Was told by small bar owner not to bother customers

[jy640]

There is a bar that I frequent to sarge quite often b/c it is nearby to practice my sarges. I often appear and approach most of the sets even though it is a small setting b/c it is quiet and a good place to practice. A bartender of the bar came up to me today when i was alone and said that girls had complained that I was making them uncomfortable on more than one occasion b/c they wanted to spend time alone. That's an awful feeling b/c I haven't done anything illegal or harassing or anything.

Has anyone experienced this before? It is a small bar where there are often targets. It's like, I've hooked up with 9 girls in the past week and a half and I owe it to all of the approaches and sarging I've done to practice and desensitize myself.

It's not illegal to talk to strangers. I think that is ridiculous. I say f* him, I'm gonna keep sarging. What do you guys think about this? Should I be feeling guilty? I think it's just that it is such a small venue that if I put in 6 sets I'm covering a lot of the girls and they see this. Any girl who said something was being a b*tch or maybe I messed up, but that is what this is about. Experimenting and Learning.

How would you react to such a thing? It makes me feel like some wierdo for doing cold approaches. I need some encouragement.

[RobLaughter]

You've laid nine quality girls in the past week? I salute you.

If you're getting these reactions, there may be a valid reason or they might just be psychotic. It's really easy for newer guys to come across in totally the wrong way. Learn how to calibrate to the set's reactions, or you might look like that creepy psychopath you see on TV. Until then, maybe you should try practicing somewhere a bit further from where you live...

[Affection]

Don't feel guilty. I'd suggest diversifying where you sarge. It doesn't matter whether it's legal or non-harassing or anything like that. To an outsider, it looks strange. It gets complicated by the fact that girls love to gossip, so if even 1 out of 10 sets doesn't go well and the girls comment that you seem weird, you get what just happened. Similarly, AFCs (like perhaps your bartender is) love to be "protective" in hopes that it will get them laid, so even if he has no actual concern, it will make him feel like the man who knows what's up with women if he gets to give a speech about how you don't know women. Honesly evaluate whether or not you're being creepy, and if not, just move forward.

There's a small bar where I like to sarge a lot, and maybe a couple years ago the owner told me a couple girls told him I offended them or something. He didn't ask me to stop, but of course it feels annoying/embarassing/demoralizing to get such a speech. It probably also didn't help things that a few months later I stole the Penthouse Pet of the Year away from him, but that's another stoy... ;)

Anyway, hit up other bars more and that one less, because regardless of how "right" you are, they can still be douchebags and ask you not to come back.

Later,

~~Affection

[Yoda]

Just honor his request, you don't want to get into a civil suit.

Nice job with sarges... 9 :eek:

[jy640]

Thanks for the input. I take it as a sign that I am working hard and am heading in the right direction, though it can be demoralizing. Though to be honest those 9 were make outs. Though 2 were lays and 1 was oral.

I agree w/ what you're saying Affection about the bar tender and the 1 out of 10 sets. I don't think I could have done anything genuinely creepy to anyone, though I'm sure I've come across uncalibrated and odd at times. I'm learning. I assume that practice will eliminate those type of reactions. Who knows, maybe they were just some girls i over negged or somethin'.

[Affection]

In my non-lawyer opinion, he is not exposing himself to lawsuit simply by talking to girls, even if he is annoying. The worst they can ask him to do is leave.


Just honor his request, you don't want to get into a civil suit.

Nice job with sarges... 9 :eek:


~~Affection

[Affection]

Yes. :) You can't win every set, even if you're an mPUA.


I agree w/ what you're saying Affection about the bar tender and the 1 out of 10 sets. I don't think I could have done anything genuinely creepy to anyone, though I'm sure I've come across uncalibrated and odd at times. I'm learning. I assume that practice will eliminate those type of reactions. Who knows, maybe they were just some girls i over negged or somethin'.


~~Affection

[Godhand]

Run a freeze-out on the venue for awhile. If any employee of any venue that I frequent has a problem with me, I simply take my patronage elsewhere. Besides, you could benefit from exploring new venues.

[Jester]

You will probably find more than anything that the bartender is jelous and trying to AMOG you out of his limelight.

From my experience working in hopso, bartenders are attention whores, both male and female. If your taking the attention away (which it sounds like you are, and good job...) he will be feeling threatened and try to take the threat away.

Game him, become his friend, then he will stand up for you if any girls do actually (which I doubt they really did) say that you are annoying them.

You will always get the odd set that actually doesnt want to talk to anyone but the people that they are with for what ever reasons. Dont take it personally, they have probably just had a shit day, broke up with their boyfriend, burnt dinner, on the rags, whatever. Its not your problem.

[LifeWithBG]

I work in a bar myself and if one of the guys starts approaching women, I usually keep my eye on them, because they'll be fucking drunk/weird 9/10 times. This is what they fear about you and though it is a free country; they can still deny you access to the bar. I suggest taking it easy on that bar and checking out some other places. In this bar, just do stuff that seems spontaneous.. You walk in, a girl walks out, (or vice versa) you guys end up talking. You're ordering, a girl is ordering, something happens, you guys end up talking. Maybe if it seemed more natural to the bar personnel they wouldn't have so much trouble with it.. hardcore sarging never seems natural though :-\

[Charisma]

3 words.

False Time Constraint.

[Odyssey]

I once had a dude comming over to talk to me when my target went to the bathroom to tell me his buddy wanted that chick and he was gettin' angry for me talkin' to her. plus he told that he could be quite agressive.

So I thought she wasn't worth gettin' into a fight (makes sense?) so I proceeded to other sets, no big deal.

When I got back there the next week, I saw the two of them makin out!
There never was an other friend. He was the one being jealous, and wanted me out of the picture. it made me furious, but I didn't let it come to my heart.

what I wanna say is that maybe you approached a girl (or girls) that lame ass bartender has an eye upon, so he sees you as direct and succesfull concurence! so he's abusing his position to try to get rid of you.

Don't make that mistake, if you're congruent with your sets, keep doin' what you always did. :)

OD

[Yoda]

In my non-lawyer opinion, he is not exposing himself to lawsuit simply by talking to girls, even if he is annoying. The worst they can ask him to do is leave.





~~Affection

Well in the state of Texas, if the owner or people working for the owner ask you to leave the premises, then you are obliged to leave.

Of course most people don't excersize this right because it would mean less business.

(I got into an interesting civil suit with a gas station once.)

[Godhand]

I once had a dude comming over to talk to me when my target went to the bathroom to tell me his buddy wanted that chick and he was gettin' angry for me talkin' to her. plus he told that he could be quite agressive.

So I thought she wasn't worth gettin' into a fight (makes sense?) so I proceeded to other sets, no big deal.

When I got back there the next week, I saw the two of them makin out!
There never was an other friend. He was the one being jealous, and wanted me out of the picture. it made me furious, but I didn't let it come to my heart.

what I wanna say is that maybe you approached a girl (or girls) that lame ass bartender has an eye upon, so he sees you as direct and succesfull concurence! so he's abusing his position to try to get rid of you.

Don't make that mistake, if you're congruent with your sets, keep doin' what you always did. :)

OD

That was a direct challenge to your alpha-ness.

[BonJovi]

I work in a bar myself and if one of the guys starts approaching women, I usually keep my eye on them, because they'll be fucking drunk/weird 9/10 times. This is what they fear about you and though it is a free country; they can still deny you access to the bar. I suggest taking it easy on that bar and checking out some other places. In this bar, just do stuff that seems spontaneous.. You walk in, a girl walks out, (or vice versa) you guys end up talking. You're ordering, a girl is ordering, something happens, you guys end up talking. Maybe if it seemed more natural to the bar personnel they wouldn't have so much trouble with it.. hardcore sarging never seems natural though :-\

Good advice here. In small bars I tend to open sets that give me proximity. If I'm at the bar playing with my phone I open the girl next to me. I also tend to do less sets because in small bars people can watch you go from set to set and it tends to raise red flags that you are just gaming women instead of having a good time, having a beer or whatever normal people do at bars.

Also, remember...at small local bars the women in the bar can often be staff that are off duty and often times friends of the staff who work at the bar. You might have gamed one of those and raised some flags with the staff.

I find using more C&F and less kino based routines works well in such environments.

[Odyssey]

That was a direct challenge to your alpha-ness.I know now... :(

The thing is I already opened other sets that night, and I had some other targets around, so I was like, whatever don't want to get into any trouble, as this would harming my social proof. (It's a place where I know lots of people, and I'm there like once or twice a week...)

OD

[DarkPrince]

dont worry man your still doing Awsome! My first expariance at a bar... Im Walkign around Fast in a cirlce around everyone in my Yellow shirt not openeing any sets! so after the 4th cirlce i felt like the creepy guy and left.

you on the other hand, is doing good. Keep it up! And if another guy even said that. Look him in the eye and say your gay, and if his doing anything later you guys should hang out!!
If he stuck around and made sure he told the girl your gay, run the whole " and ive never kissed a girl before either", and get a kiss out of her infront of him, than you can go to the bathroom and give him a wink.

Ive cock blocked with the whole gay and hitting on the guy who is hitting on my freind kinda thing and they bail.

keep up the good work
-Prince

[crypticfox]

Bars are privately owned establishments, so you have to be somewhat careful. It is completely within their rights to remove you with any reason or no reason.

I think it's important to remember (I have to remind myself of this constantly), we are working to completely change out behaviors. It is impossible to do this without failures. Failure is the process of improvement, and without failure one isn't making progress.

[TheCoolerKing]

let me ask you something.

When you sarge do you ONLY talk to girls that you find attractive or do you talk to everyone, male or female.


Cause maybe that might be one reason why they're unconfortable.


Yes you are just talking to strangers but if they see you only talking to hot female strangers they will know you're up to something.

[Affection]

Just overheard a conversation at work and thought of you...

HB7Asian: "The weather is so weird."
UG6TalksTooMuch: "I know, I went to the beach the other day and it was creepy."
HB7Asian: "Yeah, totally freaked me out... it was nice though."
UG6TalksTooMuch: "Yeah, nice."

If girls can use "weird," "creepy," and "freaked me out" to describe warm weather, you can imagine how they might describe a set gone bad. Are the girls really "creeped out" (as a guy would define it) by the weather? No. ...but if an AFC like the bartender hears a girl say "creepy," he's probably not going to give it this same thoughtful evaluation, and assume that you were actually being creepy.

So again, don't worry about it, sarge in many different places, and have fun. :)

~~Affection

[ride]

Everyone else has had some good points. I would also like to elabrate on mae friends with the staff. If you have a two set introduce them to the bartender and talk him up a bit. Give him his respect, and use him as your go to wing when you can and he will prolly get off your back and may help proof you.

[LifeWithBG]

You're absolutely right. When it's not that busy and I got acqainted with a guy at my bar who seems like a really cool dude, and he has an eye on some girl, I coach him.

People hooking up in the bar where I work, because of MY actions.... How dope is that?

[apg96]

bottom line: He has the right to ask you to leave. If he owns the bar or is expressing the opinion of the owner.


I feel for you, your not doing anything wrong, and it sucks when something like that happens. You were comfortable there. But he has that right.


My opinion find a new bar, with a similar atmosphere and befriend all the bar tenders.

[dman]

There is a bar that I frequent to sarge quite often b/c it is nearby to practice my sarges. I often appear and approach most of the sets even though it is a small setting b/c it is quiet and a good place to practice. A bartender of the bar came up to me today when i was alone and said that girls had complained that I was making them uncomfortable on more than one occasion b/c they wanted to spend time alone. That's an awful feeling b/c I haven't done anything illegal or harassing or anything.

Has anyone experienced this before? It is a small bar where there are often targets. It's like, I've hooked up with 9 girls in the past week and a half and I owe it to all of the approaches and sarging I've done to practice and desensitize myself.

It's not illegal to talk to strangers. I think that is ridiculous. I say f* him, I'm gonna keep sarging. What do you guys think about this? Should I be feeling guilty? I think it's just that it is such a small venue that if I put in 6 sets I'm covering a lot of the girls and they see this. Any girl who said something was being a b*tch or maybe I messed up, but that is what this is about. Experimenting and Learning.

How would you react to such a thing? It makes me feel like some wierdo for doing cold approaches. I need some encouragement.
Consider the chance the barman has noticed you (which is almost certain if it is such a small bar which you are at frequently) and when he talks to a girl he then mentions you. But down in a such a bad light and so persuasively that the girls agree with him by bad mouthing you while they are speaking to him.

Or even another possibility.... HE IS JUST MAKING IT UP, to get at you and knock you down.

[dman]

This reminds me of an event which happened a couple of weeks ago. I started talking to this girl and it was going ok until a few minutes later when one of the big bouncers turned up...

...he starts talking to her asking who I am, she starts defending me saying I am just a friend of hers etc.. (I'd only just met her)

She had mentioned before her boyfriend works here, turns out that is him. Although he left after a little while and he never said anything at all to me, I could feel the vibe was a little different from that place and I haven't been back there since. Which is a pity, because I liked that place a lot and the doormen got on really good with me. But there is no point risking potential drama, there are plenty of other places I can go sarge. In fact in retrospect it has even been good making myself go find some new obscure places I hadn't tried before.

I'll go back there again, but like in another month or so. No rush.

[tony77]

You know I had something similar happened but you could call it worse depending on your perception. I use to sarge near work on the business park I work on and I'd open some good sets sometimes but this one time this girl called the cops on me so now I don't sarge there anymore. I guess because she was from Indian its unheard of in her culture for guys to approach her.
I do have a regular place i sarge which is a big bookstore thats open until 9 weeknights but I like to vary the times I go at.

I think the bartender is probably either jealous or i guess some girls don't know when they have agood thing. But if you are going to sarge in regular places like this you should get talking with the staff and befriend them. That will give you social proof as the women will see you as a fun and sociable guy.
As Mystery says control the guys and you control the women!

But as everyone else has said it would be good to vary your sarging venues and make friends with the staff. Even get there early to get talking to them so they don't cockblock you. If people wanted to be alone, then they shouldn't go to a bar, they should stay at home and have a little party or whatever. I have had AFC friends and even wings who have said "oh they're not up for it" "they look like they came for a quiet drink". And I think to myself if they wanted a quiet drink or to be on their own they should expect to get approached. If you're a really good PUA I don't think it matters whether the women came in for a quiet drink or just wanted to be left alone.

[tony77]

I once had a dude comming over to talk to me when my target went to the bathroom to tell me his buddy wanted that chick and he was gettin' angry for me talkin' to her. plus he told that he could be quite agressive.

So I thought she wasn't worth gettin' into a fight (makes sense?) so I proceeded to other sets, no big deal.

When I got back there the next week, I saw the two of them makin out!
There never was an other friend. He was the one being jealous, and wanted me out of the picture. it made me furious, but I didn't let it come to my heart.

what I wanna say is that maybe you approached a girl (or girls) that lame ass bartender has an eye upon, so he sees you as direct and succesfull concurence! so he's abusing his position to try to get rid of you.

Don't make that mistake, if you're congruent with your sets, keep doin' what you always did. :)

OD

Hey Odyssey

Wow sorry to hear about that! Thats messed up! And really nasty too. It sounds like something my AFC friend might do just because I have had the balls to talk to some girl he wants to. One time this guy kind of threatened me just because I was thinking about talking to this girl in a pub he liked. I told him it was silly. I would never steal a girl from him if he were already talking to her but he hadn't even talked to her. You ever heard anyone say "hands off I saw her first" ? That in itself is stupid because the person has no hold olver the girl and she has teh right to speak to whoever she wishes. In my AFC days I'd get jealous even if i had never speak to the girl I liked and she was being chatted up by some other guy!

[Nox]

Fuck that.

That bartender is probably an AFC that is seeing a man who has the balls to reach out and take what he wants. And he's probably jelaous because he doesn't have what it takes.

First of all, I really doubt you creeped anyone out. I haven't seen your game, but your success makes me think people are not uncomfortable around you.

Seriously, girls get creeped out by guys all the time. ALL THE TIME. There's allways one drunk fellow ready to do take care of that. Probably, those girls got approached at least 10 times that night that you opened. You think they're really gonna take the time to come up to the bartender and say "Oh my god, that guy's really annoying, please tell him to shut up"?

And even if what he said is true, the set did not express what they wanted.

You are not a mentalist dude. If they don't tell you that they want to be left alone, then fuck em, it's your world, and if they don't stand up for themselves, they're accepting it. It's a free country. If they don't feel free to tell you to fuck off, that's their problem.

My advice? Keep approaching as allways. If at some point you are asked to leave, fine, leave and never return. Otherwise, don't stop running becase some people can't even walk.