Not too long ago I received an email from a gentleman asking for advice for bigger guys.  As a guy who has struggled with his weight as an aspiring PUA, I was more than happy to provide some answers.  So much, it seems, that it turned into a massive four page explanation of everything I had to say about being a PUA who is overweight.  And since I know that there are a lot of us out there who are a little insecure about our weight, I figured I would post it for you all. 

Here is what he wrote:

Prophet

I just read your bio on the VA site, and it was really inspirational. I'm a big guy around your top weight, but I'm also tall & broad shouldered. I used to work as a bouncer. I am sort of built like a retired football player.

Were you able to have some success before you lost the weight? What sorts of things helped reframe your size to people? I've purchased and read the full Revelation set, but it doesn't have much info in terms of advice for bigger guys.

Thanks

- B

And here is what I had to say.  Enjoy! 

I actually still haven't lost all the weight.  I gained some back a while ago so I still got a bit of a belly that I'm working on.  Nearly all of my proudest moments in the field happened when I was around 280-300 lbs.  And while I may not have believed it when I was first starting out, it was never my weight that held me back in the field, but rather my internal beliefs regarding my weight.  

The hardest part about being an overweight PUA is that it is very hard to realize that the fact that we are overweight isn't really that big of a deal in the field if we handle it correctly.  As we already know from Revelations, women do not select their mates with the same emphasis on physical fitness and beauty to the extent that men do.  Most of the time, our greatest enemy is our own insecurity and not what other people actually think of us. 

When I first started out in the field, it was really hard to believe that women would be attracted to me even if I was overweight.  I still remember being so surprised when a woman reached out and touched my chest (a kino ping) while I was running a DHV routine that I went home and wrote all about it on the StyleLife forum.  Before that night, I had never really thought that a woman of such beauty would want to touch my disgusting body.

That is actually what I thought about myself.  Harsh right?  I had spent the first 21 years of my life believing that beautiful women only wanted men with chiseled bodies and movie star looks and would never look twice at someone like me - how could I think any different?  I was so insecure that I was chronically embarrassed to even take off my shirt in front of a woman, regardless of whether I knew her or not.  Even when girls were legitimately hitting on me it was a concept so outside of my reality that I wouldn’t believe she was actually interested and blow the set. 

I used to make excuses about my weight, telling people that it was mostly muscle underneath or something equally ridiculous that no one REALLY believed.  Or I would make jokes about how I was “self-insulated” or how there was “more of me to love”.  Or I would write clever routines about how looks didn’t matter and how we lived in a superficial society.  It went on and on like this as I tried anything I could to logically convince girls that I was a great guy underneath all this blubber. 

Eventually, despite my own insecurities I started achieving more and more success in the field.  And with the help of those who coached me when I was still learning the ropes (Mystery and Matador, and later Lovedrop and Discovery), I figured out that a lot of women don’t care about a man’s weight as long as he is attractive in other ways.  As I started dating hotter and hotter women, models, aspiring actresses, and exotic dancers, I discovered for myself that there is a surprising amount of beautiful women in the world who are actually ATTRACTED a guy with a belly. 

The reality I discovered is that if women see that you are a cool, fun alpha male who makes the girls giggle and the guys laugh and is the type of guy who protects his loved ones and be safe around, your weight just doesn’t enter into it. 

So there was no reason at all to be making excuses or trying to reframe the idea of me being overweight to people because if I handled it correctly, it didn’t matter anyway.  And really, the ultimate reframe is just to not call attention to it at all.  If you present yourself in such a way that it doesn’t appear like your weight matters to you, then it wont matter to them either. The key is, as I’ve said before, to handle your weight correctly. 

Here is what I’ve learned in that respect:

Bigger Guys Can Be Scary

Believe it or not, a woman will feel more secure with an overweight man than with a really skinny man of the same height.  The basic survival value calculation is that larger = stronger = more capable of surviving.  So this is an advantage to us bigger guys once we have a woman attracted as it will be easier for her to feel safer and therefore more comfortable when she's with us.  The problem is that this same size and strength can be scary to a woman.  As larger men, we don't realize what it's like to be in potentially dangerous situations with people who are tremendously larger and stronger than us on a regular basis.  

It is good to be animated and exciting when you are holding court in the field.  But at 6'2" and 280 lbs, if I'm making a lot of fast movement with my hands and arms while we talk, I can be intimidating and downright terrifying to a petite 5'2" blonde.  So we have to take care and ensure that our gestures are slow and meaningful.  We should try to talk with our hands as little as possible, keeping them at our sides and relaxed more often than not.  

Laughing and smiling in the field is especially important for larger men like us. A larger guy with a big bright smile and a contagious laugh is a lot more approachable than a large guy with a serious scowl on his face.  I mean, if you saw another you standing in a nightclub looking like you were gonna knife a guy, would you go up and say hi?  If we're not smiling, we usually look scary, it's just one of those things.  

Put a woman on your arm! 

Preselection is such an invaluable tool, especially for an overweight man.  Think about it, if a woman sees a hot girl hitting on a cute guy she understands that the guy is physically handsome so it makes sense that this girl is hitting on him.  But if she sees the same hot girl hit on a man who isn’t in peak physical condition she doesn’t think “ewww why would she hit on him?” as you might think.  In fact, what she thinks is “I want to find out what it is about him that makes him so attractive.”  Find a wing girl if you can, start practicing merging sets, put a woman on your arm and walk her around the venue.  Believe me, if a woman sees that another beautiful woman wants you, your weight will not be an issue. 

Don’t Hide Your Size

Of course, we still have to remember that just because women do not value looks in a man as much as men do in women, does not mean that they don’t value looks at all.  Looks do matter, to be sure, but if you know how to present yourself as a larger man they don’t really matter much at all.  As I said before, if you present yourself as a man to whom his weight doesn’t matter, then it wont matter to anyone else.  As such, confident body language is a must.  It should never look like you are trying to hide the fact that you are overweight.  It will actually register more strongly in a woman's mind if you try to sit or stand in a way that tries to hide your weight than it would have if she just saw your belly sticking out.  Stand tall and be proud of your size.  Remember that a sign of insecurity about your weight is far more unattractive than the weight itself. 

Dress To Impress

There are always going to be stereotypes regarding overweight people. There will always be cartoons and TV shows that play on clichés and social stigmas that are both positive and negative.  Thankfully, it's not that hard to avoid the negatives and play up the positives.  An overweight man in a t-shirt and jeans says "slob" to a woman.  But an overweight man dressed in a fine suit says "abundance".  In fact, if you don't hit the clubs wearing a suit then you need to go buy a well-fitting, tailored suits with an attractively colored dress-shirt and tie.  A larger man with broad shoulders is the kind of man who will look amazing in a properly fitting suit.  Don't believe me?  Run around town doing errands wearing the least flattering clothes you own.  Then, the next time you have to run around town, do it in a suit and tie.  Talk to people.  Smile.  Make conversation.  I guarantee that the way people respond to you will be a night and day difference depending on how you present yourself.  If you wear a suit and a tie and a smile, people will treat you like you are worth a million dollars. 

Wear clothing and colors that showcase your size and build rather than hides it.  Black, I have learned the hard way, is a good way to cover up your unsavory curves, but it hides the rest of you in the darkness of the bar or club.  And unless you are in a goth or fetish club, wearing all black is just too much for most girls.  Strong colors and clothing that fits your body well, combined with that positive body language and a smile transform you from “that fat guy over there” to “who is THAT guy over there?” 

Join a Gym and Get A Personal Trainer

Of course, the best part about starting out without the advantages of an attractive, lean body is the knowledge that once you get this game down as a bigger guy, things will be so much easier once you get yourself into shape.  Imagine the charm, charisma, and social intelligence you will have developed while you were overweight backed by a rockin’ body!  If you are really serious about losing the weight, join a gym and get a personal trainer.  After years of having my own weight go up and down like a yoyo, a personal trainer has been the only way I’ve had good results in losing the pounds.  In fact, since I started with my PT, my friends are constantly going on about how much weight I’ve been losing, and more women have been OPENING ME than ever before in my life.  And let me tell you, nothing boosts your self-confidence more than a beautiful woman approaching YOU. 

Happy sarging,

Prophet

By: Colgate and Discovery

The concept of being able to acquire a skill set in order to handle the Alpha Male in the group. The idea for most to be able to blow out the guys that generally succeeded in getting the girls prior to our knowledge of pick up can make any person excited. The reason why AMOGing works is because you can systematically take the attention away from other men who are competing for attention. By holding court, re-framing, and being in your own head space, you can successfully handle the threads AMOGs will throw at you.

The weird thing about AMOGing is that, while strangers will do it to you without hesitation, your best friends will too (keep in mind, when in-field your wing should never attempt to AMOG you). What I have noticed is that when two people have a connection in their friendship, they tend to banter with each other more than two individuals that do not share that connection. This is how Discovery and I developed the concept of WING-MOGING.

Wing-moging is a concept where wings can display a strong brotherhood and camaraderie by banter with each other. The routine not only displays a connection between the two, but also has DHV spikes embedded in that will set off attraction switches. The reason that the attraction is generated when viewing the display of connection is due to her sub conscious thought that is she aligns with one of the guys, she is guaranteed the social network, protection, resources and love from his wing and the other guys in his group.

The guys who have a strong connection with each other and have a tight "Entourage" game, can also be remembered much more by using wing-mog tactics. This will lead to the entire group being invited to better social occasions, girls tell their friends about the "friends" and say things like "you should meet these guys, they are so much fun”. You gain instant pre-selection to other targets by the girl who witnessed the wing-moging. Girls will invite us along because she knows her friends will appreciate her for meeting such awesome guys (which is rare). By Discovery and I using our wing-moging tactics, we can add to the social value and energy to the group. The possibilities become endless.

Example: Let's say Discovery is making fun of my beard

Discovery: What’s with the animal on your face bro?
Colgate: Man the chicks won't let me shave it, you should try it baby face!
Discovery: You know my girls like that "I've just had a face wax feel". Anyways your new Miss November girl surely can't like the feel of a badger scratching her bikini line!
Colgate: Man, (with exaggerated hand gestures) Miss November isn’t interested in my facial badger, she wants access to my Jurassic Park area! (Strokes groin area with cheeky smile)
Discovery: Why's that bro, cause it hides a monster? (said teasingly)
Colgate: Hey we are among friends here (puts arm around group and pulls them in and whispers) honestly more like a hamster. (when delivery is flawless the result is shrieks of laughter)
Colgate: So bro now that we are sharing how did the operation go (more serious tone)
Discovery: I will only get into it because I feel we are amongst friends, but it hurt like childbirth. You women have breast augmentations, BUT did u know you could literally double your length and increase your girth by 3 time!!! (pause) Now that the bandages are off, (release) I am so proud of my 3 inches!!!!
(Both guys howl with laughter while displaying to the group a connection in their friendship)

The idea is to generate a great vibe, embed DHV’s, show a tight brotherhood, while also not compromising each others values. Keep in mind this is not AMOGing, this is not meant to blow anyone out of the set. If anything it raises the value of both guys. Discovery and I can not tell you how many times this routine has led to us to being upgraded to V.I.P booths, celebrity after parties, invites to exclusive events, etc. We have also used it to skip lines at exclusive clubs when we have not had any pre-selection at all. When the guys have a strong frame and they demonstrate their brotherhood on the in they can easily persuade the bouncers that they offer value to the club. It is a very powerful gambit to add to you arsenal.

A word of advice, the delivery of both guys must be not only flawless but must also be genuine. Practice this enough until it comes off natural and real. It should not be scripted or feel scripted. When tight friends’ vibe together the energy they transmit is very powerful, Discovery and I developed this concept intuitively due to our tight brotherhood.

Another idea to keep in mind is that it can be done in front of other guys. Those guys who normally might try to be difficult or attempt to AMOG will sit back and observe both guys wing-moging. This will leave them with no place to interject and attempt to AMOG because they can not compete with two dominant forces putting out a great vibe, therefore, this is ideal for mixed set.

FIVE WING-MOG TIPS

1. Divide holding court: By dividing the attention, both guys can hit the attraction switches equally and be perceived as high value.
2. Feed off each others energy: When both guys are enjoying each others stories and adding value through laughter, the group will feel the emotional richness and enjoy the company of both guys.
3. Don’t under any circumstances make each other look bad: Wing-moging is meant to increase the value for BOTH guys. Do not make each other look bad, by one guy making his friend look bad, it in turn lowers his value.
4. Be comfortable displaying physical contact with each other: Hug your wing and do it comfortably. Not only will this give you plausible deniability to hug the girls more but it will visually show the connection of the brotherhood.
5. Be okay with laughing at yourself: If you are comfortable with laughing at yourself and your wing is as well, both of you can gain from the possibilities by telling stories of each other (be sure to embed DHV’s).

This concept has proven effective in many dynamical situations. We have ran venues with our vibe and have people remember us on a first name basis wherever we go. People are attracted to people who show appreciation for other people. They will not only attempt to be a part of your social circle, but they will go out of their way as well.

- Colgate

This is part seven of my series on phone game.  Click here to view my previous articles.

Etiquette is important when you are on the phone.  Proper phone etiquette conveys social intelligence and is a DHV.  Yet sadly it is something which most people simply do not have.  These days, people do a lot of annoying things when they are talking to a person on the phone.  As a PUA you need to be a man who not only doesn’t do those things, but also a man who doesn’t stand for it when someone else does them to you.  As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only.  These rules are not set in stone!  You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

One of the most annoying things that happens on the phone is when you call someone and they are busy with something else and not giving you their full attention.  If you call her up and she sounds distracted or busy or like she’s with friends or at work, cut the call short.  Have you ever called a woman and then, in the middle of a sentence, had to stop because she got distracted by something else on her end of the phone and was ignoring you?  It’s annoying and rude and as a PUA, you should be too busy to sit and wait for her to finish talking to her friend while you are sitting there on the phone alone.  Just say “You sound pretty busy over there.  How about I call you back.”  This will build comfort because it shows that you are mindful of what is going on in her life, and build value because it conveys that you just don’t have time to sit around and wait for her to pay attention to you.  If she realizes that she was being rude, she might apologize, in which case you can say “Oh it’s no problem.  I just don’t like talking to someone when they can’t give me their full attention.  Don’t worry about it.”  Do this with a friendly and understanding tone.  Do not sound disappointed, angry, or annoyed.  She’s a busy girl just like you, and you understand and respect that.  You would simply prefer to talk to her when she’s not distracted. 

This same rule should apply to you if things start coming up on your end as well.  If you cant be sure that you can commit 100% to the conversation without being distracted by external factors, then just let her know that and call her back later.  Just say “Hey I’ve got ______ happening over here, and I know how much I hate talking to someone who is distracted by something on their end, so how about I call you back?”  This can be a very powerful because it shows that you expect whoever you are talking to on the phone to show you the same courtesy and won’t put up with that kind of rudeness on the phone. 

However, having said all that, you can build a tremendous amount of value if you ARE distracted by something important that is happening on your end of the phone.  Most of the time, I will answer my phone if I know that she will hear the sounds of adventure and excitement in the background.  If there are people laughing, shouting or shrieking excitedly, or if there is music playing in the background then I’ll answer as I’m leaving the room so that she can still hear the noise but will be able to hear me fine.  The key here is to let her know that you can only talk for a second because you are in the middle of something, but still talk to her for a little longer so that she can try to hear what is going on.  If your target asks you what you are up to you should use your best judgment regarding whether you should tell her or just be coy about it.  You’re probably not going to want to tell her that you’re all just playing Call of Duty at your apartment, but you are going to tell her if you’re having some drinks at a friend’s place while he grills up some steaks.  The idea here is to demonstrate that you are a busy, sociable guy who has a lot going on in his life.  Just be sure to remember the rules for etticate described above when you do this. 

Another important rule to remember here is to never give her the impression that you are TRYING to keep her on the phone when she doesn’t want to be.  The moment you sense that she’s isn’t really invested in the conversation, end the call.  If applicable, get her to call you back, but add in that she can’t call you during a certain period because you will be busy then yourself.  The phone is all about comfort.  Not just building it, but preserving it as well.  She should never feel uncomfortable talking to you on the phone and it should never feel like you are TRYING to keep her there.  In fact, it’s a good rule of thumb to end the call before she does, that way you can be sure that you are never dragging things out too long. 

Finally, DO NOT rely on texting for your phone game.  This is another common trend amongst new PUAs: they see texting (and also online messaging) as a way to avoid the awkwardness and anxiety of a phone call and so they only ever text their targets.  But unless you’re dealing with extremely young or immature girls, most women will tell you that a man who texts her instead of calling is probably doing it because he’s too afraid to call her and is thusly is not going to get a date with her. 

Don’t believe me?  Make this into your opener (“Hey guys, phone or text?”) and find out for yourself. Women are a lot more perceptive about these things than you think. 

Texting should be used for sending silly messages back and forth, to let her know you’re thinking of her, or maybe sending a quick update on plans you have already made (see my previous articles on phone game for more on this).  It is VASTLY more difficult to build comfort via text than it is through a phone call.  People need to hear a voice.  They need to feel your emotions when you tell a story.  Far too much of the meaning in your communication is lost in text messaging.  It’s for this very reason that I almost never add my targets to MSN, Facebook, or any of that stuff until after we have had – at the very least – a solid Day-2. 

Well that’s it for phone game.  I think I covered everything I’ve learned here in these articles.  Check back soon for my next article on make sure you and your wings are learning the most from each other. 
 

Whilst opinions differ on the value of having a ‘Routine Stack’ (a structured list of routines), and the mere topic often promotes debate within the pick up community, I personally found having a stack really helped my development in game. For me it was useful to have early Instant Value Demonstration (IVD) and DHV material scripted in a logical order and ready to go, freeing me up to concentrate on my body language, kino, compliance testing and the development of calibration skills.

As my game improved I moved away from stacks, but I still consider them to be a particularly useful development tool for the beginner and intermediate PUA. In fact a year or two back I began to insist that all my new 1 on 1 students developed personalized stacks before I took them infield. This ensured I could concentrate on their key development areas without the variability of them throwing in routines in a random (and sometimes inappropriate / inefficient / illogical) order. This approach tended to work very well for them, so my support for stack use was reinforced.

A well thought out stack can provide rapid DHV uploads, include multi-threading, boost buying temperature, initiate kino, and test compliance all within a short time period and often without doing too much thinking. This is one of the key reasons stacks are useful for those progressing in game. Ever been in set trying to figure out what to say next? Used a comfort routine that didn’t work out because you through it in too early? Stacked multiple openers and didn’t generate attraction? These types of problems can be removed from your game very early on via the use of a routine stack.

For brevity in this article I’ll describe my favored stack format covering Opening and A2 of the teachings Mystery developed, in my next article I’ll continue running through into A3 and include a typical time bridge and number close routine I’ve used often.

So…In simple terms the basic MM Open/A2 stack format I have used most is…

• OPENER (with FTC and Neg)
• FTC
• IVD#1
• DHV Story#1
• Confirm 3 IOI’s? If yes then Qualify (Move into A3 stack), Or…
• DHV Story#2
• Confirm 3 IOI’s? If yes then Qualify (Move into A3 stack), Or…
• Continue with IVD #2 or DHV #3 and Qualify (Move into A3 stack)

I find that if your first piece following the opener provides the girls with something of value (i.e. an IVD), such as interesting information about them, then they are more likely to hook and listen to your following DHV loaded story. So as an example #1…

PUA: OPENER/FTC: Hey guys, just quickly…Is kissing cheating?
HB’s: blah blah blah
PUA: NEG: Hey, are those real nails? They look nice anyway.
PUA: OPENER CONTEXT: Its just my buddy’s girlfriend, she likes to get with other girls…etc.
HB’s: blah blah blah
PUA: FTC: Anyway, I gotta go, but I just noticed…
PUA: IVD: “Group cold read” – …something interesting about this group, well she seems like the mother hen, always looking after you all, you seem like the wild one…etc
HB’s: Blah blah blah
PUA: DHV Story #1: Respect. Actually though, you remind me of a girl I used to know…etc.
HB’s: blah blah blah

I’ve not included all the details of the routines, you could use any appropriate OPENERs/IVDs/DHVs, its just to demonstrate how despite human interaction being non-linear, you can control where the conversation goes by cutting their threads when they milk your topic and stacking forward to your next piece. They can be saying anything in the ‘blah blah blah’ areas, but in the end I’m gonna get my next important IVD/DHV piece across regardless. Another example…

PUA: OPENER/FTC: Hey guys, just quickly…Who lies more, men or women?
HB’s: blah blah blah
PUA: NEG: Hey, how short are you?
PUA: OPENER CONTEXT: I saw an article today talking about how often men / women lie…etc.
HB’s: blah blah blah
PUA: FTC: Anyway, I gotta go, but I just noticed…
PUA: IVD: ….You have a C shaped smile…etc
HB’s: Blah blah blah
PUA: DHV Story #1: Respect. Hey get this, last time I was in this place the craziest thing happened…etc
HB’s: blah blah blah

Straightforward and effective, first 5 or 6 minutes of the interaction accomplished time and time again.

In summary, its my view that a stack allows you to plan the early stages of your interactions, making them efficient by ensuring the set has heard your key leader/protector/pre-selection attraction material without you having to think too much about how to get this info across. I’ve found this can remove some of the variability of your first few hundred sets and frees you up to notice whats going on with body language, IOI’s, compliance levels etc.

Big Love,

Caddy

Caddy@venusianarts.com