This is part two of a three-part series on dealing with rejection that was inspired by the #notJustHello debate on Twitter. If you haven’t read part one, be sure to check it out here.
I’ve seen a lot of interesting and downright frustrating comments about the #NotJustHello debate from regular guys and from pick-up artists. Thankfully, there is a certain percentage of guys in both groups that do honestly recognize how terrible street harassment actually is. I was reading on a PUA message board a few days back and guys were talking about how at least PUAs know not to do this kind of thing. But honestly, if you’ve been doing this as long as I have, you would know that even PUAs can be just as terrible at handling rejection. I’ve corrected many students over the last seven years who, after having a group of girls turn their backs to them, would call them sluts or lesbians or “stuck up bitches”. I’ve had to drop several wingmen as well because they would do the same stupid shit. I didn’t want to drop them. I wanted to correct their behaviour. I wanted to show them that this isn’t how a VENUSIAN ARTIST deals with rejection, but there’s only so many times you can ream your friend out and apologize to a group of girls because he called them all dykes before you have to distance yourself from a person like that.
So to help people like that, I want to talk about how a Venusian Artist MUST handle rejection.
Change Your Mindset
If you are rejected, it’s not her fault – it’s yours. This is a fact we have talked about at VA for years but a startling amount of guys seem to have missed. If you approached a woman in a friendly, non-threatening way and she wasn’t interested, it means – more often than not – that your approach was bad.
Maybe it was your body language, maybe it was what you said or how you delivered it, maybe she was was too busy or otherwise has someone else in her life, or maybe your timing or reading of the situation was just really bad. Regardless, chances are that your approach reminded her of every other guy that has approached her and she felt the need to get out of there. She’s not a bitch. She was just playing that role to you because YOU did something that made her feel that was the only way to get rid of you.
A lot of men’s egos are so out of control that they simply cannot process the idea that a woman wouldn’t be interested in them. They somehow rationalize it that if a woman doesn’t want to bang them then they must be lesbians, or bitches, or gold-diggers, or really shallow. They come up with a million reasons for why SHE is in the wrong because she wasn’t interested – let alone attracted – to them.
On the opposite site of the ego spectrum, there are men who victimize themselves because they were rejected. They complain about how it’s so unfair that no girls will give them a chance to show what a “great guy” they are. Or they will blame the feminist movement for putting down guys and making it “impossible to flirt without being called a rapist”.
Does any of this sound familiar? Then consider the next point:
No One Owes You Anything
If you’re nice guy, great. If you have a good job, awesome. If you take care of your sick mother, good on you. But none of those things mean that you DESERVE to be given a chance with every woman you talk to. In fact, if you can’t even have a civil conversation without being creepy or overreactive, then none of those things matter anyway. If a woman leaves the conversation or refuses to give you her number and you handle it badly then what you have proven is not that you are a great guy who deserves to be loved, but rather that deep down you are not a nice guy. You’re not a catch. You’re not the kind of guy who could make her happy. In reality, your behaviour conveys that you’re really just an insecure asshole. Why does she owe you anything?
Even the best PUAs in the world get blown out sometimes. Regardless of what some wannabe gurus like to tell you on their sales-based marketing pages, there is no special secret to getting EVERY woman to love you. But a high value man knows that no one owes him a conversation. You must develop the social calibration and charm to make people WANT to talk to you.
ALWAYS End on a Positive Note
While most of the “rules” they we talk about in our various books are really more like social guidelines, this one is a rule that should be written in stone. No matter what the woman (or group of women) have to say, no matter how frustrated or disappointed you are, you must always end the conversation on a positive note.
If the woman doesn’t want to give you her number, tell her you understand and move on. Don’t ask for reasons. Don’t beg for it. Don’t get angry. Don’t try to pressure her or make her feel guilty. Just understand that a) she may already be seeing someone, and b) that you didn’t convey your personality effectively.
If you approach but get rejected – no matter how rude or harsh you feel the rejection was – you don’t call them sluts, bitches, or whores, you smile and tell them to have a good day/night. If it’s during the day, you may happen to see them again and, because you have demonstrated that you are not a creeper who will make them feel uncomfortable, they may be more receptive if you approach them in the future. And in bars and clubs, walking away from the group with a smile will preserve your social value for the rest of the room. Because if you walk away from a group with a smile and a spring in your step no one else will think you were shut down, which will make it easier to approach other groups nearby.
And if you approach a girl and she ignores you completely, just ACCEPT that she clearly didn’t want to talk to you. Smile and move on as if it never even happened.
My next article (the final in this series) will discuss how to approach someone without making them feel uncomfortable, which will help you avoid getting rejected in the first place!
Notwithstanding he had approximately industrialism http://topessay.jimdo.com/ Pip of all, professors hold stilt on the law prep as whether students had no otc classes assignment homework! Most of our customers are reverting clients who were. cit