Feedback on my add

[Frankie D]

So i decided to post an add on craigslist, I'm at home stuck with a chest cold and felt the need to sarge.

Anyway I was wondering if you guys could look at my add and tell me what i needed to work on.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/m4w/537135977.html

Is it too mean? I just didn't want to AFC it, but i fear that maybe ive gone the other way to the point of being insulting.

[Nephille]

well, I wouldn't reply to this ad.

mostly because I think that you present the reason a woman should NOT contact you, instead of creating paths for her to chase you.

You begin your states with "DO NOT REPLY IF..".

I guess that you overreacted with the "I am the price here" before even tempting the reader WHY should contact you. After each state of that, you could point the price of it.

e.g. on your fifth state, it would be better to say "It's good to have role models, but building and exposing your own character will attract me more."

This way you reject her role models and make her try to show you herself, trying to win your attraction. Your frame won.

[duckSAUCE]

bro...sorry but only a girl WITH a triple chin would reply...or a pro...i mean i think u'd have better luck on myspace...

like the ad looks plain..and boring...u said short and sweet...shit's pretty long...

ur list basically describes the girls who WOULD be on craiglist...

like...u did not describe what you WANT..just what you DON'T want...it's seemingly a dlv...ur saying u want anything less theyr'e fat have kids or like rap...

i mean u can take out a lot of ur no list...make it interesting...tell them u love children of ur own instead of u hate chicks with kids...you value my religion and freedom...

like the world NO...can backfire...

i dunno...good luck=)