Text Game - Calibration and Active Miscalibration

[10Pin]

Ok so we all know the importance of calibrating a text message to the vibe of the HB’s text message; it’s a simple extension of the face-to-face rule of calibrating your shows of interest to her actions and responses.


Calibration of length



i.e.



if she sends a lengthy text message, you can send a lengthy message back



if she sends a short message, you send a short message back



Calibration of Grammar


I also like to calibrate on grammar, as in the world of text messaging, the way one writes becomes a reflection of their personality and their mood:



i.e.



c u later



rather than:



see you later



Whilst we may not initially consider grammar to be particularly important, it is indicative of the vibe of the text message. For instance, if you were texting a friend saying your grandmother had died – extreme example but bear with me – you would be unlikely to choose the following grammar:



‘Hi, my gma’s just died. C U L8r’



Ok, so that is a little flippant as far as examples go, but what I am trying to say is that grammar is indicative of a level of playfulness. It is also an indicator of familiarity; those who are closer tend to use more abbreviations and the like.



So I will usually wait it out and see what her text messages are like, and calibrate to that. If she’s all about the ‘luv u lotz 4eva’ (oh dear) kind of speak, then for me to come back with an entirely formal grammatically-mannered response is not calibrating correctly. Having said that, I prefer to type/text with correct grammar so I’ll always lean towards that regardless; but I will make a few concessions if needs be to help the calibration.



Calibration of Time



Be aware of how quick responses will be perceived by her. If she is replying fast, then by all means, reply fast if you want to IOI her.



However, it might be more useful for you – depending on your situation – to wait longer, and this leads me on to my next topic:



Intentional Mis-Calibrations and Their Use in Reframing



What I’ve written above is good for standard situations, i.e. those where the girl is into you as much as you are into her and you haven’t managed to fuck up in any way.



However, it doesn’t always go like that, and intentionally mis-calibrating your text messages can be an interesting and useful aide if you are trying to change the frame from one of YOU chasing her, to one of HER chasing YOU.



I am in that situation right now, and after running a takeaway on the girl, she’s started getting in touch again. ‘It would be great to see you’ and so on.



The first text message she sent me, I delayed on the reply for a short while and gave her a non-conclusive answer:



Non-Conclusive Answer : ‘Yeah, I might be there. I’ll see what I can do.’ The purpose of this is that it provokes her to further thinking about whether or not you are going to be there. I have found this to be a more powerful tool than a straight ‘No, I’m not coming.’ It’s like an open book; she’ll continue to think and read about it [the situation]. To close that means to close her mind to the possibilities, and ergo she you are then offering her the opportunity to stop thinking about you. As I say, if you want to get yourself on her mind, and reframe to her chasing you, this is a useful tool to have.



Continuing with mis-calibrations, if you feel you have become more invested in the situation than she, you can further reframe this by miscalibrating in the exact opposite way to those discussed at the start of the article:



Mis-calibration of length & content



HB sends a double-length message, asking multiple questions. You reply with a short message, answering maybe one of the questions and ignoring the others. You are not satisfying her desire for information on you. All of a sudden SHE is now the one investing more in this situation.



Mis-calibration of time



HB texts you. You reply after a considerable wait. In fact, sometimes if it is later in the evening and you live near a strip of bars etc, you can text back at closing time. If the girl is attracted, she will wonder why you haven’t replied sooner etc. And if she knows that you live right by some bars and have an active social life, and she only receives her reply at 11:30pm, she’ll put two and two together and figure that you were out, having fun – and this kept you from replying: DHV. Again, it is also serving the purpose of keeping her waiting/making her want more.



It is also an interesting gauge to see how quickly she responds. If you wait two hours to reply (as I did in reply to some more texts off this girl), and she replies 5 minutes later – well, now who is the one chasing now?



Mis-calibration of grammar



In all honesty, this is something I haven’t fully explored. But I would be of the opinion that mis-calibrating to grammar is not a good choice if you are still in A2, for instance. But if you feel you’ve communicated too much interest in the girl and she knows it, then purposefully using ‘formal’ spellings in reply to a flirty text she’s sent, combined with a non-flirty disinterested response, the formal grammar helps underline and strengthen the disinterest.



Now, you’ll probably have noticed all of these are negative miscalibrations; taking longer over the reply than she does, using less dialogue than she does and so on. Positive miscalibration is to me a bad thing (excuse the paradoxical name) as it is an indicator of too much interest.

The model, essentially is:

You have : Communicated too much interest
You want to: Reframe so she is chasing
So you do: Negative miscalibration

You have: Balanced A2 & A3 perfectly
You want to: Keep running solid game
So you: Calibrate to her and escalate accordingly

Positive miscalibration is something trickier to use, as it is essentially an SOI but it can be used appropriately at times.

[Grego]

Great post. I will experiment with it more.

[jooby]

very very informative post, and I think this takes away the mystery of text calibration and makes it acctually quite simple...u cleared some stuff up 4 me thnks.

[Intrigue]

10Pin my man. Nice work here. Sounds like you turned shit right on its head. What began as a #-close turned into the girl trying to take the frame. I got into the same situation by #-closing then calling the girl the next day and getting a text back. Brutal. Of course what you want is the other way around. She calls you and you text back.

10Pin and I had a lengthy discussion on this subject. What we were trying to do at first didn't work. However we were still able to shift the frame back to ourselves. Obviously there was interest otherwise the text response wouldn't have occurred.

It's like an IOI but one with an *. That says the girl is interested but you haven't done enough attraction material on her. You can then seize this opportunity to run attraction material via txt message.

I like working things like telling her about your day/things you've got coming up or whatever. Then don't relate it to her at all. Just tell her about you. I like stuff like "Oh man I got John Mayer tix this friday I so excited." Send it and wait. ANY response you get now is her showing interest in you. Since you said NOTHING about her. She may try to say something about herself but ignore it or respond to it "Don't get jealous. You can take me to the concert next time he's in town"

Anyway that's another part of this txt message game. Which btw, is not my favorite but if I screwed up the interaction and thats where I'm at I'll go from there. In-field sarging is more fun, to get the # usually you have to be in-field anyway.

[CrimsonKing]

Nice post!

I've read stuff on the length, grammer, and reply time for text messaging before, but the stuff on intentional miscalibration was VERY interesting.

[relics]

I like text game, but it's something I stay away from. I've had shit said to me like "omg I can talk to you forever". (Infact, I'm going to try to find that one)

With all these IM services, I try to go to the phone ASAP.

[conquistador]

In all honesty, this is something I haven’t fully explored. But I would be of the opinion that mis-calibrating to grammar is not a good choice if you are still in A2, for instance. But if you feel you’ve communicated too much interest in the girl and she knows it, then purposefully using ‘formal’ spellings in reply to a flirty text she’s sent, combined with a non-flirty disinterested response, the formal grammar helps underline and strengthen the disinterest.

This is the only thing about your post that I don't agree with. I am always using proper punctuation, space after commas, grammar... No matter what her style is. Often I write in english or spanish (not my native languages) but only those things that sound flirtatious and can be understood by my HB. And many times girls would say "I could see from your messages that you are a great guy!" Why, you may ask? Simply because flirtatious doesn't mean writing like "C U l8er", it's really about what you say or write. And just adding ;) can do a great job as well. Sending messages that are interesting, funny, flirtatious... and well written are a DHV.
Once a girl sent me a gr8 message (you know what I mean) and I told her that my little brother can't wait to decipher her next message. :)

Anyway, that's my experience with grammar and writing and I thought this could be a nice contribution to your good post 10Pin. Keep up with nice ideas! :)

[10Pin]

Woah, this is a Lazarus thread.

I had kind of forgotten writing this post, and with the flurry of recent postings I re-read it. Time has allowed me to think more about a couple of things.

In particular one thing I thought about was exactly what you are saying, Conquistador. I prefer correct grammar in all instances, simply because I was brought up and educated in such a manner. In that sense, it could even be a partial DHV.

Smilies/emoticons - whatever you call them - I think they are important but I would limit to one, maybe two at most in a message. Simply because texts are so compressed that all this ;) ;) ;) can again make you come across like some 16 year old girl with a Justin Timberlake obsession.

I like Intrigue's statement-offering texts, a test to see if she replies. That's a nice idea, but I think it relies on heavily hooking her beforehand. I can't see - and I could be wrong - that working without a strong hook/attraction going on.

Numbers are so flaky, because its like flirting behind a big wall. Girls can hide and slink away without feeling bad.

Keep the feedback and theories coming. Texts are one of the most common forms of communication here in the UK and text game seems a largely underresearched area of game.

[conquistador]

More thoughts on 2 points:

1. smileys - I put them wherever I think they should go, without thinking. It goes where some kind of emotion should be emphasised. But it does come down to 1 or 2 smileys if it's a longer message.

2. attraction and dhv - you already have that when you ask for the phone number! I never ask for a phone number until I'm done with A3. I don't collect many phone numbers and I don't need so many of them anyway. But flaking is reduced to the lowest minimum. Having that in mind, proper grammar is like one more point to my (already high) score in her notebook.

At least that's what I found from my experience.

[Intrigue]

I think my statement-offerings work because of perceived frame. With this first girl I #-closed and did this with I didn't have strong enough attraction to get her to return my phone call. As with everything field-test it. If it doesn't work for you there's something else out there tht will benefit you.

Just take the mere fact that you got a text response after making a phone call as an IOI. Don't take it as not interested. If they're not interested they won't respond end of story.

[10Pin]

The editor of this thread needs help!

Get this. The HB 7.5 I # closed last night. It was the start of the night, she wasn't drunk. I probably could and should have kiss closed, but hey, one sober step at a time.

Anyways, she gave me her phone number. Showed it me on her phone and I copied it down. I'm 99% certain I copied it right.

So I texted her tonight, bout 7pm. Asking 'Hey me (I put her number in my phone as 'me' as thats what it said on her phone), did you see the fight last night? You seemed pretty cool...for a girl from [wherever] ;) '

I went with the fight line as I've done that before and always moved from A2 to A3 super easily. Just say the fight was between two jealous girls, make it ridiculous, ask if all girls get this jealous over guys...then qualify her. Simple, its worked for me before.

But she hasn't replied. I'm not too hung up but it'd be cool to see her again. As I say, the game was good and it was early and sober. Maybe I put that SOI in too early?

Anyway, this is where it gets confusing. Because whilst I'd texted her at 7pm, what I didn't know was that she'd added me as a friend on Facebook at about 3pm - so 4 hours earlier. I didn't even tell her my real name, I'm certain I only told her my nickname. And if I did tell her my real name, it was only once.

So I've made enough of an impression on her for her to track me down online and add me.

But then she didn't reply to the text.

Thoughts, opinions, solutions and plans of action?

I've got a gig this Sunday, I'm thinking of just messaging on facebook on Saturday or something, 'Yo, come to my gig tomorrow. 8pm @ bla'

[Odyssey]

great insights! you basically wrote down how most ppl think about text messages. but it's like everything once you rationally know what's hapening you can use it more in your advantage! :-)

[PeeJay]

haha, I am doing this as we speak and it seems to be working..she asked me if I wanted to go out and I replied a day later with a vauge answer and she continues to chase :cool:

[PeeJay]

At first glace, I would guess you showed too much interest when you said she was a cool girl from (___), but the fact that she tracked you down on facebook is mind blowing...I would say invite her to your gig or a party on facebook and start from square one with attraction..do you feel as if you are in comfort building yet? you said you DIDN"T kiss her right?

[10Pin]

Hey Peejay,

don't sweat it. That link has gone cold...Her loss.

I've moved on considerably from this post in the intervening time, and actually have some thoughts that would, at some levels, contradict some of what is contained in this thread. Having said that, this thread is still of a lot of use for people who are starting out.

[PeeJay]

im interested to hear your updates that would contradict this post if you're willin to share em! im new to the MM and a girl texted me saying we should go out, then told me her college schedule was m, w and friday til one, and then she has work...I replied hrs later tellin her Ive got a lot of stuff going on and she could tag along with me if I found something...is that smart? I think she may want it because she just got out of a serious relationship...rebound sex?

she didnt reply to my last text but maybe shes trying to play the game on me because everytime she texts me, I usually dont text back for days so that I can get her to chase me...what do you think my next move should be?

[10Pin]

Well, these contradictions are really for more of when your inner game is strong and tight and that you are congruent with being a confident, fun, cool guy. As you’re new, I wouldn’t necessarily say that what I could tell you would be of any particular use. I think the model above stands as a good system to work with until you are calibrated as to when you should be seeking, building and breaking rapport (which are essentially the 3 stages of rapport/relationship development).



Essentially, if you are texting a lot, or asking a lot of questions in set, then you are seeking rapport. In many ways, this is perceived as a DLV behaviour. There is an imbalance between who wants the other the most. Building rapport is when you and the girl are both ‘in rapport’, and is essentially the process of building attraction and then comfort. This is the good place - you get to know each other and ‘connect’. However, there are definitely times when it is necessary to break rapport, and it is important in text game to know when to do this (I outlined this originally).



However, just as it is necessary to break rapport, so it is important to not go too far the other way. Don’t play it too cool.



The way I like to think of texting is like a snowball effect. I will generally take time to reply at first. As rapport builds, and the sexual tension builds, then I can text in faster and with sharper replies. However, the minute she does anything to undermine that rapport, then I will break rapport and punish her – with either no reply or a late reply, or of course, a short reply. Then if she apologises, the rapport building goes back a few steps and starts again.



Another positive thing can be when you hook, text, snowball and THEN break rapport. Now that you’ve hooked, she will chase you. I think you might have been waiting too long if EVERY TIME she is texting you are waiting days to reply. Do you want to close her by the end of the year or not??



And don’t get drawn into long text/IM conversations without using them as a platform to escalate towards a physical meet. If you spend too long on these non-physical communication systems then, yes, you DO build comfort but: too much comfort + zero kino escalation = LJBF. Always be aware that the texting and the IM game is simply a means to arranging a face-to-face Day 2.



The other thing that you need to do, is to draw a line in your mind of what kind of behaviour is cool enough for you to respond to. If she texts/messages you something very interesting, then yes, by all means reply. But if she texts you something rubbish, why should you reply? Remember, you are developing the mindset and attitude of a high-value male, so why on earth would you waste your time with something that you found boring? Doing so DLVs you, and subcommunicates that she can do or say WHATEVER, and you will come running – and its nothing to do with her personality, it is simply the fact that she is hot.



The key to all of this is calibration. Where are you in the attraction process with her? How strongly did you hook her? How attractive is she? What is her personal situation?



Those are the questions that you need to ask, in order to know how to apply the guidelines I’ve listed above. Of course, if you are just starting then you most likely do not have your calibration perfected, so decide your answers, decide on a plan of attack and roll with it. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, consider where you might have misread the situation and miscalibrated, and make sure not to do it with the next woman.

[ReallyPatheticFatSlob]

What happened to the HB 7.5 you number closed in May?

Why did the link go cold?

[PeeJay]

wow, you are very intelligent and insightful....You're right, I need to begin to close the deal..she is an 8 and she just got out of a very serious relationship..she has yet to reply to my last text yesterday, so I'm thinking that either later today or tommorow I will either call er or text her asking when she is available. I do know that attraction exists, which is why I should meet her as soon as possible and begin keno. Thanks for all your help 10pin, this forum is incredible :-)

[10Pin]

The link went cold because her phone broke, she messaged me on facebook and started playing games. I was having an awesome day (I'd just come into some money) and wanted to share it with the world, I think it may have come across as try-hard, when really I was just hella excited. I possibly could have turned it around but didn't really have the inclination.

As I say, I'm at a different level now - you live and learn from your mistakes.

Peejay - best of luck. You have to get to face-to-face meetings and kino escalation as soon as possible. I'm rooting for ya!

[PeeJay]

haha thanks bud, ill keep you updated!

[free_ethos]

Good post 10Pin

Maybe you can help: Got a cold link since about a week now. Last text she told me her week would be very busy. That was about 6 days ago. I want to recontact her, got a date on Thursday. Should I get back in touch or just let it cold till we meet ? Any other suggestions ? Brief message or longer one describing an event (no questions ofc) ?

[Brento]

Ive been working on my text game as well and this post will serve as both a follow up to my first field report and my success today with the text game.

So last night after I acquired jenna's Number I decided to wait until around noon today to text her and say that thats my number
Heres a play-by-play

Brento text: Hey Jenna,this is my number
-Brento

Jenna Text: Thanks. Shame on you for texting during chapel. :)

(My college has a chapel requirement for every semester, I needed to study for a class however and opted out of going today)

-Here I intentionally waited ten minutes before responding-

Brento Text: Actually,Im in my room studying! Your the one texting in chapel,
Nice try though =P

-Almost immediatly-

Jenna Text: Dang. Ok...youre the better person. Have fun!

I didnt even respond to that one on purpose.
A new PUAT(pick up artist in training) Might worry


"Oh No!, I dont want her to think im cocky!"
but dont HB's love funny/cocky men?

On my way back to my dorm from class she spots me before I spot her
and I am greeted with a very warm "Hey Brent!" accompanied with a warm smile.
With her, If I choose to pursue more then its all downhill from here compared to the initial approach.

Please submit all questions/critiques and props!
-Brento

[Vash]

There's a lot of very good advice on this thread - I'm of the opinion that texting can, when done right, convey the sort of attitude you want to portray to others. Just remember to keep it congruent. That's the real key to anything.

I remember a friend of mine got the number of a girl he was lusting after for YEARS and almost straight away messaged her with some lame text saying 'it was great talking to you today' or some shit like that. Not the sort of thing he would normally say. Needless to say, he crashed and burned with that one (but he hooked up with and married a HB9.5, so it didn't turn out that bad) :D

The sort of texts I like to use are playful ones - like if a girl hasn't messaged me in awhile, I've asked (just yesterday actually), "Why haven't you messaged me lately? Were you involved in an accident that broke both of your thumbs? ;)" The upshot of this was conversation was reinitiated and she ended up telling me I was hilarious and asking when I was going to invite her out for a drink...

Or another one, in setting up a dinner date with two girls - "I need some guinea pigs to try my cooking out on, but I'm afraid I might poison them...so I've decided people I either don't know or care about, namely you and your friend :D" Did it work? You bet...hook, line and sinker. They're coming over next Friday.

By themselves, these messages WON'T WORK. They work for me because I've already demonstrated to these girls the type of character I am - they know it's C/F. Sometimes I go a bit too far, and they won't reply back, but I just wait a few days and try again...I'll never apologize for their inability to either see or take a joke.

10Pin has got it down - frame control is really all it's about, and willingness to walk away should be evident in your texting. At the end of the day, it's more about giving enough value to set up another meeting than trying to further the relationship - you can't close over a text message :)

[Centerfold]

Weird text game spot I got into earlier today.

This girl I used to mess around with a bit texted me earlier asking what's up. We haven't really been in touch ovfer the last few months but the other week I reopened her and decided to see if I could start all over from scratch (although she now has a boyfriend) . Anyway, I responded to her saying that I was eating lunch and commenting about how it was beautiful out and Friday, a really positive frame. She didn't respond to me.

Is this a shit test? Or is that unlikely and perhaps something serious came up. Why whould she text, then when I respond ten minutes later totally flake out on the interaction? I'm not emotionally invested in the situation just wondering what the best route to take from here is so I can continue forward.

Thanks for any insight!

[zine]

been doin real bad at this lately, thanks for the advice
http://www.self-confdence-coach.com/images/venusianarts.com

[RAMM]

Great post. I can do about everything with only a phone number nowadays. Just as with instant messaging.

interesting view on miscalibration and missinterpretaion. You can use that to introduce new arguments too. Best way to use it is to get her to laugh her ass off because of what you imply, or pretend she's implied. I mean.. she's gonna get the maximum amout of emotion(good or bad) from any one of my texts.

[pick]

i expierienced two things while doing text game:

1. taking her on a virtual journey works, humor works, roleplay works. starting like: "where do we both travel first after we married?"

2. with any type of escalation within texts: be cautious. ich she likes it and complies... go on... if not - stop immidiately. it can be the case, that she just cant imagine beeing touched by you while reading sms. i would only use sms for escalation if it works very good. bud: meeting her the next time can cause problems. to use an extreme example: maybe you fucked her already, virtually, within a text game. without having fucked her (real) yet... then you might get in trouble in the next date... because there is not a claer compliance-level you both share...

i prefer using sms for maintenance... not for any further gaming...