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Thread: Inner game sabotage
04-24-2009, 12:10 AM #1
Inner game sabotage
The popular saying states that "you are your own worst critic". Well I don't know anyone else but I know that in my case it is far too real. Ever since I can remember I have never been satisfied. I always criticize myself for everything I do - I am never good enough no matter what. The root of this problem is unknown, but I know that the negative attitude it envelops me in is self-destructive. I mean if I don't think I'm good enough for myself...why would I be good enough for anyone else?!
I have been told I'm too hard on myself many times, and I have tried to (and have done a good job) appearing happy. You can fool others but you can never fool your inner self. You can convince yourself as much as you want but if you don't feel it then, quite frankly, it won't mean shit.
The root of the problem goes a lot deeper than pick-up, but dating is the area where it has hurt me the most (I consider myself pretty successful, in general). I just don't feel good enough for another female. I have gotten to the point where I view "sex" as something unattainable - something that is totally out of my reality. Its like being in another fucking world. This is no way means that I haven't had the opportunities, but I always fuck up. ALWAYS. I sabotage myself because I am scared...totally scared of actually getting what I want. A fucked up thought for sure, I know, but truth nonetheless. When I see a beautiful girl I have problems thinking of ANY reason she would want to be with me. I have tried changing, and I think its working slowly, but these thoughts still influence me daily. Its sad. This is sad because quite frankly I know I have a lot going for me, and I feel fortunate to be where I am at in life and to be WHO I am. But I still cant picture myself with a girl...outside of my dreams that is...
Normally I wouldn't have the guts to write this. I consider myself too "proud", but I am starting to realize that these negative thoughts that haunt me have become my reality. The first part to fixing a problem is admitting you have one in the first place. So I admit, I have a problem, and now its time to do something about it. Words are worthless though. Rather than writing about it I want to take action. But what???
04-24-2009, 04:35 AM #2
Inner game sabotage
You can think of these negative thoughts as being like a bad internal habit.... and in order to break a habit you need to replace it with a better one.
In order to reprogram these negative thoughts, you need to challenge and replace them with positive thoughts. This takes some time, an effort applied consistently for a few weeks. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, stop this thought as soon as you become aware of it, and replace it with a positive affirmation about yourself. Try finding the opposite of the negative thought and cancelling it out. For example, if you say to yourself "This woman would not want to be with me" stop and replace it with "This woman is very attracted to me. Of course she wants me." If you say to yourself "No, I'm too afraid" replace that with "I am courageous and I will do what is necessary to embrace this moment." Etc. If the negative thought persists, REPEAT the positive affirmation multiple times, like a mantra.
The important idea here is the break that chain of negativity and replace it with something more productive. Be patient with yourself and do not get discouraged - if the negativity creeps back, start over and repeat the positive affirmations again. Be persistent.
As for the origins of this way of thinking... when you look back into the attitudes you held during your childhood and teens, have you ALWAYS been this way? Did you think you weren't good enough even in elementary school for example? Did someone along the way, such as your parents, or a respected adult, or a girlfriend, ever criticize you in ways that really hurt, or told you that you weren't good enough for such and such? Receiving unconstructive criticism can have a very strong impact and become ingrained in your psyche when you are very young, until you dig it out and realize that you shouldn't have allowed that person to inflict their negativity on you permanently.
Think about it.... try to figure out when this started.
04-24-2009, 04:44 AM #3
Inner game sabotage
hey man, the fact that you're being proactive and asking for help is a BIG BIG step. It says your willing to ask for help, which means for certain your going to get it. I know the one belief that has always helped me is the fact that EVERYBODY deserves to be happy. Reminding myself of that fact has definitely shifted my thinking, mainly because I realized
hey I deserve to be happy too!
Just know that the one thing you have control over is your thoughts and definitely listen to Azazel. Repeat the positive mantras!
And just find something to be grateful for
04-24-2009, 10:46 AM #4
Inner game sabotage
In addition to reaffirming mantras, working inside your head, work your body too.
That is, body language is an emotional trigger. If you're happy about something, you're not going to cross your arms. If you're nervous you're not going to have open palms (think about it, it's hard to imagine using that body language in those situations).
You can trick yourself by, when you're feeling defensive instead of closing yourself off, deliberately choosing to smile, keep your chin up, shoulders out and portray yourself as confident, even if it's just pretend at first.
Emotional triggers work both ways, mimic confident body language and it will definitely start to become real.
Also: What would I have to say, do, think, and act like in order to present myself the way I want?