Hey guys, im at work right now and i have some free time on my hand so i wanted to make a good article on how to create good conversation.

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Questions VS. Statements part 1

you can create good conversation out of thin air. its a skill but it can be done. you dont have to memorize anything or pretend you're somebody else. you just have to master a few key concepts.

Creating threads of conversation through statements is far more powerfull than questions. this is because it assumes rapport. friends speak to each other in statements, not questions. questions are a plite way of requesting information of someone. they create the frame that you desire something from her and she is obligated to fulfill your request.

but statements make so that you're constantly giving away information and value to the other person. Statements give you a wider array of topics to choose from. only broad questions feel socially acceptable. specific and eccentric questioining comes off as odd and unattractive.

For instance, if youve been talking to a woman at a bar for a few minutes, saying, "i love olives in my drink. when i was a kid i used to eat them straight of the jar," is far more interesting than, "do you like olive in your drink?" and waiting for her response. In fact, that question is just plain weird but that statement is interesting, and what many woman would consider "cute."

Questioning should be limited to a minimum. often, asking her a question is unavoidable to get the conversation rolling. But once its rolling, you should make them few and far in between. many guys talking to a girl in the "interview" style of conversation, which puts girl on the spot, creates no rapport, and will drive her away.

Instead of incessant questioning, you want to develop a skill called cold-reading. Cold reading is a skill where you're able to intuitively "know" something about someone else without actually knowing it.

Its like being a psychic without the cheesiness.

For our purposes, cold-reading is just a way of creating interesting statements rather than asking questions for information. you dong ask the question you want to know, but instead you make a mild prediction.

Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. here are some examples:

"where are you from?" translates to: "you look like a california girl."
"what do you do for work?" translates to: "you seem to be a creative person. i bet your job is interesting."
"how do you guys know each other?" translates: "you guys look like youve been friends for a long time."

In each situation, the statement makes an educated guess and engages the woman far more than any question will. instead of asking her about herself, youre telling her about herself. the only thing people love more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves. but what if youre wrong?

thats the best part! a lot of guys worry about cold reading because theyre afraid to state something incorrect. this is where human nature works in our favor.

Theres no failing with cold-reading. with every cold read, one of three things will happen:

1. youll be wrong, and shell correct you.
2. youll be wrong and shell ask you what made you think that.
3. youll be right and shell freak out at how perceptive you are.

in the first result, shell basically just answer the question you based your cold read on and forget that you were wrong

in the second result, youll be wrong but shell be so intrigued by your guess that shell create a deeper conversation thread about what you obsereved about her.

In the third result, the few times you get the cold read correct, she will most likely be suprised at how perceptive you are about her. this will generate a tidal wave of rapport immediately and impress her at the same time.

Here are examples of a cold read situation with all three different responses:

Me: "you look a bit bookish. you must be a student around here."
Her. "no, im not. but i do love to read though"

Me: "you look a bit bookish. you must be a student around here."
Her: "no. what made you think that? is it my glasses? i just got them."

Me: "you look a bit bookish. you must be a student around here."
Her: "yeah, i am! OMG, is it that obvious?"

You shoudl cold read as much as possible. any time youre asking a question that requires a factual answer; take a stab at the answer instead of asking.

One night i met a girl from chicago. i took a blind guess at which university she went to and was right. she couldnt get over "how perceptive" i was for a good five minutes. she asked me how i knew and i told her i could tell she was on the intellectual side although i figured she probably moved because the school was located in a bad part of the city. everything was dead on despite being educated guesses. from that point on, she engaged me completely in conversation and was more than excited to hang out with me again.

Besides that, creating conversation out of statements protects you from "blanking" you know when you are talking to a woman and all the sudden the conversation dies and you have no idea what to say? youre sitting there awkwardly and the more uncomfortable you feel, the harder it is to come up with something. eventually, you blurt out something boring like, "so.... where do you live?"

Using statements can prevent this a great deal. instead of fishing for a new conversation based on a generic question, you can simply comment about something or observe something. never underestimate the power of non sequiturs.

"im thinking about quitting drinking." "a car almost hit me on the way here tonight." "my rommate eats peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwhiches, its disgusting." "ive always wanted to visit affrica"

These will sometiems come across as random but thats because theya re theyre whatever thoughts are popping into your head at the moment. its better to be random and intersting than predictable and boring. dont be afraid to just blurt something out.

this works because unlike questions, statements require no investment from the other person. you can say whatever you want and theres no implicit expectation for her to generate conversation as well.

speaking in statements in this fashion to generate spontaneous conversation is important in that it forces you to share yourself with her. when you simply ask a girl questions, you arent giving any information about yourself, so its harder for her to trust you or build rapport. but if you simply state a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are now sharing yourself and giving her a chance to chime in with her in put as well. the amazing thing about speaking in statements is if you do it correctly, she will start asking you questions. this may not seem like a big deal, but it actually reorients the entire interaction. as i mentioned earlier, whoever is asking the questions is usb communicating a desire to learn more about the other, i.e, interste, i.e., theyre attracted to them. if she is constanstly seeking information from you, you now have the power to control the interaction, you control the information and the conversation.

to close out this section, i will provide two examples of conversation, from opener to creating threads through statements. each example will start with a version showing the conversation with questions, and then i will go back through showing the conversation with statements. pay attention to show much more alive and engaging the statements make the conversation.

Example 1; questions

me: "hi, im mark. how are you tonight?"
her: "good, and you??"
ME: "im great. i wanted to come over and meet you. where are you from?"
her: "im from denmark"
me: "really? thats amazing. what bring you to the US?"
her: "i am studying at a university here"
me "thats great. which university?"
her: "university of michigan."
Me: "cool, what are you studying?"
Her: "anthropology. im working on my thesis right now, i go back to denmark in a couple months."

Example 1: Statements

Me: "hi im mark. How are you tonight?"
Her: " good and you?
me: "im great. i wanted to come over and meet you. you have an accent. youre not american"
Her: "No, im not, im actually danish."
Me: "Cool. i like danish- i eat them all the time."
Her: *laughs*
Me: "you laugh at my stupid jokes too! thats perfect, i dont think ive ever met a danish person. iveen to holland and germany but never denmark."
Her: "oh, its great. you need to go. when did you go to europe?"
Me: "my brother and i went afer i graduated high school. i desperately wanted to go back. i love traveling."
Her: "me too"
Me: "if you cold go anywhere in the world for just one day, where would i be?"

Example 2: questions

Me: "hey. id appreciate it if you dont stare at me, women intimidate me." *smile*
her: *laughs* 'im sure." *rolls eyes* ME: "whats your name?"
Her: "Jane DOe, and you?"
Me: "Mark. what do you do jane?"
Her: "im a tax attorney."
Me: "oh, hows that?"
Her: "not to glamorous, obviously. what about you?"
Me: "i just graduated. im looking for a job"
Her: "ah. good luck"
Me: "where are you from"
Her: "New york and you?"
ME: "Texas"
Her: "really? you dont souund like it."


Examples 2: Statements

Me: "hey. Id appreciate it if you didnt stare at me, women intimidate me." *SMILE*
Her: *laughs* "Im sure." *rolls eyes*
me: "you just look like such a party girl, i dont know if i could handle you." *sarcastic smile*
her: "yeah, im as wild and crazy as they come." *laughs*
me: "i can see it. youre probably holed up in some boring office job all week and then come out and prey on young unsuspecting men."
Her: *laughs; to her friends* "hes so right! oh my god, you can read me like a book"
Me: "your probably like an accountant or something"
Her: "im a tax attorney. good guess. and you look to young to have a real job"
Me: "damn right! i just graduated... in body but not in mind"
her: "good for you.... enjoy it while you can."
me: "you dont look like a boston girl"
Her: "well, i am a boston a girl"
me: "really? you dont have that vibe at all. you seem much warmer."
Her: "nope. born and raised here. where are you from?"
Me: "texas." Her: "Now way! you dont have an accent at all."
Me: "its because im civilized."
Her: *laughs* "your to much." *playfully touches my chest*
Me: "whoa, what is this, a meat market? get your hands off me!" *smile*
Her: *laughs* "i love it!"


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If you guys like this one, be on the look out for questions vs statement part 2