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Karea
01-01-2008, 05:06 PM
A quote from the movie "Beautiful girls":

You know when you first fall in love... you can't eat... you can't sleep... you think about her all the time... and when you get a call from her it lights up your whole day... it's the best... but inevitably, it fades... it goes away... so here's my thing... why not have a few more of these beginning things... before we settle in the "big fade"... my girl-friend is coming to see me tomorrow... I have a feeling of utter ambivalence about that... but I'd rather dread her arrival... than not give a shit either way.

I've read many articles and books saying that the raw passion, excitement and lust that we feel when we fall in love are biochemical reactions in the human body that don't usually last longer than 3 to 6 months. You know, the kind of thrill where you sleep for 3 hours a night because you're making love for the other 21 hours... where you can't get enough of each other's company and nothing else really matters.

I've been with my girl-friend for 5 months now and the fire has ebbed off a bit and turned into a warm glow. It keeps you warm, it's very comfortable, but... BB King said it all. I still love her, I care about her, but of course we miss what we had at first. In this particular case it may have to do with our breakup I posted about recently, because the breakup triggered a passion trap and I became the One Up in this relationship. But sometimes I think the thrill would have died anyway, simply because it's been 5 months. Or maybe because we spend too much time together and are too comfortable with each other.

All my LTRs have fallen in this pattern after a few months, I always turned into the One Up because my passion faded... with two exceptions, where I became the One Down and her passion faded faster than mine.

How long have you seen the early thrills of love lasting, and when I say "lasting" I'm talking about it being mutual - passion trap relationships where the One Down's thrill lasts don't count. And, if it doesn't last, then why do people stay together after it's gone? But on the other hand, if romantic love is nothing but an illusion, then what is the alternative - always chasing the next new thrill until we're too old to attract beautiful women... and then reluctantly settling into the "big fade" as Willy C put it so eloquently? Leaving behind us a trail of broken hearts, taking with us only the memory of dozens and dozens of girls crying bitter tears for us, the one man they truly loved...?

Open for discussion!


-Karea.

Hengman
01-01-2008, 07:35 PM
I'm in that position at times, too with girls. I've never lasted more than 4 months with a girl ever! lol I dunno, but I get bored with my relationships.

And I think people stay with each other, even though they're bored and feel different about the relationship, because of the fact that they don't want to start over something new 'cause it's been established.

Decibel
01-01-2008, 09:15 PM
That biochemical rush of falling in love is the reason why I pursue girls. My guy friends who are in LTRs don't ever feel this way, and I feel sorry for them. They admit that chase is over and the sensation of falling in love will never come back to the relationship.
People stay in these situations because of many reasons including low self-esteem (person doesn't think they'll find anyone else for a while), complacency (they see how much effort I put into going out and seeking a mate, and they'd rather just stay at home and bone the same dull piece of meat night after night), and then there's true love (though 2 people will invariably grow apart after 10 years, so you're pretty much stuck with a new person at that point...tell me you're exactly the same guy you were 10 years ago).
I personally would like to stay single and flirt around with many women. There are factors of a LTR that I miss, but in general I like my lifestyle and at this moment wouldn't trade it in for a LTR.

Karea
01-01-2008, 10:23 PM
I agree with both of you guys... now Decibel, there's one thing in your post that stands out. You say people stay together for different reasons, and one of them is "true love". Can you elaborate? Are you saying with these people the initial excitement doesn't wear off? Or what exactly is this "true love"? In several past relationships I thought I had found it, but it always turned out to be a biochemical illusion... What do you mean by true love and can you relate some first-hand (or second hand if you have) experiences?


-Karea.