Problems with comfort phase
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  1. #1
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    Problems with comfort phase

    During my old relationship, i have always been soooo AFC with my girlfriends, sometimes i was also an ass-kisser.
    Since ive joined the VA, this has changed, im having a not needy attitude, and i am trying to become as lovedrop says "a ghost".

    Ok now i am confused, i am in comfort/seduction with 2 girls atm. i am keeping my alpha frame, i refuse their hoops and so on, but i feel they want more from me, i mean they would like me to be more caring and so on.
    I dont want to go back to my old ways, but i am confused about how to calibrate from my old self (full AFC) and my new self (maybe too much jerk)
    Anyone please can give me some advises?


  2. #2
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    Problems with comfort phase

    It's understandable that you don't want to revert to being a lap dog (AFC) but at the same time, if you keep your distance from these girls with reframes and C/F stuff, you're going to lose them in all likelyhood.

    I used to be the same way, as I'm sure most of us here have at one point or another. For me, it helps to keep reminding myself that "she's not my GF" even if she's an LTR or mLTR. That keeps me in the right frame to keep things interesting for her and keep her attracted. I don't rush to the phone like I used to in the past, I'm less available in general.

    Another thing is to just control the "flow" of how much "else" you give them. There's nothing wrong with the girls wanting more from you, you just need to give it in the right way.

    I just had a converation with a GF of mine:

    BB: Just wanted to make sure you didn't have a bad night
    HB: No. Thanks though, it's really sweet.
    BB: Uh-oh, now I've got to slap you around, can't have you thinking I'm nice. lol
    HB: No. It just means you have a sweet side.
    BB: Shhhh....don't tell anyone.
    HB: I'll keep it a secret. :-)

    I'm starting to learn that where I used to just open the flood gates and go into super sweet AFC lap dog mode, the women I'm with now appreciate it more in small doses. It keeps up my prizability and when the do see that "sweet side" it reinforces to them that they are (slowly) winning me over. They see it as a "reward" of sorts and want to see more.

    Bottom line: Don't be afraid to let it out from time to time, just make sure you're the one controlling the tap.


  3. #3
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    Problems with comfort phase

    thanks a lot to both of u guys.

    I give u and example, back in my afc days i used to call my gf everyday,maybe also twice a day and most of the day after 2-3 months she dumped me because i was too needy.

    Now i call the girls i am dating like 2 times per weeks, and both of them says that i do not care about them enough.

    I am doing either black or white
    and yes i am still reframing more or less everthing they do or ask, for example one of them is constantly asking me if i am dating other girls and so on, and i answer her like "yes i am dating 3 guys today"

    I understood that in order not to be called a player i must transmit them that i really like them as ppl, that i really care about them, but im shit-scared to show a needy attitude or build too much rapport.
    (i have always had great rapport with my girls, but i ended up being needy and obsessive and lost them all).

    I am also finding out that David D. stuff in this case works very well, i am not giving them exaclty what they want, quite close but not exactly.
    And lastly i really noticed that if u push them away, they will come back but i am scared to overdo that, so maybe i need to calibrate when i push the girl away and when i build super rapport!

    I keep on working

    4 BB the end of ur post was enlighting (or how the heck its spelled ^^), i used too be waaaay to sweet with my LTR, and now i am too harsh, i need to learn to be sweet in certain occasion and only when she deserved it, like training a dog (JK)


  4. #4
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    Problems with comfort phase

    Leon:

    Also think about your relationship with your true friends. The rapport, the connection, the closeness, the mutual compliance, but also acceptance of what IS, and a lack of neediness. This is what you want in comfort, combined with kino escalation.


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