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Thread: Fear of having sex
11-11-2014, 01:52 PM #1
Fear of having sex
Hello Fellows !
I don't know how to overcome my fear of sex, still a 27 yo virgin.
When is about to happen I get so excited that my body starts shaking, my dick get hard and I feel like even a touch of her will make me cum. Afterwards I just leave the situation cause I am afraid.
Last weekend was my second chance and the same scenario was talking place.
I meet this chick at a birthday party ,she was a little drunk.After a wile of talking she said to me that I must came with her to the toilet, we *Closed and than I started worrying about of what should I do next and nothing happened...I ended with #Close.
Four months ago I stopped watching porn and masturbation and maybe this is the reason why I get so excited .I think that the fear of sex is related to the fear of premature ejaculation.
I talked with my friend about my virginity problem and he told me that I should "just do it". He suggested me to practice putting a condom on and must have minimum of 3 items when going out.The next day I started to practice and my believing came true , after I put the condom on I cummed.
What should I do ?
11-11-2014, 10:33 PM #2
Ask yourself what you need to do this, maybe this was lack of comfort with this girl or she don't be the one you really want her. FIND GIRL WHO YOU WANT SLEEP WITH.
I think you dont feel with her enough comfort- but only I guess.
Plan strategy what take place next so I meet HB lets take name Sandra so you meet Sandra and go to date next you for some reason back to your place you start make out with her... ect plan this and try do it.
11-12-2014, 01:51 AM #3
I like this question. I will make a BANG RADIO episode about it.
There is a ton to this question but the bottom line is you need to have sex. you will most likely embarrass yourself and make some mistakes. So what!@!!!!
This is the road to a good sex life, the fact is we have all done it to some extent. You need to not make it such big deal man. you need to start having it so it can be normal. Otherwise it will never be normal.
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11-12-2014, 06:21 AM #4
I think you are setting unreal standards for yourself with porn. There may be other reasons why, but i guess porn is one of those. It just adds up to the fear of being out-performed. If that's the case, i tell you most girls are pleased with 4-5 minutes. Let alone when they invite YOU to the bathroom. You're doing fine. Just give it time to relax. One other thing that comes in mind is practice a bit of boldness, paying compliments, being active in the seduction process, or being direct as it's called here. It'll help you manage tension.
11-12-2014, 09:25 PM #5
11-13-2014, 07:29 AM #6
Flute, now that i think of it, take some professional advice from a sexologist if you can. Now, i no longer identify myself as a PUA, and neither have i slayed 400 pussies, but i relate to that podcast. Although when i started i used to have performance anxiety, which turned to performing like a pig (porn style, another problem on the other extreme), and now i guess it's a bit of nervousness, like you said Steve. Awesome blog, smooth and cool theme, and nice podcast. Well done! What gives you that warm and bright sound?
11-17-2014, 09:52 PM #7
Thank you guys !
Sorry for my bad English , this time I used google translate, hope it is better.
I did not expect to do a special episode for me Steve, I appreciate.
Just listened to it a few times and I think it's very well done.I want to have it on my computer, how can I download it ?
So I have to chose between prostitutes or finding someone, either way the point is the same "to get comfortable with sex and not making such a big deal of it ".The first option suits best for me because it is easier to achieve but maybe to find someone is better option.
This weekend I dated the girl that I meet last weekend at the birthday party.In the middle of a date I asked her if she wants to go with me "somewhere", she understood the message but said that it is better to take it slow This time she was not drunk.We just kissed and make a lot of kino. I got excited but this time I felt more comfortable with her.
I wanted to experiment with myself so that is way I set such high standards with porn.If I masturbate (once a week) I feel very tired and don't have any desire to approach or talk to a woman instead I have a big desire for watching porn.
Last edited by Flute; 11-17-2014 at 10:10 PM.
11-20-2014, 04:54 AM #8
Glad you made progress. Taking it slow is the way to go. The illegal way will be a bit risque and unpredictable.
11-22-2014, 12:53 PM #9
This quote is beautiful you do this like needs to do it really beautiful especially -to take it slow- this is example or solid/good game. Its good to hear goods news.
"This weekend I dated the girl that I meet last weekend at the birthday party.In the middle of a date I asked her if she wants to go with me "somewhere", she understood the message but said that it is better to take it slow confused This time she was not drunk.We just kissed and make a lot of kino. I got excited but this time I felt more comfortable with her."
12-14-2014, 11:39 PM #10
I dealt with sexual anxiety, premature ejaculation, and a self-imposed YEAR of abstinence (new found religion) late 2010-2011. I would be naked with a woman, start shaking, and immediately cum. Or, I could get maybe 4 thrusts in and cum.
None of those sexual interactions were satisfying… I got depressed. I thought I was broken and would never be able to have sex again...
I understand better what was happening in hindsight. Let me summarize:
1) Performance Anxiety. When I was heavily into escalation ladders, all of my seduction was based on HER reaction, HER pleasure, and her her her. Never about me, my feelings, my comfort, etc. I always knew how to calibrate in order to get her clothes off and ready for sex, but I would only rarely penetrate, and if I did, it would only last seconds. These experiences created a vicious cycle of shame, fear, anxiety, and repeat experiences.
2) No self-awareness. Look, in the bedroom, there are no rules or 'shoulds' or shouldn't. There are two consenting adults and the connection between them. But, because I focused so much on what I thought I 'should' do (like how to take off her clothes, what to say, how to dirty talk, etc.), all real connection between us was lost. And SEX IS ALL ABOUT CONNECTION. I couldn't lie to my body. My body knew I was being fake, inauthentic, and manipulative. So, it cut me off.
3) I didn't express myself. Because I had no self-awareness (and only awareness of what techniques I should do and when/how), it logically follows that I couldn't express myself. But, here's what's weird: in the months after my period of abstinence, I start to openly tell girls, as we were taking off clothes "God, you're hot, I'd be surprised if I could even last a minute." In this way, I turned my fear into a compliment to them. Here's the kicker: most girls would laugh or giggle at this, and it would relieve all my tension. Now all the expectations for this first round were gone. As a result, I would usually last longer, and if I didn't I could just laugh and say (after cumming) "See? I'm really going to have to get used to how good you feel"
You're on the right track, Flute. Keep up the good work, and post that lay report when you lose your virginity!
P.S. Mr. Roosevelt, very poetic! "Taking it slow is the way to go. The illegal way will be a bit risqué"