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View Full Version : My Biggest Fear: Hurting the Girl



Wolf
12-04-2007, 08:21 PM
Hey guys,

Wolf here. Now that I've taken a break from the community something magical happened: my natural came back and I'm starting to attract women again. My biggest problem is this, I have a fear of hurting women and I don't want them to feel used. This girl in my class, really cute, but I don't like her enough to have a relationship. I met up with her at the library, went to breakfast, came back and she had class at a certain time. Anyways, we were on the computers, I told her I had to leave and I didn't ask for her number. She was dissapointed I could tell. But I said, "ur gunna be in the library right? Alright I'll see ya around! Take care" (Note:It's finals this week so I'm going to see a lot of her). I like her as a friend, would not mind having sex, but respect her as a person and don't want to hurt her. She's a really nice girl and she looks like she wants to have a relationship with me, I know she wants to do stuff with me, I just am afraid to hurt her telling her that I'm not up for a commitment right now and that I sleep with other girls. What do I say? Maybe I'll just keep it like as is, friends, going out to eat and if something happens, well... it'll happen (which I'm sure it will). But I don't want her to think that I'm going to get into a relationship with her just bc I had sex with her. Please help me on this guys. Thanks!

adamstealth
12-04-2007, 09:23 PM
What do you need help with?

You've answered your own question. If you think she'll get hurt by anything you do, then don't do it.

This is a good little rule to follow: "Always leave a woman better than you found her"

Follow that mate and I can't see how you'll go wrong, even if you do end up hurting her, you'll have at least not intended to.

buddhi
12-04-2007, 09:34 PM
Wolf

I believe you are doing everything right.
You are honest with yourself and with her and respect and care for her.



but there might be a time when you'll have to make a decision-

To hurt her by telling her the truth, or to hurt her by not telling her the truth.


you CANNOT protect everyone from everything, the only thing you can do is to be honest.


and that's a lot.

because even if she will get hurt by your truth, at least she'll know that you are a man of true colors, and someone to lean on, someone that will not bullshit her.


and that's a lot too.

Mimicita
12-04-2007, 09:45 PM
I completely agree with adamstealth - if you are honest with yourself and with the girl, there will be no hurt feelings. Let her know that you are not interested in being in a relationship right now, and that you are enjoying your singledom and casual sex. Hey, she may be interested in the same thing!

Of course, if the reason you are worried about this is because you don't think the two of you are a good fit as boyfriend/girlfriend, but you are open to the possibility of a relationship with someone else, you should make it clear to her, as well. She might get hurt because she'll feel rejected, but she will appreciate your honesty. Besides, her hurt will be a lot greater if you continue spending time with her while she entertains hopes that it might lead to something more than just friendship (or a "friends-with-benefits" situation). You aren't responsible for other people's reactions, you are only responsible for your actions. Rejection is a difficult thing to deal with for many people, and it is possible that she will choose to distance herself from you for a while. However, if she is a logical person and is reasonably secure in herself, she will get over it and will realize that you were acting out of respect and care for her. After she comes back, you may resume your friendship on a much stronger foundation, and it is possible that both of you will see each other in a brand new light.

Abower The Don
12-04-2007, 09:52 PM
Hey Wolf

Can I get your contact info, we should do something in Montreal soon.

Wolf
12-04-2007, 11:56 PM
Hey guys,

Thank you very much for the input. I really appreciate it. I feel now that I'm just going to stay as friends with her, whatever happens happens and I'll just be honest with her and tell her I'm not looking for a relationship, I just like to have fun and hang out with other women. I think that's the right thing to do. If she wants to continue hanging out with me that's fine. I truly appreciate her company, she's definitely a chill girl. You guys have really good comments and if anyone else would like to contribute, they are more than welcome. For abower the don, you can reach me on my cell at 413-530-3337. I'm always looking for people to go out with. You guys are truly awesome and I thank you for the support.

Fasine
12-05-2007, 12:09 AM
Most girls don't wait long before initiating a "defining the relationship" chat anyway. Take her out as friends(or more) a few times and she'll want to hear FROM you where you two stand and you can give her your side. "I like you a lot and enjoy being with you, but I get the feeling you're looking for something more serious than I am right now. I want something short-term and fun." Boom, done. She'll either say "I'm cool with that" and you can hit it, or else you'll remain friends and maybe hook up down the road.

Rewok
12-06-2007, 12:01 AM
Hey guys,

Wolf here. Now that I've taken a break from the community something magical happened: my natural came back and I'm starting to attract women again. My biggest problem is this, I have a fear of hurting women and I don't want them to feel used. This girl in my class, really cute, but I don't like her enough to have a relationship. I met up with her at the library, went to breakfast, came back and she had class at a certain time. Anyways, we were on the computers, I told her I had to leave and I didn't ask for her number. She was dissapointed I could tell. But I said, "ur gunna be in the library right? Alright I'll see ya around! Take care" (Note:It's finals this week so I'm going to see a lot of her). I like her as a friend, would not mind having sex, but respect her as a person and don't want to hurt her. She's a really nice girl and she looks like she wants to have a relationship with me, I know she wants to do stuff with me, I just am afraid to hurt her telling her that I'm not up for a commitment right now and that I sleep with other girls. What do I say? Maybe I'll just keep it like as is, friends, going out to eat and if something happens, well... it'll happen (which I'm sure it will). But I don't want her to think that I'm going to get into a relationship with her just bc I had sex with her. Please help me on this guys. Thanks!

Make it clear you just want to be friends with benefits and have a good time. Anything more that happens is her responsibility. If you're honest, thats all you really can ask for.

-Rewok