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View Full Version : DLVing herself? Insecurity?



Suspence 365
02-24-2008, 11:54 PM
I've known HB8.5 at PURELY the acquaintance level for about 6 months... she is a couple years older than me, went to my high school, graduated from Syracuse... and is now, I don't know, in that party before you enter "the real world" phase after college graduation... she is one of the best friend's of the drummer of my band's girlfriend, and she is at our shows sometimes (automatic DHV!) and all the social functions... As for our interactions... they have been a joke here or there... in a general mild-to-friendly banter that could grow possibly grow sexually charged or could just waft into LJBF zone... regardless... like 10 of us (including of course she and I) in this social circle decide to roll to the bars on Friday night...

We're pre-gaming at my drummer's girl's spot... and lo and behold HB8.5 walks through before most people come... but I don't immediately engage... I guess I'm trying to communicate disinterest, and bank on the fact I have ultimate DHV over almost anyone here 'cause I'm the "rock star" in the band?? (side note... Is this the right way of thinking? Or should I throw it out? 'Cause my guitarist says, "All these chicks say they want to do you, but they are like intimidated!")...so I guess that leads me to believe I have "VALUE" already handled with some of these girls at pre-game spots, and I can just take my time and chill...

In any case... I chill, I chat... I play the room... and when I finally talk to her... FORK IN THE ROAD. I go with a whole "You're my new bodyguard bit", only to find out the birthday boy has used it already... so that makes ME using it look mighty *AWKWARD*... we mingle some more... I practice some tonality around her by chatting up a guy next to her and seeing if I can get her to listen to me of how well I could tell the story... it works, but in general... not much happened at the pre-game... the real confusion came at the bar...

We've been at the bar for about an hour... and I slide in at a seat next to her as if it's natural as she chats up this guy who's got to at least be 3-4 years older than me... when that dies down a bit... I get my shot... and I do, too bad I was a little hammered that night...

We somehow get on the topic of our rating on a 1-10 scale... I think I just hijacked a thread from the guy or something... anyway, she starts almost ARDENTLY saying she's a 7.5 at best to me, which I immediately recognize as her DLVing the shit out of herself... I was like WTF?? I, of course, say I'm a ten, and that she shouldn't think that or something... and then, me being still a somewhat miscalibrated newbie... launch the Mystery bit: "Now you are cute (EC)... but beauty is very common... you know what's not so common? A good outlook, a good energy, and a good personality... you got 2 out of 3, not too bad..." to which she says, "Which one am I missing?" (Something I should have been PREPARED for... is this a shit test or a insecure DLV on her part? Or is she simply wanting to be lead?) I stumble off and essentially fail the shit test or whatever it is with the goofy response... "Which one do you think you're missing..." and get blown out, as she turns around...

Okay so... how could I have played this better?

Argo navis
02-25-2008, 01:12 AM
Insecurity : yes, I think - she does come across as DLVing.

Playing it better : by not playing.
By having a strong frame for yourself - eg. being yourself and happy with it.

"Playing" with insecure girls will get you no worthy LTR - but it may get you a good lay, and you should leave it at that and not treat her like a girlfriend, simply - this way she has no qualms about "having to live up to your expectations". But make sure what you want from life first - a girlfriend or sex.

Approach these kinds of weaker girls directly and make them feel good - reward her - for coming to you from a low perception of herself.

For example : "Not sure yet, but it's your lucky day, I am dedicated when it comes to bringing out the best in people, and a cute girl like you gets a free pass. Now let's figure this out together..."
Delivered with a smile.

Then you can kiss her right there and then if her body language is ok - best thing imo - or grab her by the arm, gently but firmly, and isolate.

azazels_wolf
02-25-2008, 03:01 AM
Yeah, Argo's got the right idea here.

Straightforward by-the-rules Mystery Method is designed for women who also see themselves as 9s and 10s. If the girl is insecure and is constantly DLVing and seeking an ego boost, you're gonna have to calibrate accordingly.

Yes, this girl is insecure. This is particularly common with younger women.
Yes, you already have high value as the "rock star." Your guitarist is right - you probably intimidate a lot of the younger women and they're not sure how to approach you.

When the girl already sees you as high value, there's no need to DHV so much. They're ALREADY attracted to you, so go into A3.

However, there is an important but subtle difference that you should try to keep in mind:
Normally in A3, you make her qualify herself by DHVing to you in a sense - having her TELL you what her good and worthy qualities are. In the case of an insecure low self-esteem girl, she doesn't think she HAS any, or if she does, she's not confident and secure enough to SAY so. So she DLVs herself instead, or seeks validation from you.

So instead of having her qualify herself, you HAVE TO QUALIFY HER. Give her value by saying that she has this and that positive quality, and you really like that about her. If she agrees and gets excited that you think those things, then you've succeeded. If she's all happy that you're showing some attraction to her now, you're fine - go into C1/rapport-building.

Do you understand the difference there?

Hengman
02-25-2008, 04:09 AM
Both Argo and Wolf are correct.

Suspence 365
02-25-2008, 04:23 AM
Yo, a million thanks for you guy's responses... very insightful...

So next time I see her, I can A3 except QUALIFYING herself to me...

I guess that whole angle would have never crossed my mind 'cause she is so hot, it's hard to imagine such a bad self-impression... but hey, alot of the girls intimidated to talk to me the "rock star" don't know that I am a reformed AFC! So go figure! LOL

Two other questions...

A) This girl (along with a couple other attractive girls in this social circle) have a tendency to turn around or follow other guys in the venue or you know, not engage me very much at these events... or if I open them... they are sort of just "foggy" much like an HB who WASN'T into me or w/e would be... or their energy levels are just like EHHHHHHH... but with other guys right in front of me they will be all energetic and what not... could it be they have already decided they don't like me or what?? Or is it that "intimidated by the rockstar" thing? Or they just haven't hit buying temperature, and I still have a shot?

B) Considering that I am very socially-proofed being the lead vocalist in my band... how, in PUA terms, should I be running game on girls after shows, or who are familiar that I'm in a band? Value is obviously pretty much handled... so should I not do DHV stories involving the band just go to A3? Or what?

Thanks again... you guys are great

azazels_wolf
02-25-2008, 09:22 AM
A) This girl (along with a couple other attractive girls in this social circle) have a tendency to turn around or follow other guys in the venue or you know, not engage me very much at these events... or if I open them... they are sort of just "foggy" much like an HB who WASN'T into me or w/e would be... or their energy levels are just like EHHHHHHH... but with other guys right in front of me they will be all energetic and what not... could it be they have already decided they don't like me or what?? Or is it that "intimidated by the rockstar" thing? Or they just haven't hit buying temperature, and I still have a shot?


Well, are you getting any IOIs when you're talking to her? That's the important thing here. If you're not getting any IOIs, then
1) Nope, she's not interested
2) Work on your attraction material...concentrate on flipping attraction switches

If you ARE getting IOIs and they're acting all stiff and awkward, then they might just be intimidated and not sure how to react.



B) Considering that I am very socially-proofed being the lead vocalist in my band... how, in PUA terms, should I be running game on girls after shows, or who are familiar that I'm in a band? Value is obviously pretty much handled... so should I not do DHV stories involving the band just go to A3? Or what?


As long as the girls aren't insecure, it doesn't hurt to run some A2 material after the show. However, you want to calibrate and NOT over-do it. If the girls are insecure and intimidated by you, then the whole "rock star" thing is enough value.

However, if a girl opens you and gives you IOIs right away after the show, you're pretty safe going into A3 as soon as possible, since she's ALREADY very attracted.

A2 is all about getting her attracted to you while you feign disinterest. So if she's already attracted, move forward. You can always back up and DHV again at a later point if you feel that you need more value during the sarge.