How do they stay friends with Xes?

[specialK]

Most of my friends have exes who are still friends long after the relationship, I have none (waaa. :(). WTF?

It's not that it's a huge deal, but I see that they are enjoying many benefits from exes still being around that I'd also like to enjoy (not just sex, but that too). It seems it says something about you that someone you ended a relationship with still wants to chill with you in now in a different way.

What's the key?

[-Silver-]

Time. Simple as that. I broke up with my last girlfriend just over 6 months ago, after a relationship lasting over 2 years. We're now finally getting back to the 'friends' stage, where I can begin escalation to get her into bed again 'just as a one-off, I can't guarantee anything.' During these past six months, yes we had been talking, but very infrequently, and it always felt awkward. She just wasn't 100% over me and needed to protect her emotions. Whenever you see your ex, just greet her with a smile, act as though everything in the world is going your way, and when she's finally over you she'll see you as a guy she wants to be friends with. That's when you can begin escalation again to turn her into a FB. But until her feelings are gone, there's a chance that sleeping with her will just screw with her emotions and make her want more. That's why time is essential, you don't want to hurt her.

-Silver-

[stolen crown]

It is all a matter of time man...out of all of my Exes I have one that I do not talk to (I am pretty sure me moving all of her stuff into the garage of my apartment while she was at work had something to do with it...keep in mind she had been living at my apt rent free for 6 months after we had split before this happened)

As stated above 6 months or so and you should be able to be civil with eachother and more then likely snag an FB out of it (provided she was good) but remember at least 6 months simply because otherwise she is going to be trying to fix the relationship instead of working on being friends.

[specialK]

Well, I am in the disadvantageous situation of just about never having crossed paths with any exes. My latest ex and I don't talk (unless I were to force the issue) and never coincidentally bump into each other. Also, I couldn't "accidentally on purpose" run into her because I have no idea where where she might be at any given time, other than when she's home or at work (two places I could not plausibly be). We dated for 2 years and it's now been far beyond 6 months since the split. I did phone her out of the blue and she was in apparently in a bad mood. I should have called her out on being rude but I was much too AFC back then.

To be clear, I am only talking about breakups that were amicable, of course, not bad ones. I guess it's just that there's no proximity at all and no chance of any interaction unless I force it.

[DateDemon]

Time Time Time blah blah blah.... Time is important you aren't going to be best friends after you just broke up. But it's not the end all solution.
Overall though, most guys in your position avoid their exes due to it being akward around them or the tension or whatever. You have to fight through that akwardness. First tell all your friends that ask, especially the mutual ones, that she is an awesome girl and things just didn't work out but you wish her the best and that she was really special. Without getting wussy about it.
Everyone will be really impressed you talk about your ex so well and it will get back to her. Not only that but you must show her you are comfortable being around her (even if you are not at first) and be completely kind to her and give her space but at the same time let her know that you have no problems with talking to her and being friends.
Best way to do this is I am sure you have mutual friends if you went out for a while or dated a while. Go to a party of a mutual friend and hang out and have a good time and go up and say hi to her and say that you hope everything is going well with her. You might even start a conversation about a friend you both know like did you hear about so and so.. Just anything but don't go more in depth about anything that happened with you and her or just leave it at that and go hang out with other people again.
Once she knows you are ok with her being around she will be more ok with it too for sure. Now eventually if you keep making an effort to chat with her whenever you bump into each other or a call like once in a blue moon to just check up and see how shes doing and chat. You can become friends again. Not only that but since she knows you don't want a relationship and you stay firm with that and not lead her on, usually you can hook up with her on the side as much as you want if you play it right.
6 Months is bull. Some girls may take 8 months. I had an ex that I was already hooking up with as a booty call whenever I wanted after a bad break up within 2 months. Every girl is different, and if you don't know that you don't know anything.

[specialK]

Yeah, that's the thing with this ex. After we split things were fine and later she got really, over-reactingly pissed and as a result her friends, which were our only mutual friends, were pissed, too so none of them were gonna want anything to do with me. Now it's been more than 3 years...I don't really have THAT much interest other than she is my most recent ex from an LTR, and wondered if I could pull anything off with her. When I get to where I'm hanging with women more often my interest in her will likely drop more, though it would still be interesting.

[Brody]

Being friends with your exes is not all it´s cracked up to be.

Firstly, ya sure the sex is nice but theres always a chance that you might get emotionally involved again at some point or another - if its even a speck it´s very annoying.

Secondly, the time you spend with your ex is time wasted. Considering there probably is no future between you two - whats the point?

If I am in a relationship and we break up I try to stay away and move on the bigger and better things, unless I still think there might be some kind of chance.... Don´t dwell on the past, look into the future.