooth accidentally scraping your penis when receiving oral sex. Ouch!

Wouldn’t that affect your ability to focus on the pleasure of the moment? Don’t set the stage for her to focus on a scrape in the vagina rather than the way you’re fingering her.

More nail advice. Be careful with the vulva/vagina massages after hot wing night at Hooters or eating that spicy burrito from your favorite Mexican spot. Salsa, hot sauce, and lemons are just a few examples of things that can burn when exposed to a tear of the skin on the vulva or in the vagina. Ever had shampoo get inside your urethra (pee hole) in the shower? Ya, burning like your penis needs to call 911. The same can happen to her, so keep those fingernails clean, wash your hands before and after sexual interactions, and don’t be known as the “hot salsa” guy to a group of girls. Aspire to be known as the “magic hands” guy!

Find a way to soften up your hands. For those that hit the gym, lift weights, and do manual labor, our hands can go from soft to a rough callous mess in no time. I remember the days of lifting weights and feeling pride over my scruffy hands. Today, I’d rather sexually please the girl than impress my fellow gym rats. It doesn’t feel good for a woman to have rough hands scraping across her vulva. It’s like expecting a feather massage and getting sandpaper. Some options are manicures, wearing workout gloves, scrubbing your inner hands with pumice stone, and using hand moisturizer. So keep those nails trim, filed, clean, and make sure your hands are soft and inviting for repeat vulva visits.

Public service announcement: Saliva just isn’t enough! Think back to the times you were rubbing a woman’s genitalia, digitally stimulating her (ok, fingering her), and the lubrication seemed to gradually fade. What did you do, keep spitting in your hand? Do you think she finds that sexy? Some women produce enough lubrication for clitoral, vulva stimulation and vaginal penetration, but most don’t. Biologically, vaginal lubrication was meant to facilitate penile entry for eventual ejaculation and procreation, not necessarily long foreplay sessions. You will find a great number of women complain about men rubbing their clitoris and vulvas while the surface is dry and fingering her when there isn’t sufficiently lubricated. Don’t blame her or yourself, its nature’s fault for not taking pleasure into consideration. Guys, it can be a lot like receiving manual stimulation. How do you like a dry handjob? Don’t those usually work a little better with lube? My advice: go to your nearest sex toy shop and buy small, individual sized packets of lube. Keep one or two in your pocket at all times in case a vulva comes knocking at your door. Each packet is inexpensive (few bucks), can be used for handjobs and vulva stimulation, as well as eventual (or should I say hopeful) penile/vaginal/anal penetration. Remember, use water-based lubricants, not water soluable (can have oil) or oil-based, as water-based lube is latex compatible for condom use. Also, the word on the street is that lubes with the ingredient glycerine/glycerol can increase female yeast and are linked to reoccurring yeast infections. Check the lube ingredients and ask your sex shop salesperson for help. It might mean the difference between her getting a bacterial infection and you getting a repeat invitation to come over. The next 4 articles will focus on vulva stimulation techniques, clitoral stimulation techniques, vaginal stimulation techniques, and combination techniques. So lets start talking about what our hands can do to get her panting, moaning, and her heart pumping.

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.

Question and Answer with Mystery Part 2

AFC: Last Saturday I met this young woman and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since then. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing before I fall asleep and even at that I’ve been finding it hard to get to sleep because my mind is so full of thoughts of her.

Mystery: Please remember that realistically, she is only an OPTION. These emotions are not healthy until AFTER the relationship has started. ALSO, men who have many women vying for their attention would be USED to women and therefore would not go al GAGA over OPTIONS. This makes you look WEAK in her eyes.

AFC: My heart aches when I’m not near her and my head spins when I am near her. Ok…yes I’ve fallen deeply, way to quickly…but I can’t help myself.

Mystery: Unless you are willing to WALK AWAY, it is unlikely that you will obtain her. You will go through what most NEWBIES go through. You will pine for her and some other guy (like me) will slip in a take her from you. The best you can do is become a FRIEND - which hurts even more because you’ll have to become friends with her boyfriend too. Save time by PRETENDING to be used to women already. Be willing to walk away and give some neg hits once in a while. Trick yourself into thinking she is ugly but entertaining. Then you will not let her shit on you in any way.

AFC: And that’s exactly the message I got from her. ‘I’m not looking for anybody, I don’t want anyone in my life right now, I’m just here to have fun’ is exactly what she said to me. It was a good learning experience for me.

Mystery: It’s a good bet she IS looking for someone but if just fed up with the fact she can’t find someone who appeals to her. If you can CONNECT with her, you’d be in. Do 3 neg hits, a connection pattern and some humor like the pull my finger joke and she would change her mind and you would have a g/f who was a 10. And she’d have a b/f who was funny and had a connection with her and confident.

AFC: That’s all fine & good I suppose. But the one I approached had come alone, and had no noticeable friends around her.

Mystery: She came alone to be harassed by men? Don’t you see she’s lonely? No guys try to get past the beauty bullshit and make her feel a connection. 10’s have their own set of problems. It’s not harder to get a 10, only different.

AFC: Getting a flock of women around me in this early stage of my ‘playa’ development was out of the question as well. Maybe in the future.

Mystery: Yeah, this DOES take a considerable degree of confidence. I know, it took me a long time to get this shit together this way. I became a performing artist and this stage stuff helped me get confident with the girls even more. Thing is, I think I’m more of a pick-up artist than a performing artist. I just got good at performing to meet more girls I guess. More options.

AFC: Please….I’m begging for some advice here - I can’t let her pass me by.

Mystery: realistically, with this emotional approach, you ARE going to let her pass you by. Be willing to walk away FIRST. You are only excited about her as an OPTION. Before you met her she wasn’t an option. If another girl came into your life that was beautiful and pleasant to you, you would call her an option too and no doubt your emotions would go haywire. As you experience more you’ll realize there are TONNES of OPTIONS out there. You just have to MAKE them YOUR options. I wager you DON’T get her but if you follow my advice, you’ll increase your slim chances at least.

Good luck though.

Classic Writings: Spells Opener by Mystery

“Do you think spells work?” Sometimes this will send the woman off on a long blab, but if the conversation needs to be kept going, the follow-up routine is:

“The reason I’m asking is because my friend over there met a girl in a club last week. He wasn’t interested in her sexually, because she wasn’t really his type.” (Here the woman might say “Sure,” in which case you reply “No, really!” and touch her arm or waist.)

“Anyway, she hung out at his house and after she left, he found a metal ring wrapped around a scroll and some feathers under his couch. Well, he took it to a magick store and they said it was an attraction spell. And now, the strange thing is, he can’t stop thinking of her. Do you think it’s the spell or just psychological?”

What’s Up Her Skirt? Part 2 of 2

What’s Up Her Skirt?
Female Anatomy: Part 2 of 2.

We’ve touched on the clitoris, let’s continue with getting to know a woman’s vulva and discuss the labias. There are two sets of labias (vulva lips), the labia majora and labia minora. The labia majora, also known as the outer lips, extends down from the mons pubis on both sides of the vulva, surrounding the inner lips. They extend all the way to the inner thighs and to the beginning of the buttocks. The labia majora, as with the mons pubis, has hair follicles and pubic hair, which can vary in thickness, texture, color, and scent. Did he just say scent? Yes! Although we live in a culture where most pubic hair is shaved or waxed, there are sexual functions for pubic hair. Research has shown that the scent from vulva secretions from a woman’s pubic hair follicles can actually increase sexual arousal for a male through the olfactory senses and vice versa (smell). That means women can get aroused by your scent (not body odor) as well. A little hair can go a long way. The labia majora are also filled with numerous nerve endings and blood vessels. Blood vessels and blood circulation are important because that can lead to heightened arousal. The more blood we get flowing through the vulva, the higher the likelihood of vasocongestion (engorgement of blood) and increased arousal, sensation, and orgasm.

Beneath the labia majora lie some very important internal structures, namely the crura (roots) of the clitoris and the vestibular bulbs. They are important structures because they can be stimulated to help increase arousal. Many skillful lovers neglect or rush through stimulation of the outer labias, which can be a mistake. This is what I meant in the last article by “watering the roots.” Adequate stimulation of the crura and vestibular bulbs through the labia majora can help lead to a well-lubricated vagina and sexually aroused female.

The labia minora, or inner lips, are located within the labia majora and surround the urethral opening (where female urine exits) and the vaginal opening. They vary in size, color, shape, texture, and appearance. They are hairless and are connected to the clitoral hood. As with all the parts we discuss, they have sensitive nerve endings and should be stimulated during foreplay for arousal purposes. In future articles, we will elaborate on ways to play with the labias for maximum levels of arousal.

The vaginal opening, also called the introitus, is located directly south of the clitoris between the urethral opening and the anus. Most of us understand this is where penetration occurs with the penis, fingers, and toys. However, there are a few things about the vagina and its opening that are important to know. First, the most sensitive portion of the vaginal canal is near the introitus. The outer 1/3 closest to the introitus has a vast amount of nerve endings and is more sensitive than the rest of the vaginal canal. Sexological research has shown that the most sensitive areas of the vaginal opening are located at the 12 o’clock, 4 o’clock, and 8 o’clock positions. Think of a peace sign as a mental reminder for sensitive introitus areas. The G-spot, or urethral sponge, area is located near the 12 o’clock position inside the vagina and the internal vestibular bulbs are located beneath the surface near the 4 o’clock and 8 o’clock positions. Coincidence? This is one of the few times I encourage using a watch and thinking about time during foreplay and sex.

As we venture south on Vulva Boulevard, some people begin to become uncomfortable with our next destinations and that’s perfectly fine. Leave them alone and go in peace. There isn’t a rule that people have to stimulate these areas, but my job is to let you know they can also be used for pleasure and arousal. The perineum is located between the introitus and the anus. It is a patch of skin filled with nerve endings and is often described as pleasurable for those that are comfortable with being touched in this area. The anus is another area of the vulva that is filled with numerous nerve endings and can be a source of pleasure for women. Some women are able to reach orgasm from anal stimulation or penetration, which should highlight for you the arousal potential of the anus. Many women feel uncomfortable with perineum/anal stimulation, so proceed with caution. Use techniques like open communication or obvious inviting non-verbal cues to give anal play the green light. In a future article, you can count on me challenging some of the myths and taboos associated with anal play as I find it to be a wonderful place for pleasure and excitement.

Now, we’ve got the vocabulary down. Believe me, the vulva is much more complicated anatomically and we barely scratched the surface, but the basics were important to cover. There is so much we can do to stimulate the vulva; sensation play, manual touching, digital stimulation, oral sex, fantasy, penetration, sex toys, etc. I’m thinking we should start exploring what our fingers and hands can do to get her hot and breathing heavy…

Dr. Hernando Chaves

Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.

Matador Interviewed at brobible.com

In 2007, when the “The Pick-Up Artist” premiered on VH1, the world met James Matador, the faithful wingman of the show’s host, Mystery. The Matador is a master pickup artist, a co-author of the book “Revelation,” and one of the founding partners of the the Venusian Arts, for which he leads seminars and boot camps throughout the world on the art of seduction. A computer science graduate of Depaul University and former national-champion martial artist, Matador is also an actor, an entrepreneur, and amateur bodybuilder. According to his official bio, he is most known for his “Matador Mayhem” technique, “a process in which he allows himself to be chased by multiple women simultaneously by hugging, kissing, and making out with many women at the same time, causing all the women involved to feel jealous of one another and compete for his attention.”

So when BroBible met the Matador at Marquee in New York a while back, we asked if he’d be up for an interview. He was down, so after a few months of telephone and email tag, we finally caught up with him recently for an hour-long interview that we present today and tomorrow in two parts. We learned right off the bat that although a third season of “The Pick-Up Artist” is not in the cards, a different show with a new angle is indeed in the works. The Matador didn’t want to reveal too many details just yet, but we got him to open up about plenty more.

BroBible: Our readers are big fans of you and Mystery and the rest of the “PUA” crew, and are always curious about what kind of trouble you guys are getting yourselves into. Any recent epic or funny stories that you can share?

James Matador: Sure, I was just taking a flight from Las Vegas to L.A., and I met a girl on the plane, and we started talking and one thing led to another and we ended up fooling around on the plane. And then we ended up fooling around in between when we got off the plane and got to the baggage claim, and to my dismay at baggage claim, she’s like, “O.K., we have to stop,” and I said “Why?” And she said, “Because my boyfriend is picking me up and I don’t want him to see.” I was kind of shocked, because this was something that she failed to mention to me. It’s not my greatest adventure, but it’s definitely a funny one that comes to the mind immediately.

It’s hard to imagine you not slaying every time you go out, but do you have any really embarrassing stories?

When I was just starting off and practicing, and I remember I was testing the whole cocky-funny paradigm, and going out and trying to be cocky-funny, or trying to do cocky-funny repeatings or gambits, as we call it. So one thing that came to mind, at the time — and I see the inappropriateness of it now — but at the time I though it would be cocky and funny to go up to a girl and playfully pat her on the behind as the opener. Well, hey, I thought it was funny, cocky-funny, what’s the problem, right? Slap in the face, getting thrown out of a couple clubs. I quickly figured out that that’s not working. Those were not one of my finer moments.

A lot of our users, when they fall in love, they fall hard. And if their girl cheats on them, or they have a bad breakup, they don’t know how to get themselves back in the game. Do you have any advice for them?

When you fall hard and you have a bad breakup, the world it seems like is coming down on you. And I think that a lot of times you’re going to think, “This is only happening to me, the universe is collapsing on me.” Well guess what, this is exactly how everybody who has a breakup feels. Your body, your emotions are ubiquitous, and we all operate pretty much the same way, with some anomalies. And I think that, first of all, there are girls that I see and girls that I ended up having strong feelings for, and there comes a time when it has to end sometime. And yes, I do go through that feeling of loss, that feeling of sadness, but it’s a state of mind, and it’s how you want to look at it. You can either look at it as a door closing permanently forever, or you can look at it as a door opening and the sun shining through and beyond that door lay all these new adventures, and new beautiful women that you’re going to meet. And new good times to be had. For me, it gives me a sense of optimism to get off my ass or stop smoking cigarettes and wallowing. It’s almost this very normal and understandable feeling of sadness and get out and do something proactive and start creating some happy moments again and start being positive again. And it is tough and it’s kind of like quitting smoking. It’s not to meant to feel good, and it’s O.K. to feel bad but it’s pretty much what kind of man you want to be. Do you want sit there for weeks upon weeks upon weeks or do you want to get up and do something and change the current situation that you’re in? And it’s going to take some discipline and it’s going to take overriding what your emotions are telling you but I guarantee it’s the best course of action. I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s something that has to be done. But I would say that it’s just one out of many instances in life — let’s say something happens to your business where you take a big hit that year. Are you going to run, are you going to hide, you gonna wallow in self-pity or are you going to use all of your resources, whatever they may be, to get up and fucking recover? That’s the way to look at it. You have to fucking recover. And know this: most of the time, when you do go out and you do meet a new girl who makes you happy, who you’re spending time with, most of the time the moment that happens, you immediately ameliorate all the negative emotions you had previously. And I’m not saying jump into another relationship, by the way, but it is healthy to start dating again, to start spending time with other women right away.

And this is no disrespect to women, but I think we live in a culture where love, so many notions of love have been mystified and it’s this mystical thing where we’re not supposed to understand it, that it just happens. But most of the time that when you have a lot of options in your life, two things happen: you start demanding better for yourself, you start realizing that a lot of these girls that you were going out with weren’t as special as you thought they were. Meaning they’re negative personalities, or unacceptable behavior, and I’m not saying all women are like this, I’m just saying that sometimes you need peace in the home and she just won’t stop nagging you. And you overlook it in the name of love. And when you start dating other women, you’re like, “Holy shit, I was pretty understanding, and this was why I had to break up with her because she wouldn’t stop fucking nagging me.” And you’re able to call women out on the stuff that is really not cool, and not O.K. But when you’re afraid that you’re not going to be able to get another girlfriend quickly or the next relationship’s going to come in a year from now, you get that feeling of, O.K., man, do I leave this vessel that I’m on right now? Do I leave what I have right now? I don’t know what’s going to happen. That can be a scary moment. I think the man who has options is in a position to make the most purest choice. Which is more pure: Being there because you want to be there or being there because you don’t have any other places to go?

What’s the best way to leave the girl the next morning and not be a total asshole? How can you do it with some class?

I guess what you’re saying is how to prevent resentful feelings and anger feelings in a relationship. Let’s look at what this is caused by. Anger is caused by a letdown in expectations. What are expectations caused by? Expectations are caused by telling people false statements or allowing them to believe things that aren’t true. So let me say this, that as a good pickup artist, you’re gonna be willing to lose the girl in order to get the girl. And if you have any egotistical thoughts in your head that I can pick up any woman, that’s not a healthy thing to do because it limits you and quite frankly it’s not fucking true and quite frankly you wouldn’t want to. So my point is this: When your skills are at a certain level, you can start screening for the type of women that you want in your life. So what are the type of women that I want in my life? Well as of right at this moment, well, yeah, I want to hang out with women who are beautiful, who have a good personality, who aren’t so emotionally hollow to where they need to latch onto the first guy that they see and their whole life revolves around me after that. And I am very upfront that I am seeing other people, that I do enjoy your company but don’t start asking me where am I going all the time? It’s not appropriate for you asking me those questions — who am I spending time with? Basically, lay down the expectations, the parameters of the relationship up front and center. What happens is people dodge these or aren’t capable of confronting those issues right off the front, so the other person is led to believe other things, aka, having expectations that aren’t accurate. And that’s when you get these really angry, rageful type feelings for the other person, where they call you an asshole and they start bad-mouthing you to your friends, but make no mistake, I never make statements or expectations, like I never say “I’m going to marry you,” “This is going to last forever,” if I don’t mean them, that is. “I’m not seeing anyone else.” I don’t bring these things up necessarily, but I never — I’m not a perfect person and I never claim to be — but to the best of my ability, I never try to be disingenuous in that way, does that make sense?

Totally. That’s the best way, that way they’re not going around bad-mouthing you and you can have fun with them.

It’s not only that. Fear of retaliation, that’s one motivator, but just in general you can still be, if you work on your way of being — and it’s also in our book, “Revelation” — and you understand what you want your personality, your lifestyle, and your identity to look like, you can still weave in characterstics in such a way that you do not have to be an untruthful person. We all tell little white lies when girls ask, “Does this dress make me look fat?” We withhold information at points to protect her feelings but at the same time I do believe you can be a pick-up artist and be a good guy and be an ethical person. There’s nothing unethical that happens naturally.

Another one, this is something that plagues a lot of guys now, the question of text messaging. How long should you wait? Is it a pussy move? What are your thoughts on text messaging?

There’s a whole school of thought on text messaging. I do think that when you are waiting to the point where you’ve already met and separated, now you’re trying to play the game going forward via text messaging, I think most of that work should have been done earlier. I’m not a text-messaging expert. Basically, here’s how all my text messages go. By the time it gets to the phone call or the text message, the girl and I really like each other and it’s a normal part of the process. The text message or the phone call isn’t scary because I’m going to know ahead of time whether it’s a flaky number or it’s a number I got because just for getting for lack of time in the moment or something like that. In terms of contacting the girl right away, I’m not saying being stalky or being needy, but remember at this point, if you know our model in “Revelation,” at this point it was supposed to have been already understood that the girl likes you and you the like the girl. And phone numbers are asked for or contact information is exchanged during comfort building, and what is that? That’s having a normal conversation, that’s having good conversation rapport, that’s vibing, that’s building connections, that’s building trust. And if you have a person in your life like that, a text message or a phone call is the most trivial thing. It’s basically the most obvious of things to start setting up the next time you guys are going to meet up. In terms of timing, right away: “Hey, get home safe, call me tomorrow.” In terms of the three-day rule or six-day rule, yeah, that’s old school, I know it was in that movie “Swingers,” but that’s just not something that we do.

What about as far as making plans? Is it a cop-out to just text her or do you actually have to call her up?

Either/or, it depends, because of the projects I have on my plate, I’d text more than I’d be calling, but if I want to give details… or talk or something I usually call.

Can you describe your perfect wingman?

I think anyone can be a good winger provided that you synchronize with the same strategy, if you will. And if you both respect the boundaries and you both have discipline, and I’m not saying that I do, or Mystery does all the time, especially when we’ve been drinking, but ideally when we see a girl…. Or for example, if I see a girl, and she’s attracted to me, she’s going to be throwing IOIs [indicators of interest] to my friend as well. Now my friend, he can misinterpret that as the girl coming on to him or he can understand because we both follow the same structure that this is normal, that her throwing IOIs to my friend is her attempt to get to know her because she wants to get to know me and my friends and my crew and my social circle. So don’t take this the wrong way to start escalating not isolating with her because that puts me into a position of having to be reactive and chase her, which lowers my value. I wouldn’t be in this fucking problem if you played your role right. And it requires someone willing to do that and most of all knowing how to do that, because I know a lot of good guys out there who are completely annoying to hell and they’re good people, doctors, police officers, but they haven’t taken the time to fully understand. When you really understand the game and the psychology aspect and you understand what your body and mind is doing to you, a lot of the time, I’m not saying all the time, but a lot of the time, you realize why you’re saying this, why you’re getting offensive, when your ego’s talking, when your ego is not talking. And a lot of time, most non-PUA people, they start saying and doing things that they have no clue why they’re fucking doing it. They just think it’s magically all happening. And your sitting there yourself saying, you’re not mad at this person but this person is inconvenient in the moment right now. It’s not that I’m not going to hang out with this person, it’s just that right now, if I go out, let’s say we get a table and I go out I’m usually the guy that a lot of my friends, I’m really into pickup and I’ve studied it for a number of years now, and that’s why a lot of friends will call me up because they’ll get the table, but then there will just be like all guys at the table and then I end up being the guy who goes out onto the floor, grabbing girls, bringing them the back. And if I go out and grab let’s say a three-set and I break them back. One guy starts creeping out one of the girls, guess what, the other two girls are going to want to leave. And I put in 20 minutes or if I really like the girl and we have a connection going, guess what, she’s going home that night and it’s because of him, and he’ll probably deny it the whole way home, and you’ve got to ask yourself, “Who the hell am I? I’m just some other guy? I’m in no position to educate somebody who doesn’t want my help or to give unsolicited advice?” But at the same time, if I pick up the phone to decide who I’m going out with the next night, it’s not going to be that person. That doesn’t mean to say I’m not going to go play a game of pickup basketball with him the next day or anything like that, but you’ve got to know people’s strengths and weaknesses, and what they’re good at and what they’re not good at.

Do you have a go-to pickup line?

Yeah, you know I used to be Mr. Routine. Mr. Pick-Up Line. But there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is I’m not the person to go talk to about like all the best routines in the world, but the good news is because after a certain point, these routines all fall under patterns of mine and what happens is when you start talking this way, doing these things, it starts integrating into your personality naturally so you can spot these things on the fly. You can be dynamically humorous, dynamically intelligent without having a set of routines that are funny or a set of routines that are interesting. So this is the most truthful answer at this moment: At this moment I don’t really use any openers. I go up and I say hello. Or if there is any one opener that I do use it’s a non-verbal body opener; I’ll go up and look at the girl and I’ll do this very overdramaticized rolling my eyes look like a girl’s mannerisms, or do the “Whatever” hand in your face gesture, which usually creates instant laughter. And then I turn around and I’m normal again and introduce myself and immediately start talking and start owning the conversation.

Warm them up with some humor.

Think about it. You have eight emotional dimensions, you know? There’s a fear dimension, you have a love dimension, and then each dimension there are shades of that primary emotion. For example, discomfort would be a shade of fear. Agreed?

Yep.

And happiness would be a shade of love, so most of the time you can look at a person and know what emotion that they’re on with a great deal of accuracy. If you need routines, it’s like in one to three seconds, you’ve got to take her out of discomfort and put her into happiness. An outward sign of happiness is laughter. Now that she’s in happiness and you’re the cause of it, you’re the stimulus, she’s going to be willing to talk to you for another couple minutes, and then if you can keep those core characteristics coming, because you should be working on your personality all the time, she’s going to deduce that you are this type of person. And not to sound cocky but I’ve had people make all kinds of weird statements to me: “Are you this funny? Are you this interesting? Are you this cool? Because you’ve cultivated your personality to where you can be interesting for a good amount of the time or be humorous a good amount of the time on end. And you can keep those characteristics coming to where there is nobody else in her environment or where she’s at that can surpass you. I’ll give you an example. If you’ve ever gone to a comedy show, and you’ve seen a good comic. Have you ever honestly laughed for an hour straight?

No.

Well, I have. I saw this one guy in Chicago and I laughed for an hour straight. It’s a very profound experience, and if you can make somebody laugh 10 times in a row, whether it’s a premeditated routine or if it’s just through your ability to be dynamically humorous, that is going to separate you from basically every other guy in the club. Maybe she’s bored, maybe she’s irritated of all the guys hitting on her, and then you come around and you’re the guy that within three minutes she’s laughed 10 times. You mean to say that you’re not the most emotionally relevant person in the world? Even if her friends want to go, she’s going to want to turn around and ask, “Do we really have to go?” Does that make sense?

Routines are good. I still endorse them for people who are new. However, what you want to do is, every routine, every routine causes some type of emotion to occur. Try to now understand a routine, the pattern of it, and start implementing those patterns without that routine into your personality to where you’re actually evolving into something better, and it happens quicker than you think. Now you take one month out of your life and dedicate it to the art form of humor, and in that one month you’re going to be, and I’m not saying you’re going to be Chris Rock, but in one month you are going to be a marginally more funny human being and be able to give people the gift of laughter better than you were at the beginning of the month. And just imagine doing that for years now. It’s like stand-up comics. You don’t think stand up comics have their routines? Chris Rock — I read a biography of him — he would specifically take his routine to try em out night after night after night. His pacing, his timing, his rhythm, all the stuff is planned and timed. It’s well thought through before he did the show. And it’s worth it. You see him here on HBO, for the last show he did, I think it’s called “Kill the Messenger,” it was some funny, man.

And it was three concerts filmed in three different cities and it was the same routine.

Yeah yeah yeah, exactly, it was a montage. One in London, one in South Africa, and one in new York.

On the topic of New York, South Africa… You’re out in L.A., based out there? We’re sure you travel to cities all over the country and all over the world? Do the girls change at all between city and city and do you adjust your technique at all when you’re in some place new?

Here’s the only barrier that at a certain point things that stop you usually are things that are out of your control like logistical things. For example, unless I proactively smile, or unless I dress in a way that conveys playfulness, personality, a girl — I’m not going to say she’ll find me unattractive, but she’ll definitely be on guard because do I look like a man who is capable of protecting or capable of danger? She just doesn’t know yet. So unless most of the time I can quickly convey my personality, but if there is a language barrier she doesn’t understand the language, it can sometimes thwart the process. So for example, if she’s speaking Japanese, I have to basically alter my — I still stay in set as long as I can take it and sometimes it’s work — but you have to speak in a way that’s a combination of body language and sub-communications and using a lot of facial…. Basically you’re communicating pure emotions, she doesn’t logically understand what you’re saying whatsoever, that can be one problem.

In terms of like Miami versus New York, there may be subtle differences, but some things I’m just oblivious to. Maybe if I really think about it, but I just don’t pay attention to these things. All I know is that when I do go down there to any one of those cities, I have the best time.

Do you have favorite city to party in? What city has the best girls?

On face value, Miami will appear to have the hottest girls. L.A. on face value will appear to have the hottest. And they do have very beautiful girls in both cities. Las Vegas as well, but in Las Vegas, everybody is a transient, meaning they’re coming and going. It’s not like you meet a girl at the Hard Rock, chances are she’s from Wisconsin or L.A. or someplace other than Las Vegas. I have a cousin in Vegas, if you ever spend time in Vegas, it’s a very blue-collar town, it’s not as exciting as the Strip. But what I realized is that in New York, if you know the right people, and you know the right venues to go to, there is a sea of beautiful women in New York. We’re talking really tall, classy, high heels, 5′11″ Ukrainian model hot girl in New York. You wont see them walking down 34th and 8th, you wont see them walking down to Starbucks, you know? It’s like an underworld that exists. It’s not an underworld, but it’s a world where you have to know the right people and the right venues and the right places to go to, but there is a horde of beautiful women up there.

It’s true. That’s why we live here.

I used to not like New York, because I hate the weather. The summertime is beautiful. I didn’t spend that much time where I had any quality friends in New York. But once I got to know the city and got to know the right people, just beautiful women in New York.

Are you spending more time in New York?

I’ll be spending time here and there, maybe Miami. We’re doing a boot camp in Australia, Mystery is leading that one. Didn’t want to go. Sometimes you’ve got a toss up between the work you have on your plate and…. Boot camps are very exhausting. They’ll derail you for four days, because you’re up all night.

Two last questions: Any other advice for our users or words of wisdom?

I would say this: It’s O.K. to be sexual. It’s O.K. to be looking for a girl or a girlfriend or girlfriends, but if you’re not doing it right, then at least be humble enough to know that you don’t know everything and go seek out that knowledge. When I was born, I didn’t know anything about anything. From different people I started acquiring knowledge in different areas. But if you’re willing to learn and put down your cockiness and go to somebody that does it better than you. And I guarantee you that all that effort and time and all that money that you spend on whatever cologne you think is going to work or whatever your shirt you think is cool or whatever bottle service you get because you think some girls are going to be attractive, all that are just things to supplement your core personality, because if that ain’t there, then all of it’s for not. I’ve seen a lot of my clients, my classes aren’t cheap, they’re like 3 or 4 thousand dollars, so the typical student I get went to college and has a job and has a business. These are successful men. So it’s testament to the fact that money alone hasn’t solved his problems for him. So if you want to invest in anything, really look at your personality, your lifestyle, your identity. And treat like that a piece of art and work on it because without that… the most important thing you can invest in is your personality.

Tell me anybody who’s ever made history he’s had a very magnificent, charismatic, powerful personality. Norman Schwarzkopf, Persian Gulf 1, he was the commanding general and he said, “On the subject of leadership, if I had to choose between character and ability, I would choose character because even if you don’t know how to load a tank or shoot a machine gun, but you can command a group of men to do those very important and dangerous tasks for you, they have to want to listen to you and respect you.” So even if you don’t have the technical skill yourself, but if you have the character that other men will follow you, your aggregate power increases. So invest in your personality. And it’s not something that’s handed to you and it’s not subject to change. You can be a better person and the reason I say “better,” it’s not because i want to make a feel good moment, I think being attractive is synonymous with typically that which is the best of humanity. Things like being humorous, being intelligent, being ambitious, being successful, and I’m not saying being fat and being lazy can get a girl, I’ll tell you to go be fat and lazy. It just doesn’t happen. So you’re going to find that if you want to invest in yourself that way, two things are going to happen, you’re going to end up attractive to women and you are going to be a better person. So what’s a better of spending your time than doing that?

Absolutely. And lastly, a lot of people find themselves in situations where they see the most beautiful girl and just want to talk to her, but they don’t just have the balls to do it. What kind of advice do you have for that situation?

Well, there’s a reason for that in a couple areas. The primary area I believe is the ego, you have to understand your ego. Because you’ve created this prisoner of your own device. In some way shape or for, the approval or rejection that you’re about to receive from this woman has some bearing on your own self-image as a successful man, as an attractive man. I don’t have that thought process. If that happens to me, cocky or not, I have the audacity to allow myself to believe, what’s wrong with her? Now some people say what’s wrong with me? Maybe she’s having a bad day. Move on, it doesn’t phase me. The whole buildup of the initial reaction is just not there, I come in and I’m not too friendly, I’m not too standoffish, I’m not 100% normal, at least from my perception, and it’s exactly what they want.

There’s a set of belief systems also that I teach and one of them is kind of counter-intuitive actually but it’s very helpful, is you’re talking to a girl, the last thing you want to think about is picking her up. Because your thoughts will show in your outward actions and your emotions and the things you say and the things you do. You go up to the girl, don’t even care about if you pick her up, don’t even want it, don’t even think it. Just focus on the process in the moment right now. That’s all you can do anyway. But to the guy who’s nervous about approaching the girl, yeah, you’re not the only one. Everyone gets nervous, you have to understand what causes that and don’t let it rule you. Have some control over it. You’ve got to do this in life with many other things: I don’t really ever feel like working out. I know it’s good for me so i motivate myself to get out of bed and do it. I didn’t feel like studying in college, in fact I hated studying in college, but I decided that now’s the time and I went and did it no matter what. I always ended up feeling sleepy or wanted to go have a cigarette or something, but you’ve got to sit down and fucking do it. This is no different. You’ve got to understand, okay, this is what’s happening. This is not an emotion that I’m going to relish in right now, I’m going to override it and plow forward.

Excerpted from http://www.brobible.com/. View full article here.

Adventures in Cuba - FR

Adventures in Cuba - FR

I just got back from Cuba a couple weeks ago. This is the first time that I’ve ever visited not only a communist country, but a country that doesn’t speak English as their main language. Knowing that the primary language in Cuba is obviously Spanish, I pulled out my iPhone before I left…there’s an app for that. I managed to find an application that not only listed a bunch of common Spanish phrases that would be useful to anyone visiting the country, but a voice actually spoke the Spanish phrase in order for the user to convey the phrase as best as they can.

There were a few problems leaving the Camaguey airport. Because of my hair and my avatar I was stopped by an airport guard and I was questioned thoroughly about whether or not I was a drug user. At this point I was a little scared I was going to be thrown into one of those little rooms that you see in the movies and get the full experience of an interrogation. After ten minutes of explaining how I was NOT an avid drug user I was released. I hopped on the tour bus and finally I was en route to my destination in Santa Lucia. As soon as I walked off the bus, I was an instant celebrity in the eyes of the employees that worked at the hotels. One of the bartenders was so fascinated with my hair that every time I came up to the bar he would immediately serve me over the other patrons who had already been waiting. Combining good social vibing and a powerful style will pretty much guarantee that you are going to be remembered by people, especially in a foreign country. This truly reinforces the power of peacocking. Customizing your avatar is an essential part of the game, as well as your self-development as a whole.

The resort was pretty small, but luckily there was some form of night entertainment at the disco which was up and going at night around 11:30. As my buddies and I were getting ready to hit up the disco in a few short minutes, I decided that it’s time to do my hair up for the evening. I plugged my hair dryer into the bathroom socket, and that shit starts making some really crazy noises and heating up fairly intensely. Then BOOM, the fuse in the bathroom blows leaving the bathroom powerless. As I chuckled to myself I made my way into the main room of the hotel. I ask my buddy if there’s an outlet beside his bed for my hair dryer, he points, I plug in and ZZZZZTTTTTTTT. Before I know it there’s a loud popping sound in the room and the entire suite is powerless. As I laughed my ass off I finished getting ready for the disco and we headed out, my hair undone.

We arrive at the disco fashionably late. There’s no trouble getting in at all, and we stroll up to the bar, music pumping. As we are getting drinks at the bar I pop open the first set that I have to the right of me which happens to be a girl by herself. I opened with the community classic “Who lies more” because of how cliché it is and I thought it would be funny. I run the opener and start to stack into an A2 piece when I notice a random dude come up and try to hug the girl I’m gaming up from behind. I played that shit off like I didn’t even notice the guy trying to slime his way in and stacked my material. As I continued talking, the chick literally grabs the guy and throws him off of her and he disappeared into the night, never to be seen again while she turned back to me to listen intently to what I was saying. It was soon after this that I asked her what she thought about something and I muffled Spanish words among the lines of ” Lo siento, non comprendez pas” which is my horrible translation for “Sorry, I don’t speak English.” I laughed my ass off so hard I ejected the set.

I headed over to the dance floor and worked some dance floor game with some Cuban girls. One thing I definitely noticed over there was that girls were a lot more aggressive at getting guys than in any of the places I’ve been in Canada or the United States. There were different instances when the girls would walk up, try to say hello in very broken English and then just grab your dick, or just plain open you BY grabbing your dick. When this did happen, even though I said things like “OMG buy me a drink before you hit on me like that!” and things of that caliber, it was very obvious that they had no idea what I was saying, but calibrating the right tonality, body language, and facial expressions they felt what I meant as clearly as I could demonstrate without knowing the linguistics behind it. Again, this solidified the principles read in Revelation even more. When Mystery says to be interesting, it doesn’t necessarily mean to try and say interesting things all of the time, it simply means to MAKE everything you say interesting by properly calibrating your vocal inflection and your body language in ways that will make you come off interesting as a person, not just bringing up an interesting topic. These key things project a lot sub communications to the girl that is ultimately more powerful than words.

The next day the big plan was for us all to go drunken mopedding all day. After receiving probably some of the worst instruction I have ever seen in my life, I fired up my moped and drove it right through the fucking rose garden in front of the hotel, tearing up a line of roses and bushes in clear sight. As the dude who rented us the moped started yelling and chasing me, I regained control of the moped and took off into the sunset ignoring his cries.

We were flying down these torn up country roads with goats, horses, cats, and dogs randomly running throughout the streets. At one point, while I was flying down the road I noticed the road start to get a little rough. Before I had much of a chance to slow down I hit a huge pothole in the road which launched me up to land in ANOTHER pothole that threw me off of the vehicle into a huge puddle in the road while my moped crashed into the ground. Best wipe out ever! Good times and I even got the deposit back

While we ate lunch when we got back to the resort, one of the girls my friend was dancing with the night before was giving us proximity by sitting by herself at an adjacent table. My friend wouldn’t initiate the chat, saying that it was something that worked for me, but that he couldn’t approach the girl because he was too afraid of rejection. I found this especially interesting because this guy has hooked up with quite a few chicks over online dating sites, though when it comes to cold approach almost every circumstance he backs down because he is too afraid. I explained to him that rejection ultimately doesn’t matter because the girl is really only rejecting your approach, not you because how could she know you? I also explained how I used to be terrified to talk to women but it is something that I have trained myself to do over time so you progressively get desensitized to it. There’s always a hint of it lingering around but as long as you get those three warm-up sets in, it’s on! Regardless of the speech, he didn’t approach, so I initiated the chat. Like most of the girls, she as well only spoke Spanish with a tidbit of broken English. We talked for a bit and we invited her over to our table to chill, she came over and I just started talking. I would say what seemed to me like very basic English statements, most of which she still didn’t comprehend…when it hit me…why wasn’t I using that Spanish speaking app? I whipped out my phone and utilized it to start conversing with her in Spanish. After some chat we made plans to meet up with her and her friend at the disco that night.

Even though I’ve never been really big on dance game at all, I found when I was in Cuba I was doing it all the time, it was an easy way to break the language barrier, and a lot of the times the girls would open you and bring you out on the dance floor. My brother and I ended up meeting our buddy at the disco, where we discovered that the girl from lunch didn’t show up. As I was making my way back to the dance floor from the bar a woman in a red dress stopped me. After a brief chat, she asked me to dance and pulled my ass to the dance floor. As I was dancing with this girl to some intense grinding while my friend enjoyed the same with one of her friends, we noticed that the girl from lunch and her friend showed up!

We rolled over to the bar to refresh our selves when we were approached by the girls who were supposed to meet us there. Instantly I thought a fight was going to get started because the girl my buddy was dancing with gave a shove to the girl from lunch and they started verbally jousting in Spanish. We quickly grabbed the girls and separated the scene by taking the two we were with back to the dance floor. The other girls followed. To spice things up a bit, I told my buddy to do the same thing I was going to do, which was to dance with the one girl, get grinding and do a big roll off and dance with the other girl. When we started to implement this into our game things got incredibly intense. The girls would grab us away from each other over and over and were grinding all over us as if to show up the other girls. At this point the girl in the red dress asked me to sit down and take a break. I’m quite drunk so I’m having an extremely difficult to try and comprehend the broken English. She tries to tell me something here and she tries to repeat it over and over again on account music pumping vividly in the foreground. She pulls out her smokes, shows me and directs me to come outside with her. Once we are out there she gives me a smoke and makes a little bit of small talk, and then she said something I was NOT expecting: “So we go back to your room and go fucky-fucky?” she asks. “What?” I retort. She repeats the statement, and I tell her that I have a friend in the hotel room. She suggests the beach. Something seems slightly off, my spider sense is tingling. Then she says “Come on, how many pesos? How many pesos?” I start to think, Wow my game must be pretty tight if this girl is going to pay me to…wait a minute! I was being swayed by a Cuban hooker. As I laughed I told her I wasn’t into that sort of deal, and that I was a PUA and such, none of which she understood. I ended up throwing a “Buenos Noches” her way and headed back into the disco, managing to lose myself in the crowd.

I went back into the disco to find my buddy and the other girls. The crazy dance fest continued with the girl and her friend which were some of the best dancers I’ve seen. As they were dancing with us at one point they totally synced up with each other and did the exact same little dance move to me and my friend at the same time which was incredibly sexy. This shit was straight out of Dirty Dancing Havana Nights. From there, everything was else was the pretty standard deal. These girls ended up hanging out with us most of the night while I implemented some intense kino and vibing instead of conversation and, well… fade to black.

I’m glad to be back in Canada, and I have really started to appreciate the social settings we have here a lot more. I was also reassured how important body language, tonality, and expressions are in a set, which can demonstrate a lot of someone’s personality. Next time I head to a country having a native language other than English, it would be a good idea to bone up a bit more on the language because although it isn’t as important as sub communications, you can obviously do quite a bit with linguistics to demonstrate a ton of value. Knowing the language would’ve probably helped me avoid the Cuban hookers a bit better too…but hey, it’ll make a great story to tell the grandkids one day!

About Showcase

Showcase is a VA Coach operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/content editor for Venusian Arts, Showcase is also currently concluding his undergrad in the computer sciences and is about to start his post grad in network security. When he is not traveling, Showcase produces, writes, and directs films with Prophet.

Phone Game Part 4: Between Your First Call And Your Day 2

This is part four of my series on phone game.  Click here to view my previous articles.

As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only.  These rules are not set in stone!  You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

Once you’ve built some comfort and had at least one conversation with her on the phone already, it’s time to set up your Day-2. Hopefully, you’ve already seeded a possible hangout when you #-closed her, or at least during your previous phone call(s) so all you have to do is invite her to something you are already doing.

The problem here is that different women have their own sets of social anxieties. Some women will have no problem showing up alone with you and all your friends for some chicken wings, others will only feel comfortable hanging out with your if they have a lot of their friends around, while others may only feel comfortable if it’s just the two of you hanging out together in a very public place.

The most effective approach to this is to give her two options to hanging out with you. My standard Day-2 line is (and I think I got this from Lovedrop): “We’re all doing our weekly wing-night on Wednesday, you should come along. Bring some friends if you want. Or, I’m going shopping on Thursday for a new shirt and you could come help me pick one out.” This way she can choose whichever option will be the most comfortable for her as well as the most convenient (she may actually be busy on one of those days). I say almost the exact same thing every time. I just change out the days and events as necessary.

If she says she wants to bring friends, let her know that it’s fine but make sure you bring some too. Girls and a wingman are ideal here. If you can, try to throw in something to insinuate that you are expecting her to bring her girlfriends, and not her orbiting guy friends (I made this mistake too many times back in the day and it really complicates things). But be prepared that she might bring a guy anyway.

You should also be prepared for her throwing out a counter-offer and suggesting that you do something with her and her friends. Do not take this as an IOD! It is more than likely just a means for preserving her own comfort levels. This will happen from time to time, and unless it’s a large event she wants you to come to, expect to just show up by yourself. And if it is a large event, don’t ask her if you can bring someone, just show up your wing or (preferably) wing-girl.

Just like when you #-closed her to begin with, talk to her a bit more for a few minutes once you set up the hang out and then get off the phone. You can call or text her if you feel it necessary during the days leading up to your day-2, but it is not required. Once again, calibrate it based on the amount of time between your hang-out and how interested she appears to be. You don’t want to be that guy that calls her every day before you hang out just to remind her of the fact that she is supposed to hang out with you (especially if, like me, you set your days-2’s up for within only a few days of your call). But at the same time, there may be occasions when you will need to call or text her at some point (like if there is an extended period in between the conversation and the future day-2). In some sets, if I feel like I need to keep her buying temperature up until we see each other I like to send silly little texts like the ones I listed in part 1. Or I’ll just send her a quick message to let her know about something funny or interesting that just happened.

Try to use your best judgment here. What you will need to do will vary from woman to woman and you’ll eventually just get a sense for it with practice.

When you reach the day of the day-2, you should definitely call her to finalize your plans. I personally never assume that an arrangement to meet up is set in stone simply because in this day and age plans can change instantly and without notice. I always call my target before the day-2, usually in the afternoon if our hang-out is in the evening. I try to keep this call short and sweet because I want more to talk about when we actually meet, but it’s usually best to talk for a minute or two about your respective days before bringing up the meet. As long as you don’t come off as if you are just using filler conversation to avoid bringing up the date (which will come off as insecure and needy), it will help you seem a little less eager to hang out with her. The conversation should have the same vibe that you would have with your friends if you called them up to talk about your plans for the evening.

Next week: how your voicemail can be your wingman when you’re not around!

About Prophet

Prophet is a VA Coach operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.

Unbreakable

Unbreakable

When I teach pick up, I prefer to do it over months.  This allows me time to get to know the student and really get in their heads and know everything I can.  The additional time also allows me to use some unorthodox tactics in teaching people.  One of the things I do is make the students watch particular movies and tell me what the pickup lesson was to the movie.  I never tell people what they are supposed to be looking for or learning, I make them tell me after the fact.  Often they don’t get the point, unless the point is a hardcore sticking point for them and smacking them in the face.

One of the movies that I use is the M. Night Shyamalan movie “Unbreakable”.  Most people consider his pinnacle of work to be “The Sixth Sense”.  I respectfully disagree.  The movie opens with David Dunn (played by Bruce Willis) who has extraordinary abilities that he is unaware of, and is living a very mundane life.  His life is in shambles:  His kid doesn’t respect him, his wife and he are on the rocks, and he is in a dead end job.  At one point, David describes his empty life as “waking up every morning with a great sadness.”

Elijah Price (played by Samuel L. Jackson) believes that he has found the purpose of David.  He was meant to save other people as a super hero.  David is of course initially resistant and unbelieving in his own abilities (ie. Shitty Inner Game).  Elijah spends most of the moving getting David to believe in himself and to realize his purpose.  When David finally does accept his path and begins doing what he was meant to do, his life becomes much better.  When asked about his sadness in the mornings, he says that it has gone.

There are a lot of movies that show a character going through changes and discovering their purposes.  This one for me is so powerful because it describes EXACTLY how I used to feel when I was married and working in a chemical plant.  Every morning I woke up miserable.  I hated my job and everything about it.  Every day was a struggle to go to work.  In the beginning this sadness just came in a small dose of longing for something else that I was never able to describe.  Eventually toward the end I had to talk myself every day out of calling into work sick or taking a vacation day.  The one thing that made me continue on was my love for my then wife.  Oh I hid it well, but inside but inside I was dying.

Then something happened that changed everything: I got laid off.  Like most people, at the time I defined myself by what I did for a living.  It was who I was and I considered it my purpose.  The problem was, it really wasn’t my purpose and I hated it (and by proxy my life).  When the employees were told of the layoffs, I was mired in self pity for a brief time.  Eventually one of the employees told me while I was whoa is me-ing “Go be a teacher.  You come in here every day telling us useless shit that none of us here care about.  Go tell some kids.  They probably won’t care either, but at least they will take notes.”  Initially I felt insulted.  I often felt out of place at work, but I didn’t like it being thrown in my face.  The fact was I was very out of place.  I was not content just to go to work and survive and be contained in a little bubble.  My soul wanted more.  My co-workers were different.

I took my co-worker’s advice and did indeed become a teacher (although I needed far more than just his advice to actually do that.  I’ll tell those stories another time though).  Once I was on the path to being a teacher an interesting thing happened:  No more morning sadness.  Because I found my purpose, like David Dunn, I am unbreakable.  You can be as well when you find your place in the world.  Before even attempting to find a woman, you should first find yourself.

—-Knack

About Knack

Knack is a VA Coach and a world traveler. Knack is an elementary school teacher, and uses his background as a professional educator to take a student specific approach to teaching pick up. He has picked up various languages throughout his journeys and travels to three or four new countries per year in his quest to experience various cultures.

The Art of Erotic Foreplay - Part 4

The Art of Erotic Foreplay - Part 4 of 4
Lip locking and tongues

Kissing is one of the most important aspects of foreplay.  Make no mistake, a good kiss can mean the difference between playing with someone else and playing with yourself.  It’s hard to believe that in some remote cultures, they find kissing to be taboo and disgusting.  Luckily, kissing is something we can learn and acquire the skills to improve.  Women rate kissing as one of the most erotic activities they engage in during sexual interaction.  Case in point.  A friend of mine was out to dinner on a first date with a girl.  They eventually leaned into each other for their first kiss.  After their inaugural smooch ended, she kept her eyes closed and was smiling.  She said that was the kind of kiss she was hoping for.  Her next question, “What do you want to do right now, honestly.”  His answer was to skip the movie and take her home to make love, which they did.  That must’ve been some kiss!

Since kissing is so powerful for women, men should take it seriously and cover all the stops.  First, make sure your breath isn’t going to wilt a plant.  A breath mint might not be enough if you’ve just had garlic shrimp and coffee for dinner.  Make it a habit to carry a mini travel size bottle of mouthwash in your pocket or car.  It just might save your night.  The proper technique for kissing can vary from person to person, so let’s go with the best odds women have identified.  The majority of women are fans of limited tongue use.  Guys, there’s no need to play tonsil hockey.  This is not an anatomy class or a sport, it’s kissing.  Light tongue is okay for some, but test the waters before you jump in. Most women want passion, but that does not imply forceful lip locking.  Keep the intensity to a level that is not too aggressive, but definitely not passive.  My best advise is to use a technique called mirroring.  Do what she does and mimic her levels of sucking, pressure, and tongue use.  Most people would like someone who kisses like they do and focuses on similar areas of kissing.

Start off relaxing your own lips.  Depending on if you’re giving a gentle kiss or a firm, passionate kiss, your approach and technique will vary.  Women enjoy both styles, but it’s safer to begin with the gentle and work your way up to the more intense.  Be aware that opening your mouth can be a good thing in moderation, just enough to fit tongues and lips.  The excessively open mouth can feel rigid and overwhelming.  A good technique to learn is lip kissing.  Begin to gently kiss and suck her lips.  Women enjoy lip sucking, both the top lip and the bottom.  Be careful of how hard you suck and of biting the lips.  Be mindful of your noses and how your head is positioned.  Often people will tilt their head enough to compensate for their noses.  Generally, it’s not a good idea to change up what you’re doing too often.  Someone whose kissing style is all over the place appears too excited, anxious or nervous.  Be consistent with kissing, meaning try not to sloppily kiss all over the place.  However, using different techniques and styles sparingly is definitely encouraged.  Use limited amounts of saliva.  Make sure you swallow your spit and keep most of it in your mouth.  One of the biggest complaints by women is the intensity of men kissing and the amount of saliva they deposit in women’s mouths.  Breathe in and out through your nose while kissing.  You can also develop ways through practice to breathe through your mouth in between kisses where you’re not breathing directly on her.  As for your hands, many of us might feel the desire to feel her up and start inching towards the forbidden zones.  Personally, I prefer not to have my hands wandering too much in order to give a female the opportunity to really focus on the kisses.  I don’t want her mind going from passionate and stimulating kissing to wondering if I am going to touch her somewhere she’s not ready for.  If she starts touching you in ways that belong in an x-rated movie, by all means, mirror those behaviors.  That’s a good sign she’s comfortable and aroused.  Remember, foreplay is about reducing anxiety and increasing arousal.  During kissing can be a good time to use body massage techniques with your hands.  You can rub and stimulate her back, shoulders, thighs, neck, head, and other areas that feel good.

Most people will tell you, kissing takes practice.  No one starts off naturally knowing everything about sex, kissing, and foreplay.  Hang in there.  The knowledge is coming; hopefully the experience is as well.  My advice to you is learn as much as you can about sex techniques and pleasing a woman.  When you feel confident in your studying of human sexual behavior, put what you have learned into practice.  Get out there and experience what life, dating, and sex has to offer.  So keep masturbating her mind, caressing her body and softly kissing her.  You’re on your way to becoming a better lover!

Dr. Chaves

Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.

The Art of Erotic Foreplay - Part 3

The Art of Erotic Foreplay - Part 3 of 4
Exploring the body

Body massages are a great way for you and your partner to get in the mood for sex.  It is the classic method people use to excite their partner that can excite us too.  This article will focus on non-genital forms of body massage.  Don’t worry; we’ll get to the genital massage and penetrative sexual techniques soon.  First we have to crawl before we can walk. For our purposes, let’s not discuss the obvious areas like the back or the foot.  Instead, let’s focus on the areas of the body with less notoriety, the hands and the head.

Remember the first time you were lucky enough to explore a woman’s body?  Treat every opportunity like it was your first.  Explore with enthusiasm and appreciation.  There are a couple of reasons it is a good idea to explore the female body through massage.  First, the more you explore the body through touch, the more you will awaken her erogenous zones.  Erogenous and secondary erogenous zones are areas of the body that are highly sensitive and filled with nerve endings that heighten pleasure.  Areas like the neck, back, hips, thighs, and feet can all be erotic areas to touch a woman.  So caress, rub, and stimulate these pleasure zones.  Awaken the nerve endings in her body.  Each woman will have different areas that she finds sensitive and erotic.  Ask her what feels good, listen for feedback and observe the non-verbal cues she is displaying during touch.  She will give you a lot of clues as to how she likes to be touched during foreplay, so study her reactions and sensitivity areas.

For our purposes, we are going to talk about massaging specific body areas.  When was the last time you massaged a woman’s hands?  The human hand (specifically the fingertips and palm) has one of the highest concentrations of Meissner corpuscle nerve endings in the body.  Most women enjoy hand massages that are slow, passionate, and sensual.  Grab some lotion or oil and give her the greatest hand massage she has ever had.  Remember, each one of these techniques should be used with oil or lotion for best results.

-Clench all your fingers/entire hand around each of her fingers and pull away firmly massaging each finger.
-Try using your thumbs to massage her palm areas.
-While palm-to-palm, interlock your fingers with her fingers and gently squeeze, then pull your interlocked fingers away from hers and stretch her fingers.
-You can use your palms, knuckles, thumbs, or pointed fingers to massage different areas.
-With your thumb, rub the area of her palm where her thumb turns into her palm.

Be careful when massaging the backhand side of the hand opposite of the palm.  There is less flesh, more bones, and massaging it too firmly can be uncomfortable.  Don’t just stop at the wrists, the arm massage also feels quite good too.

Women also enjoy head/scalp massages.  There are actually women who report reaching orgasm just by combing their hair.  Many women will rate a good head rub or a man running his fingers through her hair as highly pleasurable (and unique).  Women have also reported that it’s a turn on for a man to wash their hair when the take a shower together.  A good head rub takes some practice and getting use to.  The amount of pressure and intensity should be less firm and gentle.  A good rule is to pretend your washing her hair.  Don’t wash her hair like you wash your own, there is no scrubbing involved.  Instead, use rhythmic motions combined with sensual touch to stimulate her head.  Here are some techniques to use.

-You can use your fingers as a comb and brush her hair and scalp.
-Take your entire hand and gently start from her neck and work your way up her head.  You want to end up with the back of her head in your hand and your palm against her scalp.  Then, with your fingers gently interlaced in her hair, massage her scalp.
-You can also use your fingertips to massage her scalp in circular patterns to relieve tension.
-Take both hands and sensuously massage her head.

Adjust the intensity according to what she asks for, that means ask for feedback.  Be careful of pulling her hair or getting so excited it becomes rough.

Some things to remember with massages: use oils and lotions that are hypoallergenic in case your partner has skin allergies and keep in mind oils can clog pores. Communicate with your partner and ask for feedback regarding the firmness, pressure, and speed.  A massage is a gift to your partner to show them you appreciate and respect them, so be careful for the temptation to cop a feel or venture into areas of the body that might spell aggressive rather than seductive.

Dr. Chaves

Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.

Classic FR- Friday Night with Mystery, Fall 1998

Ok, I went to an area of town known for bars and cafes and restaurants - I went by myself and had never gone there before. I got into some cool adventure but after several no-gos I ended up at a regular club right downtown. I got NOTHING. I went from club to club and while I had fun (I must have talked with 10 girls in the whole night) NOTHING panned out into COOL GROOVES.

So I ended up walking into a place and bumped into a girl from a year ago who was so happy to see me. I remember her and I not cutting the bacon ’cause while she is VERY PRETTY (I met her at a fashion show where she was modeling originally) she wasn’t very SEXUAL. Thing is, she her male friend and I (the male friend was JUST a friend) went to another club together. She was hanging off my arm and she kept touching my chest and stomach and was so flirty and she bit my cheek and nuzzled me and everything. I played VERY hard to get and she told me she had lost her book with my # in it and wanted my # again. I RELUCTANTLY gave it to her and she says she’ll call this week. Thing is, while pretty, I don’t know if she’ll copulate with me. That’s all I really want to do with her - if she would fuck me, Id hang with her - but if not, I wouldn’t want to just be friends and always have to ABSTAIN from my desires. That would get to me. I’ll tell ya what happens. I went to another club and nothing there and then for pizza and met a girl outside who I chatted with a bit and then a girl inside the pizza place. Point is, I didn’t get anywhere with them but I approached, met and chatted and left looking very cool. I was wearing a suit and the girls were CLUB girls so I looked a bit out of their range.

I would like to find my TYPE of woman. Where would I go? My TYPE is an intelligent model. A REAL model, not a wannabe. I’m a performing artist and want a model. It’s that simple. I don’t know where they ARE though. All the gorgeous girls today were soooo young. I like young, but they were sooo youth culture. I want class. Where are they? I looked and looked. Oh shit, remember the voluptuous girl I snacked on about 2 weeks ago? She was in one of the cafes I checked out. We talked for a brief time and then I took off playing “I don’t care, I’ve got better people to do”. I wonder if she’ll call me or email me or something. Who knows? She was a cutie but if she aint interested I can only move on, right?

Sorry for not being more into NG lately. I’ve had some stress from shows I had to perform the last week.

Oh, my HB friend (she is a 10!) on my birthday told me she loved me. I mean LOVE. She was crying and everything and we had a fight because her 3 friends (all 6.5 and UNDER) liked me and I was being flirty with them because it felt good and she got all pissed over that. It’s not like Id actually DO any of em, fuck! I mean ugs. Thing is we all went to her friends place and 2 of the girls took their tops off and got on the bed with me (I was just lying there watching) and the girls started to French kiss each other on my asking them to (I LOVE lesbianism). Then the 3rd girl came in and I told all three to kiss and they did. Then one of them started rubbing my cock through my pants (they were not beauties but 3 girls frenching each other 6 inches from my face will get me going I learned) and I asked her to stop and told them it was all good and that I just wanted to watch. Thing is, my HB friend was weirded out and called a taxi. She wrecked the whole scene. I left with her and we argued in the car. She was so in love with me (and to think I thought she and I had an UNDERSTANDING) and when I told her I want going to get INVOLVED with the ugs and just wanted to enjoy watching the lesbianism part (she likes lesbianism too it turns out) she said, “Why didn’t you tell me that?” I said, “Fuck, how am I supposed to know you needed me to TALK to you.” thing is we fought and haven’t spoken since. I’ve been busy anyway. See, I don’t fight. I never ever raise my voice. But she did to ME. That’s not acceptable behavior so I left.

Well anyway, it’s now 4:40am. I had a rather lonely evening. I met many girls but nothing really worth mentioning. Not great looking, or my type, or old enough, or mature enough, or into me enough.  It was a fun game though tonight. at least I tried.

Kino Compliance: The 3 Rs

I was observing a natural work a set the other day when I came upon an epiphany in terms of how kino works in its progression. I realized the term “escalation” did not properly encompass the whole process of what happens when kino occurs during a pickup scenario. I sat down and mapped it out and came up with what I think is a better way of describing how kino helps in building attraction. I was able to break it down in three overlapping steps similar to how attraction, comfort and seduction overlap thus does kino compliance. These three steps I have dubbed the “3 Rs” which are Receptiveness, Response, and Reciprocation, respectively.

In the beginning stages of kino escalating, gauging the indicators of interest (IOIs) is crucial in continuing kino and further ramping it up. In the first few minutes, kino should either step up gradually with slow attraction building (or rapidly if kino plowing targets with high body temp already) or should cycle up and down according to IOIs and IODs. The receptiveness of the kino will be indicated by direct body language and facial expressions. When a target smiles during kino this will be an indication of continued receptiveness. However, confused looks or expressions of distaste to any kind of touching should be calibrated with kino IODs. The receptiveness should be focused upon until major positive physical response mechanisms are present.

Once receptiveness is indicated the target or set should begin to respond favorably. In addition to body language, the kino should cause the target to begin to touch her hair, scratch herself, lean into you or other IOI responses that indicate that kino is being received favorably. This is where overlap occurs in that these responses are a physical phenomenon one can observe, but yet will overlap the receptive behavior. When referring to responses I generally am noting larger physical motions that are easily observed and congruent with the receptive indicators already mentioned. Responses can be negative, however. If receptiveness is plowed through and comfort is not established kino can still be met with a response such as turning away or backing up from unwanted kino. Therefore any ambiguous or negative response should be met with caution that includes building more attraction and cycling through less aggressive with more aggressive kino till positive responses occur.

After major positive responses, the last stage in the kino compliance cycle should occur. This involves reciprocation. Not only should a target respond with IOIs from your kino but they should begin to kino back too. Once this occurs it is a green light towards more intense kino that loops back through the 3 Rs. If, for example, you touch a woman’s hips and she touches yours this indicates you should now test for receptiveness towards more aggressive kino when the proper time calls for it (kiss closing in a seduction location is a great example of this cycling process). Once reciprocation occurs, the last level of kino should be a baseline for continuing to cycle kino and escalate again. The 3Rs should once again be favorable before advancing kino even further.

I feel this is a much more representative description of kino escalation then the term itself provides. Kino compliance with 3R cycling should yield positive results when practiced properly.

Have fun and keep Sarging.

Simeon

About Simeon

Simeon is a VA Coachoperating out of California. After winning the title of Master Pick-Up Artist on Season 2 of VH1?s The Pick-Up Artist, Simeon has chosen to further his training with Mystery and Matador as he continues the everlasting journey of improvements in the pickup arts. Now he has chosen to give value to others by teaching the arts that have so dramatically transformed his life so that others may share in the enjoyment that pickup creates through the rigorous but rewarding journey of pickup artist training provides.

The Art of Erotic Foreplay - Part 2

The Art of Erotic Foreplay - Part 2 of 4
Make love to her mind

Now that you understand the importance of foreplay, we need to start figuring out how to it works and what we should do.  There are countless techniques you can incorporate into foreplay.  Many of them will be tried and tested, hopefully becoming important parts of your sexual script.  Foreplay techniques should be creative, inventive, and of course, fun.  In the next 3 articles, we’ll focus on 3 important areas which every guy should have in their foreplay tool chest; mind foreplay, body massages, and kissing.

Mind foreplay is stimulating her largest sex organ – the brain.  The mind is a very powerful thing.  Did you know that some women can actually think off?  They can use their minds without any physical stimulation and reach orgasm through erotic thoughts.  However, for many women, mental blocks are one of the biggest obstacles to experiencing pleasure during sex.  There are two ways we can help challenge these blocks: relaxing the mind and then stimulating it.

Relaxing the mind often appears non-sexual, but it helps open the doors to the erotic.  By this I mean say and do things that will reduce her anxiety and the thoughts or questions she may have.  Women tend to multi task more than men, which leads to more thoughts running through their heads.  Many women will describe having a hard time focusing on sex and their own pleasure because they are worried about everyday life issues as well as sexual issues like how their body looks naked, if they feel sexy, and whether or not they should be jumping in the sack with this guy.  It’s your job to help calm these thoughts and the many other thoughts that can impact sexual satisfaction and comfort.

Make her feel at ease and cared for. Talk to her about what is stressing her out, problems she may be having, or simply what’s on her mind.  You’ll be surprised to find that after she vents and expresses to you, a few things are likely to happen.  First, she’ll probably feel better, more calm, less tense, maybe even relieved.  Second, she will trust you more.  Each time we show compassion, attentive listening, and concern, our partners will inch a little bit closer to us emotionally.  Third, with the non-sexual thoughts calmed, she will have more capacity to focus on things like erotic stimulation and the sexual moment at hand.  It may seem strange but planning the date, cleaning the house, or helping her with her homework all reduce her anxiety and help her to focus on feeling relaxed.  Here’s a creative and unique example.  A friend of mine in the Adult film industry loves to have sex (I mean loves it!), but she has concerns and fears that men she meets outside of the industry might have sexually transmitted diseases (STD).  Those within the industry get tested monthly and are quite open about sharing their results.  She is concerned about the risk of catching something, not being able to work, and personal health reasons. That sexual comfort issue impacts her desire to sleep with men outside of the industry and creates anxiety. A few weeks ago, one lucky non-industry guy was prepared enough to have his recent STD results handy to show her.  She saw proof of his clean bill of health and she “gave him the ride of his life!”  He pinpointed the anxiety, calmed her fears, reduced the anxiety, and it opened the door to sexual comfort.

Now that we have helped relax her mind, the next step is to stimulate it. Guys, masturbate her mind.  Victor Hugo once wrote that a compliment is like a kiss through a veil. Compliment her in ways that make her feel sexy and comfortable.  For example, don’t just say her hair “looks nice.”  Describe her hair with vivid descriptions and enthusiasm.  “You’re hair looks stunning tonight! I think that is one of my favorite hairstyles I have seen on you.”  Learn to use descriptive words and adjectives to enhance your phrases.  She’ll feel sexier and appreciate you more.  Open a thesaurus and look up the word beautiful and find 10 different words you can use to compliment her.  Another mind stimulator is turning her on with erotic talk, email, or text messages.  You have to make sure she is comfortable with that before you open the floodgates to erotic talk.  If used wisely, erotic talk can make women crave sexual touch and the erotic fulfillment of desire and fantasies.  Sometimes a subtle comment can do the trick, so be careful not to scare her away with excessively dirty talk or overdoing it, at least initially.  Non-verbal behaviors can help create sexual mood as well.  Holding her hand, warming her shoulders/hands with your hands if it’s cold, allowing her to enter a door first and placing your hand on her back as a means of escorting her through the door, an eye wink, a powerful sexy gaze, and even the tease of unavailability all can be used as foreplay techniques to increase sexual tension.  Use romance as an erotic tool and ally rather than the enemy that speaks a foreign tongue.  Plant the seeds of sexual desire in her brain and watch it grow.  Remember a little goes a long way.

Dr. Chaves

Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.

Girls

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