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Thread: Fear of having sex
11-11-2014, 01:52 PM #1
Fear of having sex
Hello Fellows !
I don't know how to overcome my fear of sex, still a 27 yo virgin.
When is about to happen I get so excited that my body starts shaking, my dick get hard and I feel like even a touch of her will make me cum. Afterwards I just leave the situation cause I am afraid.
Last weekend was my second chance and the same scenario was talking place.
I meet this chick at a birthday party ,she was a little drunk.After a wile of talking she said to me that I must came with her to the toilet, we *Closed and than I started worrying about of what should I do next and nothing happened...I ended with #Close.
Four months ago I stopped watching porn and masturbation and maybe this is the reason why I get so excited .I think that the fear of sex is related to the fear of premature ejaculation.
I talked with my friend about my virginity problem and he told me that I should "just do it". He suggested me to practice putting a condom on and must have minimum of 3 items when going out.The next day I started to practice and my believing came true , after I put the condom on I cummed.
What should I do ?
11-11-2014, 10:33 PM #2
Ask yourself what you need to do this, maybe this was lack of comfort with this girl or she don't be the one you really want her. FIND GIRL WHO YOU WANT SLEEP WITH.
I think you dont feel with her enough comfort- but only I guess.
Plan strategy what take place next so I meet HB lets take name Sandra so you meet Sandra and go to date next you for some reason back to your place you start make out with her... ect plan this and try do it.
11-12-2014, 01:51 AM #3
I like this question. I will make a BANG RADIO episode about it.
There is a ton to this question but the bottom line is you need to have sex. you will most likely embarrass yourself and make some mistakes. So what!@!!!!
This is the road to a good sex life, the fact is we have all done it to some extent. You need to not make it such big deal man. you need to start having it so it can be normal. Otherwise it will never be normal.
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11-12-2014, 06:21 AM #4
I think you are setting unreal standards for yourself with porn. There may be other reasons why, but i guess porn is one of those. It just adds up to the fear of being out-performed. If that's the case, i tell you most girls are pleased with 4-5 minutes. Let alone when they invite YOU to the bathroom. You're doing fine. Just give it time to relax. One other thing that comes in mind is practice a bit of boldness, paying compliments, being active in the seduction process, or being direct as it's called here. It'll help you manage tension.
11-12-2014, 09:25 PM #5
11-13-2014, 07:29 AM #6
Flute, now that i think of it, take some professional advice from a sexologist if you can. Now, i no longer identify myself as a PUA, and neither have i slayed 400 pussies, but i relate to that podcast. Although when i started i used to have performance anxiety, which turned to performing like a pig (porn style, another problem on the other extreme), and now i guess it's a bit of nervousness, like you said Steve. Awesome blog, smooth and cool theme, and nice podcast. Well done! What gives you that warm and bright sound?
11-17-2014, 09:52 PM #7
Thank you guys !
Sorry for my bad English , this time I used google translate, hope it is better.
I did not expect to do a special episode for me Steve, I appreciate.
Just listened to it a few times and I think it's very well done.I want to have it on my computer, how can I download it ?
So I have to chose between prostitutes or finding someone, either way the point is the same "to get comfortable with sex and not making such a big deal of it ".The first option suits best for me because it is easier to achieve but maybe to find someone is better option.
This weekend I dated the girl that I meet last weekend at the birthday party.In the middle of a date I asked her if she wants to go with me "somewhere", she understood the message but said that it is better to take it slow This time she was not drunk.We just kissed and make a lot of kino. I got excited but this time I felt more comfortable with her.
I wanted to experiment with myself so that is way I set such high standards with porn.If I masturbate (once a week) I feel very tired and don't have any desire to approach or talk to a woman instead I have a big desire for watching porn.
Last edited by Flute; 11-17-2014 at 10:10 PM.
11-20-2014, 04:54 AM #8
Glad you made progress. Taking it slow is the way to go. The illegal way will be a bit risque and unpredictable.
11-22-2014, 12:53 PM #9
This quote is beautiful you do this like needs to do it really beautiful especially -to take it slow- this is example or solid/good game. Its good to hear goods news.
"This weekend I dated the girl that I meet last weekend at the birthday party.In the middle of a date I asked her if she wants to go with me "somewhere", she understood the message but said that it is better to take it slow confused This time she was not drunk.We just kissed and make a lot of kino. I got excited but this time I felt more comfortable with her."
01-01-2015, 09:41 AM #10
Here's my advice, as I still recall my own issues with being a virgin.
What your friend told you is true, you just need to get it done once. After the first time, much of your anxiety will be gone.
But, how to go about this...
1. Be honest! Tell the girl that you have this issue because you're a virgin. I know this sounds crazy, but I strongly believe this helps in many ways.
It creates comfort for the both of you.
You will feel less burden on your shoulders knowing that you're not expected to perform up to any standard. You both can let go of expectations and just focus on having fun with sex.
I am sure that she will be understanding and supportive of this.
2. JELQ. That's right, penis exercises! Various techniques you can do that allow you to gain more control over your orgasm.
Read about the exercises on okaydick.com
Especially the Kegel Clench and Jelq.
Just make sure to stop if you get close to ejaculating and let it cool off a bit. After you get used to this, the urge to ejaculate will become easier to control.
3. When having sex, focus on giving her pleasure first. With your hands and tongue.
Don't even go near her with your dick until you've made her come at least once.
This is good practice in any case.
So my advice is to be open about it and light hearted. Even if it feels like a big deal to you, act like it's not a big deal. Talking about this with your sexual partner will solve so many issues, because the issues are mostly in your own head.
You should be able to have a laugh about it. That's when you know you've overcome the fear.
P.S. In my case, I had decided to 'get rid of my virginity' by going to a prostitute.
I don't recommend this and actually it is a decision that I still regret.
But it did help in many other ways.
You might want to try something like a massage with a happy ending. To get used to someone else touching your intimate parts.
Last edited by demian; 01-01-2015 at 09:47 AM. Reason: Typo.