Online Game - Plentyoffish

[Batfink]

Okay guys, this is the text I've created for my plentyoffish.com profile. Firstly, let me assure you that this is a side-project of mine and is in no way designed to replace my 'real life' game (which is going well). Everything in the profile is congruent with me, but I'm looking for some objective feedback (both positive and negative, as long as it's constructive). I've also included my first message template; which is up for critique. I give my permission for you to use it (in whole or part) should you wish.

If you copy and paste/edit any of my profile for your own use then please have the courtesy to let me know. A simple "I liked [this part] because [reason]. I think I'll use it" will suffice.

PICTURES:

Two individual pictures of me that have both been rated 8.7 on hotornot.
Two DHV pictures of me with male and female friends in a social situation.
Two pictures of me with my nieces, both at their respective birthday parties.
One picture of me with my arm around my mother.

PROFILE:

My main passion in life is martial arts. I've trained in various styles since I was a boy and I'll turn professional when the time is right. Be passionate about something in life, even if it's your favourite brand of peanut butter!

Since leaving University three years ago I've enjoyed my role as a counsellor to young people. I help them to understand and overcome the barriers in their lives so that they can conquer low self esteem; build confidence and become proactive members of their community and take the necessary steps to achieve their life-goals and ambitions. The challenge is only exceeded by the reward!

I love spending time with my two baby nieces, they're absolutely adorable. Their innocence, vulnerability and zest for life has flicked a prehistoric switch in my head that compells me to protect them and accept nothing less than the absolute best for them. Plus, I have the perfect alibi for playing Hungy Hippos whenever I like...

I've been bitten by the travelling bug! Next summer will see me realise a childhood dream by spending a few weeks in Asia training with descendents of the original Shaolin Temple Monks (the founders of martial arts some 3,000 years ago). There are endless adventures in my future that I haven't yet discovered and I'm open to finding a first class companion to share them with.

I have an ardent belief in healthy living and mental well being: I go to the gym regularly, try to eat a balanced diet and value the time I put aside to relax, meditate and read a good book. I'm certainly no purist (after all, alcohol and pistachio nuts are there to be enjoyed!)... but I choose to socialize away from lazy slobs, benefit junkies or those who watch nonchalantly as their ambitions slip by. the average person has just 28,000 days to achieve all of their goals in life, there's no time to waste!

ABOUT YOU

I set myself very high standards in life and I enjoy socialising with people of a similar ilk. I have a thirst for meeting interesting and savvy people that's not easily quenched! However, if you can keep me captivated you're an important cog in the wheel of my life and I value you immensely and treat you accordingly.

Beauty alone is not enough for me; I'm looking for a woman who can enrich my life intellectually, physically and spiritually... that special someone who I can share a unique connection with. What I find extremely attractive is a vibrant energy and inquisitive nature, coupled with wit, humour and mischief. If you're adventurous and looking for something more in life, like me, then dispense with your shyness and send me a message. There's no shame in not knowing, the shame lies in not finding out!

:run: NO MORE CRAZY WOMEN PLEASE!

I have no interest in an online fantasy, I don't do cyber sex and you're not going to convince me to bear my chest on a web cam. I much prefer interacting in the real world like fully functioning members of society do.

(Describe what would you do for a first date)

Initial meet-ups should be casual and free of the stigma that's attached to modern dating. I prefer coffee and a good chat, followed by (once I can trust that you're not a psycho!) something active like a game of Frisbee in the park, a stint at the bowling alley or hitting the dance floor at a club: but only if you can dance, I don't want to be dancing rings around a corpse: I need a challenge! Only when we make a joint decision to continue the adventure will I let you wine me, dine me and send me roses!

FIRST MESSAGE TEMPLATE:

Tagline: What’s the craziest…

… thing you've ever done?

Hi [insert playful nickname]!

I’m curious; but [negative statement on profile]. (I only put the following line in if their profile is bland/short) Your profile is really short! I hope you're hiding a really good personality in there somewhere... let's see if it will come out to play...

But hey, at least you like [positive statement on profile]

[My name]

Optional extras:

- A quick joke, if they seem like they can handle it.
- (if they're passionate about travelling) "When you reply imagine that we have two golden flight tickets to anywhere in the world. Where would you take me and why?"

[Orleans]

Question: What kind of results have you gotten with this profile?

[Killikina]

Just quickly glancing over what you wrote, it's too lengthy and serious! Unless perhaps you are looking for "the one".

[Batfink]

Question: What kind of results have you gotten with this profile?

As it stands I've number closed 16% of women I've contacted (all 9's and 10's)

Just quickly glancing over what you wrote, it's too lengthy and serious! Unless perhaps you are looking for "the one".

Point noted, thanks.

[Agent007]

A lot of it is really good. I liked the martial arts thing ... and the zest for travel. Travel seems to be a HUGE turn on for girls. I posted pictures from my recent Italy trip on my Myspace page and mentioned I wanted to go to Egypt or India next and asked if there was anyone who was adventurous enough to accompany me. Of course I got a lot of 'oh yes!' responses, which I quickly parlayed into dates.

The profile makes you seem really driven and passionate. Girls like passion and usually that passes you through one of their shit tests right off the bat. If you are a passionate musician who is playing little bars, a girl would rather hang out with you than a middle manager coasting by in a cube making $100,000 a year.

There are only 3 issues I had with what you wrote ...

1.) Your intensity towards martial arts is displayed quite prominantly in your profile. This may scare some women off because it is the internet, where there are lots of scary people. Knowing you possess the training and skills to kill someone with your bare hands may make a small girl a little leary about meeting you off the net.

2.) The zest for travel is great. But you might want to add something about wanting to kiss someone under the Eiffel Tower or lay in the warm Tahitian Sands under the stars cuddled up with someone like in Pirates of the Carribean (mentally connotating yourself with Johnny Depp there as she puts the image in her head). The trip to the Orient to study martial arts may convey that you let that hobby consume you ... and you will not have enough time for the girl.

3.) A picture with one's mother on Myspace might connotate 'Momma's Boy'. In terms of pictures, one of you playing beer pong or doing a keg stand or even drinking beer out of a plastic cup with two hot girls is always a myspace must.

Do you feel that Myspace is getting played out? I used to have great luck with Myspace closing before I got into a relationship. Now that I am out of that relationship, I find that it is 100 times harder to meet a girl off myspace you don't know than it was before. They all seem to be on facebook, where you have to be in communities to see people.

[warlock1935]

How do the communities on Facebook work? Has anyone had any luck with Facebook?
~~Warlock

[Batfink]

Many thanks for your comments.

Agent007:

1.) Your intensity towards martial arts is displayed quite prominantly in your profile. This may scare some women off because it is the internet, where there are lots of scary people. Knowing you possess the training and skills to kill someone with your bare hands may make a small girl a little leary about meeting you off the net.

2.) The zest for travel is great. But you might want to add something about wanting to kiss someone under the Eiffel Tower or lay in the warm Tahitian Sands under the stars cuddled up with someone like in Pirates of the Carribean (mentally connotating yourself with Johnny Depp there as she puts the image in her head). The trip to the Orient to study martial arts may convey that you let that hobby consume you ... and you will not have enough time for the girl.

3.) A picture with one's mother on Myspace might connotate 'Momma's Boy'. In terms of pictures, one of you playing beer pong or doing a keg stand or even drinking beer out of a plastic cup with two hot girls is always a myspace must.

You make some fine points, when altering my profile I'll take points one and two into consideration. I don't use Myspace for meeting women, but having a good picture with your mother is perfectly acceptable on dating sites. I actively encourage it as women judge a man on how he treats his mother.

I'm determined to increase my number close rate to 50% by the end of the year (I've deduced that for a number of reasons it may be difficut to get any higher). Those who help me get there will be rewarded with the full FR.