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Thread: Advice needed....
04-18-2011, 02:01 AM #1
I've been talking to this girl I really like (solid HB9) for almost 2 weeks and have built up what I thought was a great natural rapport. She calls or texts me as soon as she wakes up and will continue to send me messages until she goes to sleep at night.
So anyway, she got back into town last night so I took her out party hopping. I thought it was a done deal, but whenever I tried to kino escalate with her she wasn't responsive. Regardless, I was still pretty confident I would pull it out until I made the mistake of skulling a glass of homemade Raki (Turkish Liquor). Needless to say I didn't close, but when I got home she had texted me to make sure I made it back safely. Unfortunately, I was pretty drunk and since I actually really like(d) this girl, I wrote this embarrassing AFC rubbish:
Me: I like you a lot and I think I screwed it up tonight by getting too drunk. I'm sad now.
Her: Look. You did not screw anything up by drinking. I like you a lot too, but I like you as a friend... I am leaving in 2 weeks and nothing would have happened wither way (if you were sober or drunk). I'm telling you this now since you're drunk to make it less awkward for me.
Me:No problem... The weird thing is I like you a lot, but I don't know why... I think because you don't like me. Oh, well... I think I can survive :-)
After that she called me and I acted as if nothing had happened. We talked about rubbish for about 5 minutes then I said I was drunk and had to go to bed. This is the first time I have ever been LJBF'd, but I remember reading in some book that you need to ignore the person immediately. This is where I need advice:
#1: I always keep Skype on (for business and personal). I turned it off last night so she couldn't message me in the morning. This afternoon however she texted me and wrote an inside joke. I didn't respond and soon after she wrote another text asking if I was still alive. What should I say when she asks why I am ignoring her?
#2: I know I landed in LJBF land, but I am still fairly confident that I can still pull this out if I follow protocol. I'm a Californian that lives in Switzerland and speaks the local language so she knows that girls actually hit on me because of my accent. She also knows that my ex-girlfriend who is as hot as she is, is actively trying to get back together with me. Up until last night, everytime some girl hits on me, I've told her that I am not interested in them and that I am also not interested in my ex. I read on this forum that you should let her see you with other girls, so I not only set up a date with my ex on my wall. I also messaged a girl that I had met recently and set something up with her. Can you guys tell me your thoughts and any other advice that you might have?
I really appreciate it.
04-18-2011, 09:23 AM #2
Seems to me you'd benefit from having a few just female friends. Seriously.
Here's the thing. If you liked a girl as a friend, you've decided that's all you want. If she wasn't satisfied with that and kept trying to move in on you, it would be awkward and annoying. Don't be friends with a girl if you want more. Decide what you want, and if you want more than she is willing to give, maybe you shouldn't be friends with her.
Why haven't you been using this girl as a solid pivot? Make her work for you, don't try to work her. Dude, do you know how amazing a HB9 pivot is? I use two HB7's on occassion, but to be blunt, one HB9 or 10 does waaaay more than my usual company.
Everything you've done so far is straight up AFC behavior. Ignoring a girl is reactive, it shows a weak frame (thus killing attraction). Hoping to work a girl who has no interest in you is showing you don't know when to cut and move on. AFC.
Move on. Especially if she's leaving soon. You've already killed any potential, even if she changed her mind. Just keep this as a reminder of what not to do.
This is my lasting piece of advice for you: Pickups should be done at the club, and done quickly. 7-9 hours total should be your cutoff. Don't make friends into targets. Don't work people who you see a lot or who you'd have to spend months on to get progress. Think about it this way, if you spend a week to get a girl interested, every further move will take that long. You're setting a pace for things to come. But if you are in the club and moving quickly through the phases (effectively) then you'll set a completely different pattern.
Play quick, play hard, and don't take anything personally. Cheers.
04-18-2011, 04:12 PM #3
Thank you for taking the time to write such a well thought out response! You're also absolutely right. Typically, I string along several HB7s in order to create high social value and jealousy among the HB9s - basically as bait for the HB9. I then try to make the HB9 feel like she is an HB7 and most of the time this competition leads to whatever I want from the HB9 - kiss close, fuck close, relationship. To be honest, this is really the extent of my game.
I thought about where I went wrong with the girl that LBJF'd me and I realize what I did different. For some dumb reason I told this girl that I wasn't interested in the girls that I always string along. I created no jealousy and I just assumed that my high social value along with a little DQing would be enough to "carry me to the promised land", but as you saw, I ended up looking and feeling like a complete AFC.
So here is where I am right now. I completely ignored her yesterday and this morning she once again wrote me this:
Her: have you recovered from Saturday??
I still haven't responded because I'm not exactly sure of the next step to take. You asked me if the situations were reversed how would I feel if a girl wanted more from me. This has happened to me several times and the weird thing is, if that girl gets a boyfriend then I will often feel jealous. It's completely irrational.
04-18-2011, 11:01 PM #4
Its sounding to me like you either have a bad case of oneitis...or you need to work on strengthening your frame...Because things are sounding like they are following the typical "She's just not that into you" situation. She is feeling guilty now and trying to get through to you...I also agree and say you should move on...if you could go THAT afc on her (fair enough you were drunk....big mistake their i guess especially when you trying to get with her) in one night, then how do you know you weren't "subconsciously" being afc from time to time in the time leading up to that night? *shrug*... My take is that ...a girl saying "Im not ready for a relationships...or lets just be friends" is the type of LJBF that is salvageable...but the situation you described...is following the typically unsalvageable route....Who knows
Keep us Updated Bro and Good Luck
04-19-2011, 01:49 AM #5
Guys, first off thanks for the advice. I made a string of AFC mistakes and ended up with an AFC result. I didn't think it could happen to me so I was in a bit of denial at first, but it's definitely time to move on. Once I am sure that the one-itis has passed then I'll probably use her in the field. Seriously, appreciate the advice. I was too close to the situation to realize that I was crashing.