Super - Help with cute bartender at sports bar

[HoleyEars]

Excuse the length but I'd really appreciate any feedback:

I've been going to the same sports bar for quite a while now. I used to go almost every Sunday to watch the Jets play and would always see the same cute waitress/bartender. I'd always be there with a group of friends and I know she's seen me. Since then, I've broken up with my girlfriend and finally decided to talk to the cute bartender. Last Sunday I was there all day with some friends at the bar and we got along really well. She hung out around us and mostly talked to me the entire night. I asked for her email address because I told her I'm having a big house party and that she should come. She gave me her email which was great. That night I got extremely drunk and didn't remember much after getting her address.

Last night, my friend told me she was working the bar again so I went in to hang out. As soon as I got there, she started joking around with me that I'm on probation and being playful. We talked for a bit, not as much as Sunday night though because it was way busier last night. I got a couple good negs in and had some fun. I didn't drink too much and she was surprised I cut myself off after two beers. At some point while I was deciding whether to have another beer, she says to me, you can have whatever you want. So I look dead into her eyes with a smirk and say, oh really? I said sure, one more beer. She bought me that last beer which was pretty cool. Before leaving, she was telling me that she's going to be working again on Sunday and that I should come visit her. WIN!

Now here's a couple red flags.
1) She has a BF ( do i care, not sure)
2) When she said to visit, she said bring some friends (Does she just want a bigger tip or she doesn't want it to be like she "asked me out")
3) She's probably 8-10 years younger than me.

Here's my dilemma.

Even if she did want to go out, I'm not in the right headspace to be dating as my breakup with LTR (10 year) ex is still very fresh. Should I potentially lock myself in the friend zone and just flat out tell her about what's going on and that I'm just making new friends etc..? I'm sure this girl has loads of hottie gfs so if anything, there's potential there. Also, since I'm always hanging out at this place, I don't want to make things awkward where I don't like coming in anymore or whatever if things do go bad.

This seems to go against the "rules" but I thought if I do go solo tomorrow, I could disarm her with this information and have a new friend.

What are your suggestions?

Thanks for putting up with the long post.

[GiftsUngiven]

I've been considering purposely entering LJBF because I too am out of a long relationship and don't have any attractive female friends atm. I would say if you don't mind being friends with her why not.

[HoleyEars]

I've decided to lock this girl in as LJBF. I'm looking at the bigger picture and think this is the right move. I didn't go to the bar on Sunday night, I felt it would be too "on her terms."

Instead of going into the details of my life, I'm going to invite her to the party and tell her to bring her BF and some friends. This will keep her in the comfort zone cause she's with her BF and will more or less drop the guard.

Hopefully the plan will work out.

[HoleyEars]

Since the original post, I've seen this girl several times.

On Saturday, I was meeting several friends for the Pacquiao fight. As I soon as I walk in and am heading for a table, she stops me and we start talking. She asked if I was going to the bar and I told her I'm meeting friends so I need a table. The table I go for, is the one she's working for the night. PERFECT.

I got there rather early, this place gets mobbed on PPV nights, so it was still a little slow. She sits with me for a few minutes several times and we're BSin. I find a little more info about her which is great. This night, I only met up with women, three of them. Excellent proof for me.

Throughout the night, I'm teasing her and joking around and she's doing the same with me. At some point when it's already really busy, she puts her arms around me and asks if I'm ok and if I need anything.

By the end of the night, when the place is clearing out, we're talking some more and she told me to come visit her the next day. I told her I probably won't as I need a "day off."

As far as I'm concerned, this is moving nicely forward. We go out a lot in the same town and pretty soon, I'll tell her that next time I'm around, we should hit the same bar with our friends. I think that'll fly and we'll see where it goes from there.

[daniellange]

Good tging you dont go on her terms, maybe if she says come visit
E tomorrlw say: hey! You never visit me @ my work do you?!

[HoleyEars]

Ha this is perfect. Next time she says this to me, I'll be sure to mention this.

Whenever I go into this place now, I get the biggest greeting from her and she's serving my beer immediately. I need to see her when she's not working to see if she'll still be as friendly.

[daniellange]

Sorry for my failpost, the I-pod is unforgiving with typo's :).

Be advised though, you're establishing yourself as a costumor, one that pays her a tip. Try not paying a tip for a change, see how she reacts. Or better still, get her out of the zone, let her know you're into her to. No not AFC style, just say something like: ''hey, what do you think of these shoes?'' Bla bla bla ''Nah I think I want new ones, hey! how about this! We'll go shoe shopping together!

-
Daniel

[eaglering]

I would suggest you check out her logistics situation next time you happen to be at the sports bar and when its not busy. Not much is carrying the interaction forward at this stage, and you don't stand anything to lose by showing more direct intention.

A conversation with questions along the lines of,

How long has your shift been?, When do you finish tonight? followed by, Where does she live? following her reply you then say where you live and what your situation is for that night i.e. plans on where you're heading and importantly what you have to do the following morning. Then ask her Whats your situation? Do you need to be some place tomorrow?

Her reactions to what you are checking with her will dictate what direction you need to proceed. If she answers all positively with or without mentioning her boyfriend take it as incentive to exchange numbers then and there if she hasn't and get her to call you when she finishes work that evening.

She will know what you mean with this conversation. No need to get her going shopping with you, no need to get her to come out with the lads, no need to power play with not doing thing on her terms. Its pretty down to earth. If you think you're getting a vibe from her, zone in on that vibe.

Personally from what you've written I think she giving you a subtle enough vibe to push forward on. Buying you a drink, arms round you, chatty chatty, come visit me...

[HoleyEars]

Thanks for the advice @eaglering.

I've done a lot of what you mentioned. The last time I saw her before the fight, it was really slow and she sat with me and I asked her stuff about where she lives, what she studies, etc..
We talked for a bit but I now realize that she didn't ask too much of me. She knows I live walking distance from the place but that's about it.

The thing that sucks with this place is that when she works at nights, she either leaves at 12-1 weekdays and 2-3 on weekends. There's no going out at that hour. I just need to be forward and ask about meeting up in the town we both go out in. I'm actually moving into that area in July so I'll have to use that in my favor.

Bla, some days I'm all amped and ready to do this shit. For whatever reason, I feel like I got kicked in the nuts within the last couple of hours and have no motivation to do anything.

Breakups suck! I'll keep any and all status updates here.

Thanks

[Viva Ibiza]

I'm actually really intrigued to find out how this went as it was quite a while ago. i think that if this was in the UK (or europe in general) then it would be so much easier to call as tipping isnt part of the culture, so if someone in the service industry is nice to you, its because they want to be. but this girl could be just keeping you a happy, well tipping customer who is fun to pass the time. as a brit, its hard for me to gauge as much. but... if i had to say one way or the other, i would say that she was giving you very subtle hints that it could be alright to escalate and i think you should have gotten onto a conversation about something that you both liked, enjoyed etc. and then said you were doing something that related to that subject and that she should join you. it could easily be innocent if she was to say no, and then you wont have freaked her out and you can have your LJBF girl in your life, but if she says yes you have a mini daytime date. something like shopping is a good thing, girls love shopping and giving opinions on what you should buy. so if you need to funish your house, or by a new suit or something. she can help you do that on a no pressure "day date"...

but this is all advice ages after the fact as your last post was months ago, so... what happened?