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  • FR: LORDING with the Club Fingers

    Last night was a banterful evening.

    It was my birthday, but being the lazy socialite that I am what I am actually doing is, over the course of two weeks, going to other people I that I know's parties and taking them over and lording it...GUERILLA BIRTHDAYS...saves me organizing anything, and I basically get about 8 different bithday parties...

    [b]Lesson[/b]: There is actually a lesson here. As I was walking down, I was wondering if it was odd that I wasn't doing something DIRECTLY for me. This could have shaken my frame. But I just thought, 'You know what? Fuck it. Lets just party'. Kept my frame tight and had a wicked time - if I had been too caught up in wondering what people thought of me/should I do my own party and get validated etc, it would have killed my good spirits.

    Anyway, so the night began with the girl who's party it was ACTUALLY for sitting around with a whole load of guys playing 'I have never'. Let's just say, I had to drink a hell of a lot more than if I had played this game 10 months ago

    Thing is, there are about 6 girls...and about 15 guys. I pulled the girl whose birthday it is a while back, should have banged her but didn't escalate hard and fast enough (which is an oddity for me). Anyways, I'm pretty chill about the whole evening although I am pretty sure about half of the guys there have got designs on the birthday girl.

    Amusingly enough, when I turned up I was already 90 minutes late and I was on the phone to one of my absolute best mates. There was no way I was gonna hang up on him mid-conversation just to talk to some girl I've pulled. So despite the fact she kept trying to speak to me, pulling at my arm etc, I stuck on the phone and chatted with my mate for about a half hour. Wasn't being rude, but my best mate takes priority - just the way it is.

    I introduce and meet a lot of the guys there. Pretty sound guys, lots of 'alphaness' going on...but its all getting a bit 'who's got the bigger dick' style ifyouknowwhatimean...

    Some really sound guys though, and 3 of us guys pitch in and get a taxi down to the club.

    [b]Lesson[/b]: Generating social proof...

    When we get to the club, its a huge queue. Immediately, we turn on the chat with the bouncers. Turns out there's some private student party going on in there too. We skip the queues cos we befriend the bouncers (two of us aren't even students - one of us is 27...) by talking about jujitsu and bantering with them. Nice guys. When we're in the queue to pay, some girl puts us on the VIP guestlist and we're in for free. Sorted.

    [b]Lesson[/b]: find commonalities and engage the guys who you can pawn on their terms. I.E. what kind of thing would they do? However, this has to be done with neutral cannot be rapport-seeking simply because everyone else is. You just have to be a cool guy, chatting away.

    Meet some absolute madman legend at the bar, absolute nutter but an AWESOME guy. So high energy. We're all dancing and having a wild time, he's buying us tequila shots...glory nights.

    I meet his GF in a bit...she's not happy cos he's just told her that he wants their relationship to go non-exclusive. Guys a player. Respect...

    Anyways, his GF (may be an ex by now) is following me into the dancefloor and we're dancing etc, away from her boyfriend. For some reason, I tell her I can't pull her. She says, 'What, you think thats what I'm trying to do?' I reply - oh my silver tongue - 'Yes.' totally deadpan, she doesn't take it so well, ha, whatever. Nice girl. We just got our wires crossed. She was probably out to just have some fun, and maybe create a little jealousy. So I move on.

    By now I'm flying solo, but damn I look *pimp*, tie, leather jacket, smooth jeans, rings...all good.

    I am, however, pretty socially-proofed in here. I see a lot of people I know from various activities that I do. Grabbing girls and spinning them round repeatedly. Being quite the charmer...I can't walk ANYWHERE without bouncing into someone I know somehow...

    I go for a slash downstairs, and as I come back up, I see birthday girl. Have a little dance and fool around. She won't pull (tbf, I'm running sloppy game on her) so I call her a chode. Her mate is exact kind of type. She's a bit plastered and giving it all that 'whatEVA' chat...I say, 'So when did you turn into a black woman then?' and start calling her a hoodrat, Jerry Springer guest etc. Calling birthday girl a 'chode' sends HER bt right up...she's like 'what is that? what is that? what is that?' hilarity is ensuing, bts are ramping right up.

    As we travel through the *pimp* status is rising (walking around double-clawing BOTH these girls under my arms…I was on a fucking MISSION!) and I am getting known increasingly around the club, I see this girl. Apparently she's friends with the birthday girl. I start giving it the chat. The random conversations, 'Would you fuck Frasier Crane?' etc. She's wearing a hoop-striped I used all my literary background, all my magic and skills to say:

    'That shirt compliments your breasts. They're huge. I have to feel.'

    I put my right hand on her breast and just chat about random stuff, keeping the hand there, as if nothing is out of the ordinary.

    'I'm gonna keep my hand here as we talk.'

    By now its ON. ON ON ON ON ON

    So I go for the pull, she pulls back. I grab her round the back of the head, hold her, and pull. No escape. And what do you know? She fucking eats my face off...hardcore pulling going on. Animal-stylee

    I take her outside to the fire escape, and slam her hard up against the wall. BOOM

    Rub her pussy up through her jeans. Take her back inside the bar and leave her for a minute. I need to go piss. I tell her, 'Stay here.' Commanding.

    Come back, no words, pull.

    Push her up on a bar stool and against the table. Things are falling off the tables and chairs. This particular area is empty, only a few of our friends and bar staff about, but I nevertheless ram my hand HARD down her jeans and start fingering her. She is pushing down on my fingers, groaning, biting my neck and going wild - in FULL VIEW of everyone in this empty bar. Classic.

    Tell her, lets go downstairs to the bathroom. Oh yes. My niche speciality of club toilet fucking is coming back BUT of course...I can't fuck at the moment (doctors orders) we need to get back to my place so I can eat her out, make her go wild and line her up for an fclose when the doctor gives me the all-clear. I'm pretty fucking memorable

    [b]Lesson[/b]: Seriously guys, bathroom f-closes are not some holy sacred secret thing. Just be very dominant in going for it, dominant both physically and verbally (i.e. be walking already when you say 'I'm going to fuck you in the bathroom of this nightclub', grab her wrist and go), and don't care about blowing the set. It never ceases to amaze me just how girls will drop all decorum and turn into raving little nymphos right in front of their friends, IF you set the frame right.

    We go outside. Somehow, in the whole birthday crew, we get seperated. Damn. Oh well, I couldn't fclose it anyway. I go with a bunch of other girls to the strip joint, where I refuse to pay for anything - much to the consternation of the strippers. I've started naming the other guys now affectionately negative names, like 'Hey, have you seen where Captain Bland went?' etc.

    End up at back at one of the guys house with birthday girl - who Captain Bland is trying to subtly grind on at the couch, chode style (nice guy, but come on, man up and DO IT) - her hot girl mate and some of the guys. Birthday Girl is being wankery about something so I rub my fingers in her face saying 'HB says hi' oh yes, I'm classy...huge outrageous reaction BT spikes up big time (this is actually quite calibrated because she's a real party girl, very liberal sexually, she'll find it outrageous but not sick).

    Hot friend is there too, giving me all these shit tests about me being arrogant etc etc. I'm flying through them. The verbal sparring is flying back at lightning speed. She leans in and our lips are like...TWO CM APART...this MASSIVE sexual tension for a split second...but no pull. I just didn't see it coming, next thing you know, she's tired and going to bed. I drink on, play guitar, and make it home for 10 to 7 in the morning.

    I was 97 minutes late for work today.

    Sweet, sweet night.