How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?
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  1. #1
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    This is a half rant, half questions topic. Sorry about the language use, english is not my native language. I try to tone down the melodrama, but this is really how I feel right now.

    I feel deep anger and sadness, and I feel like there's nothing left for me. I am an AFC, and I definitely want to become a pickup artist. What motivates me is fucking as many women as possible without any barriers. I fuck and leave. I'll be honest with you: I'd like this to be my revenge, because I gave them everything and recieved nothing in return.

    The best thing about me is that I know my boundaries, and I'm able to efficiently fake confidence for an amount of time because of my quick tongue and theatrical abilities. I'm still young (20), I know I'm nice-looking (I get complimented a lot nowadays), I was blessed with a symmetric face and high intelligence, I've worked towards a good body. I also have good posture. I'm studying at my country's best university, I am moderately wealthy compared to my country's standards, I'm above average height etc. I have style, I'm well-groomed, my clothes are high-quality.

    Otoh I lack experience, I'm not socially well-adjusted and I don't know many places. Deep inside, I'm also not very confident. Sometimes I just "freeze" and my social mask falters. I feel like I'm not independent enough, despite all my efforts. I have a couple of friends, but they're pretty much like me.

    There was nothing wrong with me for a few years. I had an accident though, some serious shit happened in my family, and things started to change. I became a loner, didn't have any friends, those who I thought to be my friends abandoned me. I was different, and as such a potential target for males and laughingstock for females. I felt terrible, sometimes they just randomly shouted nasty things after me. They even cast twigs at me once. I've tried to be nice, no difference. I was very lonely. With minimal professional help, the visible effects of the accident slowly faded, now there are practically no signs of it anymore.

    This happened 3 years ago - I started to work out, which turned out to be great, and I've tried to socialize, which didn't work at all. Uni started, and I still couldn't bring myself to vibe with others. I've tried to pick up a few girls, but I failed. I saw how ugly and stupid guys who stink like fish easily picked up everybody and they had such fun together. Once again, I felt sad and jealous.

    And then she came, she was unlike any others. She was outgoing and fun, yet still interested in me. I immediately felt a connection, and so did her. I've started to recover emotionally, I've gained more strength, and I've taken a great leap forward. We've been together for 5 months, and I've never ever had such deep interactions with anybody. I literally still feel her in my mouth. I've showed her my world and she seemed to enjoy it, I gave her everything I had, and I'm not talking about money here. My days of loneliness were over.

    Last month she hooked up with another guy. I found out, we broke up. I can't really describe how it felt, I'm not sure if you folks with abundance mentality could ever even imagine it, no disrespect. She's like a hole, the void in me.

    Now I don't have anything left but my anger and desire to pickup. I couldn't care less about sex, really. I just want to feel as confident as those natural pricks, and I want to prove that I'm not useless. I'm unable to practice the Ghost and the Flame for obvious reasons, but I do feel my anger burning inside, and I think I could get somewhere from that energy.

    This was a long post. My questions are:

    - What would be the first step to reach my goals? I've read some Inner Game, but things like the "Power of appreciation" don't really work. I don't have anything to appreciate in women atm.

    - Is it possible to make use of my anger and sadness to develop a strong, masculine presence somehow? If so, how?

    - If not, how do I get rid of them? New Age transformational hogwash is making me even angrier... and I just don't like people enough to vibe with them. It might've been an option a couple of months before, but now my whole body screams of the very idea. I'm working out, it helps a little...

    - Theoretically, is it possible to hide such feelings with outer game? To create the image of a fun-loving alpha while being bitter, using evolutionary tricks? If so, where do I need to put my focus? Or do I honestly need to enjoy interactions?

    Where do I start? God, I feel miserable for even writing this.


  2. #2
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    Aeon, nice to have you. I read your post and I can honestly say I understand the feelings you're describing. I experienced a similar situation for th past 6 months, except I was with my woman for 5 years.

    I can say that the feelings of sadness and anger will not go away completely. With time you can learn to push those feelings out of your mind.

    Your problem now is that the pain is fresh. The best thing you can do is to get out of the house and keep yourself busy. Stay busy with friends, activities, working out, etc. Go out and meet new women. This is the most important. Even if you're not totally attracted to them, they don't have to be 9's and 10's, just to be around women will help you to feel better. Screw as many of them as you can. I'm not kidding. Go out and open sets and sleep with women.

    It is possible to hide all of your insecurities and pick up women. Believe me, I have done it. Use the pain and sadness to your advantage and allow it to be your fuel.

    Don't worry about hiding your feelings or trying to make them go away. Focus more on the Mystery Method steps - A1, A2, A3, etc. Focus on meeting new people, especially women.

    After a while and a few women you can then start to be more picky with the women you choose to pick up. Just get out there and do the work. If you don't approach them and talk to them you'll never get them.

    Every women that I've ever approached and F-closed caused me approach anxiety. With each one I thought she won't want me, probably won't like me but I went for it anyway and always looked back and thought, wow what if I let my approach anxiety get the best of me? She wouldn't be sleeping in my bed right now.

    I'm telling you, the cure to getting over one woman is to get a few more.


  3. #3
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    Grab your balls and remember why they're there.


  4. #4
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    mdr411: Thank you, I'm sure it must've been hard for you too. I am a little more relieved now that I know that it is possible to hide my insecurities. I'll try to pull myself together and report back. I would welcome any further comments though.

    Technical question: if you only want to have sex, is it OK to skip C1-C3? Don't care about buyer's remorse all that much.


  5. #5
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    Umm the only way to skip C1-C3 is if she has TONS of attraction for you right from the get-go or she's really drunk.

    Instead of skipping comfort just speed it up. Run through all the phases at an accelerated pace. If you do it right it will work.

    Here's something from Matador on break-ups:

    When you fall hard and you have a bad breakup, the world it seems like is coming down on you. And I think that a lot of times you’re going to think, “This is only happening to me, the universe is collapsing on me.” Well guess what, this is exactly how everybody who has a breakup feels. Your body, your emotions are ubiquitous, and we all operate pretty much the same way, with some anomalies. And I think that, first of all, there are girls that I see and girls that I ended up having strong feelings for, and there comes a time when it has to end sometime. And yes, I do go through that feeling of loss, that feeling of sadness, but it’s a state of mind, and it’s how you want to look at it. You can either look at it as a door closing permanently forever, or you can look at it as a door opening and the sun shining through and beyond that door lay all these new adventures, and new beautiful women that you’re going to meet. And new good times to be had. For me, it gives me a sense of optimism to get off my ass or stop smoking cigarettes and wallowing. It’s almost this very normal and understandable feeling of sadness and get out and do something proactive and start creating some happy moments again and start being positive again. And it is tough and it’s kind of like quitting smoking. It’s not to meant to feel good, and it’s O.K. to feel bad but it’s pretty much what kind of man you want to be. Do you want sit there for weeks upon weeks upon weeks or do you want to get up and do something and change the current situation that you’re in? And it’s going to take some discipline and it’s going to take overriding what your emotions are telling you but I guarantee it’s the best course of action. I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s something that has to be done. But I would say that it’s just one out of many instances in life — let’s say something happens to your business where you take a big hit that year. Are you going to run, are you going to hide, you gonna wallow in self-pity or are you going to use all of your resources, whatever they may be, to get up and fucking recover? That’s the way to look at it. You have to fucking recover. And know this: most of the time, when you do go out and you do meet a new girl who makes you happy, who you’re spending time with, most of the time the moment that happens, you immediately ameliorate all the negative emotions you had previously. And I’m not saying jump into another relationship, by the way, but it is healthy to start dating again, to start spending time with other women right away.

    And this is no disrespect to women, but I think we live in a culture where love, so many notions of love have been mystified and it’s this mystical thing where we’re not supposed to understand it, that it just happens. But most of the time that when you have a lot of options in your life, two things happen: you start demanding better for yourself, you start realizing that a lot of these girls that you were going out with weren’t as special as you thought they were. Meaning they’re negative personalities, or unacceptable behavior, and I’m not saying all women are like this, I’m just saying that sometimes you need peace in the home and she just won’t stop nagging you. And you overlook it in the name of love. And when you start dating other women, you’re like, “Holy shit, I was pretty understanding, and this was why I had to break up with her because she wouldn’t stop fucking nagging me.” And you’re able to call women out on the stuff that is really not cool, and not O.K. But when you’re afraid that you’re not going to be able to get another girlfriend quickly or the next relationship’s going to come in a year from now, you get that feeling of, O.K., man, do I leave this vessel that I’m on right now? Do I leave what I have right now? I don’t know what’s going to happen. That can be a scary moment. I think the man who has options is in a position to make the most purest choice. Which is more pure: Being there because you want to be there or being there because you don’t have any other places to go?



  6. #6
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    You are a lucky little bastard my friend.
    Like you said yourself,you DO HAVE a nice body,and a nice face,and most guys are not blessed with this shit.
    Me for example,i am an ugly fat loser,and theres basicaly nothing i can do to change this.
    I feel almost the same way you do,filled up with anger and sadness,and i do want to fuck the much girls i can,and then dump them,just to make them feel some pain.
    My life is in deep shit,and i see no way out of this hole,the only thing i feel i can do to stop the pain,is fucking kill myself,this whole shit would just dissapear.

    so stop complaning because of a fucking chick,cause your situation is way better than most guys.


  7. #7
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    Shooter. why is your life in deep shit?


  8. #8
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    well man,like i said,im very fat,and obviously ugly as hell.
    im sick too,and because of this i cant practice any sports.
    and to complete the package the illness fucks my body appearence.
    suicide seems comforting


  9. #9
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    Aeon: I think most of us do this for revenge, in some way. Most of us have been the "just friend" or the loser in the corner most of our lives. So grasping at this power...at being able to attract women with just a few words and adjusted body language...it can be intoxicating. But one thing to remember is that revenge is a dish best served cold. I've been through something very similar to you, and I can understand where you're coming from...All that bitterness and anger eat away at you, you can't sleep, you can barely eat. And she's just THERE, in your head, mocking you with her fucking perfection. But she's not perfect, my friend. She never was and she never will be. It took me three years to get over that Void, as you call her. It mostly took so long because I kept letting myself fall back into it. So, very simply, don't. It's okay to be angry, to be bitter and fucking outraged! It's GOOD that you are, because it means you're human! So take all of that shit bottle up inside you and temper it into a resolve. "Never again" is your motto now, dude.

    But don't let it define you. Don't let it be the only thing that fills you. Because thats the same as letting it pull you under. Don't do it for the Void, don't do it for the other women that don't acknowledge you. Do it for you. You DESERVE to be happy. It's your right as a man with a functioning dick. Sure, let it be revenge, but revenge against the you that was too weak to be who you NEED to be. This isn't some new age bullshit about "loving yourself and giving your in child a hug". This is me telling you to man up and grow a pair, because the only thing stopping you is you. Kill that weakness, bend your insecurities over and fuck them raw. Use that anger to do it.

    Because you know what? I bet you're a fucking awesome dude. Now go out and fucking show it! Give the world the finger then proceed to rule it!



    Shooter: You're ugly. You're fat. What's the problem? I've been out-gamed by PLENTY of acne-ridden, fat guys with poor hygiene. If they can do it, you sure as hell can.

    Your appearance doesn't matter. You have a cock right? And you can get it up no problem? Then you have a right to enjoy life. You have a right to beautiful, amazing woman waking up in your arms and kissing you good-morning. I know for a fact you're a cool guy. You know why? Because you probably have more life experience than any of those douche-bags you see with women on their arms. You have more VALUE. You have a heart. You have a soul. And THAT'S what women will look at when they see you.

    Some shallow bitch say's she won't fuck you because you have a weight issue and you're sick? Who cares?! She obviously isn't worth the dirt on your shoes, so just move on to her cute friend. There WILL be woman that would like to kiss you, hold you, be around you. But you have to put in the effort to find those golden tickets. I can promise it will be hard...but you have to ask yourself....

    Is it worth it?

    Yes. It always is.

    So, go on man. Take over the world. Because you can do it. Don't let me down.

    (also...what kind of sickness do you have?)

    HeartSleeve


  10. #10
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    How do I work with or transform anger and sadness?

    a few ideas

    Younger Brother (and I mean that with fraternal affection, not condescension),

    Why be angry? Who are you angry at? One of the hard lessons I have learned from studying the Pick Up Arts, is women do not want to meet a dark, brooding, depresed guy. They are attracted to happy, fun guys. I leave my nihilism, moodiness, and overly philosophical nature at home when I go sarging, and I bring out my playfulnes, and fun side. Yes, we have a Y-Chromosome and there is plenty in the universe and in life to be angry about, but that is why the teaching in Revelations (The Mystery book, not the 1st century book) about Flame and Ghost is so important. Learn to be the Ghost. I do not mean this as an insult, but, sometimes therapy with a good psychologist is VERY helpful in dealing with anger and sadness.

    Peace, and message me if you would like to discuss this more.


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