Going from AFC to PUA in one Girlfriend?

[Touch]

Hey guys, I need some advice on my relationship with my girlfriend.

When I met her and started dating her, looking back, I did a lot of things right - and unknowingly the way I "picked her up" wasn't a whole lot unlike the methods on here (A/C/S), but the problem was that I was still pretty insecure , which really started to show when my "methods" (that I didn't have), and "being myself" didn't work, and I became disgustingly rooted in AFC behavior territory, asking the "Are you Ok?" question a lot, putting a "I need you" vibe out there, and generally showing a weak, beta-like frame. Bad, I know.

And now, I've made something of a transformation, taking big steps away from AFC towards PUA...I show her that I do, in fact, have a strong frame, and I DHV whenever possible, and I neg her all the time, I'm cocky/funny just like I've always been, and I'm both learning and trying something new everyday... but there's still the big obstacle that I want to get past.....

It's obvious I'm still retaining some of that jealous AFC behavior from before, which was for the most part easy to get rid of since I wanted to so bad, I just had to know how. AFC, for me at least, is a path that I know leads to abusive, possessive behavior (not so much abusive - of course - that is below me, but I've felt frustrated enough to think in an abusive mindset - I'm just not stupid or cruel enough to ever in a million years really act on it) but I was in a word: FRUSTRATED :mad: , which is pretty much the opposite of where I want to be.

Should I get jealous when my best friend (who originally competed with me for her) strikes up a conversation with her and makes her laugh and negs her (which they both know is flirting) - when she was clearly bored with me earlier on in the day, despite my attempts at being interesting? Should I get jealous when she asks me "Where are the guys?", leading me to think that she just wants to see my best friend.

The question is: how do I hold all of her attention? (should I be expecting her to be jumping all over me all the time, or is that unrealistic?), also...How do I stop myself from being jealous when I think I have grounds to be?

Your help is greatly appreciated

[gbwb]

truthfully it doesnt sound like your suspicions are unfounded. In most of the relationships ive seen the girls dont ask their boyfriends where other men are. I spent 2 years living in a fraternity house, where there could be 10 dudes hanging out on a tuesday at 430 in the morning. If my girlfriend ever came over she wasnt there to see them she was there to see me, and if for some reason the house WASNT packed, she didnt ask me why.

Your best friends involvement is both a good and a bad thing, its a good thing because you SHOULD be able to trust him with anything. This is where men and women tend to differ greatly, I have a lot of male friends I would trust with my girlfriend and never be the slightest bit suspicious, girls very rarely have anything like that(and if they do, one of them is probably being naive). The downside is that people DO tend to cheat on each other with "best friends" a LOT of the time, and it raises the stakes of what you've got to lose over this. I think you might need to analyze how you made your friend feel while the 2 of you "competed" over this girl to decide where he stands and what his motivations might be. IF you pissed him off while gaming this girl or you were in any way disrespectful, you might have made him feel inferior when you "won", and he might be out to prove that he is not(inferior). If your sure hes rock solid reliable, talk to him about your concern.

My point is, your jealousy isn't unfounded, and its natural.. and a lot of good puas still get jealous, especially when it comes to their girlfriends (ever read "The Game"?). Jealousy comes from feelings of ownership, and if your in a committed relationship, feelings of ownership are pretty much inescapable. Its not the feeling jealous thats "AFC" its the acting on and comunication of jealousy that is. Knowing this doesnt make it feel any better to be jealous tho :) so heres how i would deal with this:

Punish her--flirt with other girls in front of her, getting her friends to flirt with you would be the best case, but its not always realizable... getting YOUR female friends to flirt with you is much easier and can be just as effective. This demonstrates preselection, and triggers fear of loss, which should remind her of how much she likes you. Take the word punish with a grain of salt, hopefully you get the idea and understand that punishment can be as simple as negative body language and NEVER means abuse. Another important note is to be non-reactive, dont be getting even--be mature about it-- your "punishment" is you choosing not to tolerate her behavior, not you getting mad at her for doing something you don't like.

Another way is to work on your inner game.. some people develop inner game by being "happy", finding what they enjoy and doing it all the time. Another way to develop inner game is social acceptance. A lot of people feel worthwhile once they've fucked a lot of hot girls or have a ton of cool friends, noone can shake their frame or change their mood because they've proven to themselves that they are worthwhile (by being accepted by people THEY think are worthwhile, and trusting the judgement of those people). The trick to the last method, is that you must believe you DESERVE what you are getting, and if you dont you will never be as strong as you can be. Inner game work can probably fix your jealousy, but it may not change the fact that your GF is or at least may want to cheat on you (hence your jealousy). I would recommend doing it(developing inner game) anyway, as its enormously attractive to have strong inner game, but it may not fix your problem in a reasonable timeframe as it can take a long time to develop.

when she was clearly bored with me earlier on in the day

I think your facing this problem because you are some how communicating that you need her more than she needs you. Im no dancing monkey but my girlfriend is never bored around me. I prevent this proactively--If the situations headed in a boring direction, i blame her by telling her to find something for us to do, or we just have more sex. If i cant think of anything to do with her, I go hang out with my friends and she can be bored on her own. As long as YOU have something to do, its not your fault if SHE doesnt, and she cant blame you for it either. As long as she knows that you NEED her LESS than she needs you, she should "know" that its her job to do the entertaining. That doesnt mean your not fun or cool or interesting, but if things are not especially spectacular at any given moment you have not failed, she has.(If you're NEVER fun or entertaining, you wont maintain the relationship, im just saying you dont ALWAYS have to be)

Im not the most knowledgeable guy in the world, but i felt like i knew enough to give a meaningful perspective on your situation. I hope my advice helps and things turn out for the best. If anyone sees a flaw in the advice ive given, ide like to know :) just please be respectful.

[Keys]

I would have to say this advice is dead on. I pulled the AFC insecure thing in a couple of past relationships, probably one of the main reasons why I joined the community was to break that part of my personality away and found it was neccesary to develop my inner game to end that cycle.

I will say this though from what I am hearing in the initial post you need to develop your life outside of her, it is very easy in AFC days to let your life revolve around your GF. Once you do that, it is game over. If you are getting those feelings of insecurity and jealousy expand your social circle out. The nice side benefit is that she will see it as competition for your time and be more inclined to entertain.

That being stated the other thing is if there is something that seems off, trust in it. Just don't take the beta route with the "Is everything ok?" bullshit. If things aren't ok this will show in time, if they are ok that will show in time, worrying about it doesn't make it any better in fact it makes it worse. All of that time you spend worrying or asking spend working on something that makes you happy or developing your inner game. It's win-win. If it works out great, if it doesn't you developed additional skills for after.

Just my .02

[Touch]

Guys, first of all, thank you for your awesome replies. It happens, I wrote this a couple of months ago, but my worries have all gone away. I basically don't even think about things that small anymore. I find that the anxiety and general fear I used to have has been diminished, and is now entirely manageable. I started doing yoga, doing things I love again, and getting active and more social. I've realized that you only have 28,000 days to live, which I remind myself of daily, and I don't hold myself back at all. I have awesome friends, and they are an excellent competition with my girlfriend for my time and entertainment, and honestly it's great. It seems like neither party can get enough of me, I love to play around and have fun. I hate to sound high on life, but I think I've come to appreciate the subtle ups and downs that happen all the time everyday. Sometimes you're cool, sometimes you're not - whatever man, just go with the flow. Now the hard part is actually maintaining this feeling! ;)