Fucking serous problem for me :(

[markmilos]

Hi people,

I am in LTR for 9 months now. Started reading about the game just because of this girl. She was (and is now) my "oneitis". She is 18 and I am 21. I am very much in love with her. I was trying to hook up with her since I met her and that was 4 years ago. It was wery hard to kiss her but I made it after 2,5 years of hard work (in the mean time I had a few girlfriends, but nothing special). So, I stoped gaming after one month of relationship. We fight a lot and I became a real pussy because I am scared of brake up and scared that I will never find beutiful girl like that (she is HB9, really).

Problem is: She wants me to stop "philosophizing" as she says, because she hates that. And she wants me to change my negative approach to life. But she compares me to my father and all the time she asks "Why aren't more like your father, he jokes and laughes all the time?". She had sex with me a month ago and I dont know if that means anything, but didn't see anything changes in good way because of that. I must say that I am her second boyfriend, and before me she had only one short relationship (2 weeks) with a guy who dresess better than me. She tells me that she likes me physically, and thinks I am cute, but doesn't like my behavior. And one more thing, until 2 weeks ago we phoned each other 6-7 hours a day, but now she insists on talking only 30 minutes a day, "because she has to study". And I am possitive that she is not cheating on me.

What should I do? Help please, I am desperate. :( :( :confused: :(

[markmilos]

If you need any more info just ask. I will be waiting... But I think that she lost attraction for me, and I don't know how to spark it up again.....:confused: :(

[Vtyle]

Crap dude. That's damn near how my last relationship ended albeit it wasn't nearly as long. So I'm gunna take a stab at how to help you.

This girl wants a "confident" guy

The Key: Turn your game back on.

When I was in your shoes, my reason for the decline in my game was my collecting 2 felonies for my first offense. It totally destroyed my confidence and my game. Your situation is different, but nonetheless the girl is giving you sh*t because your confidence and your game are down the tube.

The girl wants to be challenged. Right now she is walking all over you and all you can do is talk talk talk about how you think it can be fixed.

It's time to be proactive; take ACTION!

Flirt and game the girls around you without K-closing. This creates jealous and attraction from your girlfriend. This makes her want you.

And don't take sh*t from her about your dad, or anything for that matter. If she gives you crap NEG HER. Remind her that you are the AMOG and she is your woman, and she had better take those d*mn shoes off n get in the kitchen.

Point being, either take a stand and man up or lose your beautiful girlfriend. You can play the game without cheating. That is what I suggest.

Respectfully yours.
Delta

[Arctic]

Hi people,

I am in LTR for 9 months now. Started reading about the game just because of this girl. She was (and is now) my "oneitis". She is 18 and I am 21. I am very much in love with her. I was trying to hook up with her since I met her and that was 4 years ago. It was wery hard to kiss her but I made it after 2,5 years of hard work (in the mean time I had a few girlfriends, but nothing special). So, I stoped gaming after one month of relationship. We fight a lot and I became a real pussy because I am scared of brake up and scared that I will never find beutiful girl like that (she is HB9, really).

Problem is: She wants me to stop "philosophizing" as she says, because she hates that. And she wants me to change my negative approach to life. But she compares me to my father and all the time she asks "Why aren't more like your father, he jokes and laughes all the time?". She had sex with me a month ago and I dont know if that means anything, but didn't see anything changes in good way because of that. I must say that I am her second boyfriend, and before me she had only one short relationship (2 weeks) with a guy who dresess better than me. She tells me that she likes me physically, and thinks I am cute, but doesn't like my behavior. And one more thing, until 2 weeks ago we phoned each other 6-7 hours a day, but now she insists on talking only 30 minutes a day, "because she has to study". And I am possitive that she is not cheating on me.

What should I do? Help please, I am desperate. :( :( :confused: :(

"because she has to study"

Thats verbatim what my ex said to me when she made plans to cheat on me.
I didnt think it could happen to me either.
First,understand that anything in life is possible-including bad things, with the good.Meaning, theres a possibility that your girl *is* cheating, ego or past feelings aside.
When youre 'in love' you ignore the flaws in your mate,even if the flaws are plain-as-day obvious.
Its the nature of pair-bonding, and its such that you will be the last person to see anything wrong with your gf-its chemically based, but I wont bore you with the science here.
She doesnt do it to intentionally hurt you, not really.My last LTR who said that nice excuse wasnt getting any attention from me because I had work and school back to back, and our time together went waay down as a result.
Thus, she went out with some other guy, but stayed with me because I was good in the sack the few times we did hang out.

Learn from my and many guys mistakes-dont think your girl *cant* cheat on you.

With that out the way,the only way to salvage this is to assert yourself in the relationship , and build attraction by making it clear youre the boss of things.

Theres only one catch-she may like the current 'order' of things, and a new, assertive high-value you may be something she cant or wont deal with. After all, youve been her doormat for months.She'll try to put you back in her pocket, and she will be willing to end the relationship to do that-her view right now of you is of a pushover,and she'll think that all it will take to bring you 'in line' will be a break or her variation of a freeze out, to get you crawling back on her terms.

Naturally, you dont want to do that. Ideally, the path of least resistance is to just next her and find someone else, but I doubt youll do that-so make it clear youre not her doormat , and be ready for her to walk when you do.

-Arctic

[Vtyle]

I still believe taking charge will help the situation. I don't see her getting mad at "the old you" coming out.

[world.ends.now]

Sounds like you didn't understand anything you read. You have many things wrong with your psychological disposition toward her. Inner game problems are important.. that's where everything starts, and from what you've said in your post you have hideously awful inner game. What you need to do forget about this girl, start from ground zero, and rebuild yourself. Watch the VH1 show "The Pickup Artist" for a demonstration. You can find it on VH1s website. Then come back here.
"Oneitus" is not acceptable. It demonstrates weak inner game. It's not something you can ignore and work around, simply using the power of pickup as a manipulative tactic. An AFC is not capable of wielding the tools of pickup.

[markmilos]

Listen man, if I wanted to start from ground zero I would do it long time ago. Before I hooked up with her I had solid game, but little by little I stopped using manipulation and opened myself. Now I ask for help on how to build my inner game and my caracter again and stay in relationship. Thanks anyway... But you should consider this. :)

[world.ends.now]

How can I tell you what you need: to develop inner game, while at the same time helping you with your manipulative tactics to support your oneitus which represent weak inner game. ? If you don't want to rebuild yourself from the inside then you essentially don't want to be a PUA. In terms of pickup, that's what you need to do.
Solid game and the pickup lifestyle isn't for everyone.
The attitude behind the oneitus ~is the problem~.
Generally, in a relationship, the more you tighten your grip the more she will slip through your fingers. Getting rid of the oneitus doesn't mean losing the girl.
You talk like you're not ready to take that look inside which has to happen for inner changes to occur. Your post is looking for ~tactics~.. We could give you all the tactics in the book, but once you drop your guard and your inner game comes out, what are they worth?

[azazels_wolf]

Problem is: She wants me to stop "philosophizing" as she says, because she hates that. And she wants me to change my negative approach to life. But she compares me to my father and all the time she asks "Why aren't more like your father, he jokes and laughes all the time?".


She already told you the problem: she is upset with your BEHAVIOR. Your NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. She likes men like your father, who are light-hearted and funny.

Being around a negative person all the time is draining and depressing. You are probably having that effect on her.

Use this as a lesson to help yourself: Take a close look at your attitudes and your philosophy on life. In what areas are you being negative? How can you improve that? Do you want to change? If so, why or why not? What effects have being negative had on your life so far?

Positive people with positive attitudes attract and draw more positive things towards them. They are open to all the good things life brings. They bring their light and warmth to others, and improve their lives with their very presence.

Do you want to be someone like that, who she loves?
Or do you want to be miserable and have a compounding negative effect on your life as well as everyone around you?

Something to think about.

[markmilos]

Thanx, that is very useful post for me... :cool:

[azazels_wolf]

Welcome mark, good luck!

[Vtyle]

She already told you the problem: she is upset with your BEHAVIOR. Your NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. She likes men like your father, who are light-hearted and funny.

Being around a negative person all the time is draining and depressing. You are probably having that effect on her.

Use this as a lesson to help yourself: Take a close look at your attitudes and your philosophy on life. In what areas are you being negative? How can you improve that? Do you want to change? If so, why or why not? What effects have being negative had on your life so far?

Positive people with positive attitudes attract and draw more positive things towards them. They are open to all the good things life brings. They bring their light and warmth to others, and improve their lives with their very presence.

Do you want to be someone like that, who she loves?
Or do you want to be miserable and have a compounding negative effect on your life as well as everyone around you?

Something to think about.

Az you just fed him info that from his perspective is likely to be interpreted as "here is how I can change to please her".

The problem is that he is already trying to CHANGE to please a girl. This is the epitome of a lack of inner game. Right now he is under her thumb, and I believe you have just indirectly pushed him farther under her thumb.

At first, I thought world was going a little overboard with the hate on the one-itis. I don't know if I agree with the ultimate destruction of one-itis for all time, but in this situation it is clearly the main piece of inner game tearing mark up. Supporting his doomed relationship is supporting his one-itis.

No offense to you dude, but you just handed him a bigger shovel for digging up the grave for his relationship.

[world.ends.now]

Yes.
Oneitis is the inner game equivalent of a girl having you under their thumb.

[azazels_wolf]

You guys are missing the point.

His relationship is failing because of his negative attitudes. His FUTURE relationships will fail due to his negative attitudes. His interactions with ANYONE he cares about will suffer due to his negative attitudes.

I fully stand behind my statement that he needs to fix that problem, oneitis or not.

[Arctic]

You guys are missing the point.

His relationship is failing because of his negative attitudes. His FUTURE relationships will fail due to his negative attitudes. His interactions with ANYONE he cares about will suffer due to his negative attitudes.

I fully stand behind my statement that he needs to fix that problem, oneitis or not.

There are really two issues to deal with here.

One has already been adressed by A-wolf regarding negativity.No HB of any value is going to put up with that-heck, I wont deal with negativity with either HB's or guy friends.


Second, see my quoted thread post on this topic below:
Mistake #2-Developing insecurity.

Im astonished to this day how fast I went from an alpha male to and AFC having mock wedding pillow talk. Its easy to get used to an LTR, and then start allowing it to replace your core value-and when that happens, your motivation shifts from whatever it was pre relationship to maintaining the LTR.

Say hello to jealousy and insecurity.Add a little ego to it, and youve got a weapon of mass destruction on your hands.As referenced above, a healthy HB wont allow her relationship with you to become her sole focus, and you shouldn't either.

Simple as that. Just two gotchas to share,and keep an eye out for your reactions when you do cross that LTR bridge.

Happy Sarging.
Arctic.

Unfortunately I think the OP is past the point of 'fixing' the relationship-once you become desparate to save the relationship at the exclusion of any other consideration, its become too large a priority in your life.
After having my core value get set back by a relationship like that, I dont care if shes the love of your life-you cant relate to someone if youve lost who you are in the process.

To the OP:End the relationship, and re-discover who you are first before taking one more step .Either that, or be forced to do so anyways on her terms when your girlfriend realizes shes with a guy who doesnt know who he is.

[Vartist]

I have to agree with A-wolf, your negative attitude is the problem with the relationship and will continue to be a problem with any other relationship you have until you fix it.

I dont think you should change you attitude and increase your inner game to please this particular girl. I think think you should just focus on increasing your inner game and improving your attitude to increase your value for yourself. One of 2 things is gona happen if you do.

1. She becomes attracted to you and starts having sex with you more than once a month and she will rediscover what attracted her to you in the first place.

2. (unlikely) she will not like the light hearted, fun, funny, confident guy that you are becoming (and if she doesnt than too hell with her anyway!) and will either leave you or cheat on you if she isnt already.

But either way improve your inner game man! that is the best thing you could do for yourself and if shit goes wrong and you end up breaking up improve your inner game and overall value this will allow you to get with higher value females.
________
CX500C (http://www.cyclechaos.com/wiki/Honda_CX500C)

[Angel07]

Most of the responses to this thread are pretty good advice. As far as her needing to study; a girl will do what she wants and then come up with logical reasons to support her emotional decisions. If she wanted to talk to you for 6 hours a day, (which is just overkill in any respect) then she will, and she will justify logically her emotional decisions: "I don't have that much homework, I can get it done later." But instead she's made the decision she doesn't want to talk to you that 't much, and is justifying it with the amount of studying she needs to do. This knowledge is easy to throw in a girl's face. Don't do it. Don't go explain to her this emotional/logical pattern, and accuse her of not wanting to talk to you. That's reactive, that's low value, and it's the opposite of what she wants in a man. Instead, who cares? Not that you don't care about her, but you have so much going on in your life that the fact she doesn't want to talk for 6 hours, doesn't even occure to you as a problem. "Alright, whatever. Cool." And when you get that half an hour, you act excited, you let her know verbally and emotionally you are happy to have her on the phone, and when the conversational threads run thin, YOU end the conversation. YOU have something you need to get done. Stop being so reactive to her. Remember, if she's gonna leave you, there is nothing you can proactively do to prevent this. If you're married, yes. But until she has that ring, only passive action will bring her back. It's just like pecking in the field. If you lean in, she will lean out. If you lean back, she'll spring forward. And if she IS going to leave you when you lean back, there really was nothing you could do, bro. The best thing you can do is tell her, that sucks, I have a lot of feeling for you, don't be a stranger... PEACE. I have had a LTR that I became seriously depressed over her leaving. She didn't return until I got another girlfriend, period. They are all wired the same. I wish we didn't have to play 'games' in order to make things work, but the truth is, as men, we have had high value behavior breed out of us. So this game is actually just re-learning the inner game that caused the problems in your relationship to begin with. Inner game, being non-reactive, Lovedrop style of game.

[azazels_wolf]

Remember, if she's gonna leave you, there is nothing you can proactively do to prevent this. If you're married, yes. But until she has that ring, only passive action will bring her back. It's just like pecking in the field. If you lean in, she will lean out. If you lean back, she'll spring forward. And if she IS going to leave you when you lean back, there really was nothing you could do, bro.


In either of these situations, you need that mix of active and passive, or yin and yang, the Ghost and the Flame, as Lovedrop refers to. Not only must you be non-reactive, but you also need to be PROactive... so along with displaying willingness to walk away and non-reactivity, you want to be actively DHVing and giving VALUE, sharing the light of your positive, fun, and interesting personality. That makes for the "Zen of Cool". Displaying a positive and warm personality during relationship challenges will also be a great help in many situations.

[Vtyle]

Throwin this out there.... I'd DLV her ass to hell till she either stayed or left. I'm not too subtle lol. Then again I have 3rd person perspective so I can hate on her ......without actually caring for her. Okay I'll stop now.

Delta.