Phone Game Part 7: Etiquette While Being A Busy Man

This is part seven of my series on phone game.  Click here to view my previous articles.

Etiquette is important when you are on the phone.  Proper phone etiquette conveys social intelligence and is a DHV.  Yet sadly it is something which most people simply do not have.  These days, people do a lot of annoying things when they are talking to a person on the phone.  As a PUA you need to be a man who not only doesn’t do those things, but also a man who doesn’t stand for it when someone else does them to you.  As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only.  These rules are not set in stone!  You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

One of the most annoying things that happens on the phone is when you call someone and they are busy with something else and not giving you their full attention.  If you call her up and she sounds distracted or busy or like she’s with friends or at work, cut the call short.  Have you ever called a woman and then, in the middle of a sentence, had to stop because she got distracted by something else on her end of the phone and was ignoring you?  It’s annoying and rude and as a PUA, you should be too busy to sit and wait for her to finish talking to her friend while you are sitting there on the phone alone.  Just say “You sound pretty busy over there.  How about I call you back.”  This will build comfort because it shows that you are mindful of what is going on in her life, and build value because it conveys that you just don’t have time to sit around and wait for her to pay attention to you.  If she realizes that she was being rude, she might apologize, in which case you can say “Oh it’s no problem.  I just don’t like talking to someone when they can’t give me their full attention.  Don’t worry about it.”  Do this with a friendly and understanding tone.  Do not sound disappointed, angry, or annoyed.  She’s a busy girl just like you, and you understand and respect that.  You would simply prefer to talk to her when she’s not distracted. 

This same rule should apply to you if things start coming up on your end as well.  If you cant be sure that you can commit 100% to the conversation without being distracted by external factors, then just let her know that and call her back later.  Just say “Hey I’ve got ______ happening over here, and I know how much I hate talking to someone who is distracted by something on their end, so how about I call you back?”  This can be a very powerful because it shows that you expect whoever you are talking to on the phone to show you the same courtesy and won’t put up with that kind of rudeness on the phone. 

However, having said all that, you can build a tremendous amount of value if you ARE distracted by something important that is happening on your end of the phone.  Most of the time, I will answer my phone if I know that she will hear the sounds of adventure and excitement in the background.  If there are people laughing, shouting or shrieking excitedly, or if there is music playing in the background then I’ll answer as I’m leaving the room so that she can still hear the noise but will be able to hear me fine.  The key here is to let her know that you can only talk for a second because you are in the middle of something, but still talk to her for a little longer so that she can try to hear what is going on.  If your target asks you what you are up to you should use your best judgment regarding whether you should tell her or just be coy about it.  You’re probably not going to want to tell her that you’re all just playing Call of Duty at your apartment, but you are going to tell her if you’re having some drinks at a friend’s place while he grills up some steaks.  The idea here is to demonstrate that you are a busy, sociable guy who has a lot going on in his life.  Just be sure to remember the rules for etticate described above when you do this. 

Another important rule to remember here is to never give her the impression that you are TRYING to keep her on the phone when she doesn’t want to be.  The moment you sense that she’s isn’t really invested in the conversation, end the call.  If applicable, get her to call you back, but add in that she can’t call you during a certain period because you will be busy then yourself.  The phone is all about comfort.  Not just building it, but preserving it as well.  She should never feel uncomfortable talking to you on the phone and it should never feel like you are TRYING to keep her there.  In fact, it’s a good rule of thumb to end the call before she does, that way you can be sure that you are never dragging things out too long. 

Finally, DO NOT rely on texting for your phone game.  This is another common trend amongst new PUAs: they see texting (and also online messaging) as a way to avoid the awkwardness and anxiety of a phone call and so they only ever text their targets.  But unless you’re dealing with extremely young or immature girls, most women will tell you that a man who texts her instead of calling is probably doing it because he’s too afraid to call her and is thusly is not going to get a date with her. 

Don’t believe me?  Make this into your opener (“Hey guys, phone or text?”) and find out for yourself. Women are a lot more perceptive about these things than you think. 

Texting should be used for sending silly messages back and forth, to let her know you’re thinking of her, or maybe sending a quick update on plans you have already made (see my previous articles on phone game for more on this).  It is VASTLY more difficult to build comfort via text than it is through a phone call.  People need to hear a voice.  They need to feel your emotions when you tell a story.  Far too much of the meaning in your communication is lost in text messaging.  It’s for this very reason that I almost never add my targets to MSN, Facebook, or any of that stuff until after we have had - at the very least - a solid Day-2. 

Well that’s it for phone game.  I think I covered everything I’ve learned here in these articles.  Check back soon for my next article on make sure you and your wings are learning the most from each other. 
 

About Prophet

Prophet is a VA Coach operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.

Phone Game Part 5: Your Voicemail Can Be Your Wingman

This is part five of my series on phone game. Click here to view my previous articles.

Your voicemail greeting can provide a surprising amount of information about you. What you say, how you say it, and how long it takes you to say it can all DHV or DLV you. A good voicemail greeting can convey value, humour, preselection, create jealousy…the possibilities are only limited by your imagination. It’s like having a wingman secretary to take your calls when you’re not around! A lot of PUAs overlook the usefulness of their voicemail greeting, which is why it gets it’s very own article here. As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only. These rules are not set in stone! You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

Your voicemail greeting (the thing that says “I’m not here, leave a message, blah blah blah”) can be used to convey all sorts of things about yourself. If your avatar is something of the “cool, successful businessman” variety, then you can use it to create the impression that you are a very important person in a business sense (which usually implies that you have access to financial resources – a DHV). If you’re a sarcastic, fun, party-all-night kind of guy, then you can use it to convey a sense of fun or cleverness (both are DHVs). Or you can just use it to convey sexuality and preselection which, needless to say, are massive DHVs.

Here are some examples of possible voicemail greetings:

If you have business contacts calling you a lot on your cell, you are kind of stuck with only a few options. If you can get away with it without anyone asking any questions, make your greeting sound incredibly professional, as if you’re worth a million bucks. Make up a name and say something like:

“You’ve reached [insert full name here], I’m not available to take your call. If this is an emergency, please contact Samantha, she’ll know how to get a hold of me.”

And if anyone asks who Samantha is, you can always just say “Oh she’s someone that works with/for me. You won’t ever need to deal with her though.”

Something like this can convey a lot of value. If you are a person who has someone that people can contact to get a hold of you in an emergency (note that it is implied that the important people will already know her number), then you must be an important person. The implications of this fact can be a great subtle DHV.

If you don’t have to worry too much about your boss or clients calling your cell, you can really go crazy with it.

My old greeting used to say “Hey you’ve reached Kevin’s voicemail. Leave your name and measurements and I’ll get back to you.”

One of my wings has one that says “You got the voicemail. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you. Leave me a sexy message and I’ll get back to you sooner.”

You would be surprised by some of the ridiculous messages we have each received. The trick here is NOT TO SOUND LIKE A DOUCHE. A buddy of mine has one that says “Hey you reached Chris. I either couldn’t make it to the phone or I didn’t want to talk to you. Figure it ouuuuutttt.” Now, if the delivery wasn’t just right on this (or any of the ones above, really) he would sound like quite a douchebag. But he has just the right amount of humor and silliness in his voice to make you laugh when you hear it, so it’s perfectly fine.

This is again a DHV because you are showing a good sense of humor while simultaneously conveying sexuality, and if nothing else, sets you apart from the average guy. If they laugh, you’ve got it right. If they leave you a sexy message, you’re doing it right. If they tell you they hate your voicemail, then you should seriously consider changing it (calibrate on whether she REALLY hates it, or if she’s just shit-testing you). If you get a voicemail from your target that says “You need to change that stupid voicemail thing” in a legitimately annoyed voice, you should probably take that advice.

Of course, the absolute best thing to do in my opinion is to get your wing-girl or a female friend with a sexy voice to record a greeting for you. My current greeting says:

“You’ve reached Kevin’s cell phone. He’s a little TIED UP at the moment *giggle giggle* leave a message and he’ll get back to you when he’s FREE.”

And because I love you guys, you can listen to it here (sorry about the quietness and low quality).

These are all just sample ideas that I’ve seen work in the real world very well, but you are by no means limited by them. Expirement! Try different things. Look for voicemail greetings online and either use them as they are or improve them and use your own version. Just as with any type of routine or gambit in the field, what you do is only limited by your imagination!

Regardless of what you use, try to keep is short and sweet. Nothing is more annoying than a greeting that goes on forever about nothing. Have you ever gotten someone’s voicemail and had to listen to them sing a song into your ear for several minutes before you could get to the beep? It’s frustrating and aggravating and most people will just hang up rather than wait. Similarly, I’ve seen some otherwise interesting people apparently just ramble into their phone for what feels like forever. I called a buddy of mine a while back and his voicemail went like this:

“Hey you’ve reached ____, I’m either not available or I’m asleep or my phone is off or something. You can leave a message but it would be better if you just called me back. If you do want to leave a message though, I check it pretty regularly, so I can get back to you. Anyway, leave your name and number and what the call is regarding and I’ll call you back.”

It was horrible! The only reason that – I – sat there and listened to the whole thing was because I just couldn’t believe that it was still going! But who else would really wait through all that just to leave a message? A high-value HB10 with dozen other guys to potentially call? Not likely! You want them to leave a voicemail, so you want to keep your greeting short and to the point.

Next week: how to handle things if you cant get her on the phone!

About Prophet

Prophet is a VA Coach operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.

Phone Game Part 3: If She Calls You

This is part three of my series on phone game.  Click here to view my previous articles.

If your game is tight, and you follow the guidelines I outlined in my previous articles on texting and calling the women you meet, you’ll find that a surprising number of them will call you faster than you may have previously thought (make sure you TRADE numbers when you close her).  As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only.  These rules are not set in stone!  You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

If she calls you, there are a number things to be mindful of such as your current circumstances, at what stage you are in the set, and what you think will work best with her.

First, make sure you don’t pick up on the first ring. The right time to answer is on the third ring. This can be hard to gauge if you have custom ringtones and such on your cell (and who doesn’t these days), so just wait a few seconds before you answer. I personally like to sing aloud with whatever ringtone I have assigned to the woman in question for a few lines because it ups my energy level when I answer the phone. It sounds silly, but no matter what else is happening, it always means that I answer the phone with energy.

When I answer the phone I typically just answer it with an enthusiastic and warm “Hello!”, or by calling her by her nickname: “Hello darlin’, how’s my Attack Kitten today?”. Depending on your identity, you may want to answer the phone with something different. If we already have inside jokes, I’ll sometimes answer the phone with a reference to that (so I would literally pick up the phone and say something like “I just swam here from FUCKING Pittsburg!”). My wing Wild Card, who has a very flamboyant and zany personality will always answer with “You’ve got GREG!” while a more professional person might answer with a professional “Brian Richards speaking”, as if they are expecting one of their million dollar clients to be calling them. This all depends on your avatar and personality. Just don’t make it sound corny or childish if that kind of humor isn’t part of your game.

Another thing that I think a lot of people don’t consider is how enthusiastic you sound when people call you. When your friends and girlfriends call you, its good social vibing to sound enthused that they called. Have you ever called up one of your buddies and had him sound almost annoyed that you called him? This is bad vibing. You’re calling up your friend to chat or invite him out, and not only isn’t he glad to hear from his so-called friend, but he actually sounds annoyed that you called! And he may not even realize that he’s being like this. He really could be happy to hear from you, but he’s just not showing it in his voice. There’s no energy, no inflection, no enthusiasm. You need those things when you answer the phone regardless of it’s your target, your wingman, or even your mom.

If your target calls you, it is an IOI. If you don’t accept that IOI and she gets a negative vibe from you, you will be reinforcing the idea that you don’t want her to call you. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I want my targets to call me. I want them to send me funny little texts and call me to shoot the shit and invite me to hang out. Hell, I want them to call me when I’m out with other girls so I can build some jealousy. It makes your job a hell of a lot easier when they call you, so make sure you are happy to hear from them when they do!

Note: that doesn’t mean act supplicative and needy when she calls you. Don’t be like “OMG I’m so glad you called, I was just thinking about you last night and it’s really good to hear from you…” Instead, sound like “Hey babe! How are you? … Awesome! I’m fabulous as usual! I’m heading over to meet my friend Kayla, we’re going shopping to find me a top hat! What have you been up to?”

Now, once you answer you have the option, depending on what you are personally doing at the moment and what you think she would respond most positively to, to get involved in a conversation or to simply say “I’m kind of in the middle of something at the moment. How about I call you back [in an hour/this afternoon/tomorrow/whatever]?”

For instance, if I’m with a bunch of friends and we’re all hanging out and having fun, I’m not going to stop what I’m doing to talk on the phone. I’m going to say “Hey, how’s it going? Awesome! Listen, I’m out with some friends at the moment. How about I call you when I get home?” Or if she just has something quick to say, I’ll tell her “Ok, but I can’t talk long my friends are waiting on me.” This can be a very powerful thing to do every now and then because it conveys non-neediness and shows that you are a social person.

Alternatively, you don’t even necessarily HAVE to answer at all. If you are genuinely busy with something/someone, or you really just don’t feel like talking, don’t pick up and call her back later.

If you miss her call or just decide not to pick up, be sure to wait a little bit before you call her back. Unless you are both in a rush for some reason, ten minutes should be the minimum, but you could realistically wait for hours or days depending on the situation. Once again, you have to calibrate based on the situation.

If, for whatever reason, she doesn’t get you on the phone, you should make sure she has the option of leaving you a voicemail. This way you can check it whenever is most convenient for you and decide when you should call her back. You voicemail can also be very useful way to convey a little more of your personality. We’ll cover that in a couple weeks!

Next week: how to handle the time between your first call and you day-2!

About Prophet

Prophet is a VA Coach operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.

Phone Game Part 2: While On The Phone

This is part two of my series on phone game.  Click here to view my previous articles.

The hardest part of phone game is getting her on the phone (see my previous article on that).  Once you’ve gotten past that hurdle, things can move pretty smoothly if you’re smart and adaptable.  As with my previous article, everything mentioned below is a guideline only.  These rules are not set in stone!  You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

The most important factor here is your voice.  You should sound confident and self-assured in your tone.  You should speak slowly, deeply, and with pausing, just as you would in the field.  Sounding as cool as you did in the field when you met her while your on the phone is a commonly ignored concept in this field, but it is absolutely vital.  Too many aspiring pick-up artists can run fantastic game in the field, but snap right back to their old selves on the phone and become needy, supplicative, and sometimes downright creepy.  She can never sense any inconsistencies in your personality on the phone.  This is key.

Once you’ve got her on the phone, you have to think of a phone call as sort of a mini pick-up. You start with a quick DHV, qualify her briefly, and then build comfort. I like to immediately tell her about something funny/crazy/interesting that happened later on in the night after my friends and I left the club that we met at but you could use any routine you want as long as it seems relevant to the phone call somehow (i.e. starting the routine with “So I just go this text from my friend and…”). When it’s time to qualify, try to qualify her based on something that has come up in the conversation that the routine has started if you can. Just saying “So….can you cook?” out of nowhere sounds kind of weird.

Here’s a generic example:

“So get this: as we were leaving the club on Friday, my friend Adam was getting literally DRAGGED away by this…not so attractive girl, but Adam is a REALLY nice guy and just couldn’t figure out how to get away from her without hurting her feelings.  So Jamie (you met her, she was the blond in the corset) just trots right over and starts to pull Adam back to us, saying he’s gotta come home with us tonight.  Well the other girl just LOOSES IT and starts freaking out on Jamie.  She gets all in her face and starts trying to shove her and get physical.   Now normally I’d be all like “Yeah catfight!”  But that’s only when it’s people I don’t know, and Jamie doesn’t take shit from ANYBODY so we all rushed in and literally drag Jamie out of there before things got really out of hand. That’s why I love my friends though: everyone’s always watching out for each other, no matter what. From what I gathered though your friends are like that too, am I right?”

From there, you build comfort as normal. You let the conversation flow normally as you both get to know each other better. Just have a conversation. This is something so many PUAs just cant seem to get into their heads and I cannot stress this enough. Whether its ten minutes or two hours, your target should hang up the phone want to immediately call her friends and tell her about this phone conversation she had with this amazing guy who she really connected with. Talk to her, get to know her and above all, appreciate her.

I like to use the phone as an opportunity to talk about what’s going on in my life at the moment. It’s almost as if I’m catching up with an old friend and by creating that vibe, it creates the unconscious illusion of familiarity. See more about the art of conversation in my article about How To talk to girls

You don’t even have to set up the Day-2 on the first call. In fact, unless she brings it up, you probably should wait until at least the second phone call. If you want, you can seed a potential hang-out during your conversation (I would, for instance, mention something about my friends and I all getting together for our weekly wing-night, or maybe that we’re all going to a certain event on such an such a day) and then just not invite her to it until your next call. By not immediately going for the date the first time you talk to her, you convey non-neediness, and may even just leave her thinking “Why DIDN’T he ask me out after we had that great conversation?” Anticipation is a very powerful thing. Use it to your advantage whenever you can.

After your first call, wait two days or so and follow the same pattern above. If she seems really eager to hear from you again, you can call her the very next day if you want, and if the phone call didn’t go as perfectly as you had planned, maybe wait and call her on the third day.  Again, it’s all about calibration here.  You have to gauge how much value/compliance/comfort you have when deciding on what move to make next.

Next week: how to handle a call from her the proper way!

About Prophet

Prophet is a VA Coach operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.