Unable to detach my emotions from my targets. This is taking way too long! HELP!

[Crowster]

This is a personal problem that I have been trying endlessly to solve since it is majorly affecting my game. I'll use a recent incident which would explain the problem more.

I got to know this chick over Facebook and we went out a few times. She's 19. I'll give a brief timeline of what happened:

1. Pickup over Facebook
2. Coffee meetup + massive attraction + many IOIs + mentions interest in another guy (I'll explain this later)
3. Second meetup + she brought her friends + constant DHV from me
4. She has exams so she stays home and I dont' see her for a month and a half
5. Attraction somewhat drops
6. Online convos
7. Me missing her and building an emotional attachment to her
8. Me telling her about my feelings for ehr and she agrees to go out on a proper date
9. She disappears nad never gets back to me on a certain timing
10. Me confronting her w/o making her feel guilty of her actions cuz thats beta
11. I find out from her that she's into that guy and thus, LJBFs me.
12. She wants friendship and I deny that request.


So here's the thing. I'm shattered. I really am. And if anythin, it's my fault. I built a strong emotional attachment to this girl and it has been affecting me big time!

Here's the thing with that guy she mentioned on our first meetup. She's mad about him. Yet he doesn't really like her. Cat string theory. She's been chasing him. I totally told her to stop talking about him. Not in a bad way, but more like a friendly way. And continued plowing with DHVs and attraction. He was studying abroad at the time. And this time summer, he just happens to visit Dubai. So she went for him.

Man I wish I could type up the whole thing but it would take ages. Long story short, she called yesterday and told me she missed me...etc and wants to meet up and me being an idiot, I did show up to her friendly gathering. Though she totally neglected me. Her body language was very defensive AND she invited a guy she met that morning @ the pool to join us so she's been trying to get his approval and get to know him. She talks about game from time to time and I'm starting to think she's player. Cuz the first time we ever spoke on the phone and brought up the subject of age she did mention "well I don't want to be picking up a 27 year old off FB".

Regardless of that last paragraph, I'd like to some help towards this matter; the matter of detaching myself from any girl I never succeeded with. I'm so hooked onto this one that I can't stop thinking about her nor can I let her go. The more I think about her or the more I try to stop doing so just makes things worse for me. I really really REALLY want and need to move on! I'm sick and tired of all those emotions in me that I am unable to kill but burry instead.

Help me out people! Really... Could use some help!

Crow

[vinnie sunshine]

sounds like you have a massive case of one-itis. also, don't sarge one girl at a time, sarge five. or a dozen. that prevents you from diving in to this pile of messiness.

the best way out of it is to go out sarging. You need to feel like you're attractive to the opposite sex. Go out and get with so many women you won't think about her for like 6 weeks.

also, you're playing the loser from the beginning. you need to frame your entire relationship on your terms. don't jump every time she picks up the phone or invites you somewhere. learn the art of being coy and fashionably late.

it's probably not salvageable with this girl. you've already let her control the entire frame. sorry man.

there are some solid tactics you can use to bust out of the friend zone, but it takes a long time. like a couple of months of no contact, then you reinvent yourself in her eyes and start from the beginning. more on that if you're interested.

[Crowster]

I wouldn't call it a one-itis really, but more like I simply emotionally attach myself to my targets. I sarge tons of women every time I am out so we're past that part.

I totally agree about the part where you mentioned that I am letting her control my frame. Funniest part is that at the very beginning, I was controlling the frame. But then I lost it when I told her how I felt about her. Anyway, that was one of the many cases. So I'm not just focusing on her only. I'm talking about a problem that I face every time I'm with a girl.

Thanks for your response and advice. I'll work on it for sure! :)

[Hugz]

Crowster, you’re on the right path, and this journey that you’re on (like any journey) sometimes requires course corrections. Sarge on!

I sarge tons of women every time I am out...
This is very good.

I'm sick and tired of all those emotions in me that I am unable to kill....
Let’s talk about this for a moment.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “attraction in not a choice”, as you know it’s one of the foundation walls upon which the seduction sciences are built. Attraction, like all human emotions is an involuntary subconscious reflex, and as PUA’s we never actually “kill” the emotion of attraction within us, we instead (through training) change how we REACT to this emotion.

(Example)
1. AFC is attracted to HB, and reacts to this emotion by telling HB how beautiful she is, qualifying himself, and kissing her ass (ok, you know how this ends so I’ll stop here).

2. Same AFC reads the MM book, reinvents himself as a PUA and is attracted to a HB, and now reacts to this emotion by using negs, DHV stories, push/pull etc.

Same emotion, different reaction (trained).

Killing your emotions will take “way too long“ because it’s something that no human can do. We need our emotions to help guide us, they’re useful, we have them for good reasons, and without them we wouldn’t be able to connect with other people. We don’t have any control over which emotions we feel, but we do have control over how we react to the emotions that we feel, and by changing the way that you react to your emotions you’ll also be changing the way that your emotions affect you.

I would make the time to check out the “Best Of” section of this forum because you’ll find some great solutions to a lot of sticking points. These may help.

http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11931

http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2002

[Kind]

This is a personal problem that I have been trying endlessly to solve since it is majorly affecting my game. I'll use a recent incident which would explain the problem more.

I got to know this chick over Facebook and we went out a few times. She's 19. I'll give a brief timeline of what happened:

1. Pickup over Facebook
2. Coffee meetup + massive attraction + many IOIs + mentions interest in another guy (I'll explain this later)
3. Second meetup + she brought her friends + constant DHV from me
4. She has exams so she stays home and I dont' see her for a month and a half
5. Attraction somewhat drops
6. Online convos
7. Me missing her and building an emotional attachment to her
8. Me telling her about my feelings for ehr and she agrees to go out on a proper date
9. She disappears nad never gets back to me on a certain timing
10. Me confronting her w/o making her feel guilty of her actions cuz thats beta
11. I find out from her that she's into that guy and thus, LJBFs me.
12. She wants friendship and I deny that request.


So here's the thing. I'm shattered. I really am. And if anythin, it's my fault. I built a strong emotional attachment to this girl and it has been affecting me big time!

Here's the thing with that guy she mentioned on our first meetup. She's mad about him. Yet he doesn't really like her. Cat string theory. She's been chasing him. I totally told her to stop talking about him. Not in a bad way, but more like a friendly way. And continued plowing with DHVs and attraction. He was studying abroad at the time. And this time summer, he just happens to visit Dubai. So she went for him.

Man I wish I could type up the whole thing but it would take ages. Long story short, she called yesterday and told me she missed me...etc and wants to meet up and me being an idiot, I did show up to her friendly gathering. Though she totally neglected me. Her body language was very defensive AND she invited a guy she met that morning @ the pool to join us so she's been trying to get his approval and get to know him. She talks about game from time to time and I'm starting to think she's player. Cuz the first time we ever spoke on the phone and brought up the subject of age she did mention "well I don't want to be picking up a 27 year old off FB".

Regardless of that last paragraph, I'd like to some help towards this matter; the matter of detaching myself from any girl I never succeeded with. I'm so hooked onto this one that I can't stop thinking about her nor can I let her go. The more I think about her or the more I try to stop doing so just makes things worse for me. I really really REALLY want and need to move on! I'm sick and tired of all those emotions in me that I am unable to kill but burry instead.

Help me out people! Really... Could use some help!

Crow

8. You told you how you felt. It is very hard for others to convince us how we feel and since you agreed with the feeling now you have it! Does that make sense? Let the emotions spudder out in awhile they go away if you let them run their course. Stay in that spot awhile of feeling out your feelings sooner rather than later your interanl makeup is going to be like: Why do I feel this way it hurts me time for something better! Hopefully that helps.