tannhauser
01-27-2007, 09:33 AM
disappointment is the path. Dissillusionment is the way.
this is for every person feeling lonley, hopeless, hurt and ashamed out there. if you aren't where you want to be with PU and you are unhappy about that...you are on the right track. to be good at this you need to be hurt, to have your heart torn out and stomped on, to feel a fool, to have sad lonely nights looking for more, to be alone. It is essential that you have these experiences. or maybe not. It was essential for me, I have no idea what you need.
You are probably saying But....I got in to this PU thing to avoid all of that. I don't want to have those experiences any more, that is why I am becoming a PU.
I had numerous realtionships end, and many of them ended poorly. I don't want to get in to the part about crying all the way driving across Kansas listening to Elton john, so you'll have to trust me.
I used to live in fantasy land. I believed that I would find a girl who would make me feel complete. A girl who would fill the void in my heart. I always believed that there was a special girl out there for me. At times I was in love with various girls....and I would do anything for them, no matter how bad it was for my lifestyle.
The beautifull part is that I was dissapointed. over and over again. After numerous let-downs I was forced to look at things. what was I dissapointed over? was it the loss of a "real" thing, did I physically loose anything? if someone asked me to produce the thing that I was disappointed by I could not do it as I FELT dissapointed. do these feelings exist anywere other than in my head? NO, they don't. I was dissapointed by the loss of love or feelings of rejection that I endured or the blow to my self esteem.
In NLP these "things" are called nominalizations.
Nominalizations: A process has been turned into a “thing”. Nominalizations are nouns, yet you cannot physically touch them or put them in the trunk of your car. Examples of nominalizations are: communication, relationship, leadership, respect, truth, freedom, depression, love, etc-
-http://www.renewal.ca/nlp24.htm
this is the dual nature of reality....these things exist and yet, they do not exist.
Once people see that these are not "real" things they are forced to confront their illusions about reality. I don't know what happens in every case, or even most cases but in my case I realized I spent most of my time misinterpreting reality. I made process into real concrete monsters- which controlled my life and I spent a lot of time running from these monstes or trying to patch the wholes so that they couldn't show up.
this is the building of the foundation for reality. Once you begin to see the things that you fear and avoid or the things that you strive for as not being "real" they loose much, if not all of their power over you.
when you view things such as Rejection in this maner it changes it. Think about what happens when you are rejected.....she did like what yo had to offer. Anything that happens after that are feelings, you nominalization of Rejection in to rejected. You created all of those feelings, they exist no where else.
the interesting thing is that realtionships become better when you are forced to deal with reality directly. You no longer fear getting dumped. you no longer come from a position of scarcity, because you are no longer dependant on the outcome. If she leaves you....that is all that happens, you don't allowthe feelings of loss to take over....you might notice them and say "oh there is my mind misinterpreting reality again."
You will see which is to be the master and which is the tool. emotions and thoughts are tools, not the master. they will no longer run your program, you can use them as needed. By no means have I mastered this art...I have a long way to go...but I can see the direction to head in.
this post is an attempt to put thoughts into words, a process which does not always work.
eventually I would like to clean this up and develop a "unified theory" of PU/NLP/ZEN.
I expect that this will clash with some peoples paradigm and I welcome your response.
did I use the word Paradigm right?
best wishes,
RT esq
ps shout out to lizard king, I thought about posting this for a while. talking about Bhudda got me thinking about this stuf again.
this is for every person feeling lonley, hopeless, hurt and ashamed out there. if you aren't where you want to be with PU and you are unhappy about that...you are on the right track. to be good at this you need to be hurt, to have your heart torn out and stomped on, to feel a fool, to have sad lonely nights looking for more, to be alone. It is essential that you have these experiences. or maybe not. It was essential for me, I have no idea what you need.
You are probably saying But....I got in to this PU thing to avoid all of that. I don't want to have those experiences any more, that is why I am becoming a PU.
I had numerous realtionships end, and many of them ended poorly. I don't want to get in to the part about crying all the way driving across Kansas listening to Elton john, so you'll have to trust me.
I used to live in fantasy land. I believed that I would find a girl who would make me feel complete. A girl who would fill the void in my heart. I always believed that there was a special girl out there for me. At times I was in love with various girls....and I would do anything for them, no matter how bad it was for my lifestyle.
The beautifull part is that I was dissapointed. over and over again. After numerous let-downs I was forced to look at things. what was I dissapointed over? was it the loss of a "real" thing, did I physically loose anything? if someone asked me to produce the thing that I was disappointed by I could not do it as I FELT dissapointed. do these feelings exist anywere other than in my head? NO, they don't. I was dissapointed by the loss of love or feelings of rejection that I endured or the blow to my self esteem.
In NLP these "things" are called nominalizations.
Nominalizations: A process has been turned into a “thing”. Nominalizations are nouns, yet you cannot physically touch them or put them in the trunk of your car. Examples of nominalizations are: communication, relationship, leadership, respect, truth, freedom, depression, love, etc-
-http://www.renewal.ca/nlp24.htm
this is the dual nature of reality....these things exist and yet, they do not exist.
Once people see that these are not "real" things they are forced to confront their illusions about reality. I don't know what happens in every case, or even most cases but in my case I realized I spent most of my time misinterpreting reality. I made process into real concrete monsters- which controlled my life and I spent a lot of time running from these monstes or trying to patch the wholes so that they couldn't show up.
this is the building of the foundation for reality. Once you begin to see the things that you fear and avoid or the things that you strive for as not being "real" they loose much, if not all of their power over you.
when you view things such as Rejection in this maner it changes it. Think about what happens when you are rejected.....she did like what yo had to offer. Anything that happens after that are feelings, you nominalization of Rejection in to rejected. You created all of those feelings, they exist no where else.
the interesting thing is that realtionships become better when you are forced to deal with reality directly. You no longer fear getting dumped. you no longer come from a position of scarcity, because you are no longer dependant on the outcome. If she leaves you....that is all that happens, you don't allowthe feelings of loss to take over....you might notice them and say "oh there is my mind misinterpreting reality again."
You will see which is to be the master and which is the tool. emotions and thoughts are tools, not the master. they will no longer run your program, you can use them as needed. By no means have I mastered this art...I have a long way to go...but I can see the direction to head in.
this post is an attempt to put thoughts into words, a process which does not always work.
eventually I would like to clean this up and develop a "unified theory" of PU/NLP/ZEN.
I expect that this will clash with some peoples paradigm and I welcome your response.
did I use the word Paradigm right?
best wishes,
RT esq
ps shout out to lizard king, I thought about posting this for a while. talking about Bhudda got me thinking about this stuf again.