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Shannon
08-31-2007, 08:39 PM
Hey all,

Lately on the road to self improvement in the past few years, I've noticed a major sticking point of mine that I think I need to address. It's frequently getting cut off in conversation. I haven't had this problem with women in groups to any major degree, but it happens more around men, especially coworkers. The scenario is generally like this....

Person 1: "Blah blah blah blah chatter chatter."

Me: "I agree, I......"

Person 2: "Yada yada yada yada blah blah."

Me: "Wel...."

Person 1: "Blah blah blah blah."

Me: "W..."

Person 2: "Yada yada yada yada yada."

Me: "I know, I think that they should go ahead and...."

Person 2: (now obviously talking over me) "Blah blah blah blah blah."


First off, I'm not an entirely chatty person, that basically is to say that I'm not trying to dominate the conversation in any way and I'm effective as a listener. But this situation drives me completely up a wall, and I find it happening a lot. Lately one of my more polite coworkers has picked up on this and after loudmouth quits talking, says to me "You were saying?"

I even had it happen in a business meeting months ago where I had something very important to say regarding the situation and between the other people in the room and the people on the conference call, it was damned near twenty minutes when finally one of the big shots in the room mentioned "I think he's trying to say something" and they opened the floor for me. (I have to admit that I did get some satisfaction when they finally found out what I had to say and was ticked to hear it now, as it would have saved a lot of time to just let me f'n speak twenty minutes ago).

Every once in a great while when I'm speaking to friends/coworkers and constantly getting cut off, I'll finally attempt to cut in quickly or very LOUDLY - or once in a while talk over the other person - and then the other person looks offended. (Uh hello moron, you've been doing that to ME the whole time.)

Now do I have this problem with women? Not particularly in the scenarios I've been in so far, but that doesn't mean I'll not encounter it in the future. I figure that frequently getting cut off in conversations will result in a DLV if it does happen in a set of really chatty women. I'm much more concerned if there happens to be other alpha male(s) in the set. Now I've seen Mystery handle this very situation (especially in the Sarah "Fucking" Garrett video) with some sweet negs such as the "off button" comment or "Now back to me...", but that has only been on women. Think that would start pissing off the males or their female friends if I started making comments like that on the men instead of (playfully) with the women.

I already know that if the subject has traveled off the intended point, not to try and go back and revisit that as that appears too try-hard, so no problem. But being able to say little anyway would be a DLV too, don't you think? Not to mention making it far more likely to completely get blown out of the set.

I'm thinking one of my problems is that I'm trying to be "too polite" by listening and waiting for an opportune time to chime in, instead of taking a more assertive approach, even at the risk of cutting someone else off. I'm even wondering if I project some sort of vibe where something "clicks" in people to disregard my voice (which I don't speak in any kind of submissive tone, ala Spoon from The Pickup Artist).

Has any of you had this very problem? What do you do to put other alpha males in their place when they start doing this a little too much? And aside from Mystery's handling above, what have you done around chatty women?

-Silver-
08-31-2007, 09:29 PM
You'll find Lovedrop's 'social violation theory' pretty enlightening here. It's registered in the 'articles' section I think.

First of all, don't stand for it! Every once in a while, sure you can let it slide. But utilize the fact that they are social violators to your advantage. As soon as you get interrupted, call them on it! Lay your hand on their shoulder and say: 'Dude, i'm speaking here!' or point it out to him as obviously as you can: 'Buddy, it's rude to interrupt.' And immediately continue with what you were saying. He should recognize that you're right and allow you to speak, dropping the whole situation immediately. The bonus is that if he gets annoyed by this and interrupts you again, then he is DLVing himself further. You can just remain unreactive from there on.

Working on your voice is definitely worth-while! If you can keep a fairly deep voice, and ensure your slightly louder than the others, especially when there's the chance of interruption, then you'll be a lot more successful in this area. Picture a business conference where two guys start speaking: One of them has a deep, loud voice (not shouting! Just dominating), and the other guy has a quiter, high pitched voice. The first guy seems to project his voice from the chest, the second from his mouth in a raspy tone. Which one would you be more likely to listen to, if they were both trying to fight for the attention of the board? Great body language is also key here. Being animated when required (for high energy locations), and sturdy and confident for business situations, rather than edgy and nervous. I'm not sure the above lines will go down well in a business meeting, but that would depend on the general atmosphere. Maybe they wouldn't be too out-of-line in your business. But I would recommend presenting yourself as the first guy in the above scenario. The guy that people will naturally want to listen to. That way, the lines won't be necessary!

-Silver-

Aetio
09-01-2007, 12:12 AM
this happens to me with a male "friend" but only when there are women around.. and I think is his way of trying to lower my value so the women donīt get atracted to my godly charms :D

ware_ru
09-01-2007, 02:40 AM
As they start interrupting, talk over them and show no signs of stopping. The one who stops talking is usually the one with lower value (he thinks what the other person has to say is more important)