How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?
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  1. #1
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    I noticed that i keep ending up as the friend who helps them with their problems, and consuels them. How do i stop? Like what do i say when a chick says " omg, you'll never beleive what happened? so and so did this, what do i do"
    Like should i just be obvious and not help them whatsoever and be like, do what feels right. or somehting stupid. I like to help people out and give them advice when they need it, but i dont wanna be labelled the friend who consuels me when i need help.
    any advice or feedback?


  2. #2
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    helps them with their problems, and consuels them. How do i stop?
    You DON't deal with their problems to begin with. Rule of thumb 13447. You share their problems, you BECOME their problem in their mind.

    Do not associate those two things. Discard it like "Hey, I am gonna have to bill and it's gonna cost you way more than you can afford. Pay me a drink instead."

    And stack... You don't want THEM to set the frame of your interactions and define you as a passive, listening ear, a shoulder on which they can lean without rewarding that : you want them to join you in your reality.

    And you don't want to be their counsellor : you want some good to amazing sex.

    Don't say it this way, but ACT to communicate it on a funny note.


  3. #3
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    golden..

    http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/showthread.php?t=981

    Johnny Soporno puts it ever so eloquently.


  4. #4
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    Just to add to these gentlemen's posts:

    You know that what you're doing is actually conditioning them to reject you.


  5. #5
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    To add to the advice already given, if this is happening a lot perhaps an earlier SOI from yourself is in order so they know that you're looking for more than a friend.


  6. #6
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    This is probably a problem with lack of assertiveness on your part earlier on, or in your general demeanor/character.

    The rest you have to work out for yourself.

    If you don't want to be put in that frame, then don't answer them. just do/don't do what you want.


  7. #7
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    I used to have this problem all the time.

    And I can't say I'm completely over it, but I've tried a new tactic, and it seems to be working very well.

    When a girl comes to me because she's bummed out, what she's going to get is a fun evening and a chance to forget about her problems.

    Sure, you can't avoid talking about stuff completely. Be a good ear. But also has a repository of FUN stuff to focus on, instead. Listen a little ... switch to fun stuff ... listen a little, switch to fun stuff, etc etc etc.


  8. #8
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    I agree with Hotspur.

    Listening and having relevant things to say really is a DHV, but you also need to GET HER OUT OF HER NEGATIVE FRAME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. So let her tell you about the problem, so that she relieves some of the stress, have something intelligent to say, and then CHANGE THE TOPIC. Do and say fun and enjoyable things together. You want her to associate you with both stress relief AND improvement of mood/state. So if you give her both, she'll keep coming back to you for that.

    You want her to see you as both a trusted friend who can listen, AND a strong, alpha lover who can change her focus to pleasure, every time. This will have her hooked like glue.

    Also critical is to take advantage of the opportunity for kino. So, while you're listening to her, hold her hand, embrace her to relieve stress, etc.


  9. #9
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    How Do I Stop Being The Friend Who Helps?

    Kino seems to be a big thing, something I never really used to do. This can help turn friends into more esp having them associate good feelings with you.


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