Cheating EX Girlfriend has F**ked me up

[TopCat]

Guys,

my ex is sleeping with my mates and its breaking my heart.

two year relationship ended with her snogging my ex best mate while i was in hosipital from then on she has become i bike and i cant get her out my head. i have slept with five women since, even a couple ov HB but its noy helping i am 22 and i have some skill's wthin the attraction game but this is cutting me up

advice PLEASE

[Winch]

Hello mate, sounds like a real tough situation for you. Cut all contact with her. If your mate sleeps with her, cut contact with him as well. If she's not in your life, then you're not going to be thinking about her.

Move in new circles and occupy your mind with other things.

Good luck

[BangBang]

Most likely, you want her more because you can't have her. It sounds fucked up, but it's true in most cases.

You need to cut her out of your life like Cancer, or it will continue to eat away at you like Cancer.

Being with other women alone won't get you over her (or any one-itis), you need to work on yourself as well so that you can truly let this one go. Keep sarging and avoid talking to, e-mailing, sms'ing or anything else with this girl, or the asshole that you thought was your friend.

Unfortunately the only cure is TIME.

[Hengman]

I agree with Bang.

That's some oneitis shit. Get rid of it like Kevin Federline did with Britney Spears.

Or like BK and the whopper...

Ignore this girl and drop her from your life.

And the more you think about it, the worse it gets.

[dustinash]

She is doing it to hurt you.

Maybe I can help you with this. Two reasons. One, I have a tendency to fall in love with women I used to be in relationships with. I know how the mind can become so focused on something from the past and abandon the present opportunities.

I found that it usually happens because of a tendency to "idealize" the person. Somewhere in your spirit there is a voice that confidently is telling you that she is the one. You have probably forgotten all the shitty aspects of your relationship that contributed in the first place.

I also found that under these conditions I had a tendency to blame myself and (sadly) blame her(s) by proxy. This ussually leads to poor cycles of hurt that just make thigns much worse.

But think about this, out of all the people in the world she could have fucked she chose the guy closest to you. She is doing it to cause pain. For some reason she wants to hurt you. In stride with this you should really question whether that voice inside actually has any concept of reality. Why is it encouraging you to go after someone who has already emotionally maimed you and continues to do so?

The thing about things like this is that we feel more from the loss. You probably had love for her and so when you plummet that emotional valence down through betryal it is a HUGE emotional defecit. Normally if you love someone and you break up you go from High emotional state to Neutral emotional state.

Well in your case you went from High emotional state down to a very negative one of suffereing. Thus there is an illusion that you have lost something very large and significant.

You haven't, you don't see it yet maybe, but you just figured out he bullshit people in your life. Cut them out until they mature and realize that hurting someone who cares is callous and crappy. In a sick sort of way, reality is doing you a favor. Love has some tough lessons. One of them is that not every person considers your heart sacred. Some people just don't care.

Mind you, half the threads on this site are about how to steal other guys girlfriends so ... ya...

Whatever happens, stay positive. Tell yourself every day that you are meant to find someone who will fill you with joy and happiness and that love is not about the shit they are pulling on you. Don't be confused. That is not love. That is the work of a vengful person who is ok with watching you suffer. Shes toxic and probably so is he. I know it is hard and that it will tend to dominate the mind but you just have to forge through those nasty feelings. Eventually they will abate.

No matter what you do, don't beat yourself up over it. They are the fucked ones, not you. You shouldn't suffer over other people being creul.

Sorry you have to go through that holmes. Love is tough though and hopefully you will emerge a better, stronger man for it.

Out with the EX and on with NEXT (That is the mantra that keeps me forging forward. Forge forward. Make her see that this doesnt mean shit to you. Dont give her the satisfaction of watching you suffer, she probably doesn't care. Win by making yourself happy.)

DA

[TopCat]

Thanks very much guys, great response to my thread. dustinash special thanks you hit the nail on the head great advice!!! i will keep ya updated

[michael211]

She is doing it to hurt you.

Maybe I can help you with this. Two reasons. One, I have a tendency to fall in love with women I used to be in relationships with. I know how the mind can become so focused on something from the past and abandon the present opportunities.

I found that it usually happens because of a tendency to "idealize" the person. Somewhere in your spirit there is a voice that confidently is telling you that she is the one. You have probably forgotten all the shitty aspects of your relationship that contributed in the first place.

I also found that under these conditions I had a tendency to blame myself and (sadly) blame her(s) by proxy. This ussually leads to poor cycles of hurt that just make thigns much worse.

But think about this, out of all the people in the world she could have fucked she chose the guy closest to you. She is doing it to cause pain. For some reason she wants to hurt you. In stride with this you should really question whether that voice inside actually has any concept of reality. Why is it encouraging you to go after someone who has already emotionally maimed you and continues to do so?

The thing about things like this is that we feel more from the loss. You probably had love for her and so when you plummet that emotional valence down through betryal it is a HUGE emotional defecit. Normally if you love someone and you break up you go from High emotional state to Neutral emotional state.

Well in your case you went from High emotional state down to a very negative one of suffereing. Thus there is an illusion that you have lost something very large and significant.

You haven't, you don't see it yet maybe, but you just figured out he bullshit people in your life. Cut them out until they mature and realize that hurting someone who cares is callous and crappy. In a sick sort of way, reality is doing you a favor. Love has some tough lessons. One of them is that not every person considers your heart sacred. Some people just don't care.

Mind you, half the threads on this site are about how to steal other guys girlfriends so ... ya...

Whatever happens, stay positive. Tell yourself every day that you are meant to find someone who will fill you with joy and happiness and that love is not about the shit they are pulling on you. Don't be confused. That is not love. That is the work of a vengful person who is ok with watching you suffer. Shes toxic and probably so is he. I know it is hard and that it will tend to dominate the mind but you just have to forge through those nasty feelings. Eventually they will abate.

No matter what you do, don't beat yourself up over it. They are the fucked ones, not you. You shouldn't suffer over other people being creul.

Sorry you have to go through that holmes. Love is tough though and hopefully you will emerge a better, stronger man for it.

Out with the EX and on with NEXT (That is the mantra that keeps me forging forward. Forge forward. Make her see that this doesnt mean shit to you. Dont give her the satisfaction of watching you suffer, she probably doesn't care. Win by making yourself happy.)

DA

That is some badass advice! Im going through the same thing...sort of. Thanks for spelling it out.

Question: How do you cut contact when you work together? And I do have her on msn, when I just delete her name she is going to know that those feelings fuck me up. And that will her give satisfaction. What you guys think?

[BangBang]

when I just delete her name she is going to know that those feelings fuck me up. And that will her give satisfaction. What you guys think?

I believe that MSN and most of those messenger things have a BLOCK list, so you don't have to delete them, add her to your blocked list and is she ever does message you, you'll NEVER know about it.

I did that to an ex of mine, then bumped into her like 8 months later and she was like "How come you never answered any of my messages" and I never even saw them so I was able to put her out of my head.

[michael211]

Ban!!!!!!!

[Rush]

Hey man, had the same thing happen to me with a girl i was dating for 4 and a half years and while i was gone for a season playin hockey, she ended up hooking up with my ex best friends. Its hard to get over especailly the first few weeks but i got over it just like you get over one-itis i went out everynight and met new girls. After a week i had 3 new girls i was really into and all my thought were occupied with spending time with and managing the new girls. Once you start developing feelings for a new girl, youd be surprised how quickly you forget about the old one :)

And i couldnt agree more with cut off all contact with her or anything that will remind you of her for the first little while. After some time you just dont get bothered by the tought of her anymore.

[azazels_wolf]

michael211:

Yeah, we banned him and removed the spam.

[irelad]

I don't know if you know a hypnotist guy from the UK called Paul McKenna. Well I was reading one of his books and as well as being a tv personality, he also run's courses in the line of self-improvement etc. Anyway during one of these things he was running, people were telling stories about themselves. I can't remember exactly why but this guy ended up telling a story about how his gf/wife had cheated on him and ran off with some other guy.

When he was finished telling his story, a woman in the group said "Well I guess she's his problem now".

Try to think of it like that. Think of all the negative traits she had, but which you didn't see or chose to ignore while you were going out. Delete her number and all contact details for her and keep yourself busy. IMHO, that's the best way to get over one-itis. Just cut off contact. It's drastic, but at the same time you have to think "Do I really have any reason to stay in contact with this girl?" BTW the answer is No.

[rAFC]

just a quick offering from my experience. i had a similar situation where i just broke up with a girl and she started doing that with not just all my friends but pretty much every male in school right in front of my face. i felt sick and ill, and i just took some time out. she was toxic, crazy and no good for me. sexually i still wanted her for a while after, but it all worked out as i found a high value, good girl who actually cared about how i felt instead of getting some sick validation kick of seeing a person she has hurt. that type of girl is no good and as the excellent advice above says, reality is doing you a favour, i know it hurts man i know, so it's easier for me to say it because i'm not going through it at the moment. put it this way. a year after all that sh*t happened, i could not describe the relief i felt when i was free of her and had a better life for myself, especially when i saw all the guys going crazy over her as she played with their hearts like a frisbee. she will do the same to your 'friend' and everyone else she meets until the day, perhaps, when she learns to grow up and have a decent heart, which might be never.

[kimbocut]

hey

maybe you could help me. My ex after 10 months on and off dumped me by text message. That was 2 months ago and even now all i do is think about her its doin my head in. Now i know she has moved on. I have tried seeing others but all i do is compare them to her the only person that distracts me is this girl i meet online but she lives in a diffrent city to me. Any advice please

[michael211]

Maybe I can help you with this. Two reasons. One, I have a tendency to fall in love with women I used to be in relationships with. I know how the mind can become so focused on something from the past and abandon the present opportunities.

I found that it usually happens because of a tendency to "idealize" the person. Somewhere in your spirit there is a voice that confidently is telling you that she is the one. You have probably forgotten all the shitty aspects of your relationship that contributed in the first place.

I also found that under these conditions I had a tendency to blame myself and (sadly) blame her(s) by proxy. This ussually leads to poor cycles of hurt that just make thigns much worse.

But think about this, out of all the people in the world she could have fucked she chose the guy closest to you. She is doing it to cause pain. For some reason she wants to hurt you. In stride with this you should really question whether that voice inside actually has any concept of reality. Why is it encouraging you to go after someone who has already emotionally maimed you and continues to do so?

The thing about things like this is that we feel more from the loss. You probably had love for her and so when you plummet that emotional valence down through betryal it is a HUGE emotional defecit. Normally if you love someone and you break up you go from High emotional state to Neutral emotional state.

Well in your case you went from High emotional state down to a very negative one of suffereing. Thus there is an illusion that you have lost something very large and significant.

You haven't, you don't see it yet maybe, but you just figured out he bullshit people in your life. Cut them out until they mature and realize that hurting someone who cares is callous and crappy. In a sick sort of way, reality is doing you a favor. Love has some tough lessons. One of them is that not every person considers your heart sacred. Some people just don't care.

Mind you, half the threads on this site are about how to steal other guys girlfriends so ... ya...

Whatever happens, stay positive. Tell yourself every day that you are meant to find someone who will fill you with joy and happiness and that love is not about the shit they are pulling on you. Don't be confused. That is not love. That is the work of a vengful person who is ok with watching you suffer. Shes toxic and probably so is he. I know it is hard and that it will tend to dominate the mind but you just have to forge through those nasty feelings. Eventually they will abate.

No matter what you do, don't beat yourself up over it. They are the fucked ones, not you. You shouldn't suffer over other people being creul.

Sorry you have to go through that holmes. Love is tough though and hopefully you will emerge a better, stronger man for it.

Out with the EX and on with NEXT (That is the mantra that keeps me forging forward. Forge forward. Make her see that this doesnt mean shit to you. Dont give her the satisfaction of watching you suffer, she probably doesn't care. Win by making yourself happy.)

DA

just read that. Helped me when I was in the same situation that you're in now. Plus, date that other girl!!