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  • I cant seem to get girls to stop flaking on me.

    So I've got a bunch of girls I chat up right now, I flirt with them they flirt with me, I've got their numbers its all good. But for some reason I'm having serious trouble getting them to hang out with me and I cant figure it out.

    What Ive been doing so far is inviting them all over for a party or drinks or whatever, they all flake out on me. Not even just partying but for normal stuff too like out to lunch to the mall or park or to go running whatever.

    I don't claim to be perfect, but I've got this lesie friend who doesn't really get it either she says I'm a nice guy, I'm not forward nor do I make girls feel awkward. I take control in most situations and don't take any of their shit, most girls (especially exs) know not to push my buttons or ill just freeze them out. I'm just having real problems getting them to commit to spending time with me.

  • #2
    I had this problem its just the whole nice guy thing is well... bad lol. Hopefully you haven't fallin into LJBF

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    • #3
      Let's distinguish here between being "nice" or being a "gentleman," vs. being an AFC pushover. They're two different things. If you're taking control and not taking any shit, then that's a good balance for the gentlemanly approach and it shouldn't be giving you the problems.

      So these are girls you're talking to online, right? There's two things you really need for the girl to be willing to meet you, especially if she's smart and relatively cautious about people:

      1) Comfort and trust. She needs to know that you're not a rapist, that you're not going to be dangerous to meet up with, that you're not creepy, etc. She needs to feel that what you're telling her about yourself seems to be truthful and honest. She needs to feel that she's not taking a risk by hanging out with you. She also wants to feel that emotional connection with you, otherwise you're just a bunch of text on the screen. This can be done, of course, and very effectively... but it can take a little longer than in "real life."

      2) HIGH VALUE. Higher value than the people she could be meeting from real life. If your value is not at least as high as her current orbiters and friends, then she will opt to hang out with them instead of you. Why should she bother? You're just some guy she met on the net. You've got to be interesting and unique... you should have an enticing reality that she wants you to let her be part of.

      I'm guessing that if these girls actually AGREE to meet up with you, but then flake on you, that your value isn't high enough to ensure they make time for you in their lives.

      However, if you're doing great on the net, but then you get their numbers and talk to them on the phone and then lose them at THAT point, then it's probably got something to do with your phone game.

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      • #4
        honastly, yeah thats about it Im not a "nice guy" but I am nice....when they deserve it and most girls want to work for my affection. I had a one nighter with a stripper last night and I think shes wanting to turn it into a full time relationship so this all might be moot but yea. These girls just don't know how great I am or how much fun it is to be around me so its upsetting when they think I'm lame.

        Im hungover right now and I just walked 4 miles to get home so Im kinda tired this post is messy I know lol
        Last edited by Effect1v3h4v0k; 08-30-2008, 11:46 AM. Reason: hungover?

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        • #5
          You are inviting them to your place for a first date? That almost never works. Invite them out to drinks at a bar or whatever, if there is back and forth I am surprised .. normally girls on online sites who contact you and engage conversation are looking for a date, otherwise, well, what's the point??

          Originally posted by Effect1v3h4v0k View Post
          So I've got a bunch of girls I chat up right now, I flirt with them they flirt with me, I've got their numbers its all good. But for some reason I'm having serious trouble getting them to hang out with me and I cant figure it out.

          What Ive been doing so far is inviting them all over for a party or drinks or whatever, they all flake out on me. Not even just partying but for normal stuff too like out to lunch to the mall or park or to go running whatever.

          I don't claim to be perfect, but I've got this lesie friend who doesn't really get it either she says I'm a nice guy, I'm not forward nor do I make girls feel awkward. I take control in most situations and don't take any of their shit, most girls (especially exs) know not to push my buttons or ill just freeze them out. I'm just having real problems getting them to commit to spending time with me.

          Comment


          • #6
            Dude, if you're doing one-nighters with strippers in real life, why worry about the internet? Just sarge out in the field.

            Comment


            • #7
              in response to the original post, those girls probably never had any intention to hook up with you in the first place. chat and flirt online, yes, but never beyond that. they probably assume you were in the same mindset.

              you say you're not forward, but merely asking to hang out with someone you met online is as forward as it gets.

              but hey, you know your situation better than I do. if anything, don't take it personally, there's definitely some girls out there who wouldn't have flaked under the same circumstances. so don't take these "rejections" personally, and move on to the next target

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              • #8
                Originally posted by InfiniteEternity View Post
                Dude, if you're doing one-nighters with strippers in real life, why worry about the internet? Just sarge out in the field.
                Its a challenge.
                I've been sarging for quite a while now, but the online game is much different. But also something you can learn.


                To prevent flaking: Make it casual. No talk about sex, politics, religion or previous relationships. Its hard to be cocky/funny and neg online, so becareful with those. Keep the humor simple so she will understand.

                To set up a first date, keep it simple and casual: Tell her your busy, but you can meet her briefly for coffee at a certain time/place.
                Or ask her to help you buy a gift for a friend.

                Comment


                • #9
                  It appears that in this particular circumstance, your expressing demonstrations of higher value at a minimal level...therefor, what do the targets do? They override you and begin to take advantage of your willingness to provide, provide and provide which seems to be the underlining factor here. It seems that you have allowed the LJBF's factor to become concrete, allowing comfort building to mainpulate the possible chance of attraction enforcing. ...not good. It appears that you have known these girls for a lengthened amount of time which highlights the fact that in terms of the structural process you should be at stages C2-C3, where you seem to be stuck at A3. Analyse the situation closely, spot IOI's and respond in the right manner...keep us posted if any progress occurs.

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