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Thread: Women Explained (Hitori)
12-13-2006, 01:53 AM #1
Women Explained (Hitori)
Chick logic makes sense.
The Basic Principle
Chicks act at all times to gain and maintain social status. This is more important to them than getting laid.
Qualities of High Status People
They are admired and desirable.
All manner of people fit into this category, and to a certain extent it's cyclical; if you have high social value you're admired, and if you're admired you have high social value. On the other hand, there are all kinds of ways to be desirable and admired; hot chicks fit into this category, but so do politicians, rocket scientists, rockstars, PUAs, and rich men. In this category HBs have the upper hand. Evolution has engineered men to pick partners for health and beauty, so a nice set of tits WILL take you further in this world than a nice set of pecs. Go figure.
They are relaxed and confident
Confidence is VITAL to high social status. It doesn't matter whether you're confident because you graduated from the school of hard knocks or because you've had everything you ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter; if you're confident, you are relaxed in the knowledge that you can handle whatever life throws at you, and succeed at whatever you undertake.
You'll vibe this confidence at the people around you, and it will be a powerful positive experience for them. HSE people will appreciate you, and LSE people will desire or envy you.
Relaxation and confidence also means you're NOT NEEDY. This is good because needy men tend to come across as either pathetic or dangerous.
They behave naturally
This is what it means to 'be yourself', in the classic dating-advice sense. It doesn't mean burp and fart and be depressing if you feel like it. It means DON'T BE TRYHARD. I cannot stress this enough. Fake it till you make it, of course, by all means, but for God's sake MAKE IT. Socially intelligent people can -tell- when you are incongruent, and for women it's not just weird; it can actually be alarming.
It implies that you're hiding something - possibly one of the more dangerous low-social-status traits like fear, volatility, or disdain for the unattainable.
Their time and energy has value
If you have high social value, you recognize that your time and energy ALSO have value. This means you're willing to cut off boring threads of conversation - even with desirable people - and that you spend your time doing things that are ultimately productive, either in fun-value or in other ways. If some HB wanders off 'to the bathroom' or 'to go dance' on you, you have run out of fun-value. Sorry, tiger.
They are socially intelligent
If you are socially intelligent, you know the score. You can tell who is tryhard and who is not, who gets laid and who doesn't, what it means when two chicks eyecode each other, etc etc ad infinitum. You understand, intuitively, who has social status and who doesn't, and what's going on when two people flirt, and all manner of other things.
THIS MEANS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO VERBALIZE IT. FEELING YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT AS IT HAPPENS SHOWS YOU ARE *NOT* SOCIALLY INTELLIGENT. FIGHT THE URGE.
This means no "You're flirting with me, aren't you?!"s, no "Your pupils are dilated... They say that means women are turned on...".
HANDLE THESE PRONOUNCEMENTS WITH THE UTMOST CARE. People who recognize this shit with regularity _do not need to talk about it_. When you go to a football game with your buddies, do you all sit around going, "Look at that... He kicked the ball into the endzone! That means a goal, right? Awesome! He made a goal!"
NO! YOU DO NOT. You know the score.
The bad news about social intelligence is that if you are a guy most chicks, by and large, will have more of it than you. The good news is that it's an easy skill to acquire; all it takes is a willingness to observe people interacting and to TRUST the things you perceive this way. Most guys I know see many of the same things that women do, but because they don't (at first glance) have a clear logical framework to put them in, they ignore them as untrustworthy.
Qualities of Low Status People
They seek approval and acceptance
People with low social status suffer from a deficit of validation. Sometimes they legitimately don't get the recognition they deserve, and suffer from unwillingness or inability to reframe; other times it's because they're neurotic and LSE and no amount of validation will ever be enough. Unable to validate themselves, they seek approval and acceptance from other people.
They are volatile and anxious
The world is a frightening place when you don't know what's going to happen next and you don't know if you'll be able to deal with it, whatever it is. People without confidence react to this great, frightening unknown with a level of perpetual anxiety that they vibe at others. Driven by their own percieved helplessness and rage, they will explode with fits of anger, or display disproportionate fear; of women, of change, etc.
They try to buy what they can't earn
In terms of social status, this is very important. People who don't understand how to DHV will try to BUY approval. On ASF, this is known as supplication. It DOES NOT increase your social status or make you desirable to women. If it's clear you're trying to buy appproval, you will LOSE VALUE. A chick's reaction to a man she does not already find desirable supplicating for approval is about the same as YOUR reaction when you stop at a red light and some hobo goes to squeejee your windshield for dollars. Maybe you'll give him your spare change, sure - but what if he was asking for sex? Would you bang him?
I thought not.
They disdain what they can't have
People with low social status disdain what they can't have. Helpless to attain what they desire, they reject it pre-emptively instead.
This means men who hate hot women.
This means women who hate hot women.
This means UGs who hate the idea of anyone getting laid.
This means men who hate confident, competent men.
They are NOT socially intelligent
People with low social status are not socially intelligent. If you misuse or fail to use kino, this is you. If you can't recognize an AI when it whacks you upside the head, this is you. If you don't know when to escalate, this is you.
12-13-2006, 01:54 AM #2
Women Explained (Hitori)
Transfer of Status
These are general principles of things that will increase your social status. If you don't have any in the first place, these -will not work-, I repeat, -will not work-. They require a steady foundation of at least moderate coolness. With that said... You Gain Status When:
- Your worth is recognized and appreciated
The higher the social status of the person appreciating you, the more status you gain. This is key. KEY KEY KEY KEY. Get out a highlighter, use it on your computer monitor if you have to. Remember this.
THIS IS WHY SOCIAL PROOF WORKS.
Not only that; if you establish high value, women WILL RISK LOSING VALUE to gain your approval. They'll gamble. They'll chase you.
This is also why, in those instances when you overqualify and DHV the fuck out of some poor HB7 until she locks up, you MUST qualify her. If you do not qualify her, you are obviously not recognizing and appreciating her genuine merit - there is NO REASON for someone as cool as you to take a legit interest in her. You are using her as a blow-up doll that moans.
The higher your social value, the more women will want you to recognize and appreciate them. If you're a sufficiently cool PUA, women will try to snag you for an LTR _even if they're not looking for an LTR otherwise_, just for the implicit social proof you provide. This is purely social reflex. More to the point, of course, they'll hook up with you.
- People seek your approval
When people qualify themselves to you, or visibly try to impress you, they are being TRYHARD. But what this says to someone who knows the score is that you have social value. You are worth impressing; more, to LookAtMeLikeMeDude, you are worth losing status to impress.
- You display competence naturally
When you DHV without being tryhard, you gain cool-points. This isn't rocket science, and should not require explanation.
- You cement someone's position beneath you
There are, essentially, three ways of cementing someone's position beneath you; you can give them the carrot, give them the stick, or give them both at once.
For any of these to work, you must have the social status to back them up. This doesn't create something from nothing; it broadens the divide that already exists.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being nice; if they seek your approval and you grant it, or call them 'cute' or other nice-but-diminutive-nicknames, or act - more generally - in a parental sort of way. Also included here is genuinely helpful advice, on fashion or food or PU.
It's possible to display higher value than someone by being cruel; you can call them out on their flaws or their low-status behaviors easily enough. There is a danger, here, of seeming to snub because you envy. Envy implies uncoolness.
Finally, there exists the backhanded compliment or subtle snub. You out-AMOG some guy like he's one of your best pals, and on the surface it's all in good fun, but his value plummets and yours soars. Likewise, if you neg some chick or use TD's Elastic Snapband Effect, her value -insta-drops- and because women are driven to maintain social status, she will immediately hop-to to get it back up. It's not about getting laid; the IOI, in this case, is all about value.
- You IMPLICITLY display social intelligence
IMPLICITLY. In other words, you THINK LIKE A CHICK. You eyecode. You AMOG-destroy. You are part of the 'Secret Society'.
Here I'm going to back up on everything I've implied so far and say the reverse; it's possible to explicitly display your social intelligence and make it work. HANDLE WITH CARE, though. This is DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. If you don't have the value to pull it off, you'll look like a creepy presumptuous loser.
If some chick is clearly trying to qualify herself to you, or transparently DHVing, or even just struggling for your attention, you can neg-qualify her in the following manner, playfully: "It's okay, you don't have to (do that/try hard/whatever) to get my attention. See?" Throw an arm around her, kinohug her. The first time a guy did this to me, it hit me like a -bomb- of insta-hotness. By doing this, you simultaneously A) drop her value relative to yours, B) grant her attention from a position of power, and C) show you know the score.
- You screen
If you screen people who are attracted to you, you increase your relative value. This is why women maintain that NO WOMAN EVER DELIBERATELY GETS LAID with a man who is not wildly attractive and high-status. But WE know that of course women get laid on purpose! It's not like that HB8 you did over the weekend tripped, fell, and landed on your dick. If someone CHASES you, their status is lower than yours. This is why you say, "Want to come over and look at my stamp collection?" rather than, "Want to come over and have sex?". SLUTS CHASE. Chicks with value are accustomed to screening. It's important for her to maintain the illusion that she did not INTEND to fuck you, in order to maintain her social value.
A good way to display social intelligence is to understand and accommodate this. This is why explicitly acknowledging the seduction process is dangerous: if it's out on the table, out loud, that you're trying to fuck her and she -goes along with it anyway- she LOSES FACE because she's been UNMASKED as a co-conspirator in your getting laid.
This is where chick logic comes from. I'll write another post on it, sometime.
- You show outcome-dependence
When you show that you are outcome-dependent, you LOSE FACE. By demonstrating outcome-dependence, you make it clear that you aren't having fun (which high-status people do, remember) - instead you are gambling your time and status in the hopes of pay-off in the form of sex with this chick who you clearly regard as COOLER THAN YOURSELF. You are acknowledging her value. She is the prize. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.
- You try to buy approval
You supplicate. You imply that you don't know how to legitimately display your own worth, so you need to resort to trying to buy the approval of those you are implicitly acknowledging as being higher-value than yourself. If she wasn't cooler than you, why would you care what she thought?
- Your position is cemented as below someone
You are out-amog'd. You are treated in a diminutive way. Some chick gives you bad relationship advice and you eat it up without critical thinking. This is all explained above, in the 'gaining status' section.
- You chase
Chasing is a _gamble_. Chasing is aggressive pursuit. It can succeed, sure - but it allows the other person, the higher-status person, the chas-ee- the ability to screen. They choose, you don't.
SLUTS CHASE. Women will avoid being labelled 'sluts' at all costs because they are at the BOTTOM of the social totem-pole, with the WBAFCs. Sluts in the traditional sense are women whose need for validation is so great that they have gambled away all their buying power trying to fill it.
A woman who is perceived as slutty has a hard time finding quality ass because quality ass is likely to screen _her_. She is a LAST RESORT FUCK.
Not only that, but other women (and men) on their way up the social ladder will step on her, on the way. They will use her to reinforce their own superiority.
The 'slut' is a lightning-rod for the 'cement someone's position as below you' method of gaining status.
Sad, but true.
For the PUA, this is GREAT. This is WONDERFUL. Why is this great for the PUA?
Because the PUA has -worked- for his social status, and he knows how he got it.
It was not delivered by the stork along with a nice set of tits, or trim and shapely thighs and a button nose; no, he's invested field work and sweat and other bodily fluids in getting good, and he is -good-.
Thus he can work women in ways that women are not equipped to work him.
Consider the following analogy; who's better off, a self-made millionare or a lotto winnner? The self-made man! Why? Because he knows the value of his money, and how to invest it and make it grow.
Some of this seems ruthless; be aware that women aren't thinking about it, when they do it. For most women, this is all pure instinct.
- Your worth is recognized and appreciated
12-13-2006, 01:55 AM #3
Women Explained (Hitori)
Women Explained Part II:
This is the follow-up post I promised in 'Women Explained' way back when.
THE BASIC PRINCIPLE:
ASD is a system of healthy social reflexes.
More specifically, ASD is a semiconscious calculator that evaluates social situations in terms of net loss or net gain.
HEALTHY SOCIAL REFLEXES
Healthy social reflexes exist to preserve the following:
THE CARDINAL RULE:
ASD is evaluated against the following standard. If and only if both of these conditions are true does ASD become a problem:
-You intend to fuck her in a manner outside the socially-acceptable norm
-she agrees to go along with it
You don't have to declare your intentions out loud. She doesn't have to declare her acceptance out loud. But each of these ideas must hit a certain critical mass threshhold of obviousness.
Does it seem like there's a glaring flaw in this logic? Something, maybe, that isn't covered by the ASD conditions?
If your first thought was, "It doesn't say she can't actually sleep with you", you're totally on target. Sex is fun, and totally necessary for the survival of the human race, and so social convention can't preclude it completely.
Thus there is an escape hatch on the ASD conditions: Plausible Deniability.
If one of these conditions, or the other, may plausibly not be true - i.e. if there is plausible deniability of a mutual understanding that you and she will be fucking - you have Plausible Fucking Deniability.
To touch back on the question of indirect and direct and whether girls realize you're trying to lay them - well, yes and no.
Girls are socially intelligent.
Actually, guys are socially intelligent too but, as a general rule, they lack the trust and emphasis that girls place on this kind of awareness.
'Social intelligence' is kind of a misnomer; though rational calculations are going on in socially intelligent people, these are fast and complex and well below the level of conscious thought. A good analogy might be the calculations that, for instance, let you determine an object's flight trajectory based on slight differences in the field of perception of your binocular eyes: people don't ask you to explain them, which is good, because you probably can't.
So. She is aware of your signals of interest, but this is an awareness that floats below the level of conscious thought, understood but never really recognized. Like the things your eyes see, the things her social intelligence perceive are not absolute and inviolate; moreso, perhaps, because social perception isn't as recognized and respected as physical perception.
Her awareness of your intent (or of her own compliance), should you go in indirect and do it right, floats somewhere below the level of conscious thought.
I cannot stress enough: Don't Fuck With This. This makes it possible for girls to have sex with you from a position of social and emotional comfort.
This is what defines Plausible Fucking Deniability.
This system stands regardless of how wily your girl is; if she's genuinely inexperienced she may believe, on all levels except the most basic, that you are totally on the up-and-up, nothing going on here, nope, you're just a really cool guy who she wants to spend as much time with as she possibly can, and get closer and closer to until oh gosh! is that your tongue in her mouth? and so on.
As girls get more experienced and more attracted they become less likely to fuck up your game accidentally; this is because they come to understand the -unspoken pact- that makes sex possible, a conspiracy of silence between you the dick-er and your girl the dick-ee.
This can only ever be subcommunicated - never spoken outright - because on all levels, plausible deniability must be maintained or the whole system breaks down.
PLAUSIBLE FUCKING DENIABILITY (PFD)
There are a limited number of scenarios in which Plausible Deniability can be maintained - laid out roughly as follows -
-she's not going to let you fuck her
Open. Bitch shield. She has established her lack of intent.
Or, she drops a comment about her boyfriend mid-conversation. Or whatever else. More on shit-tests later.
-you're not trying to fuck her
Indirect opener. You create plausible deniability for YOUR intent.
She can relax a little. You are in this with her. You are helping her get laid at low (social, emotional) risk, one step at a time.
-she'll let you fuck her, but in a socially acceptable way
There is no net loss to being seen with you or having sex with you, as long as the ASD conditions are not violated. There is even some kind of net gain. This is what you get if you're cool, but you've fucked up your deniability and made it impossible for her to keep hers. Or if you're a 'nice guy', and you don't know how to create deniability but have some redeeming features.
Dinner? Movie? Third date?
-letting you fuck her is a -net win-
Somewhat problematic. Typically this involves one of two scenarios:
Validation NET WIN:
She feels lonely! She feels ugly! You have made her doubt her prettiness! Is she still attractive? Your validation of her is the litmus test. Unfortunately, you putting a move on her is often as validating as you putting your penis in her.
Status NET WIN:
Somewhat less risky, I would nevertheless not describe this as a goal to be counted on so much as an eventuality you should relax and enjoy if and when it happens.
You are so socially valuable that she will - nay, MUST - have you. Your monstrous social net win is worth a little rainbow-chasing to get. What's a little sex between friends?
I say not to worry about this mostly because, while it's not out of the average ASFer's reach, by the time you are able to achieve this level of social value you will - barring freak accidents - already be in the habit of maintaining some kind of plausible deniability, on her end or yours.
Irregardless, this will not work if you don't qualify, because her receiving social value from you is dependent on you recognizing her worth; moreover, she will probably try to make you her boyfriend. "We could be a power couple" appeals to this instinct.
That or you're a rockstar, or something.
-you are her prey
It is possible, through active disinterest and frame reversals, to create a situation in which the girl is hunting you; under these circumstances most of her 'normal' social reflexes are simply rendered null by the sheer Alice-in-wonderland bassackwordity of the situation.
Unfortunately, as soon as you let her 'catch' you and go to escalate, floor and ceiling are righted and the whole situation can go "Code red! What am I doing?", but - I understand - there are ways of dealing with this.
Ask a PUA.
-she will let you fuck her because it's okay tonight
Under select circumstances, the ASD conditions can be rendered null and void. Any situation you have heard a chick describe with the terms "It doesn't count" falls under this category. Examples include:
She just broke up with her boyfriend
Her boyfriend just broke up with her
She is a groupie
It's been a year since she got laid
She's behind her girlfriends in experience
You are gay
The hookup is with another girl
Et cetera. Et cetera. This is 'Fool's Mate'.
12-13-2006, 01:55 AM #4
Women Explained (Hitori)
DIVERGENCE AND CORRECTION: SHIT TESTS
-the nature of attraction
Because womens' attraction must be sublimated below the level of conscious awareness in order for the plausible deniability system to have any prayer of ending in a lay, women aren't necessarily aware of their own attraction as a sexual thing. When a woman is attracted to you, she feels it as a fascination - even a compulsion - that doesn't necessarily involve any direct thoughts of sex; this is not to say that it has nothing to do with sex, or that she doesn't want sex, simply that practical necessity requires her to cram that undercurrent of sexuality down below the level of conscious thought.
The common male misconception that women don't want sex is a result of men buying into the lies that women tell themselves.
-points of critical mass
So you're gaming some girl. Your attract game is 100% on, you've got it - whatever 'it' is - you are so hot that drinks are turning to steam when you walk near them. You are doing the kind of hot, dirty things to the inside of her mind that you would like to be doing to the inside of her body.
Pressure. Dissonance. Urges rise to the surface from her semi-conscious mind, from a dark animal arena of want and she is desperate. For sex. With you. And yet, these urges can't acceptably involve sex. So what does she want?
She wants to get closer to you. And then she wants to get even closer. And she wants you to pay attention to her. And she wants you to touch her.
And yet, as this momentum of compliance builds, so does the pressure. Because every step closer to you, every escalation, is a subcommunication that she just may have accepted your intention to fuck her.
Before your very eyes, if you dig the whole Freudian shtick, you are watching the battle of superego versus id.
ASD alarms go off. Red lights flash. Her system - the system that balances net gain against net loss - is out of balance. She rationalizes as hard as she can and still - STILL - she hits a point where the subcommunication that the ASD conditions are being violated hits -critical mass-.
And what then?
Well, then it's time to correct course.
-points of correction: SHIT TESTS
If a social situation seems to be rolling out of control, into territory that is not covered by any contingency on the list above but for some reason she is unwilling to eject, a girl must take CORRECTIVE MEASURES to maintain plausible deniability:
In other words, shit tests.
The exact nature of the shit test in question depends on social factors too numerous and complex to lay out, assuming I could explain, but may be something along the lines of the following:
"So my boyfriend says that... blah blah blah"
"I know what you're doing"
"I'm not going to sleep with you."
"Are you a player?"
Et cetera. Et cetera.
What you are supposed to understand, as a player, is that these shit tests have nothing to do with you. These are purely a barometer of the forces at work -inside- her head; like a tea kettle whistling as it lets off steam, they are the product of a natural process.
She is taking steps - socially reflexive steps - to maintain internal equilibrium. This involves maintaining plausible deniability by subcommmunicating (or outright stating, if you've thrown her off that badly) that one or both of the ASD conditions are NOT true; she's aware of your intent, she's not going to fuck you, or what have you. It may look like she's making some kind of direct or indirect statement about whether she'll have sex with you, but in fact what she's saying is, "I am a woman and my system is out of whack and saying this - by indicating to you that I do not have unacceptable intentions - will make me feel better."
The reason you can fail shit tests is because when you try to deal with them 'rationally', as though they were an effort at communication and not an emotionally corrective measure, you light up a big neon sign over your head that says "I DO NOT KNOW THE SCORE". Suddenly, it is no longer a conspiracy of silence between you and a girl. Instead of a socially intelligent kind of guy, you are some jerk who managed to get into the clubhouse by accidentally guessing the secret word.
Don't be that guy.
Make it a conspiracy, instead; a conspiracy between you and your girl. Hide her from her inhibitions, and your rewards will be many and hot.
Be the man.
She's not going to.
09-06-2008, 02:36 PM #5kitty Guest
Women Explained (Hitori)
you can do it better