i dont have much to say
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  1. #1
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    i dont have much to say

    Why is that whenever i try talkin to a girl, if its face to face, or myspace or txtin, i just dont know what to say. i dont get too far from hey wuts up.. after that i dont know how to continue the conversation.. what should i do?


  2. #2
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    i dont have much to say

    Thats why you develop a stack- a list of stuff you can talk about. When you arent a super great pua that can think on the spot, you have a little bag of magic tricks so you won't run dry. As you get more and more experience, you at the same time develop more and more natural stories, and humor.


  3. #3
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    i dont have much to say

    i want to have a more natural game, with less of the rountines and games. I jus need to be funny and be a great talker, but i come up short


  4. #4
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    i dont have much to say

    Wassup Eazy,

    I like Natural game as well, so kudos. I was also worried a short while ago about what you mentioned. I needed some structure to conversation skills to reduce my anxiety in an interaction.

    What your question describes is conversational skills. Remember you go to a club, hit on a girl and she replies with a Yes, No, one word answer. Put that on one end of a scale. On the other end of the scale you have stuff that you talk about with friends. Films, TV, hobbies, Jobs, Interests, Holidays, travel, celebrity antics etc. You have massive amounts of conversation with topics like these. The same conversational skills with your friends applies to women you manage to open.

    What are your hobbies? What do you do for fun? Favorite film etc.

    You ask an open question to generate a massive chit-chat from the girl.
    You state a fact about something she says or something that relates or something you just remembered.
    You give your opinion "I think ..."
    You tell her a funny story that happened to your mates.
    You poke a little fun at her and add some humor, unapologetically to add some tension - This has to be calibrated.
    You give her a kino task, such as how tall are you without heels, see how she compares when you step closer to measure yourself up to her, a chance for you to enter her personal space and test for compliance.
    You make an assumption about her.
    You validate her when she qualifies. "I think thats pretty cool"

    DHVs can be blended into conversations like these with relative ease. What makes a great listener is when you feedback her conversation so she genuinely seems interested in what you are saying.

    The simplest of questions/opinions relating to an interesting topic can generate many things to talk about.

    That should give you a starting point to work with.

    Thing is, you already know this. It just needs to surface again with some structure.

    That should help you get started again!

    Peace!


    p.s. sometimes the girl will go off on one. blah blah blah. Stop her if she begins to get you bored because you will slide into the Friends Zone quickly. If she continues & ignores your interrupting with a hook either surprise her with a kiss, followed by a "you talk too much, throttle it back sweetheart". Or something verbal along those lines. But do it in a cheeky way with humor.


  5. #5
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    i dont have much to say

    Quote Originally Posted by Eazy View Post
    i want to have a more natural game, with less of the rountines and games. I jus need to be funny and be a great talker, but i come up short
    eaglering basically touches up on this. You can't just jump into a pool of water and expect to learn how to swim just like that. And if you aren't natural to begin with, how would you expect to magically jump into a set and have conversation flow out of you? Things like that are developed, and having a stack of conversational topics and stories will be the training wheel. This is not in reference to having routines and games and stuff. Answer eaglering's questions about yourself, and you'll be off to developing your story.


  6. #6
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    i dont have much to say

    eaglering can you put ur thoughts into a visual so i can see it. i learn by seeing things, N im thinknig if i can see it i can solve it.
    like, for instance..when you say "You poke a little fun at her and add some humor, unapologetically to add some tension - This has to be calibrated"
    its like i need somes examples to run by,like routines im guessing... maybe i do need some canned stuff...

    yeah i know i overthink things.. :


  7. #7
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    i dont have much to say

    I over-think things as well so no worries.

    Personally I feel quite comfortable when im not running a script. Occasionally there are topics such as my actual name, what do I do? that I have a canned script to pluck out, the thing is the responses from women are always going to be different.

    For the humor thing you said, I tend to add something of the absurd to the conversation but I tell it as if to me, its the worlds most funniest thing. Sometimes I get carried away and do some physical exaggeration, pull a funny face, funny body language, animate myself. If a girl does something silly, I chuckle and make a light comment on what she just did. When a comedian adds some tension to the audience i.e. says something of the absurd, something ironic, the audience diffuses it with laughter.


    Ill try to describe it visually as best as I can.

    Say you got past your opener with a target whether its natural or not, dive right in the deep end and say "Chilling for the weekend, What do you do for fun? What are your cool hobbies?".

    Now whatever she says e.g. "Hobbies?!?!, well I like to go out clubbing with friends, Im busy during the week because im working 9-5, my freinds like going on walks and ive started yoga"

    She has given you lots of things to follow up upon.

    Clubbin - You can ask What clubs shes been to? Has she been to this one? What music is she into?

    Work - What does she do? Does she enjoy it? Does she get to go on Holidays?

    Yoga - "Are thats pretty cool, I suppose some of your friends do that as well...I assume its much more fun doing it with friends? Aren't some of the positions really perculier, im not sure if I would be able to keep a straight face without laughing"

    For everything that she says you have a choice of what topic to have a follow up question/statement on and generate new threads. For the yoga one, you have made two assumptions about her, (women love to talk about themselves to you, so give her the opportunity to correct you assumption and qualify herself to you)

    No doubt she will say things that remind you of something in your own life you can then talk about. She will feel like she is getting to know you. The "You" statements & actions in my previous post will prevent the conversation from being like an interview question after question.


    Next time you open just have conversation, dive right in the deep-end with the hobbies question and don't worry about anything other than having conversation. Imagine everything she says as some new topic thread you can follow on. As I said previously its not something you don't know how to do. Just go out and practice. Honestly, One-weekend if less is all it takes to get comfortable having conversation with a target. You'll never run out of things to talk about again. Conversation fills out comfort time easily!!

    Hope that helps!

    Sidenote: A wing of mine started talking with a girl a weekend ago, he just kept talking about himself, really relaxed but just kept looking at her and chatting away. Her reply was priceless. After 5 minutes of him jabbering away she goes "Whats wrong with you...". He kicks into gear, isolates to dance-floor and makes out with her. Conversation can be one way or two way. Either will work so by all means say whats on your mind, what you're thinking, do what you want etc


  8. #8
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    i dont have much to say

    thank you eaglering
    i guess asking the hobbie question can thread off into so many other topics.
    thank you and i will use this


  9. #9
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    i dont have much to say

    Eazy, also check out this Best of thread on being boring and making stimulating conversation
    http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/sh...ad.php?t=14503


  10. #10
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    i dont have much to say

    Hey Eazy.. check it out.

    When you say the words natural game, what do you think of.. Here's what I see. There is nothing that is made, or behaving naturally that requires contemplation. That being said, as a person who experiences only natural game, I'd like to let you in on a secret.

    When it comes to conversation.. if your finding yourself unable to have anything to say, its strictly a result of too much contemplation. Imagine if you had to stop and think about how to grow your arms, legs, your heart, lungs. Imagine if you had to think about flowing your blood. Imagine if you had to contemplate on how to take a step. Imagine if you had to contemplate, and work out mathematically, how to take a shot in basketball. Granted, your always in a different spot when you take a shot, but you never seem to have to add up an equation, yet you know exactly where to put the ball.

    Simply, there are many things that don't require any deliberation. Most of these things we feel we do have to contemplate, simply because the most of human common sense says, "lets play defensively." Meaning, lets make sure we do this in a way that covers up errors before they happen. In that thinking, your creating problems where there are none. When it comes to things like conversation, our brains are very loaded with things that we have learned from our entire lives that are right, and wrong.

    So your looking to always say things that are right. Right being things that progress the conversation forward naturally without any set backs in how attractive your felt to be.

    Conversation flows like your blood. It repairs its self like a cut on your arm. Your body doesn't repair a cut that isn't there yet. When the cut is there, your body doesn't worry about how its going to heal the cut, it does it without deliberation every single time. You trust this.

    Imagine for a second that you could trust yourself in conversation equally as much as your trust yourself to heal a cut, or to flow your blood. That's to say, imagine if you trusted yourself so much that you didn't have to deliberate, and cover non existent problems. It would be pretty easy then wouldn't it.. This feeling would be almost... natural.

    How often you think about flowing your blood, as you blood is flowing, is how much you should be contemplating your conversations. The second you stop to think about it, the whole flow is disrupted, and you feel anxiety. This anxiety is strictly of your own making. People typically don't know why they feel anxious. This is because they can never identify the root of their anxiety. They assume they said or did something incorrectly, and repetitively. Its also assumed that in order to prevent anxiety is to go over errors and correct them and make sure they never happen again. This is reverse thinking. It will only cause more anxiety, more uncertainty, and eventually it will be labeled as a huge problem which becomes subconsciously tattoo'd into the way one operates.

    The root of this, a lack of trust. When one chooses to pay attention to that which doesn't exist, one soon see's their self that exists only as the negative feeling they cultivate constantly.

    Having something to say isn't a problem, paying attention to the idea that it's a problem empty's out your natural ability to passionately discuss anything you wish charmingly and without fear, without holding back. It is blatantly displaying to the world that you in no way trust yourself, and therefor rely on an outward transaction of data to show who you are, and to create a connection with someone. This is not so.

    The moment you let go of deliberation on natural processes is the same moment you become free to do and say what you normally wouldn't do or say. What you'd normally do or say is absolutely nothing other then what you'd have planned for yourself. What you have planned for yourself is what you've considered safe and normal. This is no way to charm a girl, and cultivate love.

    In the simplest way I can put it, if you want to behave and feel naturally all you have to do is let go of your fear. Stop going into situations stressing over what you'll say. Women love a man who can discuss nothing, and everything at the same time.

    The most meaningless topics are the same topics within the infinite range of human attention. When you let go, your free to pay attention to any of it. Therefor, your able to discuss what you formally labeled as uninteresting in an interesting way.

    Try this, try to talk about something you and most consider interesting in an uninteresting way, see how far that gets you.

    Then, discuss something you've never discussed in an interesting way, with your own brand of wonder, and see where that gets you.

    The key to conversation is a genuine wondrous nature about all the fascinating things this universe is comprised of. Go ahead and try it, with anyone and everyone. You'd be surprised at what you come up with.


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