Girl doesn't want to leave her first time love for me ... Not so fast ...

[Marc-Antony]

I won't recap the entire story, as I don't think it's necessary to do so. For those of you who know it all ... great.

So she told me a week ago, that she had choosen her first time love over me ... Well, I guess not ... She left him "I don't love you anymore." (that's what she told him) ...

Now, basically, what she needs is time, her bff told me that, and she told me that ... And, I think that it's only fair for me to give her some time and space (after all she left her boyfriend for me), and because as soon as I push too hard, she freaks out starts crying etc etc.

For example, last night we talked for the first time after her break up with the ex ... I tried too hard to go for the kiss, although compliance was good and all, smooth kino (receptive). Then, she starts crying, freaks out, slams the door, screams ... her bff spoke to her, then my best friend spoke to her (no worries no attraction there), but she just can't find her words when she is talking to me ... Basically, what she needs is time. And, that's what she is going to get.

Plan of action: act chill, say hi, DHV, small negs, with very smooth kino ...

I am cool, zen, relax, chill ... Inner game is good, life is good, alpha frame is good, I am good.

And, she really is worth the extra time and effort.

PS: she is freaking out, cause things were going good with her boyfriend, no major problem, or anything of that kind ... so basically, I get into her life, and BAM! she leaves the boyfriend ... So and that's what she told me, she needs some time to find herself back ... I am not worried she is going to leave with some other guy ... So yeah space is what she is going to get.

PSS: my heart is at peace, I know that she is going to come back ... And, I know that If I push too hard, I am going to lose her.

[Decibel]

Once again I discourage pursuing this. She 'left her BF' but may very well go back to him (and leave, and go back, and each time make you crazier and crazier).
As I said previously, if you push a girl too hard she will choose to be with neither man, and that's where this may be heading. Or best case, she dates you for a little while and then dumps you.
So what you're doing is trying to get with a woman who feels suffocated, and who probably was content with her man. This still doesn't sound like a good setup for a LTR, particularly when there are plenty other great women without this kind of baggage.

[Bad_man]

I completely agree with D.

I'd just play it cool and not bank on her being a LTR. It sounds to me like too much effort for something that is way to shady in the first place.

Be cool and stay friends, but go find another LTR. Maybe she'll come around and maybe not.....but don't set yourself up for failure my friend.

[Dox]

Plenty of other women out there, dude - don't limit yourself to this one, especially since it sounds a lot more complicated than any average-to-ideal relationship should be.

Unless you're just looking to bone her. I hear rufies work wonders.

(that was a joke, guys...)

[latinguy]

Sounds like a little oneitis.. I agree with the others, back off and leave it alone for a good while.

[Argo navis]

And, she really is worth the extra time and effort.


No she is not. Don't wanna sound harsh, but I am going to sound VERY REAL.

Is she paying those extra time and efforts back by giving you respect FIRST? As in making a clear cut decision? As in being aware of your feelings and avoiding hurting you? Oh she's well aware of your feelings, but..

Does she respect anyone involved in the triangle?
How long has she displayed this attitude?
AND... are you dominating? NO. She dictates the rules (implicitely or explicitely, you are now trained to "not push too hard"). And is being a "trained" man attractive to a woman?

The last thing anyone need in their lives are flakey, disrespectful partners. I don't care how she LOOKS. I don't care how clever she sounds. I don't care how rich, tall, I couldn't care less.

On this planet, there are 3 billion women and then some, of which a solid share are within the potential mate range.
After my repeated experiences with flakey, unstable, and generally problematic - yet apparently superb - women I have come to a SOLUTION! A very simple one.

My life is worth my enjoyment, nobody inside it is using my feelings - anytime, anywhere, PERIOD. Unless I have been a friggin' jerk I have no excuses to make for desires, don't owe apologies to anyone in town, and I just don't have time to spend on someone who is not into enjoying me fully here and now.

Four letters for my solution : N-E-X-T. You could add a last chance, but you're way past that one me thinks.

(besides, it's the only attraction switch remaining to trigger : remove her puppy toy from her and hand it over to the next HB in line - and watch her drool over what she had and let go).

[Cro]

Walk away...just do it, this will only hurt you more in the end.