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  • Best Mike Long impersonations

    Yo,

    Thousands of people have flooded me with requests since I jumped up on Mystery's gravy train.

    Here's the big news!

    **********************************************
    I JUST SAVED $200 ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO
    **********************************************

    The guys have tolerated me for six plus months so I can help advertise this revolutionary new product. I have interacted and [B]even lived with them[/B] (they just [I]love[/I] writing 'loser' on my forehead when I pass out at night. Such jokers!

    Disc 1- Watch Mystery eat his breakfast. BE AMAZED as the cheerios disappear right before your eyes!

    Disc 2- Mystery brushes his teeth. Learn the pattern that most men don't know to use while brushing but ALL MAJOR DENTISTS DO.

    Disc 3- Mystery takes a poop...I've personally seen this one done to perfection!

    Anyway, Here are two new clips I posted on a site that most likely shut down all the applications on your computer if you try to play them.

    The first one is a mPUA repeating information everyone has heard over and over and over again...but this time sitting on a [I]couch[/I] or [I]by a pool [/I]or something NEW!!!

    In the second one, I get to interview, interrupt and distract this person repeatedly with the words : like, you know, umm, yeah, and my own useless ramblings until they finally get frustrated and get off the phone with me.

    You really might die because your brain can't handle all this information!

    Gotta go ... the Siberian ice sculpter chick is downstairs waiting. STay tuned!

  • #2
    Originally posted by Bless View Post
    Disc 1- Watch Mystery eat his breakfast. BE AMAZED as the cheerios disappear right before your eyes!

    The first one is a mPUA repeating information everyone has heard over and over and over again...but this time sitting on a [I]couch[/I] or [I]by a pool [/I]or something NEW!!!
    !
    These two were priceless.

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    • #3
      jajajajajajjajaja

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      • #4
        lmfao.....

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        • #5
          Hey guys,
          I gotta keep this short because folks are GOING CRAZY since we revealed the BRAIN TRANSPLANT.

          *************************
          I USED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL MAGIC THE GATHERING PLAYER!
          ****************************

          That's right folks, before I became a MASTER PICKUP ARTIST, I was a PROFESSIONAL MAGIC THE GATHERING PLAYER. Take it from me, Mystery's BRAIN TRANSPLANT will totally revolutionarize your world. It's like nothing you've EVER SEEN before. It's like having a mPUA HOLD YOUR SCROTUM while you watch him talk about stuff you can find on google.ca!

          I hope you liked the clip from my last e-mail that i sent you 10 minutes ago. I mean, mPUAs explaining a wonderfully overwrought term MICROCALIBRATION - WHILE THEY ARE SITTING WITH GIRLS WHO LOOK TOTALLY BORED AND STROKE THEIR FEET! Brain transplants do not get much better than this, friends!

          I have a BRAND NEW CLIP for you. But, wait - we can't let JUST ANYBODY watch videos of guys kissing up to a mPUA who you ALREADY KNOW IS THE REAL DEAL - just SIGN UP HERE at

          [url]www.venusianarts.com/newoffer3245/signup.php[/url]

          And we will take 6000 to 7200 hours to review your request. All you have to do is provide your name, credit card number, social insurance number, and mother's maiden name! WOW!

          But you better act fast! Because people are going to go TOTALLY NUTS over this FREE OFFER.

          But wait - things get EVEN BETTER!

          We are offering a NEW BONUS DISK with AMAZING content that is never before seen! I can't go over the details yet, because they are SUPER TOP SECRET.

          Now, we usually charges $20,000 to hold your scrotum while you talk to girls. But you get all of the ball-handling action for...

          $15000?

          Well that is what I suggested to Mystery, but he said no, I want EVERY GUY to be able to afford this. So I then suggested $12000.

          But he was REALLY ADAMANT about this guys. He really wants YOU, the average Joe, to be able to afford this new product without going broke.

          So we cut it down to $10000. Just so YOU could afford it!

          $10000!!!! WOOOOOOW! Man, I wish I had this kind of deal when I was starting out! But we can only make a limited number of copies that I'm not going to disclose so that we can raise it at any time we see fit!

          I'd tell you more, but hot elf chick, son of Legolas, brother to El-Dri, is waiting for me!

          Talk soon,
          Mike Long

          Last edited by a_MASTER_pickup_artist; 10-17-2007, 07:07 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Guys keep them coming. Not only are these hilarious (a_Master_pickup_artist hit the bullseye with "I want EVERY GUY to be able to afford this. So I then suggested $12000." LMFAO) but they also serve as a message to the head honchos here at VA to stop treating us like drunk club chicks and to start being a little more straightforward.

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            • #7
              Dude, HERE is how pua started and WHY this field even exists

              Hey,

              I'm glad people here like bashing Mike.

              He is a direct response marketing. MAYBE you oughta know something:

              1. This entire industry was STARTED by Eric Web running direct response, long form sales copy full page ads in magazines. No different than the copy Mike is using. I have one of the old ads around here somewhere.

              The book was "How to Pick Up Girls" and the ad was probably run hundreds of thousands of times. This was in the 60's or 70's.

              2. In modern days, the one and only Ross Jeffries founded the current PUA
              genre.

              Ross BUILT his whole business on very long sales letters. Hard core direct response copy mailed to his list. His copy makes Mike's look weak as colored water.

              Anyone bashing Mike or making fun of his marketing does NOT realize you OWE the existence of this entire market, the whole history of PUA, to hard core direct response marketing, long ass copy, hard hitting ads and sales letters.

              Maxtall

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              • #8
                doesn't change the fact that he's a wanker. people have smartened up since those days.

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                • #9
                  HAHA, looks like Mike Long's been listening to you guys, the next contest is, can you believe it "Are You Better At Marketing Than Mike Long?" to win a 30 min. phone call from Mystery, you basically got to come up with a e-mail to be sent out regarding the Mind Of Mystery set, and I want to see some of these posts above ^ submited, lol. BTW, what's up with one of the winners of the Mind Of Mystery possibly knowing Mystery already, he was at The Pickup Artist Finale/Mystery's Bday Party at Style's house and clubbing with them afterwards, he has pix of it on his myspace.

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                  • #10
                    PUA would have came about, regardless of the marketing style of one particular guru. Nonetheless this doesnt give Mr. Long (Im too lazy to think of a penis joke, but you can just laugh as though I did) to write these absolutely retarded emails. The very act of reading these emails insults my intelligence. He's a crook and perhaps if the cuntbag administrator checked this forum regularly then VA would realize the kind of backlash his marketing is having on the reputation of VA.

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                    • #11
                      did you know he used to professionally play Magic: The Gathering and was involved in cheating scandals? he was already a rat. what i want to know is how the hell he wormed his way into mystery's circle

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                      • #12
                        He was introduced through Neil. Hes the one who ran the Annihilation Method marketing. Mike has quite a scandalous history and it utterly surprises me that VA is continuing to use him for marketing.

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                        • #13
                          i'm pretty suprirsed that they dont mind the bashing. any other site, stylelife/tmm/fs etc would have closed the thread, warned/banned people and rah rah rha

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by maxtall View Post
                            Hey,

                            I'm glad people here like bashing Mike.

                            He is a direct response marketing. MAYBE you oughta know something:

                            1. This entire industry was STARTED by Eric Web running direct response, long form sales copy full page ads in magazines. No different than the copy Mike is using. I have one of the old ads around here somewhere.

                            The book was "How to Pick Up Girls" and the ad was probably run hundreds of thousands of times. This was in the 60's or 70's.

                            2. In modern days, the one and only Ross Jeffries founded the current PUA
                            genre.

                            Ross BUILT his whole business on very long sales letters. Hard core direct response copy mailed to his list. His copy makes Mike's look weak as colored water.

                            Anyone bashing Mike or making fun of his marketing does NOT realize you OWE the existence of this entire market, the whole history of PUA, to hard core direct response marketing, long ass copy, hard hitting ads and sales letters.

                            Maxtall

                            Look up the term "media awareness" and you will know why people bash mike.

                            in the past, people watched horror movies with corny monsters like frankenstein and were actually afraid. There were commercials that said things along the lines of "use this product and all the girls will want you" and it was not a joke; it was a serious marketing technique.

                            Today people watch an axe (i think it's axe) commercial that says if you spray it on you, females will tackle you. People KNOW it's a joke. It's funny.

                            As our generation is exposed to massive amounts of information and commercialization via the internet and modern television, we become aware of these marketing techniques and they don't really work on us anymore. We see through the bullshit.

                            This explains why commercials have to be funny, strange, or interesting in some way to convince us. Telling us about how great the product is won't convince us of anything.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Is it really the same mike long from magic the gathering? [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Long[/url]

                              Didn't he sell kids psychology tricks for outrageous prices that you could get out of a 15$ book at the bookstore , and claim they would disorientate a opponent to the point of losing?

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