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Ril
04-01-2008, 01:30 AM
Aside from experience, and paying attention to feedback, are there any other ways you guys are improving your calibration?

By calibration I mean, knowing how people around you are feeling, knowing when to IOD, when to IOI, when you need to DHV more, when you need to build more comfort, qualify more, etcetera

azazels_wolf
04-01-2008, 04:49 AM
Paying attention really is key.

You'll find out a lot from body language and IOIs (or lack thereof). Also, from a verbal standpoint, how they respond and what they respond with. Read between the lines... women often say things for reasons beyond the obvious.
And as Decibel said, compliance testing.

A useful exercise to become more sensitive to other people's feelings and reactions is to observe a room full of people and try to deduce as much as you can about how they are feeling just from what you can see and sense in their interactions, expressions, vibes, etc.

Also, before you say or do something, ask yourself "How will this person interpret this? How will they feel about it, and react to it?" and then see if your prediction was correct or not. If your predictions are consistently wrong, then you need to figure out what is lacking in your communication and how you bring it across.

Ril
04-01-2008, 05:29 AM
That's awesome azazel's wolf, that's exactly how I've thought about it; you can judge your calibration by its predictive capacity.

I also agree that women very, very often say things with a "between the lines" (or, and often, a "I want to say this to you but in a plausibly deniable way")



I think Mystery said that "everything a woman says is a soundbite to get a reaction from you."


I'd love to hear that explicated a bit; does he mean that literally, everything a woman says to you IS a soundbite meant to provoke a reaction in you?

It has to be mostly in the context of a pickup, or when she has no other social or practical reason to speak to you e.g. if she's your teacher, some of what she will say will simply be situational, logical stuff not meant to provoke a reaction.

Alacrity
04-01-2008, 06:15 AM
This is a great question that really got me thinking. I know plenty of AFC's who go out every weekend but aren't calibrated. It's because they don't try things.

You know the rule.. Always Escalate. Everything you do should push forward
the interaction.

Suppose your in a set that your not sure about. Instead of going for a
worthless number, DHV and tell her to close her eyes and kiss her. How does she react? Do it 20 more times.

Go over the interaction later in your head and tie it all in to what you were doing previously and how many IOI's she gave you, how many DHV's you think
you did, etc.

really is hard to articulate, I guess this has been my on my mind all day because of Sat night. I'll do a quick run-down to illustate the point.

I come around a corner in good state and HB7.5Hibiscus is turned to look my way, big AI eyes. "It's rude to stare and not say Hi," I say and put my arm on her chair. She leans in slightly ands makes me guess what kind of flower her tatoo is. I jump through her verbal hoop as a pretext to start stroking the tatoo (it's on her shoulder.) A little banter (asked if I was gay) and I pull her in on a laugh for a side hug, she puts her hands on my chest and tilts her head in and back.

I spend maybe 20 seconds with the friend, somethings on her mind. Turn to Hibiscus and talk about running away to Fiji, big reaction more close hugs. Some more banter lines. Another close hug and we kiss, she throws the tounge in.

Now I know right then that this is a bust, she's gonna get buyers remorse or give me a bad number,plus the friend doesn't react at all. Couldn't think of a way to pull and they were leaving soon.

What to do? Escalate.

A photo routine by my friend stood her up for more kino. Sat her down agian and turned her away from everybody and ran my hand down her body in one smooth motion. She startled at this but allowed me to do this and even enjoyed it.

I realized about half way through this theres an AFC on the sidelines, he's been hitting on these girls all night (don't know where he was when I showed up). My wing distracted him before he had a chance to do more than tap her on the shoulder 4-5 times. We gave him no response.

She gives me her number (Insists I take it)and she and her friend leave. Turns out it was a bad number, just as I thought. I did try to timebridge, screen, and qualify but all this happened in ten minutes and she kept wanting to make out.

****Like AW said paying attention is key and Always Escalate so you have something to pay attention to.****

azazels_wolf
04-01-2008, 06:22 AM
I think Mystery said that "everything a woman says is a soundbite to get a reaction from you."

I'd love to hear that explicated a bit; does he mean that literally, everything a woman says to you IS a soundbite meant to provoke a reaction in you?

It has to be mostly in the context of a pickup, or when she has no other social or practical reason to speak to you e.g. if she's your teacher, some of what she will say will simply be situational, logical stuff not meant to provoke a reaction.

Haha, yeah. One could say that ALL communication has a purpose or agenda behind it - usually to help yourself, another person, or both. For example, the teacher is communicating in order to help the student to learn so that she can (hopefully) feel the joy of successfully teaching, while helping herself to a paycheck. Win-win situation.

You're right, that statement really applies to the pickup, and male-female courtship. There are many situations in which women do say situational, logical, practical things that are what they are, for the most part. Everyday life sort of stuff. If the teacher says "I need your homework turned in tomorrow" or your gf says "I don't like the way they prepared this chicken - it's dry and tasteless"...well, the surface meaning is the most important one. You can infer that if you don't turn in your homework, you'll fail, or that you shouldn't go to this restaurant anymore because it sucks, but the general meaning and intent are still quite obvious.

But during the courtship process, much of what a woman says IS loaded with ulterior meaning and implication, in order to test you, figure out who you really are, what you really want, and to give you hints about herself and what SHE wants. For example, if she shit tests you, she's often trying to find out how confident and congruent you are, whether or not your frame is strong or if you've been lying to her, putting on an act, etc. Can you bring her into your reality, or are you weak, false, and crumble under the pressure? The question she asks isn't just a simple question... she deduces a lot about you from how you handle it.

Women aren't ALWAYS aware of what they're implying, so you have to try to understand. If she says "I'm not having sex with you tonight" then she's saying "I do have sex on my mind, and in fact you ARE attracting me, but I don't have enough comfort/connection/trust with you yet to feel good about having sex.... I have no plausible deniability, and I don't want to feel like a slut." So the reaction she's probably looking for is for you to work on her comfort level and escalate futher when APPROPRIATE, and to make it seem like it just happened and wasn't planned out on her part.

Women will do these sorts of things in relationships and friendships as well. If she says "I HATE it when this guy friend of mine does such and such, blah blah it's SO annoying" then she's not only ranting and blowing off some steam, but you can also imply that this is exactly the thing YOU should NOT do, because she HATES it and if you do it she will feel the same way about YOU.

So yes, there's always some kind of reaction-seeking involved, but you have to figure out just WHAT kind of reaction would be appropriate. What is the motive and what can you learn from what she just said or did? There's a lot of layers and nuances involved, which is why you have to pay close attention.