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Thread: I am haunted...
08-09-2007, 07:30 AM #1
I am haunted...
I am haunted by the image of a lost love. I close my eyes and I see her there. Wishing I could speak to her about nothing in particular. Just wanting to hear her laugh...the warmth of her smile...the brilliance in her eyes. I can still feel her touch. Her smooth skin. Her soft lips. She is a beauty, at least in my eyes that no woman can compete with. She was in my life for only a short while and was gone in a flash.
I am still heart broken.
I have and am continuing to work on the lessons of the Jedi. Working on becoming one with the force. Attempting to lift myself out of this darkness that my heart has sunken into. But this is such a slow process and I am guaranteed nothing. She could be out of my life forever. I can't stand the thought of that being my reality.
At times, I want her back in my life so badly it causes me physical pain. And what hurts even more, I feel as if there is nothing I can do. Other times I loathe her for being the catalyst of my torture. I am putting forth efforts that I believe, and sometimes doubt, will help me rise out of despair and into the light of happiness. I wish I could talk to her. But I can't...for now. I know that if I speak to her now, she'll smell my weakness in an instant. And even worse she could be freaked out by my current condition.
It's funny to me how there is a fine line between romantic and creepy. If I were in good standing with her, these words would come off as sentimental. Being that I am a previous chapter of her life, my words would probably be mis-interpreted as psycho.
I want to turn this around the right way. I want to fight the good fight but what do you do when you feel like you're losing the battle? I don't want to quit.
I want this apparition to leave my mind. I want peace within my thoughts.
08-09-2007, 02:03 PM #2
I am haunted...
You're going through what almost every one of us has been through. You're going through exactly what I went through, and that post you made, is unbelievably similar to the very first post I ever made on a PUA board.
The best thing you can do is not block her from your mind completely, but to accept what has happened. If you feel like crying, then cry. After quarter of an hour, cut it off and focus on something else. Right now you're placing this girl on a pedestal, and understandably. But that relationship wouldn't have ended if everything really was perfect. Some people will encourage you to blow up all the bad things about her, and make her seem like a terrible girlfriend, turning her into someone you despise. I find it works a lot better if you simply realize that there were bad things about her, as well as the good things, and that you now know what to avoid in a future relationship. I look back on my relationship and see it as 2 years of amazing memories. I wouldn't have changed a thing about how my time with her was spent, and I'm sure you will be able to say the same thing eventually.
For me, that breakup was what turned me towards this community. The guys helped me through the tough time, and whenever I wanted to take my mind off her, I studied up on the game. I forced myself to parties, and although I didn't want a day 2 or a lay with any of the girls, I did enjoy putting all the knowledge into practice and getting number closes. Not even kiss closes appealed at the time, and when they happened, I pulled away. But meeting so many new people, so many new girls, made me realize that there are a hell of alot of options out there, and some of them I connected with really well! I still had strong feelings for my ex, and even to this day I have a place in my heart for her, as well the other two girls i've fallen in love with before, that don't seem to be filling. But in no way did that mean I couldn't move on. You're bound to meet so many new and interesting people, that will love you for who you are, and some of them will have better qualities than your ex-girlfriend. I'm still good friends with my ex, and in fact her birthday is next tuesday. I'm going to enjoy spending time with her, but I know for a fact that although I still care for her, the last thing I want is to get back together with her. I know far too many girls who are so much more special than her now!
Just surround yourself with friends, go meet new people, and especially new girls. Not with the intention of starting a relationship with them, because that will come in time, probably without you even realizing! Hope you're okay buddy, I know how this feels.
Oh! And don't listen to any emo music! Any music with lyrics about how 'I'll never live without you by my side...' etc etc, are going to put you in a depressed state. Keep yourself as the prize! Try this track - Had Enough, by Breaking Benjamin - whenever you're feeling low and want to feel on top of the world! And if you can deal with screamo - You Eclipsed By Me, by Atreyu. Both of those songs have awesome lyrics for getting over a lost love!
08-09-2007, 03:18 PM #3
I am haunted...
know what you mean, ive had my heart broken many a time. And i sometimes think why am i even bothering to learn all this just to get another broken heart, its like making a fire to put ur hand in it.
what i can say is this, time is a healer, be busy, hang with m8s, listen to music, get out and sarge, find someone else.
its funny i split with someone in feb and was heart broke, ive just fucked a day2 up other day and im heart broken about tht but i dont think about my x one in feb.
same with everyone. theres always someone else, its mainly you feel like shite cos you think you wont get anyone else, its a feeling thats taking thousends of years to auto process into you. but if you could fuck 10 girls right now or be loved by 3 girls would you care about this x, maybe ur answer is yes now but when your over then road lookin bak think about this question again.
gd luck fg
08-10-2007, 01:10 AM #4
I am haunted...
Silver is absolutely right, almost everyone in this community has felt like this. A year ago, I was just like this. It wasn't till about 5 months ago that I found the community and started realizing that my reality is what I make of it. I think everyone is responsible for what they feel, blaming other people only makes it seem like you can't do anything about it.
But you know what I've found? You can do something about it. And you've obviously found the perfect place and way to learn. I don't think I've heard of anyone getting something negative out of this community.
Like Mystery said, "This is not about picking up girls, it's about building a life." And right now it sounds like you aren't really happy with life. So take charge and fix the problem. Why shouldn't you be happy? My mindset is always, "It's my world, everyone else is just living in it." You're one and only focus should be you, because no one will ever care about you as much as you do.
My motivation is actually kinda amusing. The reason I got into the community so heavily is because the girl who broke my heart(she was at most a mid range 7) told me when she broke up with me, that I would never find someone near as good as her. That she was the best I could ever get. And you know what, that motivated me. I want beautiful girls for obvious reasons and to prove that stupid girl wrong. Not for her, for me. I mean, do I deserve any less? No, and you my friend don't either.
Get out there and grab the world by the horns.
08-10-2007, 02:22 AM #5
I am haunted...
Girls generally handle breakups pretty damn well compared to guys. It's like they write on a schedule: Grieve for two days over EX, cry to my friends, make my friends hate him, say MEN SUCK with a comedic 80's movie tone, find new guy on day three.
For men, it's: Listen to depressing music, grow beard out, stop bathing, drink heavily, call her over and over, try to get her back, contemplate suicide, drink more, buy a gun, spy on her to see if she is fucking someone else, look at old photos, think that you have lost the love of your life and you'll never find it ever EVER again, drink more.
You should Delete her out of your life.
Delete her number, contacts, defriend her from any internet sites like Facebook or Myspace and ignore her, and destroy emails and photos. Delete old mp3's that remind you of her, try to discard anything that reminds you of her with the exception of expensive stuff. Never contact her because it will bring you back to square one of that painful emotional state.
Socialize more, talk to your friends and family about it, about it, and about it to the point where it becomes common and emotionaless. Work out, read, play sports, be extremely active.
Grieve a little, watch the movie Swingers...
08-10-2007, 02:35 AM #6
I am haunted...
Amen Slob, ultimately that's what I had to do to live with myself after a 2 year relationship gone wrong - she made me feel the best I had ever been in my life, but then I found out that over the course of 2 years, she wasn't cheating on me for only about 3-4 months, nonconsecutive. She ended up dumping me for my best friend, and after months of hatred and seething anger, I woke up one day and realized that it was setting my life on the road to ruin. So, I said "Fuck you" to the both of them and hit the mental "delete" button. There were good times with both of them, but they are far overshadowed by all the hurt I allowed them to bring to me. If I had the chance to change it all, I would in a heartbeat - but since I know it's impossible, I've accepted all the BS and put myself back together without them.
Musically, I've found that lots of Alice in Chains and Pearl Jam help the healing process...it did for me, anyways.
08-10-2007, 12:58 PM #7
I am haunted...
experience on this one! The first girl I had a serious relationship with, I did just that after we broke up. Here I am 5 years later, wishing I still had those love letters and photos just to remind me of the good times I had with her. In a sense, I'm glad I did it then and not with my last ever AFC girlfriend, the one that ultimately turned me to this community. Only last week I was looking through all the photos, letters, and cinema/theatre/event tickets that make up 2 years of my life, and some of the happiest memories I have. If I had burned all of those, I'd be killing myself right now!
Just put them all in a box and leave them in your attic or something. In 6 months time when you're well over her, you can dig them out again and smile at the memories. Destroying them will be one of the biggest regrets of your life, I promise you that.
08-10-2007, 08:43 PM #8
I am haunted...Girls generally handle breakups pretty damn well compared to guys. It's like they write on a schedule: Grieve for two days over EX, cry to my friends, make my friends hate him, say MEN SUCK with a comedic 80's movie tone, find new guy on day three.
08-10-2007, 09:03 PM #9Rewok Guest
I am haunted...
Very emo. Hole and a heartbeat. Move on.