Train with Mystery Get Trained in your city



Announcement Announcement Module
Collapse
No announcement yet.
Analyze this: failed to escalate Page Title Module
Move Remove Collapse
X
Conversation Detail Module
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Analyze this: failed to escalate

    OK, I had a lunch date today, with a HB8 I met online. I'd like to say that everything went fine, but still something is bothering me.

    I failed to escalate. Comfort level is great and we had a long conversation about writing, stand-up comedy and we even realized we have a couple of common friends. I had a (real) time constraint of about an hour and when I had to go, the conversation was left hanging - I had planned to escalate a bit by the end of the lunch but ran out of time. Having to go in the middle of a good conversation was a bit awkward and I honestly don't know how she's feeling about this. On top of all, I've got flu and I was powered by aspirin and vitamin C just to make it today, so that might have impaired my game.

    Even though intention is clear, this is all about finding a fuckbuddy, everything got slightly derailed and unless I do something, things are going dangerously close to LJBF-zone. Don't get me wrong, we both enjoyed the conversation immensely and the whole lunch was a proverbial IOI-a-rama, but... I FAILED TO ESCALATE. The setting wasn't by far the best possible, a diner where tables are pretty large and she was sitting on the other side of the table. Lots of people having lunch nearby and even kissing would've been awkward.

    How do you think I should handle this? She's the intellectual type, which is a turn-on for me, a very fun girl to be around and even though she's LTR-material, I'd rather just keep things physical and superficial for now. Yeah, sometimes I'm shallow on purpose.

  • #2
    Was this a first date? First advice for online dating (or dating in general I think) .. never agree to a lunch date.. Lunch is simply not sexual in any way. Not sure how to escalate but that is the first mistake in my opinion.. As for the rest, I think it comes down to the lunch thing.. Lunch is simply not a sexual thing making it hard to escalate things in a sexual way.

    Originally posted by hq_ View Post
    OK, I had a lunch date today, with a HB8 I met online. I'd like to say that everything went fine, but still something is bothering me.

    I failed to escalate. Comfort level is great and we had a long conversation about writing, stand-up comedy and we even realized we have a couple of common friends. I had a (real) time constraint of about an hour and when I had to go, the conversation was left hanging - I had planned to escalate a bit by the end of the lunch but ran out of time. Having to go in the middle of a good conversation was a bit awkward and I honestly don't know how she's feeling about this. On top of all, I've got flu and I was powered by aspirin and vitamin C just to make it today, so that might have impaired my game.

    Even though intention is clear, this is all about finding a fuckbuddy, everything got slightly derailed and unless I do something, things are going dangerously close to LJBF-zone. Don't get me wrong, we both enjoyed the conversation immensely and the whole lunch was a proverbial IOI-a-rama, but... I FAILED TO ESCALATE. The setting wasn't by far the best possible, a diner where tables are pretty large and she was sitting on the other side of the table. Lots of people having lunch nearby and even kissing would've been awkward.

    How do you think I should handle this? She's the intellectual type, which is a turn-on for me, a very fun girl to be around and even though she's LTR-material, I'd rather just keep things physical and superficial for now. Yeah, sometimes I'm shallow on purpose.

    Comment


    • #3
      Both guys have made some great points.

      You cuold have begun the escalation using either palmistry or possibly my "3 types of kisses". Decibel also raised the "soul gazing" gambit, that should work here too.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by gaash2 View Post
        Not sure how to escalate but that is the first mistake in my opinion.. As for the rest, I think it comes down to the lunch thing.. Lunch is simply not a sexual thing making it hard to escalate things in a sexual way.
        Thanks. A very good point and this was indeed a first date. I didn't really think of it that way, mostly because girls online tend to lose interest very quickly if you don't meet them within a few days once you start changing emails and this was pretty much the only chance we had to meet this week.

        It IS possible to escalate on lunch, I've done it a few times several years ago, but I can't remember any details on how it works - only recently I've become analytical about this. The only thing I remember is that it wasn't easy and didn't feel very natural. But I digress. Too late to think about that now.

        We've made plans to hook up next week. I'll probably have to make sure it happens in a kino-friendly environment. Another thing I've been thinking about is a creative way to introduce sexual content in conversation. I mean, we're talking about an intellectual girl here, she's challenging and analytical but I also found a distinct feminine side in her - there's a very real chance to crash and burn at this point if I move in too quickly or chance the subject without making it feel natural. She's 32 and quite attractive so she definitely wasn't born yesterday.

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree girls lose interest quickly; however, I think it's worth it to delay until you can do something in the evening... not sure what, but my best success from easily 100+ internet dates has actually been dinner. I know it's against PUA culture or whatever, but I would argue that is more because in the beginning of the community most of the "players" were poor as shit and were looking for rationalization and reason to avoid dinner.

          As far as intellectuals.. I've had the best success with them personally, and usually the quickest.. I'm assumg you have some intellect to match hers; a lot of smart girls are very turned on by someone smarter than them or at least comparable.. I've found the older ones are the easiest, then again I am 25 so if an older woman agrees to go out w/me, its probably for one thing



          Originally posted by hq_ View Post
          Thanks. A very good point and this was indeed a first date. I didn't really think of it that way, mostly because girls online tend to lose interest very quickly if you don't meet them within a few days once you start changing emails and this was pretty much the only chance we had to meet this week.

          It IS possible to escalate on lunch, I've done it a few times several years ago, but I can't remember any details on how it works - only recently I've become analytical about this. The only thing I remember is that it wasn't easy and didn't feel very natural. But I digress. Too late to think about that now.

          We've made plans to hook up next week. I'll probably have to make sure it happens in a kino-friendly environment. Another thing I've been thinking about is a creative way to introduce sexual content in conversation. I mean, we're talking about an intellectual girl here, she's challenging and analytical but I also found a distinct feminine side in her - there's a very real chance to crash and burn at this point if I move in too quickly or chance the subject without making it feel natural. She's 32 and quite attractive so she definitely wasn't born yesterday.

          Comment


          • #6
            One word: kino.

            Comment


            • #7
              Decibel's post here is key. I only learned this recently.. Man, I wish I'd known it years ago. I've spent years getting "bad" girls into bed using all these techiques.. and AFC'ing the good ones the same (or worse) than the eastern european guy does in "the game" who ends up in bed with Neil Strauss.

              Comment


              • #8
                The whole thing just blew up on me. She started the "I don't know about this" -explanation that'd eventually lead to LJBF or worse, all the indicators in the air and - knowing that I screwed the escalation up myself last time - I gave up, politely but firmly, and cancelled the date before she had an opportunity to do it. I even thought about flaking on purpose and letting this just fade away unless she showed interest later on, but I prefer to keep things straight, even though that sometimes means closing doors on future relationship options.

                As far as I've tried to analyze this, here we go:
                - Intention was clear (in emails) but I failed to deliver live (kino)
                - She got too comfortable and, after that, had too much time to think about the non-sexual nature of meeting
                - I think I have way too little spare time and persistence to de-LJBF anyone right now - my fault, my impatience

                A learning experience? Definitely, a very good reminder of what NOT to do, letting a good one go stings but realizing when you've been shot down, analyzing it thoroughly and learning from it is what this is all about. When you don't get laid, that is...

                Any insight from you, guys? I don't want to hear that I did the right thing, I want to know where and how I f**ked up this time. I know I did, let me have it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks, I needed that. However, I'm slightly wary of letting anyone I meet online integrate into my social circle, especially the FB-oriented ones, because of implications that might arise from meeting people online in the first place and, especially, looking actively (if even occasionally) casual sex that way. In the eyes of "general public" it's pretty much the epitome of being needy and I didn't feel like the risk of that fact coming up in any conversation was worth it. On the other hand, I may be very wrong about this.

                  Analytically, she didn't appear to be much into clubs, which was the reason she was online (her explanation...) Mine is LTR with occasional jealousy issues - when it gets bad, I take some time off sarging the clubs and move online until things cool down a bit.

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X