Fun Openers For Experimentation

[azazels_wolf]

A lot of people have been asking about new openers...

Here's some quirky and cocky-funny openers you can experiment with, a la Mystery's "Do fish cough?"

Obviously, some of these would work better for daygame, especially in certain locations (context will give you better reactions)

***********************

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is that considered a hostage situation?

Just think, wouldn't the ocean be much deeper if sponges didn't live there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

We've all heard about the speed of light....So what's the speed of dark?

How come you don't ever hear about *gruntled* employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?



I've got more that I'll post eventually. Have fun.

[the one]

i like some of these

[BangBang]

If a fat chick falls down in the woods, do the trees all laugh?

If you were on a bus loaded with lesbians, would you get off?

If Jack helped you on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? (if no) Selfish, bitch. lol

[Hengman]

If you (target) were locked in a car with a baseball bat, gun, and a hammer, how would you get out?

I was wondering... My birthday is coming up and there's going to be strippers there. Sounds good, right?

Tell me more about this store (a male store). You sound like you always shop here. Is that true? (I tried this today at the mall. Works well.)

[Decibel]

If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?


I made that one up.



I also wrote the 'Happy Birthday' song.

[BackintheGame]

Some of them are ok

thx

[Abower The Don]

'Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?'

What ? I don't get this one:(

[Decibel]

'Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?'

What ? I don't get this one:(
There's Preparation H for da butt, so presumably the lab had A-G, but these never made it to production. I'm thinking too many monkeys got hurt.

[ninjamunky]

decibel, that one's from joe dirt... pretty good lol

[Couture]

These are pretty funny, did you come up with them ?

[ganglord]

There's Preparation H for da butt, so presumably the lab had A-G, but these never made it to production. I'm thinking too many monkeys got hurt.

I always figured the H stood for hemorrhoids.

Preparation A is for your armpits.. it's deodorant
Preparation B is for your balls... helps with jock itch
Preparation C is for your cock.. condoms my friend, condoms
Preparation D is embalming fluid.. its for dead people
Preparation E is for your eyes.. like beer, it turns HB6's into HB8's
Preparation F is like viagra.. it helps with flaccidity
Preparation G is for girls.. it's also known as alcohol

[ganglord]

These are pretty funny, did you come up with them ?

many of them are steven wright jokes... but that's not a criticism. Words to live by, "Talent borrows, genius steals."

[Allstar]

Steven Wright is one of my favorite comics, can't help but love the one-liners.

The beautiful body is a song by the Bellamy Brothers but it probably surfaced somewhere for them to make it into a song.

Can I get a diet/caffeine free water? Tell that to a waitress or bartender. Can be overused now but if they never heard it, pretty funny. Then give them a hard time by saying it isn't.

Why is it against the law to bury a man living in North Carolina in South Carolina? Because he is still living.

What happened in 1961 that will not happen again until 6009? The year reads the same upside down

Johnny’s mother had 4 children. The first was April, the second was May, the third was June, what was the name of the fourth child?

What is the difference between a whore, nympho and a wife? Whore during sex says “are you done yet?, a nympho says “you’re done already?” and a wife says “I think I will paint the ceiling.”

5 birds on a branch and I shoot one. How many are left? None; The others will fly away

Imagine you are in a sinking boat surrounded by sharks, how do you survive? Quit imagining

You are being chased by a lion, to your left is an elephant and to your right is a giraffe. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel

[nicholassarkozy]

I like these a lot. I'm gonna use them. My only concern would be the statement in Venusian Arts Handbook that looking for a reaction is a DLV, so maybe I'll be nonreactive while saying & listening.

[Cupid]

Hahaha That's some good material guys..Ill share one that i always text to girls...

God saw you hungry & created mcdonalds, he saw you thirsty& created coke, god saw you without a good looking friend and created my sexy ass! ;)

[azazels_wolf]

To all who said thanx: You're welcome.

LOL...I like this....let's keep this thread going like the shit test thread... keep adding your favorite or experimental openers.


Here's a couple more:

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

[Hengman]

If there were one hundred birds in a tree and a hunter shoots two of them, how many are left? (Answer: One hundred birds 'cause they'll fly away)

Roses are red, violets are blue... You finish the rest. (I had fun with this one.)

I got a S on my chest, but do you want my S on your chest? (Don't try this. Straight up DLV! lmao It's funny, though.)

I love me smart girls so they could give me brains. (Reactions are funny when it came to this.)

[Quest]

If a jerry's kid walked into a 7-11, could he buy what he had with the money in the jar?

Why do they call a street a parkway when you can't park on it, and why do they call a drive way when it's used for parking.

Why do they call a building a building when its already built.

Just off the top of my head.

[Jive]

More Steven Wright

Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests.

I almost broke my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for someone.

I bought one walkee talkee. I didn't want anyone to hear what I was saying.

I asked my girlfriend if she'd ever had sex with a women, she said no, I said you should try it its fun. She did now she's gone.

I like to fill my tub up with water then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's sinking.

I was walking in a forest alone and a tree fell right in front of me...and I didn't hear it.

When I was a little kid I wish the first word I ever said was quote so right before I die I could say unquote.

When I was a little boy we had a dog that was born with 2 vaginas. We named it snatches.

When I was a kid I had a pet possum. He would never play dead. And it pissed me off so much, that I killed him.
________
MEDICAL CANNABIS SEEDS (http://marijuanaseeds.org/)

[PUA! at the Disco]

Credit: Jlaix

PUA: Newsflash - the energizer bunny got arrested. Was charged with battery.

[666]

In a cheerful I'mnothittinginyouyetImjustfriendly manner:

"Jenny!... or not?...Kate? You're Kate, right?..er.. we met at a party..? er.."

Then play dumb and a little goofy.

Amusing works. No monkey dancing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlYkIJVguCU
Watch the whole video. You'll love it. Cold approach kiwi-style.

[azazels_wolf]

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is weak?

[azazels_wolf]

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

[mR. PotenTial]

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?


Hahahahahha :D

[correct]

Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Strip mining prevents forest fires.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

[JekDaPUA]

are these really good openers?

or just handy one liners for a comedian

I mean I could see how this would work.. but its like your Jerry Seinfeld on stage trying to get a reaction

[correct]

i think that if used correctly they can be a way to open a set. but these could easily be used by comedians as well.

[JekDaPUA]

let me rephrase

are they EFFECTIVE ways of opening
or will you just come across as the table to table performer.. or gasp even worse the dancing monkey (or weird uncle that always cracks jokes)

and I'm not be objective to this.. I would just like some insights to people who have actually used lines like

Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

to me its like.. why are you opening a bunch of people to throw a one liner? who are you? Mel Brooks?

some clarity would be nice :)

don't get me wrong, I love this sort of witty humor in the styles of Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg (may he rest in peace)

[BangBang]

Off topic: Mitch Hedberg is dead? That sucks, just started listening to his stuff, he's hillarious!

Sesame seeds, they're everywhere, but what do they grow into? I mean what is a SES-A-ME?

It's a street.
It's a way to open shit.

[That1Guy]

let me rephrase

are they EFFECTIVE ways of opening
or will you just come across as the table to table performer.. or gasp even worse the dancing monkey (or weird uncle that always cracks jokes)

and I'm not be objective to this.. I would just like some insights to people who have actually used lines like

Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

to me its like.. why are you opening a bunch of people to throw a one liner? who are you? Mel Brooks?

some clarity would be nice :)

don't get me wrong, I love this sort of witty humor in the styles of Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg (may he rest in peace)

well you use these things during the conversation after ur opener or during ur DHV story...u follow into these by saying stuff like (lets say you're talking about how loud you play ur music and shit) you say "the other day i played a blank tape, and the mime next door just went insane, ad i us sat there LMFAO....anywho.." (and you follow with something like) "as i was listening to the sweet sound of my music i started thinking..." (and make sum shit up that leads into another DHV story)

[tragic_carpet_ride]

Did you know that theres more plastic Flamingos in America than real ones?

and for a funny opener (not mine!):

"Hey...you look familiar! Hmmm...did we have sex?"

[Centerfold]

I tried to open with fat chick falls in the woods.

the girl responded "thats mean"

[azazels_wolf]

mR. PotenTial:

LOL yeah I can just imagine...


<bad humor>

*walking up with tongue sticking out* Heeeyyy.....Whoth cruel idea wath it for the word lithp to have an eth in it?"

I could see someone pulling that off if done right... :p

</bad humor>


Jek:
Usually the best comedic ones are questions that don't have a simple "yes/no" response...especially if you can make the set laugh right away and get them talking, then stack without being a dancing monkey...it's all about the delivery and the timing.. and some are dependent on context. The initial laugh can be a good fast DHV.

Moonlight:
Try not to open with anything that could be seen as a demonstration of intolerance or prejudice...that's a DLV and uncool. :eek:

[PUA! at the Disco]

I don't recommend this, but it has worked for me so if you feel like experimentation, then by all means:

PUA: Hey girls, what the fuck are you doing?

[azazels_wolf]

Hey, if it works for you, it works for you. That's all that matters.
*****************

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

[azazels_wolf]

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

[azazels_wolf]

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.... Who do YOU think are smarter, women or men?

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

[mR. PotenTial]

Hahaha.. some of this stuff is hilarious! :D

[Kskim]

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is weak?

OMG I SO DO THAT LOL

On a pua note...

I asked my girlfriend if she'd ever had sex with a women, she said no, I said you should try it its fun. She did now she's gone.

I feel like dat would be a dlv than anything -_-

[BangBang]

Why is it that a man will pay more for something he needs but a woman will buy something that she doesn't need just because it's ON SALE?

*credit Steven Wright for this one* Why is the alphabet in that order?.........Is it because of that song?

I bought an ant farm about a month ago and those lazy little bastards haven't grown shit......

[Hengman]

Can we all cry under water?

Is a hot car cool or is the cool car hot?

[azazels_wolf]

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?

Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

[azazels_wolf]

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
(This one's great for starting an animated political discussion, if you like that kind of thing)

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

[BangBang]

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
(This one's great for starting an animated political discussion, if you like that kind of thing)

Unless the first thing that pops into their head is REgress (as was the case for me) rather than CONgress. ;)

[JoeyMarvelous]

'Did you see the skateboard kids outside, one of em tried to grind this curb and totally flipped over on his head. Looked like somethin offa scarred. I ran over and was this close to callin 911 when he just pops up like DUDE I BROKE MY FACE. I was laughin my ass off...' Field tested sweet. PS Azazel- In just a few posts Ive seen ref to Jung, S. Wright, Carlin, Discordianism & TOOL. Are you my long lost twin?

[azazels_wolf]

PS Azazel- In just a few posts Ive seen ref to Jung, S. Wright, Carlin, Discordianism & TOOL. Are you my long lost twin?


*grins and bows*
Enjoy. :)

P.S. Nice opener LOL

[azazels_wolf]

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it gets mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?

[hobblehobble]

Half of them sounded like bad pick up lines

[azazels_wolf]

Half of them sounded like bad pick up lines


Heh....ya never really know until you try them out, do you.....? :D

If you don't like those, what are your favorite openers? Don't hesitate to share.

[hobblehobble]

Neg openers, time constraint openers,

[Insomniac]

yeah these ARE NOT openers. An opener is designed to get a convo going between you and your set. These are just funny statements. I'm sure you could throw these in later in the set, but not to open.

[azazels_wolf]

yeah these ARE NOT openers. An opener is designed to get a convo going between you and your set. These are just funny statements. I'm sure you could throw these in later in the set, but not to open.


Hrmmm... have you ever tried it? :)
Some of them are context-dependant, and some of them are better for day game, as already stated, but this is exactly what they do. They GET A CONVO GOING. And if she giggles amusedly within 10 seconds of meeting you, she associates you with a positive emotion. It's all about the delivery.

Mystery considers "Did you see that fight outside?" and "Did you know that Elvis dyed his hair?" effective openers. These are not? Please share your ideas for a good opener that someone should try!


Neg openers, time constraint openers,

FTC (false time constraint) is a given. But you have to have something else to say after the FTC.

I personally don't like opening with negs...it can give her a bad first impression and make her think you're a mean asshole. Negs need to be calibrated. But if that works for you, by all means, carry on. :)

[specialK]

It's been said again and again, you can open with anything. You can just say "Hi", Mehow has opened with "Wooo!", some say the first thing you say isn't always heard anyway. What matters is your attitude/energy, body language and delivery.

Some of these can be fine as openers, but I don't think they all lend themselves to starting a conversation. Some seem like they'd work fine and others seem like you should save them to sprinkle into the conversation but I would probably make an effort to say them in context when the discussion touches on something related, not just blurt them out randomly. Maybe you can tell a story where some of them fit naturally into.

I know it's advised not to post anything that's not field tested, but I just thought of a possible neg opener...only use this on a 9 or 10: "OMG! Is your hair always like that?" Be sure to follow up with an innocent comment like, "well, I mean I guess it's nice," and IMMEDIATELY stack to something else, ignoring the reaction. I know, it's not funny like the others but it is for experimentation. I'm gonna (carefully) try that next time I'm out.

[azazels_wolf]

It's been said again and again, you can open with anything. You can just say "Hi", Mehow has opened with "Wooo!", some say the first thing you say isn't always heard anyway. What matters is your attitude/energy, body language and delivery.

Great point! Thank you for bringing that up, it's forgotten too often.


Some of these can be fine as openers, but I don't think they all lend themselves to starting a conversation. Some seem like they'd work fine and others seem like you should save them to sprinkle into the conversation but I would probably make an effort to say them in context when the discussion touches on something related, not just blurt them out randomly. Maybe you can tell a story where some of them fit naturally into.


Like I said, you never really know until you try. :) But you have to do what works for YOU, which is not necessarily what works for others.



I know it's advised not to post anything that's not field tested,


Well this IS a thread for experimental ideas...


but I just thought of a possible neg opener...only use this on a 9 or 10: "OMG! Is your hair always like that?" Be sure to follow up with an innocent comment like, "well, I mean I guess it's nice," and IMMEDIATELY stack to something else, ignoring the reaction. I know, it's not funny like the others but it is for experimentation. I'm gonna (carefully) try that next time I'm out.

Any luck with that?


Everyone, feel free to post your experimental and/or favorite openers here!

[azazels_wolf]

Why is it that in previous centuries nude paintings and photos were considered art, but now they're called pornography? Do you think there's a difference?

Do you watch those afternoon soap operas? Why are they called soap operas when nobody sings???

[JoeyMarvelous]

I love the ARTvsPORNO thing, good way to find out if theyre uptight. Lately Ive been opening by bitching about the quality of the music. I know that in theory its bad to say negative things, but its working REALLY well. Sets of all sorts FLY OPEN, even if they like the tunes.

[Mimicita]

Why is it that in previous centuries nude paintings and photos were considered art, but now they're called pornography? Do you think there's a difference?

Do you watch those afternoon soap operas? Why are they called soap operas when nobody sings???

I have a question for you guys, and would appreciate your input:

What happens if a girl's answer to your opinion opener (or in case of the second one, more like "quasi-rhetorical question" opener) is not what you would expect? For example, I know the answers to both those questions, and can answer them in a concise, eloquent form. It could be a matter of education. So if a girl just happens to give you an informative answer to your question, and tells you something you didn't know, wouldn't it lower your position? She wouldn't be doing it on purpose to gain power, she is just answering your question. When you ask the question, you aren't *really* looking for information - that's what Google is for - but rather it's a technique to get her talking.. and high-value open-ended questions are a very effective method of communication.

What would you do in this scenario? :)

[azazels_wolf]

Mongo, you're welcome to debate and present your opinoin, but let's not throw insults and start yet another pointless fight, ok man? It gets really old real quick. Thanks for your input.

As for them not being openers, have you tried?

Mimicita:

I have a question for you guys, and would appreciate your input:

What happens if a girl's answer to your opinion opener (or in case of the second one, more like "quasi-rhetorical question" opener) is not what you would expect?

That's the beauty of starting a conversation.

For example, I know the answers to both those questions, and can answer them in a concise, eloquent form. It could be a matter of education. So if a girl just happens to give you an informative answer to your question, and tells you something you didn't know, wouldn't it lower your position? She wouldn't be doing it on purpose to gain power, she is just answering your question.

Personally, I never find that to be a DLV...if you demonstrate that you can listen attentively, understand a thoughtful answer, and then come up with an intelligent response, wouldn't that be considered instant DHV? I would thank her for the information, then ask another follow-up question, or present another piece of knowledge that would have some use in context, then stack. But that's just my personal communication style. Would that be unattractive to you? The whole point is to start conversation and find ways to build attraction as soon as possible.


...and high-value open-ended questions are a very effective method of communication.


Isn't that admitting that what I just described is a DHV? ;)

[azazels_wolf]

Joey:

I love the ARTvsPORNO thing, good way to find out if theyre uptight. Lately Ive been opening by bitching about the quality of the music. I know that in theory its bad to say negative things, but its working REALLY well. Sets of all sorts FLY OPEN, even if they like the tunes.

I agree completely. :) Music openers are fantastic for getting people animated, and produce a lot of material for further talk later on.

Awesome! Thanks for your thoughts!

[specialK]

mongo: are you referring to the neg idea or the fact that it's untested?

mim: if someone answered any of those questions thoughtfully I'd just run with it, although it might make me think she's thinking too hard...some of them are funny but could also be taken seriously and she might not realize the intent. Doesn't mean she's stupid, but sometimes that happens when it's someone you don't know...they take you or you take them seriously when it was a joke.

[specialK]

first off its not untested, secondly you didn't come up with it.


so 1+2=3 and three as we all know equals "you're a moron."
Seriously, that exact neg? Well I don't remember hearing it before, so as far as I know it's new, so pardon me in the f-ing ass. So in your world, you have to pretty much know everything anyone else does or your're a moron. What are you like, twelve? I know you're at least twelve because you proved you can do simple math.

The only hair one I can think of is the one about the dark roots.

Wait...mongo...moron...I don't know, only 1 letter difference.:D

[azazels_wolf]

*sigh*

Mongo:
I think your point was perfectly clear without the extra explanation. But you're not getting MY point....can we stop throwing insults, please?

And anyone is perfectly welcome to post untested openers for
experimentation here.

specialK:
You've gotten your point across too, thank you...let's drop it now?

As for the point about her thinking too hard on a joke....I'd consider it an IOI if she found the question worthwhile to think about and give you her best answer. Nothing wrong with that... it's more fodder for conversation. If she thinks instead of laughs, that's not a BAD thing. You've hooked her.

[specialK]

Oh, yeah .wolf, that was all I was gonna say anyway. And I didn't mean it as insults...those were just negs. :p

totally agree about framing her "serious" answer as an IOI or at least the fact that you've kinda hooked her. It must be something she's interested in talking about, and in fact, maybe it also counts as qualifying herself.

[azazels_wolf]

Exactly :)

Have you ever gotten a dog fixed?.... Why do they call it getting your dog fixed if it doesn't work anymore after that? Aren't you supposed to not fix what isn't broken?

You know how they say that talking to plants makes them grow faster? Do you ever talk to your plants? .....I just saw someone YELLING at their plant, do you think it'll grow up to be troubled and insecure?

[azazels_wolf]

I just saw a little boy trying to play with a Barbie Doll and his dad YELLED at him because boys aren't supposed to play with dolls... Don't you think that's a little harsh? .........Hey, what were your favorite toys when you were a kid?
(For more fun: If she gives IOIs, ask "Have you ever had a boy-toy?" If she acts offended, tell her "Wow, we just met, and you've already got your mind in the gutter? You move too fast for me...")


Have you ever gone to one of those psychics? .........Did you ever wonder why they have to ask for your name, since they're supposed to be psychic?

[specialK]

"Do you think it's gay for a guy to have a strap on his cell phone? Because I have one on my phone because it makes it easier to answer if it's in my pocket. Plus, I see my friends drop their phones all the time and sometimes they break...I've never broken a phone."

or something...work in progress.

[PUA! at the Disco]

Opener I've used at music stores on several occasions (my identity is that of a fucking rockstar):

PUA: Hey guys, does this guitar make my ass look fat?

[UTbound]

Opener I discovered on accident when I opened an opinionated thread on the health forum. Thanks Hengman for letting me know about that.

What's worse? Starving yourself or eating McDonald's?

-girls love talking about all that health and fitness shit... they'll be intrigued by this question
-you could dhv into a funny story spiked with how you are a healthy eater now because of blahblahblah choice you made

[azazels_wolf]

Good stuff guys :)

PUA! at the Disco: LMAO!

***************

You know how guys often get asked "Boxers or Briefs?" Do women really CARE?!

Have you ever had an earworm - you know, some annoying song gets stuck in your head and it repeats over and over?..... Do you know of any way to make it STOP?! .....So what's the most annoying song that's ever been stuck in your head?

[azazels_wolf]

My friends have been arguing about this all day, so I think I should just ask a WOMAN..............does penis size REALLY matter?


I've got this really terrible itch between my shoulder blades that I can't reach....would you be so kind as to scratch it for me *turn your back to her*...oh that's much better, thank you *turn around*....*stack*
INSTANT KINO -- try it!!!

[captainfantasy]

Said to a girl that is dressed very girly. "Oh your so lucky, I almost wore that same outfit tonight." She said to me. "So why does that make me lucky?"
"Because I would have made it look good."

I came up with this one when I was wasted the other night. I thought it was pretty good with a nice little neg in it.

Let me know what you think.

[Fasine]

Didn't read the whole thread, but on the same note as the other responses:

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

[Tinker131313]

Got this one from a friend of mine and thought it was funny....go up to a pretty girl and say, " I promised myself I was going to talk to a really pretty girl tonight.........could you help point one out to me?" LOL .... Love it

[Stretchy Boy]

I worry about my Nan. She's totally deaf, so if she were to take a fall and no-one was around to hear..............Would she make a noise!?

Everytime I see you I get excited.When you walk... I smile. When you speak...I laugh......For some reason retarded people just amuse the fuck out of me!!

My friends and I were having a bet whereby the loser (gesture at yourself) has to go up to the most beautiful women in the bar and ask her out for a date... So I just wanted to ask you.........Who do you think is the most beautiful women in this bar?

[Stretchy Boy]

Shit, well done Tinker, you beat me to that last one

[azazels_wolf]

I worry about my Nan. She's totally deaf, so if she were to take a fall and no-one was around to hear..............Would she make a noise!?


This one is risky....first you're flipping the "protector of loved ones" attraction switch, but then you're suddenly yanking that away. She'll notice this. Some women will consider you very insensitive for saying this and could even find this offensive. It's fine for experimenting, but if you intend on running full game, it's best not to open with something that can put you in a negative light right away.

[Manny_M]

I definately don't think of this as an opener... But:

<< What is your life like from a birds eye view? >>

Getting someone to talk about their self (if they are enjoying doing so) always gives flow to the interaction... And gives you time and space to reevaluate your strategy and figure it out where you want to go next... It works for me quite often. My issue is that I'm great at playing the game when I'm being pursued by a woman which is 90% of the time, but I'm still stuck on opening sets! No offense guys but Australian women don't generally buy into really shallow openers. They just screw their face up at you!!! :eek: And Aussie chicks aren't as easily amused as Americans seem to be... Trust me, when I talk to american tourists you could talk about pokemon and still win their interest!

[Tinker131313]

Trust me, when I talk to american tourists you could talk about pokemon and still win their interest!

Is that a neg to us Americans?!!!!

[oddball]

yeah i think that was a bit of a neg.

I find that too, with australian chicks they are a bit cold (or just more resistant) except the younger ones (they always seem to be up for a laugh)

[Clark.]

Okay, these may seem a little shit but they were all invented and field tested last week and shown to completely fail to win women over...oh wait!

- *Shouted* "Oy! Where's Soft Becky?"
Reaction "Are you two gay?"

-Overheard this one in a club.

"Smashing blouse..........BITCH!."

To be fair the man saying this is the frame master and has had more women than I can count. He reckons it has worked but I certainly wouldn't try it.

- Near the dancefloor.

"Let's all dance like this!" said to about 8 girls, accompanied by something akin to the twist. Not good.

- "Hey, what are those things called that go along a railway track. Y'know, they have a handle on them. One guy pulls down, then the guy opposite does. Laurel and Hardy were always riding around on those things."

That one is mine. Causes confusion and irritation in equal measures. Nobody knows what those fuckers are called (and I hope it stays that way).

- "Avast! I think that there are some very shit pirates off the starboard bow" (I do that "pointing by rubbing under nose trick" at some rather suprised looking men standing nearby, who overhear everything)

reaction - "Did you just say something about gay pirates?". She knew full well what I said :mad:

- And my mate Luke's perenial favourite "Is it just me or does it fucking stink of wet dog in here?"

Yes. No. Go away now.

Don't hurt me! I'll post some proper ones soon :)

[Punisher]

I think my newest favorite is to walk up and interrupt a set's conversation and tell the HB "Hi, I don't have much time because I need to get back to my friends, but I wanted you to know, that you and I will be flirting later." Then walk away.

You will leave her with her mind spinning. It has worked almost 90% of the time. Within about 10 minutes, she will come and find you. Trust me.

[Precise]

Got this one from a friend of mine and thought it was funny....go up to a pretty girl and say, " I promised myself I was going to talk to a really pretty girl tonight.........could you help point one out to me?" LOL .... Love it

I really like this one. whats your success rate and what kind of responses do you get?

[FrostyAK]

I think my newest favorite is to walk up and interrupt a set's conversation and tell the HB "Hi, I don't have much time because I need to get back to my friends, but I wanted you to know, that you and I will be flirting later." Then walk away.

You will leave her with her mind spinning. It has worked almost 90% of the time. Within about 10 minutes, she will come and find you. Trust me.

That is awesome. I will use it tomorrow night and report back with a success rate. It seems that it's a pure attitude line and I love that.

Thanks

[Manny_M]

Dear Tinker and Oddball!

I have lots of love for Americans :) Maybe there was a little neg there, but believe me, I wish australian girls were half as receptive as you guys. I don't know the overall situation, but the media has portrayed Americans as being very gullible and shallow people to us, but I know from experience that some of the most intelligent people in the world are Americans. There are some really cutting edge, amazing innovative people that grace your land :) On you tube search for "chasers war on everything - stupid americans" that's how Australians portray you guys. Don't worry I'm not a very patriotic Aussie. I'm keen to travel around and find my true soul-country :)

[jaspervd]

PUA: Do you want to dance?
HB: sure
PUA: cool then I can sit here

PUA: sorry, I had an itch on your leg

PUA: do you sleep on your belly?
HB: no
PUA: mind if I sleep on it then?

PUA: do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass again?

PUA: your mom called me, she couldnt take you home so she asked me to do it.

PUA: that dress really matches the color of the carpet

PUA: can I get a picture off you, then santa knows what he has to give me this year.

PUA: your eyes are like stars......
PUA: they are so far away from each other
(mmm sounds better in dutch)

Some I've tried myself, its fun to do with some friends

[methodman]

I have used this one in the field

I walked pass this girl (HB7) who was smoking.
Me: Have you ever tried to quit? i have been trying for a while now but with no success so i went to a hypnotist."
HB: Oh ya, how'd that work for you?"
Me: Great! I think i have a 12 inch penis now"

[Thrasher]

" the hardest thing to do in life is nothing.....you never know when your done"
Methodman

rotflmao

[Matiu]

some are pretty good ill try them next week

i used at with 2 HB
pua-SO would you like for a guy to be a gentleman?
HB-98% say yes or more
PUA- what is a genteleman suposse to do for a lady at a spinning door?

some other ones worked at college
why is all together seperated and seperated all together?
who would you rather have sex with brad or angelina?

last night just went with it and worked my wing got shut down when he tried to dance with a HB and i cam ein with the its ok she dont want to dance because she gets a rash
some how she changed her mind and didnt let him go after that

:confused:

[sinc3r3_NYC]

Classics: walk up to a female and put a finger in the middle of there head .... they'll probably look at you like your stupid .... but your displaying CONFIDENCE
Me: what are you waiting for ..... SPIN !!!
Hb: lol (complies)

If she declines to spin mmm
Me: sheesh this 1 must be broken I hate broken dancers its like a 1 legged stripper !!!
Hb: lol no I'm not broke but blah blah blah ....
Me: sheesh where was this made in idaho (say any random state or location ... use this to find out where she's from)


Stripper game
Hb stripper: do you want a lap dance ?
Me: ummm sure I usually charge 20 but since your so cute I'll charge you 50 instead !
Hb stripper: haha lol serious
Me: omg so aggressive is this how you close your prey ?
Hb: blah blah blah
Me: (stack routine)

Demonstrate confidence during every thing you say and they'll comply ....

Other lines
Me: "Hey I'm Sincere ... call me Sin if your nasty"

Me:" whoa so close .... I guess your the female looking for affection ..... give me a hug I'll help you just for TONITE"

me: " dude what is that your I don't wanna be bothered face ?"
Hb: "no !!! Omg what are your trying to say ?"
Me: " bcuz your looking pretty a lot of guys don't approach the attractive females there intimdated 8-) .... 'stack routine !!!


But now adays I go in regular nothing 2 fancy

[Chance]

We've all have seen them, the couple at work who does everything together. The man and woman who eat lunch and take breaks together and who are constantly around each other. Most times they are married or have serious relationships outside of work.

I built an opener around this odd couple because anyone in a professional environment can relate to this.

PUA: "I need your opinion on something. Is having a work husband or work wife cheating?"

HB: "blah blah"
(at this point explain the concept if they don't really understand)

PUA: "I asking because my friends and I have been arguing about this all night. Basically this "work couple" has every characteristic of a serious relationship except the sexually aspect."

"Does a deep emotional connection with someone constitute cheating? Do you think you can cheat on a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend without actually having physical contact?"

"Is it cheating or are they just trying to make the best out of their time at work?"

Calibrate your next move based on their response. Take the side of an obstacle and debate with the target. Basically, play Devil's Advocate.

"Wow, you guys are awesome. This is just like The View" (credit: AM)

Warning: This only works on women who have jobs (not students). Younger girls tend to be confused by the concept and can't relate. I have field tested this opener with get success. It really works well with groups of women, because they will either call out one of their friends sitting there or will tell a story of their own. You will end up talking about the very nature or relationships which then allows you to stack forward (Jealous Girlfriend etc)

[Precise]

@ Chance
Love it!

[-TruTh-]

I actually said this to a girl "Hey I would totally .. love you to tassle with my wii but seeing as your blond I fear my TV would meet a bitter end. Ballsy lol

[Manslut]

If a fat chick falls down in the woods, do the trees all laugh?

If you were on a bus loaded with lesbians, would you get off?

If Jack helped you on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? (if no) Selfish, bitch. lol
lool blah blah blah

[Manslut]

Got this one from a friend of mine and thought it was funny....go up to a pretty girl and say, " I promised myself I was going to talk to a really pretty girl tonight.........could you help point one out to me?" LOL .... Love it
HA! color=white

[Manslut]

It's been said again and again, you can open with anything. You can just say "Hi", Mehow has opened with "Wooo!", some say the first thing you say isn't always heard anyway. What matters is your attitude/energy, body language and delivery.

Some of these can be fine as openers, but I don't think they all lend themselves to starting a conversation. Some seem like they'd work fine and others seem like you should save them to sprinkle into the conversation but I would probably make an effort to say them in context when the discussion touches on something related, not just blurt them out randomly. Maybe you can tell a story where some of them fit naturally into.

I know it's advised not to post anything that's not field tested, but I just thought of a possible neg opener...only use this on a 9 or 10: "OMG! Is your hair always like that?" Be sure to follow up with an innocent comment like, "well, I mean I guess it's nice," and IMMEDIATELY stack to something else, ignoring the reaction. I know, it's not funny like the others but it is for experimentation. I'm gonna (carefully) try that next time I'm out.
Good theory there. Will try it out tonight!

[Raven]

All this shit is common stand-up, much of it is ecognizable from the 70's. good stuff mind you, google George Carlin and you see lots of that and more. And the "hold it against me" is a song from the same decade.

If it's been tried and found to work then good, but I think they all look to cheesy-pickupy-try hard.

If you want to use culture, nowadays girls take well to "seinfeld moments"

"OMG - I just had a seinfeld moment... I met someone from my floor that I didnt recognize...."


netflix the DVD's, bone up on them, your life will become rich with material.

[Aspenchase]

I have a question for you guys, and would appreciate your input:

What happens if a girl's answer to your opinion opener (or in case of the second one, more like "quasi-rhetorical question" opener) is not what you would expect? For example, I know the answers to both those questions, and can answer them in a concise, eloquent form. It could be a matter of education. So if a girl just happens to give you an informative answer to your question, and tells you something you didn't know, wouldn't it lower your position? She wouldn't be doing it on purpose to gain power, she is just answering your question. When you ask the question, you aren't *really* looking for information - that's what Google is for - but rather it's a technique to get her talking.. and high-value open-ended questions are a very effective method of communication.

What would you do in this scenario? :)












I do this when they out clever me! "wow your really clever did you make that up yourself?"

[Aspenchase]

this is feild tested im not really sure it should be used as an opener tho


You: "Hey do you do any drugs..and alcohol doesn't count"
HB: Yes/no(it really doesn't matter if they say yes or no)
You:(if she says yes)so are you a bad girl?(if she says no)so are you a good girl?
HB:yes/no(again it doesn't matter if she says yes or no just act like you don't believe her)
You: No way i don't believe you!
HB:No really I am just ask my friend, hey(friend)tell him I'm a good/Bad girl!



So far everytime I've done this i've had that exact reaction i usually do it when im qualifying her to make sure shes interested in me like forcing an IoI i love it.and usually after she IOI's me I'll IOI her back with>depending on what her last statement was!

"I guess you are a good/bad girl...I love good/bad girls give me a hug"Oh whats that smell is that me"(smell my shirt) "no is it your hair"(lightly smell her hair)"No wtf is that"
HB:"what? what?"
You:"move her hair behind her ear(initiating light kino)it's your neck! Geez you smeel good! how do i smell"
HB: (she'll be all awkward about it at first and will do some half assed retarded sniff like a gerbal but if she doesn't you punish turning away and then turn back around after a few seconds and ask again shell do i this time defanitely and when she does i usually say)
You:Wow you are so weird but adorable!(and give her a shoulder to shoulder hug and then on to another routine)

works like magic

[Raven]

This is a bit of a subtlty, but at first blush, the Opinion Opener seems DLV and many ppl avoid usinng it for this reason.

But if you look a little deeper into it, if done properly it is added value.

Women like expressing their opinion. Especially HB's who feel that they are only apppreciated for their looks. So when you give them an opportunity to do this, you are giving them value, such that's hard for them to come by.

Generally speaking, it should not be something that's obvious. It should be something that's a matter of opinion. If it sounds like something obvious, you follow up with "duh" or some neg then you tell a story of the real situation you are asking about which is a bit more complex. This story should have withing it DHV, preselection, etc.

Alternatively, the question should be interesting and provocative enough to get them into a discussion. eg - "do you think its acceptable for a woman to walk over to a stranger and tell her how beautiful she is?"

[Insanity]

Opinion openers are DHV because women in general don't think men care about their opinions. If you go over there and come across like you genuinely care about her opinion she'll believe you are different to the other chumps.

BUT

I personally didn't like opinion openers because I wasn't sure how believeable or natural they were. I tended to go for a functional opener because it seemed more natural.

this myth was dispelled last week when I went to a seated 3 set and asked them on their opinion on what made a good bar a good bar. They were talkative and I locked in pretty quickley.

Now, it is also suggested that we stack openers. Reather than just firing one out there and hoping it hooks.

What I am going to do now is open by asking opinion or one of my functional ones and then stack to something more comical like one of the ones listed here.

[TCGreenPUArtist]

LooooooooooooooL! These openers had me cracking up...especially 'Jive's and Allstars...ill be sure to experiment with afue of these in the right circumstance of field...thanks!!

[theladderr]

Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

to me its like.. why are you opening a bunch of people to throw a one liner? who are you? Mel Brooks?

some clarity would be nice :)



Bro, imagine you pulled the girls already and its 2 am and you guys are at dennys after the club. you order ham and eggs.... be creative you can use these at some point. but also dont make it look like you were waiting for that moment and had all this shit preplanned out lolol

[MrMonopoly]

Is it just me or are all of these openers extremely try-hard. Not to mention very Demitri Martin junk/unfunny one liners.

[azazels_wolf]

That's where the experimentation part comes in. ;)
Will the girls be thinking the same way?

Is it your line, or is it really your delivery?

Do conversations need to start out with typical/sensible questions?

Good things to consider and experiment with.

[Feature]

Me: What would you rather have as a pet, a Rhinocerous or a Penguin?

Girls: uhh, penguin.

Me: What if your choice was between a penguin or a squirrel?

Girls: uhh, (whatever)

Me: really? why is that? I figure with a (whatever) you can (blahblahblah) and with a (whatever) you can't, so (whatever) is better.

^gets them thinking, but idk where to take it from there.

[azazels_wolf]

Feature:

You can use it as an opportunity to briefly DHV by mentioning that you love your pet _____ (especially if it's a dog or cat) because women tend to feel more comfortable and disarmed with men who value animals (it indicates proper emotional wiring and implies "protector of loved ones").

If you have a cute picture with your pet you can even show her that. Then stack to something else that will DHV you.

[Feature]

ok thanks man, you're the bomb azaezels.zelzse. idk i was gonna go for something more psychological, like telling them why they chose the squirrel or the penguin... idk.

[jadler]

haha these are genuinly funny! i love it thanks guys!

[Lazaras]

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
love it ;)

[mike w]

I've tried out the lisp setup (Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an S in it). Lo and behold, the girl says back "You're a F'in Ashhole.....lisp and everything. Oh god....this can't be happening. Nobody really has a lisp anymore, do they? That was the first thing to run through my head lol

I could just feel my face buring up because I felt so bad afterwards. I told her everything, how I was making conversation because she was attractive and I was practicing the game and you will not believe what happened next...she busts out laughing. She gamed me!!! All that time my stomach was in my chest trying to get out of the hole I dug and she was just gaming me! "It was one of those languishing moments in life, but I digress. This was a hottie with a sense of humor. I was busted and she knew it, so I think we went out for lunch after just as a "Yeah, I busted your balls, here's my apology" kinda thing. We're still friends to this day, albeit from far away. She's in New York and I'm in Pittsburgh PA.

An opener that I love is the simple, what kinda party do you think would be more fun, pro wrestling themed or anything but clothes themed? Neg afterwards, always, saying you naughty girl, you just want to see me in a little wrestling singlet and if they say anything but clothes, say that you just want to see me with nothing but a cone on. From there, just pull some simple setups based on cold reads and stack forward. All in fun of course, presentation is everything.

[Alacrity]

BradP's got a funny one I used last night to get a #close:

Hold your drink out.

"I think someone put roofies in my drink. Drink it and see if it tastes funny."

Or something like that. The obstacle didn't like me (imagine that :) ) but the target reopened me as they were leaving so I could get her number.

[azazels_wolf]

I've tried out the lisp setup (Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an S in it). Lo and behold, the girl says back "You're a F'in Ashhole.....lisp and everything. Oh god....this can't be happening. Nobody really has a lisp anymore, do they? That was the first thing to run through my head lol

I could just feel my face buring up because I felt so bad afterwards. I told her everything, how I was making conversation because she was attractive and I was practicing the game and you will not believe what happened next...she busts out laughing. She gamed me!!! All that time my stomach was in my chest trying to get out of the hole I dug and she was just gaming me! "It was one of those languishing moments in life, but I digress. This was a hottie with a sense of humor. I was busted and she knew it, so I think we went out for lunch after just as a "Yeah, I busted your balls, here's my apology" kinda thing. We're still friends to this day, albeit from far away. She's in New York and I'm in Pittsburgh PA.


Hahahaha that is hilarious man, thank you for sharing. And I'm glad she was only joking. :D Unusual lines will often get you unusual responses, that is all part of the fun and learning.

[mike w]

Hahahaha that is hilarious man, thank you for sharing. And I'm glad she was only joking. :D Unusual lines will often get you unusual responses, that is all part of the fun and learning.

Yeah man, I'm glad she was just joking too..:o I couldn't imagine otherwise, I'd feel like such an ass. On another note, I use a LOT of Dave Chappelle's standup material in my pickup routines. Check out "killing them softly" and "For what it's worth".

I use a lot of chessy lines from movies and music in the middle of a set if she's being a shit. "How can we be lovers if we can't even be friends" (said really dramatically ALWAYS gets a positive response, if you let it get that far, then just stack into the divorce setup. Pickup is too fun brudda!

[Doodle]

alright here are 2 that are fun but i dont quite know what id say after

hey why cant penguins fly?
and
hey do pokemon get stretch marks when they evolve? (yea pokemon are for kids but its suprisingly still popular amongst the hipsters)

[Tizer]

I'm gonna try out Johnny Depp's one from 'The Tourist'.
---You look ravenous, or do I mean ravishing? (say it to someone who looks intelligent so they get the words lol)

[Warkid10]

If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?


I made that one up.



I also wrote the 'Happy Birthday' song.
Sorry to bust your bubble but you didn't make that up. I heard that from fresh prince.

[jehzus]

"What could you go longer without, food or the internet."
(you can change internet with phone because women love their phone)

"You know the old saying sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you, then why do kids get back problems from carrying heavy text books?"

[azazels_wolf]

Is sexting cheating?