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  1. #1

    Need advice on a co-worker (possible LJBF?)

    I met this HB10 at a work happy hour. Shes a gorgeous blonde in somewhat of a position of power on her floor, and she's now three years older than me (her bday was last week). She has a great personality too.

    We started talking at the happy hour and things progressed over a little while until we eventually banged. We'd get coffee and talk on the interoffice chat and meet out on the weekends. We started talking every day after that, at work and on the phone at night through call or text.

    Maybe like two or three weeks ago, she said she didnt want a commitment. She never stated the line of LJBF, but she got out of a 3.5 year relationship in May that she still communicates with slightly since they have a dog together. She didn't want to change anything between us, but she made it clear she "wasnt ready". The usual horseshit line.

    She got weird after that. The last three weeks shes been talking to me still, but avoiding any hanging out. We missed each other last weekend but she was calling me three or four times while drunk at the bars that night, so she obviously wanted to come over for some play. I'm not sure if I was coming on too strong, but we were both just playing it by ear and everything was fine until she said something.

    We talked on Thursday night this week and I tried to pry her thoughts out of her. She said she didnt want to change anything but that she didnt want a commitment right now. I said I was fine with that and that I just wanted her to be happy.

    Yesterday I woke up and texted her the "I'm cool with being friends, but I still want to fuck you every time I see you" bit that I picked up on here. I made sexually charged comments throughout the day and played it cool while telling her things like "I woke up this morning and felt attracted to brunettes all of a sudden" and slight pokes about her hair not being natural.

    We didn't talk last night of course and I kept my distance the rest of the day. I am unsure of what to do at this point. Should I refrain from texting her? Should I text her playfully? I read on here in another thread that you don't want to go from being around to being a ghost because she would react negatively to that as women naturally find mates to be someone they can depend on, so I'm trying to figure the next move.


  2. #2

    Need advice on a co-worker (possible LJBF?)

    Any help here?

  3. #3

    Need advice on a co-worker (possible LJBF?)

    What to do......

    What impression, or what feeling do you think your recent text messages left her with? She is hot, you said, and she just broke up with someone, and from what you indicated, she may not be into finding another guy at the moment, so, why not actually just be friends with her? To me, everything you have been doing shows too much interest in her. It seems too direct, and therefore, she is deflecting it. Also, I think the whole text message thing is sort of adolescent. If you did the woman, communicate with her directly face to face. Text messaging is sort of like a non commital. If she ignores you or says something disparaging, it is easier to take with a text message, and there is less risk to you with text message instead of talking to her directly. All this game, and the techniques and routines and the strategizing what to say is all great in a club, but eventually, it comes down to Ghost and Flame. If you were the Ghost, how would you respond to her? Why should she want to have lunch with you or even talk to you? Do you help her at work? Are you interesting? How do you demonstrate value to her? My opinion is to quit playing text messaging games and talk to her directly. Make it clear that you DO NOT want to get in to her pants (even if you do) and that you want to get to know her as a person. (Even though you are a dog, like me and our other brothers here.) Be interesting not desperate. Sorry, it does sound like you are communicating desperation to her.


  4. #4

    Need advice on a co-worker (possible LJBF?)

    Thanks a lot for the post. I was beginning to this my words would fall on blind eyes.

    Fact is, I see her in person at work nearly every day. I would often ask her out past the point of us fucking until she started getting weird and I backed off. Now I think I backed off too much this past week here because I'm giving off the impression that I'm the one acting weird or in the very least, busy. Sometimes I take the distance things to extremes.

    We still got coffee and went to lunch and things like that, but I'm actually writing this from work right now and I one-two punched a problem she had upstairs today, then immediately left. I just deflect any questions she has about me with passive answers. I know not to react.

    I haven't said anything desperate and I told her I was cool with being friends, and have acted Ghost for the most part. I guess it's more or less the fact that I haven't seen her outside of work in three weeks (although we had missed opportunities in the first two) that is throwing me off.

  5. #5

    Need advice on a co-worker (possible LJBF?)

    She's actually emailing me as we speak and asking me when I'm leaving and if I want to walk out with her. I can Ghost well enough that she reacts to me but I'm not as versed in how to respond to her after that, or once we meet up.

  6. #6

    Need advice on a co-worker (possible LJBF?)

    Update: I've been keeping conversation light and minimal lately in the last few days and haven't been around as much. I'll neg her every now and then but I took the sexual comments out as suggested until if and when we're in a more social setting. She went to dinner and a movie on Friday with someone else, but I didn't react to it or mention it at all. She came to my section of town on Saturday but I let her choose to call or text. She didn't but I was shmoozing other women anyway.

    I decided to text her Sunday morning to keep the caring factor involved so she knows I didn't just bail on her after the semi-LJBF, and she called me later that day. We caught up a bit but not much was said. Still the same flirty chatter though.

    Anything else I should be doing, or not doing?

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