LifeWithBG
01-21-2007, 05:35 PM
Decided to try to figure out the conscious framing of relationships, which means that you define a relationship on the terms you want. Some recent events have helped me get more insight in this, so I figured I'd try and put it down in written word.
Basic Principles
A big part of this is managing expectations. We live in a world of constant stimuli, impulses and input, and we constantly have to make decisions. In this type of reactivity, we need to anticipate, so we create expectations and scenarios in our heads which gives security. So what is essential in relationships is managing expectations, and this is something I realized during my first LTR since I found the community. Not just that though, also in relationships of smaller scale, girls on Day2's or sometimes even in the first five minutes.. Then I decided everything has to do with managing expectations.
The other big piece is that you have to be attractive; not just to look at, not just to have sex with, not just for banter, not just to talk with, not just to laugh with, but everyone of these things. You need to have a magnetic effect, maybe even a magic effect, and this is something you can learn inside as well as outside the community in natural lifestyle development.
Managing Expectations
One time my friend Moonwalker told me something he once heard another NLLounge chairman say. "Promise less; deliver more" and that's what probably started to make me think about expectations. What it means is that you tell people something to set their expectations at an end result of 7 out of 10, but you deliver a 9 out of 10. This is good for business and relationships. The element of surprise has always been powerful, but keep managing expectancies and don't get people to expect a surprise every time they deal with you.
I'll get on with my point though. Basically if you don't want to end up in a committed relationship, make sure she doesn't set expectations for that. How do you do this? It's actually very simple if you study seduction for a while (and with that I mean like 6 months). She challenges you, you reframe and challenge her; you qualify her; you make her understand that you're scarce, etc. There are certain principles that you must have.
Expectation Management Principles
1. I don't bind love by rules. This is another one I learned from Moonwalker. He told me how he gets FBs or mLTRs into the right frame and his story was perfect. It really made sense... when I tried to tell it to some girl I failed.. I didn't get why, but I wasn't as good as putting things in words that carry emotional value as he is. What I did do, is make it an ideal and believe in it. I'm a sentimental guy, when I frame girls I do tell them that I believe that there are a few people out there that I could be happy with forever and that I'd need nobody else, I also say that I don't believe that true love can exist or ever be found in a defined and (thus) restricted relationship.
This principle makes the girl see your romantic self, get her hopes for true love up, but get her expectations for a committed relationship with you down.
2. We are both equal. A relationship has to be 50/50 or it will go bad and get boring or worse. Don't worry about seizing power, if you're in balance with your masculinity and femininity, and she's in balance with her femininity and masculinity, there will be no problems. In most species, including ours, females are genetically designed to be submissive to men, because they can provide safety. In a well-balanced relationship, you will find yourself making more decisions than her. I heard a recent example from our lair and it was brilliant.
The guy got on the train with his girlfriend, and her girlfriend asked her "which way shall we go", left or right. This is a great expression of feminine submission; and the great expression of masculinity would be to call the direction and guide her. The BAD way to deal with this is "whatever way you want to go" (because it's not just a question, it's an opportunity for you to show masculinity), a WORSE way to deal with this is by asking "well, where do you want to sit?". Be proactive guys.
What being equal also means is that if you don't want her to rule your personal life, then respect it if she wants the same. I recently heard "as long as I've got you, I don't need another man, but if you don't feel the same way, then do what you want.. just don't tell me about it". That CAN be a product of this set of principles, so don't dismiss this one because you don't think it's alpha. That would be immature.
This principle makes the girl understand and feel that you respect her (which you should!) and this helps A LOT in making the two of you trust each other.
3. No fear! We are constantly afraid of not being or having enough, and afraid of losing what we have. Just let go. You never truly own everything but the core of your soul, so don't keep yourself in the illusion that you have certain things which you can not lose (manage your own expectations; have little). This one is mostly for yourself, so you can deal with bullshit tests where she talks about other men. Just don't care; you're doing the same thing anyway.
This principle affects the girl in two ways:
1) She will understand that you're not afraid to lose her, which will increase her appreciation towards you. Every moment will be better and she'll put more effort into it. It also brings a kind of unpredictability which is sexy.
2) She won't be so afraid to lose you (probably more than you are to lose her though (genetic-wiring and all that)). I know the community has some ways of using fear-tactics to keep girls, but I don't believe a negative relationship can ever manifest positivity. It's as simple as that. It will make your relationship healthy and A LOT of fun, because you'll both make every moment worthwhile, because without that, why would you keep seeing each other? If you can't keep girls without using fear, then you've got some serious soul searching to do.
4. Be scarce. Seriously, be one of a kind. Be a fucking catch. And help her understand that you're there for her NOW, and that THAT is what matters. If you're there a month, a week, a few days from now; why does that matter? As long as you're both happy. I must admit this principle could invoke some fear, but again it's not a TACTIC, it's part of your personality. Understand how unique you are, and if someone is making you unhappy, you're gone because there are so many people out there who do not make you unhappy. Also be scarce in time.
This principle will help the girl understand and deal with the fact that you are not "hers". You are yours, and she is hers, that's it. Again, this does a lot to keep the both of you happier during the relationship.
That's basically all I can come up with right now, when I should be working on stuff for college. Let's get to the second part.
Being Attractive
- Every time you kiss, pay attention and learn how to be a great kisser.
- Every time you have sex, pay attention and learn how to be a good lover.
These things are soooo key. Let's take the scenario of meeting a girl in a club and getting her in a FB/mLTR frame.
You open, you have some fun together and show her you're cool, you build some rapport by talking about interests, passions and dreams.. do all this whilst escalating kino. Apply enough push-pull to display the scarcity principle. Even when first going for the kiss, tease her. Always be teasing. And when you give her that kiss, make it good. This 29 year old was blown away that a boy of my age (20) could kiss that well, she said she was thinking "where did he learn that?". Push-pull, push-pull, push-pull and escalate, escalate, escalate! Just get a feel for it. Pull her, go home together, turn her on and give her great sex. The next day, have some breakfast together and build deep rapport, but keep her insecure about what you think of her! Expectation to set: "this guy I once talked to after having sex that I REALLY connected with.." If you haven't #closed or @closed before, get her to write her Instant Messenger contact info down before she leaves (or phone number). Don't say anything to create expectancies, keep her in the dark on whether you'll call her or not.. the best is if you yourself are still unsure. Get her out of the door, or get out of there, without passing your contact info to her; don't offer that security.. You still have to decide whether you want to see her again.
Now the relationship starts. Get her to cook at your place or, if you went to your place for the ONS, arrange to have some drinks over at her place. If you're a good kisser and lover, she'll want to experience that again. You go there, or she comes, you keep physical intimacy LOW. You play around a bit, then after dinner you have some drinks and have deep conversation; then go for a more sexual vibe and seduce her again (slowly, and remember to tease). This is where you fuck her brains out (hold back the first time). This is where she comes home from work the next day and goes to bed immediately because she is so tired.
The purpose of the deep conversation before the 2nd time you have sex is to start expressing your principles. This is where you really start managing expectations verbally. Talk about how you guys see deep matters, such as the clash of cultures worldwide, or love and the hippie movement and move towards how you see yourself with women. This is where you can verbally express these principles that should be deeply rooted in your inner game. Now this stuff besides the principles is all outer game; so do this in your own way. Remember, I could not literally apply what Moonwalker said, so I developed what you're reading now; which works for me, but maybe not for everyone.
(continued)
Basic Principles
A big part of this is managing expectations. We live in a world of constant stimuli, impulses and input, and we constantly have to make decisions. In this type of reactivity, we need to anticipate, so we create expectations and scenarios in our heads which gives security. So what is essential in relationships is managing expectations, and this is something I realized during my first LTR since I found the community. Not just that though, also in relationships of smaller scale, girls on Day2's or sometimes even in the first five minutes.. Then I decided everything has to do with managing expectations.
The other big piece is that you have to be attractive; not just to look at, not just to have sex with, not just for banter, not just to talk with, not just to laugh with, but everyone of these things. You need to have a magnetic effect, maybe even a magic effect, and this is something you can learn inside as well as outside the community in natural lifestyle development.
Managing Expectations
One time my friend Moonwalker told me something he once heard another NLLounge chairman say. "Promise less; deliver more" and that's what probably started to make me think about expectations. What it means is that you tell people something to set their expectations at an end result of 7 out of 10, but you deliver a 9 out of 10. This is good for business and relationships. The element of surprise has always been powerful, but keep managing expectancies and don't get people to expect a surprise every time they deal with you.
I'll get on with my point though. Basically if you don't want to end up in a committed relationship, make sure she doesn't set expectations for that. How do you do this? It's actually very simple if you study seduction for a while (and with that I mean like 6 months). She challenges you, you reframe and challenge her; you qualify her; you make her understand that you're scarce, etc. There are certain principles that you must have.
Expectation Management Principles
1. I don't bind love by rules. This is another one I learned from Moonwalker. He told me how he gets FBs or mLTRs into the right frame and his story was perfect. It really made sense... when I tried to tell it to some girl I failed.. I didn't get why, but I wasn't as good as putting things in words that carry emotional value as he is. What I did do, is make it an ideal and believe in it. I'm a sentimental guy, when I frame girls I do tell them that I believe that there are a few people out there that I could be happy with forever and that I'd need nobody else, I also say that I don't believe that true love can exist or ever be found in a defined and (thus) restricted relationship.
This principle makes the girl see your romantic self, get her hopes for true love up, but get her expectations for a committed relationship with you down.
2. We are both equal. A relationship has to be 50/50 or it will go bad and get boring or worse. Don't worry about seizing power, if you're in balance with your masculinity and femininity, and she's in balance with her femininity and masculinity, there will be no problems. In most species, including ours, females are genetically designed to be submissive to men, because they can provide safety. In a well-balanced relationship, you will find yourself making more decisions than her. I heard a recent example from our lair and it was brilliant.
The guy got on the train with his girlfriend, and her girlfriend asked her "which way shall we go", left or right. This is a great expression of feminine submission; and the great expression of masculinity would be to call the direction and guide her. The BAD way to deal with this is "whatever way you want to go" (because it's not just a question, it's an opportunity for you to show masculinity), a WORSE way to deal with this is by asking "well, where do you want to sit?". Be proactive guys.
What being equal also means is that if you don't want her to rule your personal life, then respect it if she wants the same. I recently heard "as long as I've got you, I don't need another man, but if you don't feel the same way, then do what you want.. just don't tell me about it". That CAN be a product of this set of principles, so don't dismiss this one because you don't think it's alpha. That would be immature.
This principle makes the girl understand and feel that you respect her (which you should!) and this helps A LOT in making the two of you trust each other.
3. No fear! We are constantly afraid of not being or having enough, and afraid of losing what we have. Just let go. You never truly own everything but the core of your soul, so don't keep yourself in the illusion that you have certain things which you can not lose (manage your own expectations; have little). This one is mostly for yourself, so you can deal with bullshit tests where she talks about other men. Just don't care; you're doing the same thing anyway.
This principle affects the girl in two ways:
1) She will understand that you're not afraid to lose her, which will increase her appreciation towards you. Every moment will be better and she'll put more effort into it. It also brings a kind of unpredictability which is sexy.
2) She won't be so afraid to lose you (probably more than you are to lose her though (genetic-wiring and all that)). I know the community has some ways of using fear-tactics to keep girls, but I don't believe a negative relationship can ever manifest positivity. It's as simple as that. It will make your relationship healthy and A LOT of fun, because you'll both make every moment worthwhile, because without that, why would you keep seeing each other? If you can't keep girls without using fear, then you've got some serious soul searching to do.
4. Be scarce. Seriously, be one of a kind. Be a fucking catch. And help her understand that you're there for her NOW, and that THAT is what matters. If you're there a month, a week, a few days from now; why does that matter? As long as you're both happy. I must admit this principle could invoke some fear, but again it's not a TACTIC, it's part of your personality. Understand how unique you are, and if someone is making you unhappy, you're gone because there are so many people out there who do not make you unhappy. Also be scarce in time.
This principle will help the girl understand and deal with the fact that you are not "hers". You are yours, and she is hers, that's it. Again, this does a lot to keep the both of you happier during the relationship.
That's basically all I can come up with right now, when I should be working on stuff for college. Let's get to the second part.
Being Attractive
- Every time you kiss, pay attention and learn how to be a great kisser.
- Every time you have sex, pay attention and learn how to be a good lover.
These things are soooo key. Let's take the scenario of meeting a girl in a club and getting her in a FB/mLTR frame.
You open, you have some fun together and show her you're cool, you build some rapport by talking about interests, passions and dreams.. do all this whilst escalating kino. Apply enough push-pull to display the scarcity principle. Even when first going for the kiss, tease her. Always be teasing. And when you give her that kiss, make it good. This 29 year old was blown away that a boy of my age (20) could kiss that well, she said she was thinking "where did he learn that?". Push-pull, push-pull, push-pull and escalate, escalate, escalate! Just get a feel for it. Pull her, go home together, turn her on and give her great sex. The next day, have some breakfast together and build deep rapport, but keep her insecure about what you think of her! Expectation to set: "this guy I once talked to after having sex that I REALLY connected with.." If you haven't #closed or @closed before, get her to write her Instant Messenger contact info down before she leaves (or phone number). Don't say anything to create expectancies, keep her in the dark on whether you'll call her or not.. the best is if you yourself are still unsure. Get her out of the door, or get out of there, without passing your contact info to her; don't offer that security.. You still have to decide whether you want to see her again.
Now the relationship starts. Get her to cook at your place or, if you went to your place for the ONS, arrange to have some drinks over at her place. If you're a good kisser and lover, she'll want to experience that again. You go there, or she comes, you keep physical intimacy LOW. You play around a bit, then after dinner you have some drinks and have deep conversation; then go for a more sexual vibe and seduce her again (slowly, and remember to tease). This is where you fuck her brains out (hold back the first time). This is where she comes home from work the next day and goes to bed immediately because she is so tired.
The purpose of the deep conversation before the 2nd time you have sex is to start expressing your principles. This is where you really start managing expectations verbally. Talk about how you guys see deep matters, such as the clash of cultures worldwide, or love and the hippie movement and move towards how you see yourself with women. This is where you can verbally express these principles that should be deeply rooted in your inner game. Now this stuff besides the principles is all outer game; so do this in your own way. Remember, I could not literally apply what Moonwalker said, so I developed what you're reading now; which works for me, but maybe not for everyone.
(continued)