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Thread: Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
06-14-2007, 08:25 PM #1
Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
So….What does it really mean to be an Alpha Male and how does that relate to success??
Under the literal term, the word "Alpha", in this context, means "first”. Thus, “First Male”. Other definitions surround the cultural notion of “masculine” and others think of the Alpha Male as a typical “extrovert”.
And note that I am not talking about the ‘alpha’ guy in his group, because if you take that guy out of his social circle, he will no longer be an ‘alpha male’, I am talking about the true alpha male, someone who maintains this position and frame no matter where they are or who they are with.
So, should it be your goal to become an “Alpha Male”?
The answer to this question is YES and everything else you want to do will flow from this. In order to do this, you need to understand and internalize the following eight personality traits. While reading each trait, I want you to visualize the person you know or knew in your life that most closely resembled that particular skill:
The Social Magnet
Regardless of looks, irrespective of job or status, this is the person that everyone wants to be around. When you arrive at a party or a venue and this person is there, you seek them out. When you are around this person you feel better about yourself and more secure in your surroundings.
Visualize the most popular guy in High School or college. Do you think that guy spent a Friday night alone? Not if he didn’t want to. Remember, how conversation in the room stopped when he entered? This should be your first mental image of an Alpha Male.
In addition to being drawn to his presence, you also seek his approval. I am not talking about being a sycophant here, but rather you want to impress him. When he approves of what you are doing, you feel validated. When he disapproves, you try to correct your behavior and show him that you have "stepped up". This desire to be accepted by the Alpha Male is his primary source of influence over his surroundings.
Visualize a mentor (this could be your boss or the teacher/professor that had the most influence on you). Recall, how you wanted to impress them, and how you felt when you disappointed them. This will be your second mental image of an Alpha Male.
Sergeant at Arms
One of the reasons you are drawn to the Alpha Male and want to please him, is that he is NOT a dick, rather, he is fair. He is strong, opinionated, but in no way a control freak. In fact, he is usually generous with his time, funny/witty, kind to those around him and very stern with those who cross him or those he "protects". And while he may be quick to lose his temper and you don't want to fuck with him, he is most commonly referred to as a "great guy!”.
Visualize the fairest guy you can remember. It should be easy, just think back to the one person you knew that everyone liked. Try as you might, and I am sure you tried, you could not find an issue with this guy. This is your third mental image of an Alpha Male.
Ferris Bueller/Van Wilder
The Alpha Male isn't necessarily the guy who has to be the center of attention. Sometimes he is, but it isn't a condition of being an alpha male. He can be the laid back guy sitting down while everyone else is standing. People come over to him to get advice and/or for conversation. The subtle Alpha Male is still controlling his environment and those in it, but he is doing it in a passive manner. There is also the other side of that coin, which is the Alpha Male who is always the center of attention, but NOT in an 'eye rolling-there he goes again' type of way but rather in a 'life of the party' manner.
Visualize the person that always seemed to be in control (not necessarily in charge, but in control). His opinion was always sought after, and when you made an invite list, he was generally at the top. This is your fourth mental image of the Alpha Male.
When the Alpha Male speaks to you, his always maintains direct eye contact and makes you feel like you are the only person in the room. It could be a crowded club or a coffee shop, doesn't matter, you feel 'special' when talking to him. His body language shows authority and control over the situation, he uses his hands while talking to illustrate the point and keep your attention focused.
Visualize the person that mesmerized you, not with his words, but with his body language. It did not matter what he was saying you could not tear yourself away. This is your fifth mental image of the Alpha Male.
When an Alpha Male is engaged in conversation, everything he says is generally something of interest to those around him. Rarely will he go on and on about himself and if he does he will always bring it back to the people he is talking to (i.e. "much like what you said earlier about not getting what you pay for, I absolutely hate shitty service in restaurants!") Thus, instead of just stating his likes or dislikes, he combines it with something someone else said and relates his point to that. He gives a lot of advice, but doesn't sound pretentious, pedantic or arrogant in doing it. He listens to what you have to say and then uses that information in future interactions with you. And as mentioned previously, the Alpha Male is not only opinionated but he also has a knack of convincing you of his beliefs and making you want to follow them. The art of argument is mastered by the Alpha Male.
Visualize the person that could talk his way out of anything. If you had anyone talk on your behalf, it would be this guy. This is your fifth mental image of the Alpha Male.
Look at the most socially successful people you know. And I am not talking about the guy who seems to have a lot of friends. I am talking about that 1 or 2 guys that from reading the above you would call the Alpha Male. Not only is he not a 'dick', he also isn't obnoxious or cruel. In fact, if you try to insult a true Alpha Male, it won't work. Give it a try and see what happens.
The Alpha Male maintains his frame and his control even when facing adversity, because of his inner confidence and how those around him (who matter) view him. This is why it is so difficult to insult him. Anyone who finds a challenge to their authority so threatening that they react in an extreme manner is not an 'Alpha Male' but rather someone who is in charge through either the lack of any real competition or he is the most Alpha of that group. And yes, he may at times lose his temper, but it is not because he is being challenged, but rather because he finds something objectionable and/or unacceptable. For example, if someone is clearly being a dick to those around him, treating women like shit, making others feel bad, etc....the Alpha Male may step in and address that person, even in anger, but always with motive and with a point. The Alpha Male controls his social domain and thus, reacts to anything that disrupts that socially; however, if you attempt to simply insult him, chances are he will just smile, pat you on the back and then turn back to what he was doing previously. If he does engage you, than his use of wit will disarm you.
Visualize the person that was always in charge. Always knew the right thing to do and how to turn adversity to his advantage. This is your sixth mental image of the Alpha Male.
Everyone goes to this guy with their problems. You just feel like his has the best advice to give. He never gives you ‘stock answers’ like your other friends do (“just get over it!”) but rather seems to really have a deep empathic understanding of what you are going through. He’s non-judgmental and gives you his honest assessment. He may not be the most fun, or the most charismatic guy in the room, but he is the one you want to call when things don’t go your way.
Visualize the person in your life that has come closest to this. Think of the way he spoke and acted. This is your seventh mental image of the Alpha Male.
This guy isn’t always the best looking in the room but he is well groomed. He is never slovenly and makes the most out of what he has. He dresses appropriately for the situation, his hair has always been cut recently, and his clothes while not necessarily expensive, generally look new.
Do not visualize the best looking guy you’ve known, rather visualize the best ‘put together’ guy you’ve known. And not in a ‘metro-sexual way’ but rather in a casual, tasteful way. This is your final and eighth mental image of the Alpha Male.
How does this relate to social dominance? It relates because these traits, described above are things that each one of you have the capacity to obtain and reach. And in doing so, you will find your social success improving DRAMATICALLY. Your will start coming off more naturally, you will be connecting more and more often with people around you and your social proof (the affirmation of others) will go through the roof. In addition, you will not have to ‘game’ anyone or ‘hunt’ for approval. Men and women will be drawn to YOU. You will not have to seek their approval, they will seek YOURS.
These traits are in just about everyone, concentrate on them and nurture them. I suspect for those looking for a magic pill (“…but how do I do that exactly??”) aren’t really ready to attempt this exercise. But for those who are…and can put their ego’s aside for a second to visualize the types of people described above, it will be very rewarding for you.
Now while not every 'Alpha Male' meets all these criteria, I am sure you can see these traits not only in yourself but in those around you. In essence, Who is the Alpha Male? Well, you know when you are in his presence, and generally there can only be 1 in any social circle.
06-14-2007, 09:39 PM #2
Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
That´s a nice Attribute-based post, although I usually prefer Tecnique-based ones.
I would like to add my own experience about Alpha males:
- He talks about everyday facts and past memories... and avoid abstract conversations and international news.
- He avoids to use nicknames artificially (with whom he has few intimacy)... but there is no big deal in using them after awhile.
- He never forces the conversation to stay at one thread when it naturally leads to new paths. That happens a lot with Beta-males, I had that too but changed... the vibe I´m talking about is "These people must know every detail of this info cuz its very important to them/anyone.".... never do that, people know what is important to them.
- He knows that his favourite topics are not necessarily universal.. that means taht by focusing in it people may get bored.
- He will never force or seriously urge for you to see, hear, touch anything or meet anyone. He will do it in a casual way, and if you are not interested he wont keep trying.
- He isnt eager to teach you anything. He isnt eager to convince you of anything.
- He doesnt feel compelled to tell to every trustworth person about his brand new secrets.
- He wont show he is insecure by asking people what they think about his body / clothes / life....
- He won´t flee when problems arise, he will stand up for his buddies.
- He wont avoid talking loud and excitedly about sex, money etc in a group just because people from other groups are hearing.
- When he sees someone quiet in a group of people, he will probably make this person engage the conversation.
- He knows how to vibe properly.
- He knows the difference between being In and Out,,, and avoid being Out at all costs, even when he is the only person in the room.
- He avoids talking negative stereotypical shit in front of stereotypical people... most likely he will have a apparent will to know more about this person´s tribe.
- He does not apologize for things he done or said. Only exception for when he does something Big that affects his friends.
- He goes out a lot to a great variety of places.... not just nightclubs.
- The city he lives in isnt a stranger. He knows the places and he knows the events that are happening.
- He has a cell phone and uses it. He phones to cool friends even when he doesnt have any important new to talk about.
- He is comfortable with silent spots in conversation.
- When he spots an interesting person with shared interests he makes what is possible for a friendship to grow.
and much more....
... these are actually the main reasons I dont give much value for people who incessantly post at forums....
Surreal, Rio, Brazil.
06-15-2007, 12:23 AM #3Rewok Guest
Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
They are all the same person; that is the definition of an Alpha Male. *Thumbs Up* Nice post.
06-15-2007, 01:10 AM #4
Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
The alpha male also holds a very strong frame and doesn't jump through other people's hoops. This all has to do with a strong, grounded reality of what is important and what isn't.
Speaking of importance, nothing is that big of a deal for him. That's not to say that he blows off his failures, instead he learns from them.
He applies new knowledge, if it has the potential to lead to success, to his interactions. He isn't afraid to try new things...
Obviously, I have some difficulty with some of the above, particularly not getting too absorbed in a certain situation and forgetting the big picture. I also need help applying new knowledge... and I need to stop making the same mistakes over and over again... I guess one way others can get through the same problems is to do things differently in every aspect you can. That'll start a momentum and will lead to change.
06-15-2007, 04:28 AM #5NiteTime78 Guest
Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
Yeah, to be completely honest I also have difficulty with some of them, and I don't think I'll ever have them all. Dealing with and leading men comes naturally. I was taught to be a leader at an early age. I was the quarterback of my highschool football team and I was good, but none of my strengths have ever really translated to getting girls. Go figure...
Good post anyway.
06-15-2007, 01:00 PM #6
Becoming a REAL Alpha Male
sometimes when im in the zone i have all these traits. for example last night i was in a group of around 20 in russel square and was being completely alpha with 15 people i had just met. people came to me for advice on others in the group. and i had the girls hanging on my every word and following me around. i didnt have to use any canned material or any real game. apart from casual negs. ended up in a lay with a brunette HB8.
on the flip side its so easy for me to become a quiet introvert sometimes, and the change in the way people react to me is drastic. im trying to remove this side of my personality completely. i cant work out why sometimes im magnetic and sometimes im not. i need to find what (if anything) puts me in that state of total dominance over a social circle.