26 year old virgin, AFRAID OF SEX

[TheUnderdog]

Hey guys, I need help.

I grew up playing videogames and never kissed a girl until I was 22 years old. Since then, I've kissed a few other girls, and I've had one girlfriend who lasted like 2 months.

We tried having sex several times but I was never able to get it up because of nervousness and performance anxiety.

Now I'm terrified that this can happen again and everytime I get physical with a woman it's almost impossible for me get excited. I totally hate this.

I became addicted to porn since 2007 and I can reach intense pleasure watching it and it pisses me off that it can't be the same when I'm around women. So in the end I end up going back to the porn and running away from real women.

The funny thing is that I am not ugly at all. I'm actually in pretty good shape. I'm not geeky looking. I've also read the most popular seduction books so I know the theory.

On the outside I look perfectly normal, but on the inside I'm pretty fucked up and insecure.

This is my goal:

I want to get rid of my sexual insecurity and feel comfortable and relaxed when getting intimate with women. I want to enjoy real sex as much as I enjoy porn.

That's all. That's my goal.

I need some encouraging words and advice.

But please save yourselves the "Man up dude, just do it" and "It's just sex" type of comments. I know that. But try telling that to your body when you've spent 26 years of your life alone. It's not that easy.

[V-men]

the last words are the ones i'm going to say to you. I can't fuck your chick so you have to do it yourself. You can see it like this: you have a problem, try and see what happens be satisfied even if it does'nt succeed. My motto is: I have no, a yes I can get. So just do it and learn from your mistakes.

Peace
________
Alaska medical marijuana dispensary (http://alaska.dispensaries.org/)

[Bagles]

the first step to reaching ur goal is believing u can. from now on i dont want u to say "i want to b able to fuck a girl." i want u to say "i can fuck a girl." "i will fuck a girl." "any girl would b lucky to have me fuck them cuz i am a master in the art of pleasuring women. im a fuckin greek god."

whether or not these things are true doesn't matter. even if they aren't true (which i believe that the first 2 are true) it wont do u ne good thinking that. wut good can come out of worrying? none. just stop thinking about it. believe that u can. know that u can.

even if u shoot n miss a few times... it doesn't matter. they are just chicks. ull get there.

also, a little tip, before u get ready to have sex try n get away for 10 minutes and look at a lil bit of porn. masturbate if u have to. get ur self to a super aroused state. then walk out to that chick like the champ that u r.

another thing is. try working your way up to sex. finger a chick. go down o her. ull find that her arousal will arouse u. and the fact that u don't have to be hard to finger a chick will take the pressure off. then once uve done this a few times and u realize that u CAN get hard and enjoy sexual interactions with women u will become more confident to have sex.

[PJ Mac]

Where u from? damn i wanna help u...but gotta be in person!..

why not think of it as " she makes me feel good...so i wanna return the favor" Think about making her feel good..and then as u do foreplay and hear her moan it will make you hard cuz ur making a chick feel good and making her crazy!

[The Wild One]

All new guys to sex are like new people to any endeavor you're inexperienced in the real deal. No need to be nervous you may worry about not being up to par because you're not experienced but w/e that is the way it is. You are inexperienced and not gonna be as good as you will be in the future after having allot more sexual encounters. Yet your never gonna get to that point if you don't get over this and just do it! So stop watching the porn control yourself and make an effort to get a girl in your bed. After a few weeks of no porn you won't have a problem getting it up even if your f*cking Jabba the hut.

Regardless of if you know what your doing or not just have fun, and enjoy the sensation. Don't care to much it is nothing to worry about really.

[azazels_wolf]

Wild One has a good point - the porn desensitizes you to real-life sexual encounters, making it more difficult to get aroused. Plus, you are relieving all your sexual tension through porn, and this makes it more difficult to get hard and stay hard when you want to with a girl. If you stop masturbating for awhile, completely, you may find that you will have a much easier time maintaining your arousal with a girl. And, as others point out, her pleasure does not need to depend on your erection, so you should let go of your fears about that.

[Alexkx3]

Dude, I had the exact same problem. But don't worry just focus on getting out there, meeting as many women as possible and sooner or later you'll break outta this rut.
The problem is, all this time you've had the wrong relationship to sex, too much porn, and masturbation. Real sex is completely different, and you just need time to adjust to this, and let the nerves naturally dissolve away.

If you cant get it up, the woman normally assumes its her fault, so use this time as an opportunity to learn how to give her pleasure, and make her cum multiple times.

So in short
Stop the porn, completely.
Stop jerking of.
Focus on giving to her and forget about yourself, she'll be grateful trust me.

[Prince of Darkness]

I had the same problem, what I luckily did was rationalize: "Sex is pointless, I don't want to have sex, too much bonding, won't be able to act how I want, emotions in the way.'

So I would tell a girl, "hope it's okay, I just don't do sex, whatever else is cool just no sex." and of course this would cause the girl to want to be the one that made me loose control and break my conviction, so she would work hard to turn me on and f-close, which of course was really cool and straightened out the problem if you know what I mean.

I still say the same thing anyway, bit like fake LMR, to overcome her LMR.

[gabrieldutchie]

ermmm... ok and now for some actual pratical advice. yes deffo lower on the porn because real life aint a porn movie.. and the next time you get around to sex. if you feel the feeling come up again.. try and use a viagra or cialis the next time.. get that first time out of the way.. and you will see how normal sex is.. but please.. DO NOT TAKE it the second time.. (do not use this more then the first time).. i advice you to sleep with the same girl as you used the "help" with as you will be more relaxed second time.. and should be able to do it naturally!!..

[Chrispb7]

Have you ever practiced meditation? I would start.

The key is to stop trying so hard to get yourself excited and aroused, and
make it a point to relax. Learn some basic meditation so you can clear your
mind and just chill when ur with a woman.

[theshyboy]

Ok, i had the same problem, the thing to do is go to the doctor, and tell him. It's all in you're head, you know this, the problem is that you can't tell you're body that. What he did for me is prescribe viagra. Not to use all the time, but to use as a safty net. So, if nothing happens down there you have a get out cause. Then over time when you become more confident, you begin to relax you no longer need it. You have to have explain your situation to the doctor thou.

[L.A. Tripp]

Hey guys, I need help.

I grew up playing videogames and never kissed a girl until I was 22 years old. Since then, I've kissed a few other girls, and I've had one girlfriend who lasted like 2 months.

We tried having sex several times but I was never able to get it up because of nervousness and performance anxiety.

Now I'm terrified that this can happen again and everytime I get physical with a woman it's almost impossible for me get excited. I totally hate this.

I became addicted to porn since 2007 and I can reach intense pleasure watching it and it pisses me off that it can't be the same when I'm around women. So in the end I end up going back to the porn and running away from real women.

The funny thing is that I am not ugly at all. I'm actually in pretty good shape. I'm not geeky looking. I've also read the most popular seduction books so I know the theory.

On the outside I look perfectly normal, but on the inside I'm pretty fucked up and insecure.

This is my goal:

I want to get rid of my sexual insecurity and feel comfortable and relaxed when getting intimate with women. I want to enjoy real sex as much as I enjoy porn.

That's all. That's my goal.

I need some encouraging words and advice.

But please save yourselves the "Man up dude, just do it" and "It's just sex" type of comments. I know that. But try telling that to your body when you've spent 26 years of your life alone. It's not that easy.

I'm wondering if you're even watching this thread, since there's been no more replies from you and you haven't posted anything else on the forum, but hey, I'll throw out some advice as well if it'll actually help you.

First, some guys CAN handle looking at porn AND picking up girls at the same time. On the other hand, some guys CAN'T handle both. It sounds like you CAN'T handle both.

So, quit the porn. Since you're addicted, it WILL be hard, but you HAVE to quit it. No question about that, it's a requirement. You're deriving ALL your sexual pleasure from that and NOT from the real thing. In fact, you are not PERMITTING the real thing to come to you at this point. YOU are not permitting the females to actually gain an interest IN you.

So, again, stop the porn. Fill that void with some other hobby.

Your mind is confusing reality with fiction. Continuing with the porn won't fix that.

I wouldn't suggest replacing the porn with more video games either. You need to find some kind of social hobby, where you are physically, face to face, interacting with other people, whether they be male or female. The gender doesn't matter. Just getting that social aspect going within you will be a huge key.

From there, you HAVE to program your mind to actually, literally, SPECIFICALLY focus on JUST the pleasure of the girl. When you are with a girl again, focus COMPLETELY on giving HER pleasure, making sure HER release is achieved, etc. You can accomplish this MANY ways other than you just sliding yourself into her. Practice that.

We'll go from there.

[romino]

go to a hot and good working hooker. she will give it to you, for sure. if not, take a viagra first time. this also helps. after your over the hill, you dont need this stuff anymore and can seduce even a virgin :P

dont take this serious if you dont like hookers ^^

[Tommy Sinatra]

Occasionally I feel performance anxiety and experience the same thing you have. The best way I handle it is to go down on the girl. If I have a feeling I won't be able to get it up right away I'll say hey I want to go down on you first. Then go down on her and BE GENTLE. Use your tongue and trace out the ABC's gently at first. Once you get close to Z she should be starting to get really into it. If you're ready at that point go for it, if not, start the alphabet over again. While you're doing it put the condom on and when you feel that you're hard enough just stop licking and shove it in. Start nailing her and you should be ok. If you start to get nervous and get soft don't say anything just pull out before she notices and go down on her again and then repeat the process. I swear this works because sooner or later you'll realize that worst case scenario you go down on her again. That's quite a turn on to watch a girl love your tongue lol

[Alejandro22]

Having Sex is the best thing for both man and woman.. It releases stress as well as improves your relation with that particular person. It also increases your stamina..as well as concentration level..

[marlowe]

Hi. I'm wondering if it's really sex you are afraid of. I mean think about it: if you knew you could have sex -no strings attached, just a quickie- with a girl you would never meet again, I think you would take it. Women can see if a man is sexually inexperienced: it shows. They like that because they feel they will get the upper hand in the relasionship. It's the boyfriend syndrome, women like a sweet boyfriend.
However, you have built a defence against that: you're afraid of sex. That protects you from destructive relasionships. It's not just a girl thing to be afraid of sex.
My advice is this: get yourself a sweet girlfriend in the same situation, you will be able to experiment and enjoy. But I think that is not so much an option for you... So get out a lot more and force yourself to SEEK casual sex.

It's important to be able to look oneself in the mirror and see what makes us act the way we do. If you understand what makes you afraid of sex then the fear should leave.

PS Why isn't it ok to watch porno? I don't like watching girls getting done though, it makes me jealous ..:D

[intrigued101]

PS Why isn't it ok to watch porno? I don't like watching girls getting done though, it makes me jealous ..:D

It messes with the mind and the worse case scenarios can lead to Erectile Dysfunction. This could be what you are suffering. The solution is a 'reboot' which involves abstaining from Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm for between 40-90 days.

Check out http://yourbrainonporn.com/ for information and real world accounts from porn addicts and their recovery stories.

[KC7]

I'd say, once you're in the I'm-probably-getting-laid situation, then start with a lot of foreplay. I don't know about you guys but when I'm attracted to a girl and she's all over me, kissing, I can't help but atleast get a little aroused :D

[Macstab]

Honestly dude, I would suggest for you to go to a strip club. Its a great place to get comfortable with your sexuality. When a stripper comes around tell her to sit on your lap and talk for a little bit. You can get dances if you want as well but I don't do that cause I only go to practice game, but it might help you get comfortable around nekkid women.

After a few times at a club I can have a topless women sitting on my lap and talk to her confidently, mostly unaffected by her sex appeal. The rules are simple there, they there for money and you there to see nekkid women. There's nothing wrong with it, other than waiting for you to get used to it.

[jiago]

It messes with the mind and the worse case scenarios can lead to Erectile Dysfunction. This could be what you are suffering. The solution is a 'reboot' which involves abstaining from Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm for between 40-90 days.

Check out http://yourbrainonporn.com/ for information and real world accounts from porn addicts and their recovery stories.

Hej, is it possible that porn gives me the complete opposite problem? because I watch porn on a regular basis but I only have to make out with my gf for 10 secs and I'm hard..

[LesleyV]

THATS the example of how computers replace actual people and ruin out lives and ability to procreate
you need to talk to someone about it.

you'll figure it out ;) good luck

[madcaptravels]

i suggest:

1)speaking to a psychologist

2) blocking porn with k9 porn blocker

3) reading the info @ yourbrainonporn.com