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  • Anti Slut Defense? Any other possibilities?

    I think I may have just really hit ASD hard for the first time in my history. My wing introduced me to a girl he knows (HB8, Ugly Duckling Personality) and we all end up going to a baseball game together. We really hit it off but since there was a group of us and it was day 1 with her I refrained from pushing for too much. She gave me her email and phone number, bought me a drink, and was very responsive to my kino (IOI'd like crazy)

    A few days later a group of us meet up at one of the trendier Denver bars. Along with myself and her there are two of her friends (one gf, one orbiter) and my wing for a total of 5. I start working kino again and she's getting into the music. I take her to the dance floor and the orbiter leaves... down to 4. We hit it off and I kiss close her on the dance floor. About this time her gf sees and gives a "look." She blocks for the rest of the night.

    A few days later me and my wing go to Stampede for ladies night and I decide to invite the HB. She shows up with 2 new gf's, which were nice, the cockblocking succubus from the night before, and the orbiter. I try to isolate but she doesn't want to leave her friends. I end up spending half my time hanging with her and her friends and the other half I spend opening sets with my wing, dancing with strange women, and vowing never to hang out with her again unless it's a 1 on 1.

    She invites me out the following night to Denver... she's going with friends... I decline telling her I have an old girlfriend in from out of town and I promised I'd keep the night open for her. In reality I worked out went to bed early.

    Do you think ASD is playing a role here? Could it be anything else? When I invite her out she shows up, when she's going out she invites me, and when we kissed she was definitely into it. She IOI's like crazy, answers every text (minus the one about going out with my old gf, haha) and never flakes. I can tell she likes me but there's a part of her that is REALLY holding back. I did the right thing, made friends with them all, but between the orbiter (he's in love with her but is a total beta male) and the succubus (she appears to hate all men except the orbiter) I can't really make progress.

    I bought Rockies tickets for the game on Tuesday (to insure nobody else can come) and I figure that if things go well I'm in and if they don't then it may be a comfort/trust issue. I realize the orbiter will probably never like me but what do I do to keep the succubus from blocking me in the future?

    I actually LIKE this girl and would consider dating her exclusively to see where it goes.

    Any thoughts?

  • #2
    The fatal mistake you made here was not winning over her friends. It sounds like you gave your target all your attention when you went out to the bar in Denver, and ignored her friends. Picture this:

    You go out to a trendy bar with two really close female friends, a blonde and a brunette. The blonde brings a new guy with her and introduces him to you and the brunette. He then spends the entire night ignoring you and the brunette, devoting all his time to the blonde and eventually making out with her on the dancefloor.
    Day 2 comes around, this time it's an almost identical situation save for one difference: the blonde has brought a different guy with her. She introduces you and the brunette to this second guy, and he spends the entire night being a generally awesome guy. He's done some amazing things in his life, and tells those stories to you with passion and energy. He's interested in hearing about all the things that both you and your brunette friend enjoy doing in your spare time, and to top it all he's got an amazing sense of humour. He also ends up kiss-closing with your blonde friend, but makes sure he never drags the blonde away from the two of you for extended periods of time. He knows you're good friends and enjoy being together, and seems eager to share and add to that enjoyment himself.
    Day 3 comes around, and your blonde friend asks the two of you what you thought about the two guys and who your favourite was. Hmmm, that's a tough decision huh?

    Sure, that example is of two extremes, but you get my point. If you want to get involved with a girl, then you have to be willing to get involved with her whole life, not just her sex life (unless that's all she's interested in too of course). If you want to progress with this girl, then you'll have to make progress with this 'succubus' as well. Your target is a girl, so it's generally an unwritten law that the opinions of her friends and family are incredibly important to her. You've got some damage control to initiate here, so if you do manage to arrange another meeting make sure that her friends come along too, and then show them how awesome and contagious your personality is! You're not aiming to win over one heart here, but three.

    -Silver-

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    • #3
      Thanks -Silver-

      To be totally honest the way I was acting was somewhere between your two examples. I focus a lot on CES and work hard to engage the group. I introduced myself to her guy friend right away and engaged him in conversation, found out how they knew each other, etc, etc. I attempted to engage her friend as well but she wasn't having it. She was literally stonewalling me the entire time. When we went to the dance floor I made sure to bring her friend as well. The kiss wasn't planned, I was just feeling it and thought she was, too. When her guy friend left I wished him well and told him it was great meeting him, I strive to be genuine in my interactions.

      I've heard that the hardest set to pull is a 2 set of females, I believe it. My wing was there and he also tried to engage her friend and again she wasn't interested in conversation. She's a real cute girl and got approached a couple times... again... she blew them all off. The second night... when she brought 2 additional girls with her I had a great time getting to know them. They were real sweethearts and welcomed the interaction. In fact, I probably spent equal (or more) time talking with her friends than with her.

      Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the person you're trying to get to know just doesn't want to be involved? I'm not used to hitting walls like this. Not to sound arrogant or cocky but people generally really love being around me. From random dudes, to little old ladies, to the girl I'm going for and all of her friends. Is there such a thing as a girl that you just can't win with?

      My wing and I have been in this game for a good year now and he was stumped, too. Of course I've been blown out before but I have a lot more successes than failures and even the "failures" are real cordial... they just don't foster the desired result.

      The main reason I focused on her on the first night was because I'd already built a lot of attraction with her on our previous outing. Of course, this was a new group of people so I can now understand how her girlfriend may have perceived it.

      I realize I have some making up to do. We're going out again on Tuesday... this will be our first solo outing... so I'll start there. It was ridiculously loud where we were both nights so I'll use that as an opportunity to find out once again how they all know each other. I'll compliment her friends where I can, I do that anyways.

      I know you suggested inviting her friends along but technically this will be a day 4 for us... If she's interested, which she definitely appears to be, wouldn't you imagine she'd want some 1 on 1 time as well? Up to this point its been incredibly loud, incredibly high energy venues we've been going to and every one of them has been in a group setting... anywhere from 3 to 7 of us.

      In hindsight I guess my biggest mistake was in my frame for the night... I didn't realize the limitation of the venues and the perception of her friends. I'll definitely have the opportunity to rebound, after our last night as we were saying our goodbyes she invited me out the next night. I'm just a little leery of spending too much time with her in group settings early on. My past can be summed up as the guy that always got stuck in the "friend zone" and I've worked incredibly hard to move forward from that.

      Thanks a lot for your insight... I'll be striving to win over all the hearts.

      Comment


      • #4
        [COLOR="Green"]"Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the person you're trying to get to know just doesn't want to be involved?"[/COLOR]

        There's always a reason for a girl to act this way, and in this case it does seem to be her friends. If she invited you out again immediately after the previous night finished, then she's definitely into you. If you've got another day lined up as a 1on1 then that's still great! Use the opportunity to build on her comfort levels with you and create a deep emotional connection. Successfully do that and she'll probably be considering choosing you over friends, but you won't want to face those repercussions. Keep this as a 1on1 and then just keep hammering away at her friends at a later date.

        How close are these friends? I know from first-hand experience that it's not uncommon for close friends to get jealous when they think someone may be trying to 'take their friend away from them.' You really don't have much to worry about here though, she's clearly interested in taking this relationship further. As I said, build that emotional connection with her tomorrow, and make sure you escalate kino when the chance arises! This one should seal the deal, and then it's just about showing her friends that you really are a great guy, and you're not here to 'steal' their buddy.

        Hope it all goes well for you man. I won't be around for a little while since my internet connection is shutting off for a bit, but there are plenty of other experienced guys on the forum who i'm sure will answer any further questions, and help you deal with any problems you might encounter.

        -Silver-

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks -Silver-

          I appreciate the insight(s)

          I'll keep you posted as things progress.

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