SubGenius
09-15-2007, 08:06 AM
NOTE: I'm not sure if something can really be called a "field report" if the aspiring PUA did absolutely no sarging, but I didn't know what else to call it.
For most of you this will be common sense, but I had a crummy night out and I wanted to vent.
Some people get worried about going out to sarge alone. Not only are they concerned about looking like the creepy guy slinking around the bar trying to pick up women, but they are also worried that they have no wing or pivot to cover the obstacles.
My word of caution: SOMETIMES SOLO IS BETTER. Sometimes you have to risk looking like the creepy dude because, once you approach and use your openers and establish some rapport, they'll see you aren't a werido. And besides, sometimes your pivot can ruin things for you...as mine did last night.
My pivot, who I will name N here, is a girl I used to have serious one-ities for. As I got into the community, I came to realize we were stuck in LJBF land for good. Every now and then she gives what seem to be IOIs, but they always turn out to be illusions. A friend of mine has heard about the IOI stories and said to me, "Dude, she's making you look like an ass. She's just stringing you along." I analyzed the situation myself and realized my friend was right. At first I was bitter about the stringing along, but N has been around for many years and stuck by my side through some hard times. I figured I could let that bitterness go. And, seeing as how she was a good friend AND I was over my one-itis, I thought it would be a great idea if she were my pivot. No more one-itis, so everything should be okay.
And it WAS okay...from my point of view. We went out for her birthday last night, and it wasn't until it was far too late that I realized my biggest mistake was in going on about Mystery's show (even slightly outlining the community for her) and how I wanted to try sarging since we were out anyway. So if anything, I am at least partially responsible for how shitty last night went.
Partially, but far from totally.
So we go to one bar...we didn't like it and left after one drink. While we were having a drink at the second bar she starts saying "oh it feels like you are on a mission...like you aren't even paying attention...blah blah blah." And I'm sitting there FUMING inside, but at the same time too nice of a guy to let loose with how I really feel and COMPLETELY ruin the night. (I need to embrace my inner jerk sometime soon.)
We left the second bar and went to this place called Positively 4th St, which is where she wanted to go but I was trying to hold off on (because I knew the place hardly ever has any women patrons...you see, I usually work on weekends, so I should add here that getting out on a Friday night is a rare treat for me, hence why I was SO determined to run some game). But after her putting me on a guilt trip about not really being out for her birthday, I caved in and took us there. Sure enough, most of the patrons were the older, alcoholic crowd. The only cool thing about the night from that point on was that the band playing at 4th St had a drummer who I have known since kindergarten. When they were done playing, I went up and talked to him. I was able to go down memory lane for a while and bury my misery in some good old nostalgia. Thank God you were there, Kurt.
Another thing that pissed me off about the night: she put me on that guilt trip about being out on "a mission," which I didn't know how to respond to, and it made me feel too damn self-conscious to even TRY any sarging for the rest of the night. Not only that, but when we left that second bar she took hold of me and walked arm in arm with me back to the car. Then, when we were in the car I said some joke that made her feel so giddy that, in a moment of spontaneity, she pulled my head over to her and kissed me on the cheek!!! So we've got walking arm in arm and kissing my cheek. Two serious IOIs, right?
WRONG!!! Because when I turned my head to try and plant one on her mouth, she laughed and turned away!!! I wanted so badly to explode on her and say, "So wait a minute...you made me feel bad about trying to talk to other women, but then you turn away when I try to kiss you. What is this? You don't want to be with me, but you don't want to see me with anyone else?"
And actually I think that's it. Style said in ANNIHILATION METHOD you can't rely on your friends to help you move ahead. Most of them don't want to see you advance or suceed because your failures help them feel better about themselves. For some reason even though she doesn't want me romantically, she doesn't want to see me suceed with anyone else. I don't get it. If you are CERTAIN right through to your bones that you don't want me, then why the fuck would you care??? As if being strung along for years hadn't already made me question how much I value my friendship with her, now I have last night to think about. I was able to forgive the string-along, but last night? One thing I HATE more than anything else is when someone doesn't want you, but then blocks your attempts at moving on and doing what you've got to do. Just let me go and get the fuck out of my way! I'm really on the verge of never hanging out with N again in any way, shape, or form.
This experience was so horrible that I don't know if I will EVER head out with a pivot again. I don't think I would object to a wingman though. A guy wouldn't pull shit like this..unless of course it's one who tries blowing up my sets like that cocksucker Pradeep.
Yeah I know some people might rag on me and say, "Dude, you were supposed to be out for her birthday." Allow me a preemptive strike when I say I WAS out for her birthday. It's not like running game consumed so much of my attention that I paid her no mind. Like I said, I usually work on Friday nights and, since I was out anyway, I wanted to start working these skills IN REAL LIFE instead of just sitting here on the computer talking about them.
Now the night has come and gone. That was the biggest waste of paid time off EVER. You know what I'm going to do? In a couple months I am going to treat myself...take another Friday or Saturday off and go to this HUGE club called Sneaky Pete's. The place is so damn big AND packed that you could probably run the same routine all night and never use it on the same set twice!!! (If you wonder why we didn't try there last night, it's because her fucking highness N was actually TURNED OFF by how packed the place can get. And seeing as how it was her birthday, I offered her the power of deciding where we went for the night.)
Learn from my failure, guys, as I have: KNOW YOUR PIVOT. And by that I don't just mean my scenario where I've been friends with her for so many years. I mean know how she is going to act in the field.
Sorry this post is so long...I just had a lot of anger to vent about.
For most of you this will be common sense, but I had a crummy night out and I wanted to vent.
Some people get worried about going out to sarge alone. Not only are they concerned about looking like the creepy guy slinking around the bar trying to pick up women, but they are also worried that they have no wing or pivot to cover the obstacles.
My word of caution: SOMETIMES SOLO IS BETTER. Sometimes you have to risk looking like the creepy dude because, once you approach and use your openers and establish some rapport, they'll see you aren't a werido. And besides, sometimes your pivot can ruin things for you...as mine did last night.
My pivot, who I will name N here, is a girl I used to have serious one-ities for. As I got into the community, I came to realize we were stuck in LJBF land for good. Every now and then she gives what seem to be IOIs, but they always turn out to be illusions. A friend of mine has heard about the IOI stories and said to me, "Dude, she's making you look like an ass. She's just stringing you along." I analyzed the situation myself and realized my friend was right. At first I was bitter about the stringing along, but N has been around for many years and stuck by my side through some hard times. I figured I could let that bitterness go. And, seeing as how she was a good friend AND I was over my one-itis, I thought it would be a great idea if she were my pivot. No more one-itis, so everything should be okay.
And it WAS okay...from my point of view. We went out for her birthday last night, and it wasn't until it was far too late that I realized my biggest mistake was in going on about Mystery's show (even slightly outlining the community for her) and how I wanted to try sarging since we were out anyway. So if anything, I am at least partially responsible for how shitty last night went.
Partially, but far from totally.
So we go to one bar...we didn't like it and left after one drink. While we were having a drink at the second bar she starts saying "oh it feels like you are on a mission...like you aren't even paying attention...blah blah blah." And I'm sitting there FUMING inside, but at the same time too nice of a guy to let loose with how I really feel and COMPLETELY ruin the night. (I need to embrace my inner jerk sometime soon.)
We left the second bar and went to this place called Positively 4th St, which is where she wanted to go but I was trying to hold off on (because I knew the place hardly ever has any women patrons...you see, I usually work on weekends, so I should add here that getting out on a Friday night is a rare treat for me, hence why I was SO determined to run some game). But after her putting me on a guilt trip about not really being out for her birthday, I caved in and took us there. Sure enough, most of the patrons were the older, alcoholic crowd. The only cool thing about the night from that point on was that the band playing at 4th St had a drummer who I have known since kindergarten. When they were done playing, I went up and talked to him. I was able to go down memory lane for a while and bury my misery in some good old nostalgia. Thank God you were there, Kurt.
Another thing that pissed me off about the night: she put me on that guilt trip about being out on "a mission," which I didn't know how to respond to, and it made me feel too damn self-conscious to even TRY any sarging for the rest of the night. Not only that, but when we left that second bar she took hold of me and walked arm in arm with me back to the car. Then, when we were in the car I said some joke that made her feel so giddy that, in a moment of spontaneity, she pulled my head over to her and kissed me on the cheek!!! So we've got walking arm in arm and kissing my cheek. Two serious IOIs, right?
WRONG!!! Because when I turned my head to try and plant one on her mouth, she laughed and turned away!!! I wanted so badly to explode on her and say, "So wait a minute...you made me feel bad about trying to talk to other women, but then you turn away when I try to kiss you. What is this? You don't want to be with me, but you don't want to see me with anyone else?"
And actually I think that's it. Style said in ANNIHILATION METHOD you can't rely on your friends to help you move ahead. Most of them don't want to see you advance or suceed because your failures help them feel better about themselves. For some reason even though she doesn't want me romantically, she doesn't want to see me suceed with anyone else. I don't get it. If you are CERTAIN right through to your bones that you don't want me, then why the fuck would you care??? As if being strung along for years hadn't already made me question how much I value my friendship with her, now I have last night to think about. I was able to forgive the string-along, but last night? One thing I HATE more than anything else is when someone doesn't want you, but then blocks your attempts at moving on and doing what you've got to do. Just let me go and get the fuck out of my way! I'm really on the verge of never hanging out with N again in any way, shape, or form.
This experience was so horrible that I don't know if I will EVER head out with a pivot again. I don't think I would object to a wingman though. A guy wouldn't pull shit like this..unless of course it's one who tries blowing up my sets like that cocksucker Pradeep.
Yeah I know some people might rag on me and say, "Dude, you were supposed to be out for her birthday." Allow me a preemptive strike when I say I WAS out for her birthday. It's not like running game consumed so much of my attention that I paid her no mind. Like I said, I usually work on Friday nights and, since I was out anyway, I wanted to start working these skills IN REAL LIFE instead of just sitting here on the computer talking about them.
Now the night has come and gone. That was the biggest waste of paid time off EVER. You know what I'm going to do? In a couple months I am going to treat myself...take another Friday or Saturday off and go to this HUGE club called Sneaky Pete's. The place is so damn big AND packed that you could probably run the same routine all night and never use it on the same set twice!!! (If you wonder why we didn't try there last night, it's because her fucking highness N was actually TURNED OFF by how packed the place can get. And seeing as how it was her birthday, I offered her the power of deciding where we went for the night.)
Learn from my failure, guys, as I have: KNOW YOUR PIVOT. And by that I don't just mean my scenario where I've been friends with her for so many years. I mean know how she is going to act in the field.
Sorry this post is so long...I just had a lot of anger to vent about.