College: What Do I Do?

[Chance_]

I'm a freshman at college. And so far I am having the hardest time meeting women and even getting out of my dorm room. (I'm frustrated because in high school it never was like this, I always had something to do and places to go.) My school is mostly made up of fraternities and sororities, and of course being the individual I am I didn't join. It seems like all of the women here are going for the fraternity guys, and in some circumstances won't even look at guys who aren't a part of one. The parties are very exclusive, I can't get in to any party anywhere because I'm not in a fraternity, and there is just not a whole lot to do being so excluded from the fraternity scene. I have met a lot of guys, not in fraternities, having the same problem. We just can't find a way to a.) go out at night b.) spend time with girls because they are with fraternity guys.
Maybe I haven't been here that long. But I'm very frustrated with this and I just can't find a way to get out of my dorm room other than by myself. Is there anyone else who is having or has had this problem? What do I do?

[darat]

I was just lurking around on this website and saw this post. So this will be my first post here and I'll give you the best opinion i can.

When i was in school (graduated a few months ago) I was almost the same way as you. I did get into the frat parties though, because if you got there early you were in since they wanted to rush you. I soon realized though that unless you were greek, in sports, or involved some way in campus affairs you really find nothing to do. I had a crappy high school experience, and was determined to change it in college. Since fraternities were a huge part of my school, i gave it a go my first semester sophomore year.

My best suggestion is try to meet guys from the fraternities, and think about which to join. You may be an individual, but joining a frat doesn't make you any less of one. If it's going to help your college experience, do it! Was the best choice I made at college. My school was very small, so there was really no other parties and our frats were on campus so it was the only way to go.

In my opinion (from experience) if your school is small, and greek oriented, go greek. You'll get involved in much more than greek life if you take advantage of it. If your school is large, you are just looking in the wrong places.

Just get involved, it's what college is about..

[Doctor]

If you want to just halfly follow darats advice (and if you think a frat is for you, by all means go) you can befriend some of the younger guys in the frat who are still pledging, and when they are finally in, they will invite you to parties. I knew a few from my undergrad years that I helped study for a couple subjects and in return for helping them pass a few classes they told me I was always welcome. If you do something for them they will almost certainly reciprocate the favor. If frats are your only option for partying and meeting girls, this could be your in. Good Luck!

[xenos]

Try to make friends with guys in frats. They will invite you over if you are nice and seem fun.

And don't worry about it too much right now. School just started, I'm at one of the biggest party schools on the planet and the city has been dead so far. Most college towns I've been to don't get good until Halloween weekend.
Just hang in there and make some friends.

[Dan]

College can be tough but even if you just befriend guys in frats it will get you that social aspect that's missing from your high school days. If you're not a frat type of person than don't join. I'm an individual just like you are and I have a lot of friends in frats and it helps with the social aspects immensely.

[1997ta]

I myself went through the same problem when attending college. Actually, I never really made any friends until after I graduated. That's when I started going to all the college parties (go figure). This was due to the fact I was shoved up some girls ass through most of college...anyways. Joining a frat is a possibility, however not everyone is the type. I would suggest make friends in fraternities, then you can attend the parties without having to deal with the bullshit. Intramural sports are also good events for meeting people (guys and girls).

[JeM]

Cry more.

Seriouslly, even SUGGESTING joining a fraternity compromises your individuallity is absolutelly bullshit, and I won't help you.

-Rewok

Give the guy a break. God. Someone have some past issues with some frats, eh? Never gotten over them?

Personally, I'm not too hot on frats - although there is an appealing quality of brotherhood (community feel) that comes along with them. Socially, a frat gives you a bunch more options, with very minimal effort (once you're in that is). However, that isn't to say that you can't get those options without the frat - of course you can! I had a bit of trouble myself freshman year. The best advice I can give is to force yourself to go out. Meet people in class (guys and girls), make friends, maybe join some club/activity that you think you'd enjoy - meet people through that.

Take any and every chance you get to be social, without sacrificing your studies. And if you're referring to pick up (not just getting friends in general/being social) - then I don't see whats stopping you. There is a such thing as day game (surely the girls aren't totally shut out from any guy that isn't wearing a frat hoody?). Once you get successful with your day game, you can then use those successes to perhaps gather a group of friends/girls you know to party with you? If you can't get into the frat parties - start your own... If you're dead set on the frat parties - without connections it will be tougher to get in to some, but not all. Most weekends at most colleges that I've been to there will be both open and closed frat parties. Just walk around and try to find the open ones. Of course, there is other nightlife besides simply frat parties... go find it - clubs/bars for example...


Trance

[Oregon]

I was in a frat for 3 years, and it definitely gives you social value. Some girls won't touch a frat guy. Some only will mingle within the Greek community (I think it's so weird when a girl dates multiple guys from the same fraternity...at different times mind you).

There are some fantastic individuals that were in my house. Guys that I look up to and think are great roll models. I always had the grades and was in okay shape, but some of these guys were naturals with girls and I wish I spent more time around them when I had the opportunity.

However, it seems that the "man on campus" is usually someone who either (1) was never in a fraternity, but has befriended people in all groups, or (2) was in a fraternity, but left (or became extremely uninvolved) by their junior year. Again, this is only my experience but it really holds true.

Meet girls in parties, on campus, in clubs, doing sports, at sporting games (I've picked up at a football game before), at the bars if you're old enough, etc. As a frat guy, at our parties we have a zero-tolerance deal with "randoms". If you're a freshman or sophomore, go over and meet the guys, see if you want to rush. You don't know until you try it, and if you join and don't like it you can quit easily enough. No harm done. You can mingle with all of the different frats if you are a stud that everyone wants. Also, if you show up to a party with 3+ cute girls, then you are likely going to be able to stay, as every guy is drunk and thinks with their dick. Even if it's just friends from your dorm that you won't be hooking up with. You provide them something, and they'll hit you back.

Just put yourself into a social environment. When you see a cute girl in class, be sure to flirt with her. My only problem is that early in college (and fraternity life) I was awkward with girls, especially when drinking and perhaps not realizing I was coming on too strong. As a result, one time I hooked up with a girl and the entire sorority never forgave me for it, with news of course spreading to the other sororities. Which sure makes it tough to operate (doesn't mean I didn't end up hooking up with girls, it's just more of an effort). Personally, I definitely burnt some bridges, but that was because I was so socially bad off (I think I have a pretty bad past, some depression and undiagnosed addiction to porn, etc.) I'm sure that you'll do fine. Just go out and make friends and be flirty and you'll be on your way to success.

[Kurt Jaydestone]

dude your getting amog'd
and you need more game

gett out the dorm and get off campus

mabey find a wing and teach him the game
trust me i been there i found some of my best friends in your situation

Really dude check out the majority of my post deal with this stuff

[Sloan]

Befriend people who are maybe a year or two ahead of you and don't live in the dorms. They will have house parties or know people who are having them. As other people have been saying, make friends with a frat boy or two, they're not all chodes. Join a student organization that interests you and meet new people. Go to football games if your school has a team. Here in Indiana people will go to the stadium just to tailgate and party and be completely oblivious to the game.

[Jmgc13]

I am in a Fraternity in Norman and what i recomend along with others that have mentioned it find some friends that are in Fraternities and they will normally invite you to the parties. I have a friend that ive know through several of my classes and have invited him to several of our parties even though he is not in a Fraternity.

[Smith764]

While I encourage Greek life (as I'm in a fraternity), another great way to meet people would be to become involved in intermural sports. On top of that, get a group of friends who you can go and hang out at a local bar/restaurant (hooters comes to mind) constantly one day a week. People will notice.