relics
03-30-2007, 09:41 PM
Before I get started I'd like to quote my buddy over at Edmenton Avikon
This is his post over at the attraction forums
This is a tip for anytime you get into a fight with your girlfriend, and how to ultimately win "control" of that argument. When you have the "control" you have the "power" to change the argument to have a favorsome outcome for yourself.
Alot of the times when you get in a fight or an argument, disagreement with a woman, know that you cannot win. Why? Because we all know women are governed by their emotions, if they are mad they can argue a point with absolutely no validation forever. And even if a small part of them questions if its right or wrong, they fight till the death... because admiting one is wrong is a large blow to the ego, which is a DLV, which believe it or not... girls hate. (Due to the fact that they are creatures with low self-esteem)
Ok, simply enough right? Now also note that they are seeking attention when they're mad, simply sometimes a reaction to you is a win for them. So they simply want to prove themselves correct by allowing you to help them. You help them by taking the opposite side, this hurts a females ego as it would any other man, thus leading her into self-rationalization of her decision. So you give her more ammo. Basically a girls goal in an argument is to make sure you see her point, understand it, come to agree with it, and act on it within those boundaries. Now your asking... ok how the fuck do i maintain my frame, keep my value, and dont act beta. Because if i dissagree... she wins, by agreeing she wins and i lose value. I developed a very tactical line to use to be used to gain levrage in a fight.
"This isnt worth time arguing over, as far as im concerned this argument is over, its dropped, it is deemed unimportant in my books and i will not waste another minute talking about it, if you want to push it, then do so without me"
-If she disagrees and wants to continue you freeze her out and ignore her
-If she disagrees on the phone (prefered for phone fights) say you have to go an hang up, and talk to her whenever shes cooled down
-If she agrees its important that you give time constraint and finish the conversation on a lighter note, by doing this you win. Because it implies you were right, and you allude that your too upset to talk about it, but she cant argue with you, because your leaving legitametly >:-).
You may be thinking... how is this effective at all? Well this is why it is effective, rather than pissing her off by disagreeing or losing ego points by agreeing you "set value" of the topic by making it less important. As people we have no interest in that of which is unimportant. You are rejecting her ideals, and replacing them with neutrality instead of opposition. So by rejecting her (rejection theory) you now have the levrage or power. By Being above the situation you DHV, and win it. Now there are countless lines to save your hide in a fight, but i have proven this one effective in my personal relationships. But its important to calibrate the strength of the subject to the steps required to battle it.
*NEVER call a girlfriend and leave an emotional message. Infact never leave a message unless its important or something like "just calling to see if you wanted to hang out, guess not i'll be out with the guys later"... Dont ever leave stupid, long, repetious messages.
*NEVER tell your girlfriend shes a bitch, whore, slut, no matter how mad you are this is extremly beta and she can use it against you later on even if she forgives you and says she wont, it will become her sub-conscience fuel.
*NEVER "keep score" keeping score is a method females use, its when in an argument etc you bring up accumulated past occurences and throw them in. For example;
gf:i was mad at you at new years for looking at shelly's ass! Thats why valentines day for me sucks!
bf: uhh whats that got to do with me not getting you chocolate?
When guys do this to the girl... it has a detrimental affect.
***A Tip to remember: Whenever a girl is mad any reaction she gives you, is the one she wants in return! If she yells at you she wants you to yell back, so simply do not follow her lead. Its all a sub-conscience method females use, they want to make you feel as bad as they do, by trying to force you to replicate their emotions, in which case they have reason to take more offence to, and DLV you. Simple example, just think if your girl hits you would you hit her back? I hope you wouldnt. Now what she wants is you to hit her, so she can be super mad and justify her own actions by making your equal reaction seem worse. See how we see how much worse it is to hit a girl? Thats how they see all situations when they're emotional...
So there you are...the girl finally gets on your nerves and you snap. You say "ugh, fuck you" then you hang up.
Stop.
Look over Avi's Rules....oh no...you blew one. You cussed at her. You returned her emotions that she wanted to empath over you.
it's an inevidability that you can't always keep your cool. I-like neil- have an extremely long fuse but when it hits rock bottom it hits rock bottom. I do without thinking and go "Ugh...fuck you*click*"
What did I do next? Well first off...I calmed the fuck down. Anger's not a good place to think and live in the moment. Call her back up, apologize for getting angered and follow Avi's guidelines. However...what's your justification for getting angered? I won't include all of the shit that just happened barely an hour ago over the phone (An Ex of 2 years accumulation worth of drama.) Basically I wanted to let her know that my anger equalled how much I cared for her. Yep...quite a reframe...but IMO an easy one. I stole the template of this from someone and modified it to my own but here it is:
I apologize for getting angry at you. I think the reason I get angry at you is that....I care about you. In my family, my parents didn't give a fuck what other people did. Smoking, drugs, vandilism, you name it. But if I did it, they'd make sure their anger was enough for me to never do it again. They do that because they really do care for me. And when I get angry at you...I suppose it's really a sign of my affection
Heh, this is actually quite true. This has been feild tested....once an hour ago this minute. It calmed things down rather well comboed with Avikon's post.
If you've any thoughts, or anything to add; feel free.
This is his post over at the attraction forums
This is a tip for anytime you get into a fight with your girlfriend, and how to ultimately win "control" of that argument. When you have the "control" you have the "power" to change the argument to have a favorsome outcome for yourself.
Alot of the times when you get in a fight or an argument, disagreement with a woman, know that you cannot win. Why? Because we all know women are governed by their emotions, if they are mad they can argue a point with absolutely no validation forever. And even if a small part of them questions if its right or wrong, they fight till the death... because admiting one is wrong is a large blow to the ego, which is a DLV, which believe it or not... girls hate. (Due to the fact that they are creatures with low self-esteem)
Ok, simply enough right? Now also note that they are seeking attention when they're mad, simply sometimes a reaction to you is a win for them. So they simply want to prove themselves correct by allowing you to help them. You help them by taking the opposite side, this hurts a females ego as it would any other man, thus leading her into self-rationalization of her decision. So you give her more ammo. Basically a girls goal in an argument is to make sure you see her point, understand it, come to agree with it, and act on it within those boundaries. Now your asking... ok how the fuck do i maintain my frame, keep my value, and dont act beta. Because if i dissagree... she wins, by agreeing she wins and i lose value. I developed a very tactical line to use to be used to gain levrage in a fight.
"This isnt worth time arguing over, as far as im concerned this argument is over, its dropped, it is deemed unimportant in my books and i will not waste another minute talking about it, if you want to push it, then do so without me"
-If she disagrees and wants to continue you freeze her out and ignore her
-If she disagrees on the phone (prefered for phone fights) say you have to go an hang up, and talk to her whenever shes cooled down
-If she agrees its important that you give time constraint and finish the conversation on a lighter note, by doing this you win. Because it implies you were right, and you allude that your too upset to talk about it, but she cant argue with you, because your leaving legitametly >:-).
You may be thinking... how is this effective at all? Well this is why it is effective, rather than pissing her off by disagreeing or losing ego points by agreeing you "set value" of the topic by making it less important. As people we have no interest in that of which is unimportant. You are rejecting her ideals, and replacing them with neutrality instead of opposition. So by rejecting her (rejection theory) you now have the levrage or power. By Being above the situation you DHV, and win it. Now there are countless lines to save your hide in a fight, but i have proven this one effective in my personal relationships. But its important to calibrate the strength of the subject to the steps required to battle it.
*NEVER call a girlfriend and leave an emotional message. Infact never leave a message unless its important or something like "just calling to see if you wanted to hang out, guess not i'll be out with the guys later"... Dont ever leave stupid, long, repetious messages.
*NEVER tell your girlfriend shes a bitch, whore, slut, no matter how mad you are this is extremly beta and she can use it against you later on even if she forgives you and says she wont, it will become her sub-conscience fuel.
*NEVER "keep score" keeping score is a method females use, its when in an argument etc you bring up accumulated past occurences and throw them in. For example;
gf:i was mad at you at new years for looking at shelly's ass! Thats why valentines day for me sucks!
bf: uhh whats that got to do with me not getting you chocolate?
When guys do this to the girl... it has a detrimental affect.
***A Tip to remember: Whenever a girl is mad any reaction she gives you, is the one she wants in return! If she yells at you she wants you to yell back, so simply do not follow her lead. Its all a sub-conscience method females use, they want to make you feel as bad as they do, by trying to force you to replicate their emotions, in which case they have reason to take more offence to, and DLV you. Simple example, just think if your girl hits you would you hit her back? I hope you wouldnt. Now what she wants is you to hit her, so she can be super mad and justify her own actions by making your equal reaction seem worse. See how we see how much worse it is to hit a girl? Thats how they see all situations when they're emotional...
So there you are...the girl finally gets on your nerves and you snap. You say "ugh, fuck you" then you hang up.
Stop.
Look over Avi's Rules....oh no...you blew one. You cussed at her. You returned her emotions that she wanted to empath over you.
it's an inevidability that you can't always keep your cool. I-like neil- have an extremely long fuse but when it hits rock bottom it hits rock bottom. I do without thinking and go "Ugh...fuck you*click*"
What did I do next? Well first off...I calmed the fuck down. Anger's not a good place to think and live in the moment. Call her back up, apologize for getting angered and follow Avi's guidelines. However...what's your justification for getting angered? I won't include all of the shit that just happened barely an hour ago over the phone (An Ex of 2 years accumulation worth of drama.) Basically I wanted to let her know that my anger equalled how much I cared for her. Yep...quite a reframe...but IMO an easy one. I stole the template of this from someone and modified it to my own but here it is:
I apologize for getting angry at you. I think the reason I get angry at you is that....I care about you. In my family, my parents didn't give a fuck what other people did. Smoking, drugs, vandilism, you name it. But if I did it, they'd make sure their anger was enough for me to never do it again. They do that because they really do care for me. And when I get angry at you...I suppose it's really a sign of my affection
Heh, this is actually quite true. This has been feild tested....once an hour ago this minute. It calmed things down rather well comboed with Avikon's post.
If you've any thoughts, or anything to add; feel free.