RobLaughter
01-24-2007, 09:37 PM
Too often in this community, many rely solely on the advice of the established "gurus" and reject that of others. It's easy to get caught up in "guru worship" and blind faith in their teachings, especially amidst the marketing hype and pseudo-scandal that's been plaguing the community lately. While "gurus" are great for teaching us the technical aspects of game--the hard, objective facts--one is much more likely to learn about soft skills from people they know well and actually care about. I've learned more about frame control and inner game from some of the naturals I've met than I can ever get from a seminar or a book, but these unlikely sources often go overlooked.
Let's clarify one thing... For this post, a "natural" is anyone who has an extraordinary ability to control their frame and effectively lead an interaction. They don't have to be amazing PUAs, nor do they even need to be in the community. Some people I've met with such extraordinary frames include my jiu jitsu instructor, a 14-year-old kid named Jimmy, and the Dean on Freshmen at my University.
First, one of our Deans has probably the most relaxed mannerisms I've ever come across. I was in some huge academic mix up last semester to the point where my academic adviser thought I wasn't even going to be allowed back into school for the term. The Deans' Office had been hounding him over some stuff and it was causing me not to be able to register for classes until well after the "add" cutoff. My adviser instructed me to get this huge conglomerate of papers and records and things together and prepare this massive presentation on why I should me allowed to stay in school... To make a long story short, I strolled into the Dean's office, took a seat on the couch, and the Dean said softly, "I'm not worried about this... are you worried?" Well, shit yeah I was. My adviser had me all worked up, and the Dean just sat me down on the couch and passed on a few add slips and then went on to talk about how lazy he was in college. The moral: there's no point to worry about anything that you merely ASSUME. If you're in the field and you THINK a girl is uninterested, that doesn't mean she IS uninterested. A lot of things can be inferred (rather poorly) from getting inside your head. Remember the last newsletter I wrote? GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
Second, my Jiu Jitsu instructor, Ken, is the guy that you KNOW is in a room when he's there. Hell, you might even think he's there when he's NOT. He's loud (but not excessively loud), confident, and concise. When he talks, you listen, as he has no problem with picking apart a weak frame. If he so much as senses a weakness in your position--both in a conversation or on the mat--he will LET YOU KNOW. It's a matter of discipline. That's what I learned from him: focus and discipline IN THE MOMENT will further you in all areas of life, from the "game" to your sex life to your work/school career.
Jimmy is probably the coolest kid I've ever met. He's self-motivated, as he's starting a guitar instruction business and helping ElusivePuzzle of the Virginia Beach lair work on his Guitar DHV DVD. The kid's really got his head together, and that's an important aspect of bettering oneself in all aspects of life, from relationships to business. Jimmy has taught me that FUTURE GOALS are important to help keep your FOCUS and DISCIPLINE in check. You can't focus without your goals.
Essentially, from these three people, I've drawn an entire mindset on how to carry myself through my daily interactions. You can learn a lot by observing those around you--probably more than you can learn from reading the work of any guru or even meeting him in person. Quite honestly, he probably doesn't even care much about you, but the people who are closer to you will. Keep your eyes open for it.
What are some things you've learned from naturals or other people with particularly strong frames? Share them here.
Let's clarify one thing... For this post, a "natural" is anyone who has an extraordinary ability to control their frame and effectively lead an interaction. They don't have to be amazing PUAs, nor do they even need to be in the community. Some people I've met with such extraordinary frames include my jiu jitsu instructor, a 14-year-old kid named Jimmy, and the Dean on Freshmen at my University.
First, one of our Deans has probably the most relaxed mannerisms I've ever come across. I was in some huge academic mix up last semester to the point where my academic adviser thought I wasn't even going to be allowed back into school for the term. The Deans' Office had been hounding him over some stuff and it was causing me not to be able to register for classes until well after the "add" cutoff. My adviser instructed me to get this huge conglomerate of papers and records and things together and prepare this massive presentation on why I should me allowed to stay in school... To make a long story short, I strolled into the Dean's office, took a seat on the couch, and the Dean said softly, "I'm not worried about this... are you worried?" Well, shit yeah I was. My adviser had me all worked up, and the Dean just sat me down on the couch and passed on a few add slips and then went on to talk about how lazy he was in college. The moral: there's no point to worry about anything that you merely ASSUME. If you're in the field and you THINK a girl is uninterested, that doesn't mean she IS uninterested. A lot of things can be inferred (rather poorly) from getting inside your head. Remember the last newsletter I wrote? GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
Second, my Jiu Jitsu instructor, Ken, is the guy that you KNOW is in a room when he's there. Hell, you might even think he's there when he's NOT. He's loud (but not excessively loud), confident, and concise. When he talks, you listen, as he has no problem with picking apart a weak frame. If he so much as senses a weakness in your position--both in a conversation or on the mat--he will LET YOU KNOW. It's a matter of discipline. That's what I learned from him: focus and discipline IN THE MOMENT will further you in all areas of life, from the "game" to your sex life to your work/school career.
Jimmy is probably the coolest kid I've ever met. He's self-motivated, as he's starting a guitar instruction business and helping ElusivePuzzle of the Virginia Beach lair work on his Guitar DHV DVD. The kid's really got his head together, and that's an important aspect of bettering oneself in all aspects of life, from relationships to business. Jimmy has taught me that FUTURE GOALS are important to help keep your FOCUS and DISCIPLINE in check. You can't focus without your goals.
Essentially, from these three people, I've drawn an entire mindset on how to carry myself through my daily interactions. You can learn a lot by observing those around you--probably more than you can learn from reading the work of any guru or even meeting him in person. Quite honestly, he probably doesn't even care much about you, but the people who are closer to you will. Keep your eyes open for it.
What are some things you've learned from naturals or other people with particularly strong frames? Share them here.