My GF grew up and wants me back??

[Zig]

So I was talking to my ex the other night[We had a LTR going for two years] untill 3AM and got into some deep conversation about her feelings for me.

Because of the distance we were forced to break up when we still had feelings for eachother. It's been two years since we broke up and she has gotten a new BF who has been gone for the past five weeks and she has only been dating him for two months.Nothing serious.

In our conversation she told me that she "likes" him but " loves" me.
I was her "first love" as she says it.

I'm going to see her this thursday.
She stated in our convo that she "wasn't letting her having BF change anything we'd do and let whatever happens, happen."

Though of coarse that didn't come without the ASD and her saying how she's not looking to cheat on him.

So I know she wants to kiss me etc and had said it, but I haven't seen her forever so it all depends on me taking down her BF sheild she is hiding behind. I have a feeling it will be very small though because I know she wants me too.

Should I keep escalating my game when I see her even though she has a bf??
and if so, how can I do it in an unsuspecting way to where I don't have to deal with that resistance or getting blown out because she has a bf?

[-Silver-]

Always, always leave the girl better than when you found her. She wants you, no doubt there, and it would take a completely incompetent guy to screw this one up. Before I give you any advice on how to ensure you get the close though, answer this: Are you sure that by allowing her to open up her feelings to you again, potentially ruin her current relationship which she has stated she 'likes' and so could lead somewhere, just to see you leave again (I assume this is a holiday meet-up or something, and you are still living a long distance from each other) is not going to leave her in a bad state? I know that f-closes are very tempting to go for when the opportunity arises, but it seems to me that with such a deep history between the two of you, this could really mess her up. And I would also assume that you want what's best for her.

Maybe your morals are different from mine, and I know for a fact there are some guys on this forum who will gladly help you out here and encourage 'just fucking her anyway' regardless of her feelings, that will give advice freely. But if you want mine, please convince me that this is a good idea, and what you really want.

-Silver-

[X-Press]

Awesome reply.

[Changes]

I agree entirely with you Silver.

And even those who don't have such morals as yours and mine should examine the benefits of always leaving the gilr better than you found hre. Think about it. If you 'just fuck her anyway' to every girl you meet you are just leaving a swath of burning bridges behind you.

On the other hand, you make every girl you date or even meet happier than they were before they met you, that leaves your fingerprint on them. And if anyone you are gaming or just friends with meets those girls you 'left better' that's a mad DHV.

Think about when you are aproached about someone, girl or guy, that you like very much. I know myself personally I always build up friends and gilrs I like, A) makes me look better, b) makes them look better.

Talk at Me, Peace.
Pirate.

[Zig]

Hey Silver.
That's the only thing that would hold me or her back from doing anything. She has a relationship going now but she doesn't want,when I come, something to happen and have to end her current relationship, just for me to leave again. I'm going to visit my dad. There's a chance I might move there,to her town, but I have to have a lot of reasons to move,which I do, and having a relationship with her wouldn't hurt. She's a great girl and I definatly want to leave her better than I found her though. I know in the back of my head that it wouldn't take much to kiss her or whatever,because when I'm with her I know it's going to be so tense with the urge for us both to do something. We both really want to. I might not even have to do anything and have her end up kissing me. We both agreed not to hold anything back and to do what we feel though so I'm assuming it won't mess her up to bad. She know's i'm leaving after I see her and still want's to continue. Blah. It will be the first time I'll be with her in person, that we havent been a couple, since I first started dating her. We broke up over the phone and I never saw her again. So. With all that said. What should I do?

[-Silver-]

You know her better than I do, so only you will be able to predict what the consequences will be. So if you really think that she'll be happy with this, and it won't end up hurting her, then it's your judgement call.

What should I do?

First thing you should do - as soon as you see her, smile, and hug her! Smiling makes for a great first impression, and starting on the kino as soon as possible is vital. Keep touching her, putting your arm around her every now and again, and ensure the kino doesn't go stale, and you're bound to find that she'll be returning it. That'll be one if the IOIs you're bound to receive.
Secondly - go out with her. Make sure it's fun, and you keep a cool energy level. If you want to be really sneaky, then take her somewhere that holds a lot of memories from your previous relationship, and turn it into a romantic moment. Keep the kino up there and you're bound to get the kiss. If you're not in the same area as when you used to date then don't worry, it's certainly not vital! Venue changing is always a good rule to follow, especially in this situation as you only have a short time together and will need to build as much of a connection as you possibly can.
Third - when you get to the bedroom you're highly likely to experience LMR, which will only be there to protect herself. She doesn't want to appear like a slut, and especially not to you. I'm sure you know the basics: 'We shouldn't be doing this.' - 'Yeh we should really stop.' and keep going. If she pulls away after that, then you can freeze her out. 'Want a glass of water? Wait right here and i'll go get one for you.' - shows you're caring for her, allows you to turn the lights on as you get up and leave the room, taking the moment away from her, and most importantly it takes you away from her. As you return, turn the lights back off and try again. She'll have had the time to regret stopping you!

I'm not sure how much you know about 'anchoring', but in case you haven't heard of it, it's where you associate emotions and feelings to certain memories, actions, and items. So taking her to a place where you used to go often when you dated, is bound to rekindle some anchored emotions. Likewise, a lot of couples have special phrases they use when they are together, make certain facial expressions, have articles of clothing or accessories they wear, all of which will have anchored emotions. If you can recall as many of these things as you can that she may well have anchored emotions with, then they will be worth using when you are with her. Hope it all goes well between the two of you, regardless of what happens.

-Silver-

[relics]

I had the same qualms about the betterment of my girlfriends in remission by not fucking up their relationships.

But, please do read what Future told me



Relic,
Your decision to keep their relationship intact is their problem, not yours. Unless one of the guys finds out and shows up at your house with a shotgun. Then it's your problem. But you won't be the one making them cheat. That's their problem. They might actually want a friend who they can fuck and not make it weird. You've already explained the rules to them. "We're friends. I want to fuck you. I won't be exclusive." Sounds pretty cut and dry to me. If you do exactly what you would normally do, and you don't make it weird, and SHE cheats on HER boyfriend, how is that your problem?

Shit, your situation is the stuff of legends, and many girls have guys like you. You "don't count." You do whatever you want to do. You keep YOUR end of the relationship honest, and if she still loves you in the morning, that is her cross to bear.

[Johnny Soporno]

I had the same qualms about the betterment of my girlfriends-in-remission by not fucking up their relationships.

Girls needs and want love and affection and sex. If you can offer it to them in non-invasive, non-possessive, non-exclusive, and strictly-supportive ways then it's to the betterment of everyone involved, INCLUDING (though they won't recognize this fact, generally) the Boyfriend-of-Record whom you might cuckhold.

If the girl in question IS qualified to be a friend of yours, and you can share a mature, non-exclusive, non-possessive & enduring friendship-PLUS, then by all means, do so! It's ABSOLUTELY to her betterment to have a friend like yourself, with whom she MAY OR MAY NOT have sexual relations, but WILL have significant friendly relations. You can be her advisor, protector, partner-in-crime, buddy, playmate, big-brother, whatever... because you and she will be FRIENDS and care about eachother for the long-run.

Providing you NEVER push nor demonstrate ANY neediness whatsoever on the sex-front, you two can and should be able happily to have a lifelong background 'thing' which won't interfere with her 'foreground thing'.

But, please do read what Future told me


Future is a very bright man.

You might also do well to read my own posting on this subject, linked to in my signature as 'Converting Girl Friends into Girlfriends' I believe. :)

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

[Zig]

Phew. You guys are the stuff. Nothing better than getting back on this forum and having a lot of great advice. Silver walked me through the whole damn thing.
But yea Silver- I have A LOT of those places and anchoring points. I mean A LOT. So I'll def. be using them.
Once the kiss/makeout happens, she won't have to much LMR which is the good thing about her, since she has such strong feelings for me.
Oh yea.
I went and didn't see her because I was so busy, but something better happened. She's coming to stay with me for a week. Which now we will not have as many anchoring points but now it's in my turf and I know all the best fun/romantic spots. I live on the sandy white beaches. Her along with one our good friends from when we were younger.((Possibly a CB-not sure yet-either way I have to find some alone time with my ex.)) She'll be sleeping in my bed and me on the couch..but maybe I'll make it cold in my room and have her come get me to keep her warm. She'll use any excuse she can get. Trust me. So any extra advice since she's coming to my town instead now?